Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, I don't make any profit with this work.
A/N: While reading I advise to listen to the song No words from The Script on repeat. Enjoy!
It was raining. Well, actually, it's been raining for days now. The grey sky was matching her mood.
The same song has been playing on her stereo for a few days now as well. No words.
When she first heard it she was mesmerized simply by the chords, the way it sounded. The second time she froze - the lyrics just spoke to her. It was exactly what she was feeling right now, what she was feeling for her best friend. She had no words to describe her or her feelings for her. But she had realized she had them a few months back. Or, well, acknowledged them then the first time anyway. Thinking back she might have felt like that towards her since she knew her. She had acknowledged them first when they both had been captured and nearly killed by Hoyt.
She couldn't tell her, though. Not right now at least. They weren't exactly talking. Jane had shot her father.
Sperm donor, Maura. He wasn't your father. she chidingly reminded herself and sighed. It wasn't like she was angry at Jane anymore. Oh, she had been, at first. But her mind, with all it's logical over-thinking routine, finally had won over her feelings of anger and pain. She couldn't bring her self to talk to Jane yet, though. And as Jane left her her space because she herself had told her so, they still weren't talking.
What the detective had done hadn't changed the love Maura felt for her, though.
'Yes, 'love'. I love her.' Maura acknowledged her feelings again, just as the song started anew.
She took a sip of her wine and stared out the window into her backyard where she could see dusk coming up. The grey sky made it go dark outside even faster. While she watched the rain drops falling she got lost in the words of the song. They were so fitting.
However, right now she felt like crying. She missed Jane. She missed her best friend. And she wanted to tell her, so desperately, about her feelings, even though the thought alone made her feel sick.
What if she didn't feel the same? How would she look at her after she told her? With disdain? Could they still be friends? Or even more? Or would Jane turn away from her, forever?
That last thought broke her last barrier and she started crying, silent but heavy sobs escaping her, shaking her whole, fragile body. Her heart ached for Jane to be near her, her body screamed to be held by Jane again, even if she would only want to hold her as a friend.
In all her distress she didn't hear the back door open.
Angela walked in, a question on the tip of her tongue, but as she noticed Maura's shaking form she stopped dead in her tracks.
The mother in her wanted to hurry over to the younger woman and hold her. But deep down she knew she wasn't the Rizzoli that should hold her and make her feel better. Deep down she knew Maura needed Jane. Deep down she knew Maura loved Jane. And Jane loved Maura. She knew that, too.
"Jane..." Angela heard the agonizing whisper coming from the couch, again and again. Angela's heart broke a little.
As she slipped back out the door silently, a plan already started to form in her head.
'It won't be easy... but it has to work. They're both too proud and strong-headed to make the first step. I need to help!'
She smiled softly as she dialled Jane's number.
Oh yes, someone needed to make the first step in the right direction. And if neither of them took it, someone else had to.
Jane looked up from the file on her desk at the sound of her phone ringing.
Her Ma, of course. Who else would call her this late? No one. Except...
'Don't got there, Jane! She's not talking to you, don't think about it. Not right now.'
With a sigh she took the call.
"Hey Ma, what's up? You okay?"
"Janie! Where are you? I need your help with something real quick. Meet me at my place in ten!"
Before Jane could answer her Ma had ended the call.
"Really, Ma?" Jane said unnerved to no one in particular.
She was still at work, but everyone else had gone home hours ago already. With another sigh she stood up, grabbed her things and left for her car. Whatever it was her Ma needed her help with, she dreaded going there.
What if she's home? Or worse, what if she isn't home? Oh god. What if she's home but not alone? Jane gulped and got into her car, driving off towards her Ma, towards Maura, her heart pounding heavily in her chest. Why was it suddenly such a big deal for her if Maura had nightly visitors? Oh, she knew that. And it wasn't all that of a sudden.
She'd figured that out when Hoyt and his apprentice had tried to kill Maura and she. Jane knew exactly why anyone dating Maura bothered her. And if she was true to herself it didn't start only recently.
It were different reasons why she didn't contact Maura yet. She didn't know how Maura would react to Jane being in love with Maura. And then there was the point of Jane always being the one putting her in danger and pain and anger herself. Jane was the reason Maura got hurt and nearly killed by Hoyt. Jane had shot Doyle, and Doyle was Maura's father.
She was the one endangering her and bringing her pain. And she hated herself for it. She hated not having her best friend at all even more, though. She needed Maura. She loved her.
Angela had been waiting just inside her own door for Jane to arrive. Fortunately it had stopped raining just a few minutes ago, so now she was standing outside Maura's door.
As Jane's car came to a halt in the driveway Angela hurried over, opening the car door for her daughter and literally pulling her out of the driver's seat by her arm.
"C'mon Janie! Quick, quick!" she whispered while pulling her all the way into the dark backyard.
Jane groaned frustrated and pulled her arm free.
"Ma! What the hell is going on?! And why are you whispering?"
She wasn't exactly shouting, but she wasn't really quiet either.
"Shh! Jane, just... move it!" She took hold of her daughter's arm again and pulled her further into the darkness, towards a well lit window.
"Ma? Honestly, I don't think Maura wants my help or me at all in her backyard at the moment..."
The detective trailed off when her eyes fell upon the windows to Maura's living-room.
"She needs blinds for these." Jane mumbled. "Everyone could just-"
"Jane... Look inside. What do you see? Tell me what you see there." Angela encouraged her quietly, noticing how Jane still was looking out for Maura's safety, even though they weren't talking to each other at the moment.
Jane heard what her Ma said, but she couldn't answer. She already saw what her Ma had wanted her to notice and it made her freeze. Maura was sitting on her couch, her face hidden behind a curtain of her hair and her hands, but her posture and her body clearly showed that she was miserable. Crying sobbing, shaking.
