THANATUS

…oOo…

He washes over you,

Like a blazing starry night

Devouring, subduing

Like a caress;

A lover's erotic caress

Her eyes peeled open lazily and landed on the intricately carved ceiling. Her breath came in pants and beads of sweat rolled down her warm forehead. She extended a pale hand to her right, feeling for him.

"Tamlin…I…Tam…" but like most nights the space next to her was cold, empty. She gasped with a sudden horror that threatened to swallow her whole and her back arched up as her body screamed for air, for release, for comfort. She twisted the black silk sheets into her fists as silent sobs racked her body.

She sat up straight with a sudden painful jolt and looked around the room in raw panic before bolting towards the bathroom. She made wretched gagging sounds as she hurled her guts out into the toilet. She stared blankly at the mess she'd made over his Spanish tiles. Cold air came through the slightly ajar bathroom door and caressed her frail bony body.

She stood up with a subtle grunt and made her way to the sink. The girl staring back at her in the mirror disgusted her. High cheekbones and her sharp nose contrasted awkwardly with her soft mouth. But that wasn't what made her want to look away. It was her pale skin, sunken eyes and limp dead hair hanging over her freckled shoulders. This wasn't her, this wasn't Tam's girl.

A wretched cruel part of her was glad that he wasn't there for her. She didn't want him to see her like this. How disgusted would he be? Her Tam, her Tamlin who'd put the whole world aside for her.

But what if he saw her worms? Those dark slimy worms that had gotten into her and were taking it all away. They were sucking her way, her emotions, and her light. He couldn't see them. She won't let him. But what if her skin got too translucent? What if he saw in?

She clawed at the tender skin on her neck and face. He won't see them, she thought while reaching for his razor in the cabinet. She put the blade on her arm and sunk it in. She stared in wonder as red poured out, and with it came out her worms.

"The ones on the surface are leaving me Tam", she giggled. He won't see them after all. Then she placed it on the side of her neck, the place where Tam liked to bite and sunk it in. She did the same for her other arm and then stared at the horrendous red fluid covering her arms and smearing her silk nightie with a cold satisfaction.

So tender; chaffed raw

But hiding it all

In vain, vain hope

For three mere words

To be whispered

Against life's saw

She dumped the razor in the bin and washed the blood off of her arms before slipping on a fresh black slip dress. She headed towards the room but found it to be too hot and too stuffy-despite it's grand size. She went towards the lounge. Her bare wet feet were sticking to the wooden floor and her wounds were open. But she went to the fluffy velvet couch in the center and cuddled up on it with a sigh. And then, she closed her eyes for the fourth time this fitful night.

Masked in crimson

Enveloped by the night

Or tucked somewhere away

Against all her might

..oOo…

She groaned at the bright orange light prodding at her eyes and sat up on the couch. Her eyes first landed on the black jacket abandoned by the door. He was home. She took meek steps towards their bedroom and shyly poked her head in. He was asleep. She stepped in and went and stood next to his sleeping form. As though he had sensed her presence his eyes abruptly opened and a sudden realization dawned on him and he suddenly looked away from her eyes to the space next to him where the sheets where definitely more ruffled than last night and there was a piece of purple clothing that she didn't own.

At finding it empty he let out a sigh of relief and looked up at her to give his charming well practiced smile before heading to the bathroom. She followed him after a moment's hesitation.

She stood behind him as he brushed his teeth and fidgeted under his emerald gaze. He was eying her bruises with a cool air of indifference.

"You weren't there last night after we… and… I…" She stuttered to get something out. She needed to talk to him.

"Yeah, I had some urgent business to take care of. But I'll be there tonight." They both knew that there wasn't a hint of truth in these words, but she turned her lips up.

All the while peeking in

But darling ignorant as ever

You won't know

Yet the fancier fancies

Would we stand a chance?

But here we'd rather

They won't know

And on and on they went. Driving them mad, driving each other mad.

…oOo…

Whether I'll continue it or not depends on the response. Thus, if you want more of this review and favorite it, and I'll drop in another chapter soon.

Thanatus is the heart's desire for death. No, it's not an English word. Greek, I think.

The poetry is ALL MINE, and so is this whole thing besides Tamlin's name.