Hey all of you! This is my first story and I'm wicked excited! I wanted to make it really funny and I saw this list one day. I had looked it up because I was bored out of my mind. I skimmed through it and fell out of my chair from laughing too hard. I really hope you enjoy this! This is the first 25 out of the 333.
-XForgorrenMemoryX
1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with someone else's.
While Hidan's back was turned, Sakura quickly switched the contents with the nearest person, which happened to be Konan. She grinned and ducked into the next aisle.
Hidan blinked and picked up a package. "What the fuck? U by Kotex?" He said out loud in confusion. Hearing the brand, Konan spun around.
"WHAT THE HELL HIDAN? YOU PERVERT!" she screamed snatching the box out of his hands and smacking him on the head with a baseball bat. All they heard from the next aisle was a fit of laughter. Konan twitched.
"PINKY!"
2. Walk up to a complete stranger and say how much you've missed them.
Sakura run up to a complete stranger and major glomped him. "OHMIGOSH! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER! I MISSED YOU BUDDY!" she screamed.
"Sakura!" Itachi scolded. "What have I told you about talking to pedophiles, especially Orochimaru?"
She looked down sadly. "Ta not to."
Orochimaru smirked. "Oh I think it'ssss fine if she hangsss out with me for a bit," he said picking her up under his arm. And that's how Orochimaru died and Wal-Mart exploded.
3. Smash someone on the head with a ham.
Sakura came up behind Zetsu trying to be stealth-like and ninja but failed miserably. The man with the giant flytrap on his head turned around. "Sakura, what the hell are you doing?" he asked. She raised the ham high above her head, yelled a battle cry and smashed the giant piece of meat against his face. Then she proceeded to run for her life and scream her lungs out.
"SAKURA! Nom nom nom nom. I'M GOING TO -nom nom nom nom- GET -nom nom nom nom nom – Y- nom nom nom nom-O-nom nom nomnom- DO YOU MIND? Sorry but this ham tastes so good."
Zetsu's dark half smacked himself across the face.
4. Go up to an old guy and claim that he is your grandfather and ask why he is alive.
"GRANDPA! YOU'RE ALIVE! IT'S A FRIKKIN MIRACLE! WHY ARE YOU ALIVE? I SAW YOU DIE!" sakura screamed as she glomped her 'grandpa.'
The man she was currently attached to twitched "SAKURA!" Sasori yelled as his face turned red in anger.
"Yes grandpa?" she asked innocently.
"Seven days Sakura. Seven days."
5. Take something from someone's cart and when they claim that you took it, call security.
As she skipped down the aisle, she proceeded to grab a giant lollipop out of Tobi's cart.
"BLOSSOM! THAT'S TOBI'S LOLLIPOP!" he yelled in a childish voice.
"SECURITY!" she screamed. Two emo men appeared in front of her. "You called?" (And there is nothing wrong with emo people. I'm emo (as in style) so if you're also emo don't get offended.)
She looked at them weirdly. "Uhhhh… ya this man is trying to steal my lollipop," she said still staring at them.
"BUT THAT'S TOBI'S LOLLIPOP! TOBI DOESN'T WANT TO GO WITH THE SCARY EMO PEOPLE!" Tobi shrieked at the top of his lungs.
"Sir you have to leave the store now for an attempt of theft and insulting us," One of the emo guys said.
"BUT TOBI DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" and so they had to drag Tobi kicking and screaming out of the store.
Deidara walked up to her. "What did you do, un?" he asked staring at Tobi who was having a tantrum in the middle of the parking lot.
She shrugged and skipped away, lollipop in hand.
6. Move 'Caution: Wet Floor' signs to carpeted areas
"What kind of employee puts a 'wet floor' sign on a carpeted area?" Kisame asked out loud.
"None. That only means one thing…" Pein said
"SAKURA!"
7. Hide in a clothes circle and when people look through the shirts jump out and scream
Konan had begun to sort through the cloths rack tying to find a crappy shirt that she could wear when she began to re-paint her room the way she wanted it to be.
She had almost finished when a hooded figure in a mask like the one from Scream jumped out of it. "AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" it screamed.
Konan rolled her eyes. "Nice try Sakura. I'm not buying that act anymore."
