How Precious is a Mothers Love
by nautika
For Teitho Challenge "A Glimpse of the Future"
Rated T for OC death! Warning for sensitive readers.
Mothers often gave to their children special name of their own choosing. The most notable of these were the 'names of insight'…In the hour of birth, or on some other occasion or moment, the mother might give a name to her child indicating some dominant feature of it's nature as perceived by her , or some foresight of it's special fate.
Morgoth's Ring
Laws and Customs Among the Eldar
Author's Note: The 'moment of insight' is important to this story. I decided to hold this and post it for Mother's Day, but I decided to post ahead, while my internet and this stie were both working. This is not a fluffy story!
How Precious is a Mother's Love
Aragorn paused just inside the door and took a few moments to observe his friend. Legolas sat on the floor of the balcony, leaving his head and left shoulder against the railing. His left hand held to one of the bars of the rail and his right hand was in his lap. Aragorn would have bet his sword that Legolas was oblivious to his presence. Being that unaware of his surroundings in Mirkwood could easily cost the elf his life. That would explain why Thranduil sent his sole surviving family member from his side at a time when they should be supporting each other in their sorrow. The king was likely afraid of losing Legolas, as well. To suffer another loss of that magnitude so soon after the deaths of Queen Melda and little Prince Harma would destroy even an elf as indomitable as the King of Mirkwood.
"Legolas?" Aragorn spoke softly so as not to startle the prince.
"Aragorn." The joy that was normally in Legolas' voice when greeting Aragorn after months of separation was conspicuously absent. His voice was flat and hollow and he did not turn toward the man.
"I am sorry for the loss of your mother and brother, Legolas. I wish I had been able to come to you in Mirkwood when…it happened."
Legolas responded in that same deadened tone. "Lord Elrond explained you were away with the Rangers."
"What can I do for you now, my friend?"
"Naught."
"Legolas?" The tendril of fear that had wound itself around Aragorn's heart must have been apparent in his voice.
Legolas blinked as though he was just awakening. Suddenly his entire countenance changed, as though he had instinctively been waiting to confide in Aragorn, holding his feelings at bay until he was safe in the presence of this one man. "I feel so much, Aragorn! Anger, betrayal, envy, sorrow, guilt...it is too much and I do not know what to do with it all!
"There are stages of grief we must all go through, Legolas. Being an elf may increase your span of years, but it likely also makes the loss of ones dear to you much more difficult to bear. You will get through this, Legolas. If you felt nothing, my friend, if you were not confused, then I would fear for you. Share your thoughts and feelings with me. I will help you all that I can."
Legolas sat quietly for several minutes, staring into the garden. Aragorn crossed the room, but did not step onto the balcony. He simply stood behind Legolas, giving his friend time to marshal his thoughts. Finally, the prince began to speak.
"You believe my loss is recent, but it is not precisely so." Legolas hesitated briefly. "In truth, I lost her the day he was born. And he was never mine to love. She withheld right that from me. She meant to spare me pain, but alas, I find her attempt was wasted."
"What do you mean?" Aragorn knelt beside his friend.
"She foresaw his death. In the instant he passed from her body, she saw his life would be short-lived and in that moment my mother was lost to me…and nearly to my father. She lost all joy in life and in those around her. When she carried Harma in her womb," a ghost of a smile crossed Legolas' face at the memory, "She was so alive in her joy that those about her rejoiced to be in her presence. It was often so with my mother. She had a gift for gladdening the hearts of those around her." Legolas shifted to face his friend, his feature more alive as he shared the pleasant memory. Aragorn nodded as he remembered how special the Queen made him feel when he had been Legolas' guest in Mirkwood. "During her pregnancy her…radiance…increased ten-fold. She sang to him, almost from the instant of his begetting. But after he was born she cried over him and sang no more. How that must have saddened and confused my little brother, Aragorn."
Aragorn blinked back tears as his friend swallowed a sob and raised pleading eyes to the human, almost as if to say 'Tell me I am wrong.' Aragorn shook his head helplessly. From what he knew of the connection between elven mothers and infants, it was probably true the babe had been confused by the change and it was not in Aragorn to lie to Legolas.
Legolas sighed and continued speaking. "She allowed no other to care for him, except occasionally my father. At first, she would not leave their room or allow Harma to be removed from her sight. She remained in her sleeping robes and I do not believe her hair would have been brushed if Father had not done it for her. Finally, as the weeks passed, he persuaded her to join us in the family dining room for evening meal, but she rarely took her eyes from Harma. Father was endlessly patient with her and eventually she stopped weeping over every outfit that was sewn for Harma or over the toys father and I made for him. She began to dress and made an effort to ask about what Father and I were doing, but didn't seem able to maintain her focus long enough to hear our answers. She was never herself. She did not want me to know of her vision and had made Father swear not to speak of it to me. My mother was distant, adrift from us…and I did not know why.
The situation became too difficult for me to endure in silence. I thought there should be something Father or the healers could do. Father and I quarreled, and I realized my absence would help more than my presence, so I transferred to a patrol where I would be gone for several weeks. Before my first leave…" Legolas swallowed hard, "they were gone."
Aragorn placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and they remained that way for a long time. When Legolas spoke again, Aragorn had to lean closer to hear him.
"She had put him down for a nap, then gone to bathe. Father said she always made sure the door between the rooms was closed, but on that day, one of the maids took an armload of towels into the bathing chamber and failed to shut the door when she left. Evidently, Harma awoke and crawled over to the tub as Mother was dressing behind the privacy screen. She must have heard the splash and tripped on her skirts in her rush to reach him – the fabric was torn. She struck her head when she fell and never regained consciousness."
Legolas abruptly came to his feet and gripped the top of the railing tightly with both hands.
"She tried so hard to change his fate, Aragorn. She never left the royal suites after his birth. She wouldn't attend special ceremonies or festivals. She no longer even rode with Father."
Aragorn watched the tears trail down Legolas' face as he continued to unburden himself to the ranger. "For as long I can remember, they loved riding together. No matter how bad things were or how busy he was, they always managed to ride at least two or three times a week. I can picture them now, holding hands and laughing as they rode off. Now my father will have to ride alone for the remainder of his days on Arda. It makes me so angry sometimesAragorn! She could have given Father so many more years. She cheated us all of so much. She was so obsessed with Harma that she couldn't even give us anything of herself while she yet lived! My father has a great deal of strength, but I fear for him. She chose Harma over us and still he died!"
"Harma did not choose to die, Legolas."
The elf looked as though Aragorn had slapped him. He backed away from the ranger, his voice heated. "I know that! Do you not think I know that?"
Aragorn refused to be deterred by the pain he saw in Legolas' eyes. "I was not sure."
Legolas backed up until his back touched the wall of the balcony, then slid down it, pulled his knees up and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.
"Some things in life are certainties, Legolas. Would you like to hear some of the things I know to be certainties?"
"If you wish it." Legolas' voice was once again tired and hollow.
"Your mother loved you and your father. Your mother would have sacrificed herself for you as surely as she sacrificed herself for your brother, even though you would not have wished it." Aragorn paused to give extra emphasis to his next words. "Your father will not abandon you, Legolas."
Legolas slowly raised his eyes to meet Aragorn's. The raw hope that Aragorn saw there made his breath catch.
"I have a certainty, Aragorn. I am blessed to be able to call you friend. You are right. I will get through this. I will spend a few days at Rivendell before returning to my father's side. All will be well. Thank you, Aragorn. For seeing what I could not…my fear of even more loss."
The two friends sat side by side until star rise, each grateful to have the other in his life.
End.