"Maura..." she whispered agonizingly, reaching up with her hand towards the window, as if she tried to reach out for Maura.
"Janie..." Angela started, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Jane, you two should talk."
"I- I can't, Ma. It's my fault her-"
"Doyle?" Jane nodded. Angela knew that it was still about him, but that he wasn't all the two should be talking about. "You know, she refers to him as her sperm donor, Jane. She needs you!"
Jane looked silently at her Ma.
Angela could tell there were tears in her eyes without really seeing them in the darkness that surrounded them.
She took Jane's hand and said softly:
"Honey, she needs you. She's suffering, yes, because she misses you. She was angry that you shot Doyle, definitely, but that's not why she's crying like this. Go in there, Jane, and hold her. You're the one who can heal her" broken heart... Angela finished her sentence in her mind, a soft encouraging smile playing along her lips.
Jane didn't know what to say. Heal her... Hold her... There was nothing she wanted to do more than that. She desperately wanted to hold Maura, be there for her. But she couldn't could she? She was the one putting the pain, danger and anger there in the first place, how could she have any rights to sooth all that away again?
Her Ma kept looking and smiling at her, but Jane looked back into the living-room so clear on display. Her face an unreadable mask to most, but not to her mother. Or Maura...
'I need to go in there!' she thought and looked back at Angela.
"Thank you, Ma. I... I'll go talk to her now.."
Angela's smile brightened. She squeezed Jane's hands reassuringly before letting them go with a little push towards the front.
"Good luck" was whispered to the retreating form of the detective. 'You might need it.'
They were both so stubborn sometimes.
Maura didn't know how much time had passed since the tears had started. She just hadn't been able to hold them back any longer. It was the first time she'd allowed herself to let them fall. Everytime she thought there weren't any more tears coming, they started anew. Everytime she caught words of the song still playing on an endless loop, the tears burst out of her again.
Jane silently opened the front door with her spare key. Taking off her boots because they were wet from the rain, she quietly walked into the living-room, taking in the scene that unfolded in front of her.
The music, the wine, Maura.
At first she stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, wringing and kneading her hands nervously. Maura was still crying and she hadn't noticed her visitor yet.
She could just turn around and walk out that door unnoticed -
'but then? Where would you go? Your apartment? Because there are so many other best friends waiting for you, huh?' she asked herself sarcastically. 'You'd be alone and miserable and would continue to miss her. You're nothing without Maura and you know it.'
A loud, heartbreaking sob interrupted her internal debate of whether to make herself scarce or talk.
Without thinking about it, she rushed over to her, enveloping her in a nearly bone-crushing hug.
"Maura." Jane whispered again and again, tears evident in her own voice. "I'm so sorry, Maura. So sorry."
A choking sound came from the ME as she tried to push the body away from her that suddenly was all around her. Then the voice registered with her, as did the smell of the body.
"Jane?" The blonde stopped moving and started to slightly relax into Jane's body.
"Maura. Please... Don't aske me to let go, to move away. I can't.
"I'm so sorry I shot Doyle, Maura. I'm sorry I got you nearly tortured and killed by Hoyt. I'm sorry I've caused you danger, pain and anger. I didn't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt you anymore and... I hate it when you hate me. I-"
Maura's hand covering her mouth silenced her successfully. The tears were still falling, but silently now.
"Shh... Jane." she mumbled, unsure how to proceed, what to say. No words.
They stared into each others eyes, communicating so much without saying a word.
No words were needed when Maura removed her fingers from Jane's mouth, instead letting them rest on her cheek. She softly caressed the skin underneath her fingertips, moving herself forward, pressing herself impossibly more into Jane. They still stared into each other's eyes when their faces grew closer and closer together, until their lips met in a gentle, tentative first kiss, their eyes closing involuntarily.
It felt like heaven, like they were finally home. Lips so soft, tasting so sweet, familiar as if they'd kissed a thousand times before.
But when the need for air came apparent they broke away from each other without moving away much.
With a small smile on her lips Jane said:
"You need blinds, Maura." Her head nodded in the direction of the windows.
Maura raised her eyebrow, staring at Jane for a moment before she grinned slightly and shook her head.
Just then, the song started again from the beginning and Maura whispered the words along while never losing eye-contact to Jane.
The detective held onto her a little tighter as Maura started reciting the lyrics to the song she apparently had playing on repeat.
As it ended, Maura placed a soft and lingering kiss to Jane's cheek.
"I forgive you, Jane, for Doyle. But, please, don't beat yourself up about you putting me in danger. First of all, it comes with our jobs. Second, yes, I was afraid when Hoyt captured us. But you were there and I knew we'd be alright, in the end. As long as you'd be with me after it, I'd be okay.
"That you shot Doyle...made me angry, yes again, but in the end my love for you is and always will be stronger than the pain of loss." she said seriously, looking Jane directly into the dark brown eyes.
"Feelings of... love... for me..?" Jane whispered, stunned, her eyes searching Maura's.
Maura chuckled.
"Yes, 'love'. I told you that I love you before, remember?"
"Tommy and his wine, I remember that. But you were talking about love as in friendship-love, weren't you?"
"I wasn't. I was talking about love, Jane. The all-consuming, wonderful love. Nothing else. I love you. It has been true back then and it still is true."
Jane blinked slowly and a slight blush coloured her cheeks.
"Would... would you repeat that?"
Maura smiled gently and nodded.
"I love you, Jane Clementine Rizzoli." she stated confidently.
At that, Jane leaned in and kissed her again. "I love you, too, Maura."
No more words were needed.
Fin.