"What?" Sakura asked as she walked up to Konan. Konan looked from 'Sakura' to Sakura. She continued to do that for a few minutes. "Uh, Konan? Are you okay?" she asked her blue-haired friend.
Konan turned around, drove to an airport and went to begin a new life in France leaving a very confused Sakura behind.
8. Go into the dressing, wait a few minutes and then announce that there is no toilet paper
For some odd reason Sakura had decided to go into the dressing room, start singing the song 'The Dressing Room' by Breathe Carolina and then start yelling.
"OHMIGOSH! THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER IN HER! WHAT KIND OF BATHROOM IS THIS?"
Half of the Akatsuki sweatdropped while the other half smacked themselves in the face except for Tobi who was still having a fit in the middle of the parking lot.
9. Put on a batman costume and run around the store calling for Robin
Hidan stared wordlessly at the pinkette who was currently dressed as batman.
"The fuck?" he asked out loud.
"DANANANANANANANA BATWOMAN! COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!" she screamed dragging a helpless Hidan behind her.
"WHAT THE FUCK SAKURA?" he yelled at her.
"WHO IS THIS SAKURA YOU SPEAK OF? I AM BATWOMAN!"
"Oh my fucking Jashin."
10. Take up an entire aisle by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I Joes VS X-Men
"Hn. Why are we going into the toys section again?" Itachi asked crossing his arms.
"Because Tobi's birthday is coming up and I nee-WOAH!" Deidara cried as he crashed to the floor and landed on his back. "Haha pretty lights, un," he said, anime Xs in his eyes and stars around his head.
"Hn, Sakura?" Itachi asked.
"Yes?" she asked innocently despite the camo she was wearing and the war paint on her face.
"What are you doing?" he asked eyeing the scene around him.
"Having a battle," she said casually.
"With G.I Joes and X-men?"
"Yup."
"Alright then. Less shopping for me," he said as he left dragging Deidara with him.
11. Hide in close racks and yell at whoever happens to walk by to pick you
Kakuzu had been walking around mumbling about money and the expense of everything when he had taken a wrong turn and went into the clothing aisle. He carelessly walked by the close racks completely unaware of his future. Sakura unexpectedly popped out of the racks.
"PICK ME! PICK ME!" she screamed in his face.
Poor poor Kakuzu. He had been so scared that he had fainted and didn't wake up until Hidan had began to put his money in a blender and then sprinkle the shreds in his smoothie.
12. When an employee asks if you need help, start crying an asking why they won't leave you alone
Sakura had been browsing through the jewelry section when one of the employees had walked up to her. "Can I help you with anything?" he asked. His little dog barked in agreement.
Her jade eyes grew really big and she began to cry. "WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?" she cried.
Itachi suddenly popped out of nowhere. "You made her cry?" he asked in a very evil tone while cracking his knuckles. The little white dog whined. "TSUKOYOMI!" That poor employee.
13. Hide in a clothes circle and grab random things out of people's carts when they pass by
Our beloved kunoichi was hiding in a clothes circle…again. It seemed that most of her schemes included a clothes circle. It was quite odd at how many uses a clothes circle could have other than hanging clothes on.
She stayed as silent as possible as her next victim approached. He came closer and closer with every step. Five steps. Four steps. Three steps. She prepared herself. Two steps. One step. She shot out her hand and grabbed the first thing it touched, and then brought it back in as quickly as possible. She gaped at the thing she was holding.
"OHMIGOSH! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" she screamed as she threw the box up in the air and ran out of the clothes circle.
"That would be mine," Pein said, catching the box and putting it back into the cart.
"YOU BOUGHT CONDOMS? PERVY SICKO!" she screamed running as far away from him as humanly possible.
