Judgment
I
He gazed into the green eyes, clinging to this last reminder of her until his own eyes would finally grow dim and then sightless. He knew he was dying, that seconds remained until the last of his life's blood lay spilt on the dirty wooden floor. He felt neither pain nor regret, instead a sense of peace that he might at last rest, his task having been completed, his story having been told. The young man looking into his eyes with a newly born compassion would see to that, he knew. Severus gave a long sigh and then…nothing.
To his surprise, he found himself floating above his body looking down at the scene below. He gave a rueful smile that Miss Granger, the "insufferable know-it-all" of many a potions class had found the presence of mind to conjure a flask to hold his memories, but then he expected nothing less than that from her. He saw the irony in having these particular young people witnesses to his death, but the thought was tinged with sadness for he knew they had all now lost their childhoods, and he prized innocence, having lost his so many years ago to savage hearts. He watched as they left the grubby room, called to meet their fates or their doom, he couldn't tell which, but he knew beyond question that in the end, all would be well.
He wondered how long he was going to remain floating above his body in this mean tomb. He stretched his hands in front of his face and they looked about the same, only healthier with a radiance that was never there before. Of course, he mused, he never got out into the sun that much either. A sudden thought made him snort to himself: if he had known he was going to live such a short time he would have accepted the extra shot of firewhiskey Dumbledore frequently offered. Dumbledore! Where was he now? How many times had they argued about life after death in the days after his hand was destroyed?
Dumbledore, of course, looked upon death as the next great adventure and he was packed and ready to go. He didn't see it quite that way, more of a 'candles out' scenario, no luggage required. As was often the case with subjects on which they disagreed, their exchanges were lively:
"For a young man, Severus, you are
remarkably gloomy. Don't you have a sense of adventure? Isn't
there anyone you'd like to see again?"
Dumbledore looked at him pointedly. He refused to take the bait.
"I don't exactly fancy spending eternity with old Tobias if that's what you're driving at. In fact, I'm not so sure I'd want to spend eternity with you, either, after this year. And I also suppose you might say I've had enough adventure dodging Avada Kedavras and Longbottom's unfortunate potions to last through this and any other lifetimes I might have. I long for oblivion."
He shot Dumbledore his trademark glare. Dumbledore returned his glare with a smile of supreme and unconcerned indulgence, his blue eyes twinkling above the half-moon glasses. He hated when Dumbledore did that.
"You'll see, Severus. Have a firewhiskey."
II
Something was beginning to happen to him now; he heard a distant buzzing noise, not unpleasant, but familiar in a way he could not quite place. A tiny dot of light appeared in front of his eyes. It was of the purest white he had ever seen, a living light so clear he could gaze into it forever and not be blinded. The light expanded and enveloped him in it's warmth. For the first time in his life, Severus Snape felt completely and unconditionally loved, accepted and…happy. He wanted to stay in this light forever, basking in it like a grateful plant.
A voice spoke to him. It was a compassionate voice, a voice to whom he felt he might speak with no fear or reservations. The voice knew him and he it, and he knew in an instant where he was and what was happening, and he was ready.
His life unfolded in front of him in a series of moving scenes in which he was physically present. He saw again the ill kempt neglected boy, and the parents who could not rise beyond their antipathy to care for him, he saw Lily and the hope she held out to him and then withdrew, the Marauders and the savagery they inflicted on him. All this he saw and more, and he let the anger and bitterness ebb from his soul, comforted and healed by the light that watched with him.
He saw his mistakes, his bad choices and their consequences, some confined to a single person, some far ranging. He saw himself, wanting to teach and frustrated by indifference. He understood the loneliness that drove him into
the Death Eaters and down dark paths, the false sense of allegiance that made him an unwitting betrayer of the one he loved. He knew without words he had found forgiveness in the light, and he likewise forgave himself, finally releasing his guilt and the soul crushing burden he'd carried. He felt lighter and more alive than when he was on earth, and he smiled and sensed, rather than saw, the light smile back. All was well.
And then he saw the good he had done: the acceptance Lily Evans found with his first words to her, the protection he had given her son unseen and unknown, the fidelity he had shown to his home Hogwarts, and the shield against evil he had become for her. He felt the light smile again when he relived his loyalty for Dumbledore and the Order, the friendships he enjoyed, and he was encircled by love as he relived his deep, bitter remorse.
Joy flooded Severus's soul and remained there, illuminating every corner with unspeakable peace.
The light spoke to him again, beckoning him on to a greater bliss. He found himself walking in a meadow of living colors, each resonating with a different sound in an unearthly symphony. In the distance, a castle stood, the stones glowing in a golden radiance brighter than the sun. A group of people stood waiting for him. A tall, thin and very familiar figure broke away from the group and approached him, smiling broadly.
"Severus, well met!" Dumbledore embraced him, and looked at him fondly.
He noted that the old man looked hale, the stoop gone, the black hand whole and the crooked nose straightened again. He might miss the crooked nose.
"I tried to tell you, Severus, but you had to find out for yourself. We all do. But come, someone's been waiting for you."
He turned and looked into the meadow and then he saw her, standing in a patch of glowing white flowers, waiting for him.