A/N: This is my first foray into the Vampire Diaries fandom. It's just a little drabble-y ficlet kind of in Jeremy's point of view (obviously this is for the TV series, not the book series). This is immediately following the goings-on at the Halloween Party, once they get Jeremy home but prior to Damon coming to save the day. Anyway, enjoy. R&R! Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries.
Every Single Moment of Good
There are different ways to love. Everyone loves in a different way. Elena loves selflessly. She loves in a way that puts that thing or person she loves before herself. He knows because he can see how she hates to see him hurt, how she would do anything to take the hurt away. She would throw herself in front of a bus if it would ease his pain, simply because she loves him so much. She loves with her whole heart. The things and people she loves are somehow all squeezed in there together, because she isn't capable of loving with only a piece at a time.
Jeremy doesn't love the same way as his sister. He thinks maybe he loves more selfishly. He loves as strongly and as fully as Elena does, but it's different. He loves to the point that he can't imagine living without these people. It's different because he doesn't have any sacrificial notions that he feels the urge to act on in order to save them. He just knows that it will come pretty close to killing him if they go away.
He knows from experience. When his parents died, he wasn't sure if he was going to survive. It broke him beyond repair. He's been told that he uses the attitude, the sex, and the drugs as a "coping mechanism" and that he is trying to "fill the void left by his parents' deaths." They're probably right because he'll do just about anything to dull the pain.
That's how Vicky came into the picture in the first place. He's grateful for that in a way because every single moment of happiness that he had experienced since his parents died has involved Vicky. And he remembers being happy before enough to miss it. Enough to know that when he gets a taste of it again he needs to keep it in his grasp, and cling to it with all he has—he has to savor every moment of happiness because that's the only thing that's caused the pain to ebb away, if only momentarily.
That's why he ignores Elena when she tries to keep him away from Vicky. He knows she's just trying to protect him. He knows she thinks Vicky is bad for him—he disagrees but he knows his sister has good intentions. She doesn't want to see him hurt anymore. He loves her for it because he doesn't want to see himself hurt anymore either. Yet, he's pretty sure he knows what he's doing. Sure, Vicky has issues, but so does he. She's good for him. He knows, because she is the only person he's let himself get close to. The only one he has allowed himself to love to that point of no return.
It doesn't take him long to realize he should have listened to his sister.
He had reached a small semblance of normal when he was with Vicky. But that's all over now. He is confused, but he knows what just happened was not normal. He can't explain, isn't sure he wants to. All he knows is that the pain has creeped back in, wrapping itself around him—choking the life out of him. And the look in Elena's eyes tells him he's not imagining it. He is falling apart, getting lost in the chaos. He can see reflected in his sister's face. He knows it's bad because she looks helpless. He's not surprised though—there's no pain like this, knowing that there is no bringing back his small moments of happiness with Vicky, no bringing back Vicky. And this time, it's accompanied by this nagging fear—is everyone he loves going to leave him? There's no solution here—not even one for Elena to find. She's watching him because there is nothing she can do. Nothing he can do. Nothing anyone can do.
A/N2: except Damon of course…lol.