14. Grab a guitar and sing 'Christmas Tree' by Lady Gaga in a half shrieking half screaming voice
Light me up put me on top, lets
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
Light me up put me on top, let's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
The only place you'll wanna be is
Underneath my Christmas tree
The only place you'll wanna be is
Underneath my Christmas tree
Light me up put me on top, let's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
Light me up put me on top, let's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
Ho ho ho under the mistletoe
Yes everybody knows
We will take off our clothes
Yes, if you want us to we will
You, oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
Oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
Light you up put you on top, let's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
Light you up put you on top, let's
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la, la
Ho ho ho under the mistletoe
Yes everybody knows
We will take off our clothes
Yes if you want us to we will
You, oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
You, oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
-music-
Here, here, here, the best time of the year
Take off my stockings, we're
Out spreading Christmas cheer
Yes, if you want us to we will
You, oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
Oh, oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree is delicious
Space Cowboy, Lady Gaga Lady Gaga
And she goes
Space Cowboy, Lady Gaga Lady Gaga here we go
Cherry, cherry, boom, boom
And Hidan sang the Space Cowboy parts. Now try to imagine that. But at least it's better than 'Body Shots.'
15. Randomly put 24 bags of candy in people's carts
"Dum de dum dum dum," Sakura innocently sang as she skipped down the isles of her most favorite store in the whole wide world.
As she was doing so, she was also dropping 10-pound bags of candy into random people's shopping carts as they passed by. Most of them didn't notice but the ones that did yelled at her and one threw it back at her, which just led to a huge fight where the two threw random things they picked up from the nearby shelves.
Oh the many many ways a person can get kicked out of Wal-Mart.
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
"Hey! How you doing?" Sakura said cutely to the guy in front of her, waiting for her to check out his items.
"I'm fine cutie. How are you?" he said grinning. The guy had long dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, which hid behind dark glasses.
A dark aura filled the space around them as a very pissed off Hidan stood behind the boy, glaring death at the back of his head. The boy seemed to sense it and slowly turned around.
"What do you think you're doing with Sakura?" he asked in a deadly tone.
"U-um . . . I was just leaving," he said nervously.
"You got that right," he hissed, his scythe taunting the boy.
17. Go up to an employee and say 'Code 3 in warehouse 5' in an official voice and see what happens.
A red-haired employee leaned casually against a pole in the grocery isle. The poor boy didn't see a thing coming.
Our fellow pink haired kunoichi walked up to him in a fashionable manor. She stood in front of the boy who was about her age but yet shorter than her. She starred deeply into his sea foam green eyes.
"Code three in warehouse five," she said in a very professional manor.
She did not expect his reaction.
The boy's eyes widened as he suddenly stood up straight. "WHAT? THEY TOLD US THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! THOSE DAMN ALIENS JUST WON'T STAY DEAD!" he yelled running off into the distance.
Sakura stood in the middle of the aisle and watched the boy run away, giggling to herself. "Stupid boy."
18. Follow people through aisles, always staying 5 feet behind them.
It was almost like being in one of those epic spy movies expect for the small little fact that Sakura was tripping almost everything and trying way too hard to keep up with the guy she was stalking. It didn't exactly help that the guy she was stalking was the one throwing the things she was tripping over at her.
"DAMN YOU KISAME! SLOW DOWN AND STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME SO I CAN STALK YOU!" she yelled angrily.
"NEVER!" the walking fish stick cried, running away and throwing everything he could get his hands on, including people.
"WAAA!" Dei cried as he was thrown at Sakura who kicked him where the sun don't shine and jumped over him.
Good times, good times.
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
The one they call 'Pinky' was frantically running around the isles asking random customers if they wanted to duel.
Sakura ran up to a group of six-year-old boys. "DUEL WITH ME!" she cried, handing each of them a tube of wrapping paper.
"Hey cool!" one of them yelled, whacking Sakura with it.
Of course one thing led to another and it soon became a full upscale battle between the ages.
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls and pretend to be the conductor.
"LAAA LAAA LAAA LAAAAAA! LAAA LAAA LAAA LAAAAA! LLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The hamster dolls sang.
"SAKURA! What the hell is that? It sounds like a dying cat giving birth!" Pein exclaimed, horrified by the singing hamsters.
Sakura stood there in a conductor's suit conducting the dolls. She looked at the so-called 'god'. "They're singing hamster dolls Pein-sama."
Pein sighed and rubbed his temples. "Of course they are."
"Hey, can I pull out your piercing?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I am God and I said so."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Can I get a hamster doll?"
"Sakura, shut up."
…
"Why?"
21. Make up products and ask newly hired workers if there are any in stock.
"Excuse me? Do you have any Bear Hair in stock? It's a hair removal cream," The pinkette asked an employee that she had found wandering around the store.
