Chapter 1 - Dazey, dazey give me your answer true
Clarke
Clarke was lost in a paradox of her own creation. The battles never end, she thought to herself - a battle between her head and her heart. She had left Camp Jaha to try and escape the memory of war and death and pain yet it seemed she was destined to continue on this morbid path. On one hand, she wanted so desperately to give up. To give up on her journey, her pain, her leadership, her mom, her friends even -. On the other hand, she couldn't give up because she owed them all that much at least.
The 'them' seemed to grow each day; she would remember a new face after each sunrise and sunset. There was no pattern to the faces that appeared. A grounder that she had merely passed at Lexa's camp, a name-less child eternally trapped in the mountain, one of the original 100, a long lost crush from the Ark. But that didn't stop the most heart-breakingly familiar faces to permeate her consciousness: Finn, Bellamy, Lexa, Wells, and Charlotte, her mother, Raven, Octavia, Jasper, and Maya.
The river led her away and that was all she knew. She found the pain did dull as each day passed and she couldn't find herself to feel guilty about her how that came to be. One particularly difficult trek led her to a riverbank and she was in desperate need of food at this point. The river was logically a better place to travel along as it provided water and a greater variety of shrubs and plants for her to eat. But it was one particular plant that kept Clarke to the riverbank. She called it a 'dazey'.
The plant had body-numbing and pain relieving properties but taken in excess, Clarke found it seemed to almost stop all nerve transmission in her body. This drug took away her nightmares and instead gave her a blank canvas to sleep with in her mind, which quite contrasted her non-drugged mind that was a cacophony of blood red, brown and harsh white. Although she had originally eaten the plant by accident, she found after that it was common on the land surrounding the river and very easy to spot, courtesy of its white petals. She tried not to think about the probable deathly effects that this plant had on her body.
And that was how she spent the month of her departure. That is, until she ended up in a much unexpected place. Polis, the Grounder capital.
/
Bellamy
He didn't like Camp Jaha one bit. He didn't like it's leader even more.
After the return of his people from the mountain, Abby insisted the teenagers had some 'time to heal and readjust' which translated to him as 'time away from everyone else because they were all fucked up and not mentally stable yet'. He didn't want to admit it was likely true.
The first few weeks were the hardest.
Jasper refused to look anyone in the eye, especially Monty, and instead used one of Maya's hairpins to etch her name into the walls of his room in the Ark – he called it a cell.
Monty, Harper and Miller just seemed to be broken but they did their best to not seem as utterly lost as they probably were so they mostly kept to their trio and found solace in each other's silence.
Bellamy on the other hand was louder than he ever had been. He argued with Abby every time she came to him and then it turned to a raging monologue after she left as all he could think about was how he could see Clarke in the way Abby spoke and made her decisions and then he'd just spiral into a very detailed visual timeline of every argument he and Clarke ever had.
When Kane came the other day to announce that the 100 (Or the last of them) were ready to be welcomed he just grimaced "Fucking finally, we are citizens in this camp too. We were the ones who fought the war for you whilst you sat here idly debating whether or not to trust the Grounders."
Their new freedom turned out to be not freedom at all (unsurprisingly to Bellamy). They were all 'strongly encouraged' to make new houses for everyone, which of course he had no issue with – winter was coming – but wanting to do something and being forced to do it were quite a different tale.
So he spent his days chopping wood, scavenging for more resources and food, constructing and then his nights were spent alone.
This monotonous cycle continued for several more weeks.
Finally, the satisfaction and relief came when the camp finally had a little over 40 houses (each could hold up to 4), a meeting room, semi-functioning toilets (Raven's latest project to keep her occupied – other than Wick that was) and several other buildings for general storage and use.
The wooden structures looked almost startlingly different to the Ark yet Bellamy preferred their musky smell, warm interior and honestly, he liked them because there were no (painful) memories attached to them – yet – unlike the Ark or the dropship.
After his shift on guard duty, he started to retire to his tent but was stopped by the Chancellor.
"Bellamy, I uh wanted to talk to you about the buildings…"
"Go ahead. They all seem steady so far though and I've told everyone that there can't be any fires inside them unless someone is watching it so it doesn't get too big."
"No no, that's sound great but well, just let me show you.""
Abby walked across the camp to one of the houses which he immediately realised was empty. Abby silently opened the door for him and entered. The house seemed to be like every other except it had only one bed and a larger table towards the side.
He walked towards the table and his gaze fell on a small metal object.
Clarke's dad's watch.
"I wanted her to have some place to stay when she came home."
Bellamy didn't move or say anything, so Abby continued albeit nervously.
"I've ordered this one to remain locked until she returns but I thought maybe you might want to stay here. Just until she gets back from her…"
Abby's voice trailed away, trying to find a word for what she thought Clarke was doing and obviously came up short.
Bellamy knew though. He knew Clarke all too well; she was running away.
Running from war, from death, from destruction. From him.
'I am a monster'
"She's not coming back." He hoarsely breathed "there is no when, Chancellor. She's never coming back."
This was not what Clarke's mother wanted to hear because she angrily paced towards him and sapt "Shut up of course she is. She has to."
