Okay, this was a challenge from the DA forum but i thought i would post it here as well. Thank you to bijou156 for telling me about it :)
He was her first love. She had never felt like this towards anyone before. True she hardly knew any men, she had met most of Mary's suitors but she was always just the younger sister. She had briefly felt something for Cousin Matthew. He was interesting to talk to and rather good looking but she had just sustained a head injury, and he was in love with Mary. At her Ball she had been introduced to lots of eligible young men, and had to dance with most of them. By the end of the evening she was fighting the urge to slap them and tell them that women are not just ornaments. Tom made her feel different.
He was her true love. He respected her opinions and views, as an equal. He did not judge her because she was a woman. It didn't matter to him that she was only the third daughter. He was her escape. She could talk naturally and not be laughed at. There was no talk of entails, inheritance or dowries. He made her feel complete. Comfortable. He gave her the freedom to be who she wanted to be. No pretending.
However, their relationship was doomed. Even their friendship was crossing social boundaries. He was a chauffeur, she was a lady. She had no reason to be closer to him than to Thomas or William. But she was. She was in Love with him. He was her soul mate. She wanted to be with him. The thought of marrying anyone else repulsed her. She would have to keep her head down and hope that her mother forgot about pushing men at her. Another reason to keep her head down was because if anyone even suspected, he would lose his job and she would lose her reputation.
She had to keep her reputation for her family. Rumours could tarnish all of them. Mary and Edith needed her. However much she loved Tom, she also loved her family and she would not disgrace them. Her parents had been a constant support for her and she loved them dearly, despite misunderstandings over politics. Her family and home had been the only things she really knew, before she met Tom. She had considered telling her sisters about him. Sometimes she felt that she needed to tell somebody. She refrained, for fear of their reactions. Not the anger. Not the disappointment, but the laughter. She feared them telling her that it was all in her head.
The idea of her being alone in her sentiment. The idea that her love was one-sided. That terrified her. She knew how much she loved him, but did he love her? Was it just a childish infatuation? She couldn't ask him. It wasn't proper! She lay awake some nights, wondering. Maybe she should just forget about him. Then she would remember how he took her hand at the garden party. The warmth of his fingers entwined with hers. Their love was not one-sided.
It was real. The growing admiration she had for everything he did. The way he glanced at her in the mirror of the car. The twinkling smile he shared only with her. The way he helped her out of the car, hand in hand. The longing in his eyes as they stayed glued together, broken apart only by protocol. It was romantic. Brief and innocent. Beautiful and fleeting. She loved everything about him. His clear eyes. His enchanting voice. The way he whispered to her at the garden party. The hug they shared with Gwen. The way he took her hand.
The thought of his touch drove her mad. She had often thought of his hands on her as he carried her to safety from the bi-election. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted to touch him. Her hands to roam his torso, her fingers to play in his hair. She wanted to kiss him. For him to kiss her. Society be damned! She wanted more. She wanted him to 'ruin' her. She wanted the pressure of their bodies pressed together. She wanted him to take her to new heights of ecstasy. To be his. Completely.