"Yeah, actually we do. Follow me please." Sakura was more than baffled to hear that there was actually such a product.
The worker brought her to one of the farthest points of the store. "Well here you go," he said, walking away.
Sakura starred at the item. "Ooooohhhh, so that's what it is ... I didn't know they actually sell hair removal for bears ...
22. Open a pack of Yugioh cards and challenge random people to a 'd-d-d-d-d-duel!'
"I CHALLENGE YOU DEIDARA TO A FULL OUT EPIC DUEL!" Sakura yelled, jumping out from one of the isles, tackling the poor blonde to the ground.
"You stupid pink head! I'm shopping, un! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A BATTLE!" he roared, beating her with a pool noodle.
"ITACHI! RAPE! DEIDARA IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!" she cried.
-POOF!- -Deadly glare- -Knuckles cracking- -lots and lots of screaming-
Sakura skipped off dragging Itachi behind her. "Come on Itachi! Let's go look at Barney DVDs! I HEAR THEY HAVE A NEW DINOSAUR!" she half sang. They both left a quite bloody and unconscious Deidara behind them.
23. Walk around alone pretending someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation.
"What shall we do next?"
"Spill paint all over Hidan."
"Nahh, that's too easy."
"Get Tobi to come back in, blame him for something and then have him get beat to a bloody pulp?"
"No, we already did that."
"Take over the world?"
"Yes, and we shall be epic rulers but I mean as of right now."
"Go to the bedding section and make a fort."
Sakura gasped. "I AM SO DOING THAT! It'll be like that Cheetos commercial!"
"We are so epic."
"Yes, yes we are."
Kakuzu sweatdropped. "Sakura, who are you talking to?"
Sakura blinked. "Alysha."
"Who's Alysha?" he asked a bit scared.
"My best friend."
Kakuzu slowly backed away from the pink haired demon.
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say things like 'I know where you live!'
In one hand Sakura held one of those voice changers and in the other was a walkie-talkie. The other one from the set was on the back of a Barbie doll. She hid in the next aisle over and peered around the corner. Her first victim? Konan.
"Psssttt. Pssssssstttttttt. Hey you. You with the blue hair. I know what you did last summer," the 'doll' said creepily.
Konan screamed and ran out of the aisle, shouting "DEMON DOLL! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?" in the process.
Sakura chuckled and looked around the corner. Dei and Sasori.
"I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!" the 'doll' screamed.
"WWWAAAAAA!" Dei cried, pushing Sasori towards the doll. "EAT THE SCARY DOLL!"
"I will come into your house and smother you with a pillow until your legs stop kicking," Sakura made the doll hiss.
Sasori started to back away but Sakura wasn't finished. "Don't you dare back away from me! I'M RAISING EVIL PONIES THAT WHISPER TO ME IN MY SLEEP! THE PONIES ARE FOR SATAN'S ARMY DAMNIT! FEAR ME!" the 'doll' screamed at the red head.
"HOLY SHIT!" Sasori yelled, horrified.
Sakura tried her best not to burst out laughing but epically failed.
"SAKURAAAA!"
"What?"
25. Attempt to drown in a kitty pool.
"HELP! HEEEELLPP! I'M DROWNING!" sakura yelled, thrashing her limbs around in the kitty pool.
Three and a half quarters of the Akatsuki showed up. Sakura looked around. "Why is Hidan missing his body?" she asked.
Kakuzu answered her question, obviously irritated about the situation. "He had to pick a fight with the wrong guy and that person chopped his fucking head off."
Hidan was furious. "THAT DUMB FUCKER! WHEN I GET MY BODY BACK FROM UNDER THE MASSIVE PILE OF PLAYBOY MAGAZINES I AM SO GOING TO KILL THAT KID!" he roared.
Sakura burst out laughing. "I'm sorry but I just can't take a screaming head seriously and Wal-Mart sells Playboys?"
"Why don't you go ask Itachi, Pein and Kisame?" Zetsu said, jerking his thumb in the direction of the three.
"Damn, I wish I could be over there," the talking head said.
"Oh fun," Sakura sighed. "You know that we're going to be hearing all about those for the next few months."
"How fucking fun."
Okay so I hope you guys liked this so far! Review! Thanks! xD