"I know Clarke and she couldn't be hear, she said that herself."
"Wait you spoke to her? When? Why didn't you tell me Bellamy?"
It never really occurred to him that he was the only one she had said goodbye to. And this hurt her mom.
"Briefly. When everyone was still coming back from the mountain. You've got to understand that what Clarke did, it was a very hard choice for her." For us, he secretly reminded himself. "But she couldn't deal with the guilt and being around everyone here would just swallow her."
"But she didn't say goodbye."
/
Clarke
"Spek yur teitall! Y laik yu hir?"
The voice came from above her in the trees. Clarke stopped, her heart hammering in her chest. This was the first voice she'd heard (apart from her own) in months – never mind, she couldn't understand what they were saying.
"Yo naw meh sen deh, goufa? Bak yu op ou ai na frag yu op!"
She tried to move forward to find the source of the voice but an arrow flew down straight in front her before she taken even three steps. Her mouth fumbled as she tried to speak.
"Ai laik Klok kom skaikru. Beja, ai gaf…help."
The voice remained silent for a few moments and when it returned it simply said: "You should not be here."
/
Bellamy
A mournful silence crossed between Bellamy and Abby.
"Well she obviously wants us to move on."
There was a tone that Bellamy couldn't quite grasp but it seemed almost hopeful, like Abby needed justifying with something.
"Stay here, Bellamy. She would want it."
He couldn't bring himself to nod. All this talk of what Clarke would want sounded too much like she was dead. And he didn't like thinking about that at all.
Not wanting to disturb their mutual understanding and desolate peace, Abby silently left and closed the door behind her.
But Bellamy found anything but peace within this house. These four walls just locked in his grief and he succumbed to the pressure and finally wept.
With every blink of his eye, a memory of Clarke would appear and then fade. He found that he couldn't remember what her hands looked like but only what they felt like on his skin. The memories that remained of her face seemed to be more half profiles or far away glances, the ones where he would always end up looking at her when she wasn't looking. He couldn't remember why they argued or what about, but he was still familiar with the feeling that came along with their heated arguments: surprise, anger, confusion, but also pride, hope and admittedly, attraction. He couldn't remember the last time he heard her laugh; only the time he'd heard her cry.
And this made his tears come even stronger than before.
/
Clarke
The voice, it turned out, came from a Grounder around her mother's age with emerald eyes that cut through as sharp as the sharpened edge of the jewel. His name was Eli.
"They are looking for you, Clarke of the Sky People."
"Who is?"
"The Twelve Clans. The stories of your wrath have reached our lands."
Clarke merely whispered "I did what I had to do to protect my people."
"You are not our friend nor our enemy."
"Then why is not safe for me to be here?"
"You misunderstood me Clarke. I said you should not be here. For wherever you come from, you will never return to. She will keep you there, not as a prisoner but not as a free woman. You killed many of our own and then killed the Mountain Men. Wamplei es don ban pas yu."
Clarke's brow furrowed in confusion and apprehension.
"What does that mean?"
At this, Eli's head fell and he sighed deeply with what sounded worryingly like remorse.
"It means death follows you."
Her mouth went dry and flashes of those that she killed flooded her mind like a tsunami. She recalled a memory of Oppenheimer's words leaving her lips: 'I am become Death. Destroyer of worlds.' She desperately tried to hold onto her courageous demeanour but tears threatened to crack this.
"You er- you mentioned a she, I think?"
Eli nodded slowly.
"Nomon Heda Nia kom Azgeda."
"Azgeda? The Ice Nation? I have heard of them but not very much. Lexa did not really speak of them."
"You know the Commander?"
Clarke tried not to stumble on her next words.
"Yes. Yes I knew the Commander."
"Your words and face say she is dead. Is this true?"
"I don't know." She croaked. One tear finally managed to slip down Clarke's cheek and it did not go unnoticed by the man.
"We all mourn the loss of a fierce commander and heart, Clarke. The Heda was our youngest commander yet but she had a greater understanding of the world than your or I. She saw things no one else would. We had not heard from her since the last message that the Mountain Men were defeated…"
Please stop, Clarke silently begged.
Another tear drop fell.
"…so I will take you now."
Her head jerked up, and she enquired what his last words were, but did not add that she had been drowning in an ocean of memories of the Heda.
"The Queen will want to see you and make you her offer herself."
"What offer?"
"You must wait and see, Wanheda."
Translations:
"Spek yur teitall! Y laik yu hir?" = What is your name? Why are you here? (literal: speak your title)
"Yo naw meh sen deh, goufa? Bak yu op ou ai na frag yu op!" = You do not hear me, girl? Stay back or I'll kill you!" (you not me hear then, girl? Back you up or I will kill you)
"Ai laik Klok kom skaikru. Beja, ai gaf…help." = I am Clarke of the Sky People. Please, I seek help."
"Wamplei es don ban pas yu." = Death follows you (death is left after you)
"Nomon Heda Nia kom Azgeda" = Queen Nia of the Ice Nation (mother leader Nia from the Ice-gathering)
"Heda" = leader/commander
"Wanheda" = …guess you'll have to find out!