Title: Kings of the world

Author: Dustland-Fairytales

Summary: In which Magnus tries to get Alec to re-enact Titanic. Alec/Magnus. Crack-ish.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own neither TMI not Titanic.

A/N.: I - oh well. I don't even know. My brain works in strange ways, and really, that's the only excuse. Also, thanks to Len Kagamine 02 for beta-reading this.

"Why," Magnus asked, "did I agree to this again?"

Alec blinked. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you the one who suggested this in the first place?"

"I was?" Magnus asked back in surprise. "I must have been terribly drunk."

"Actually, you weren't," Alec said, leaning over the railing and letting the wind tousle his hair. "But I guess I should have just stopped you before it was too late. I know you hate ships."

"I don't hate ships," Magnus corrected him patiently. "It's what's under the ship that worries me. I hate water, unless it comes out of my shower head. And I had forgotten how windy it can be when you're on the sea. I feel like my hairdo will be utterly ruined forever."

"You used an entire bottle of both gel and a whole can of hairspray," Alec reminded him, rolling his eyes, "and I can assure you that not a single strand has moved from its designated place. In fact, I'm not sure whether you will ever get anything out of it again – maybe it'll stay like that. It certainly looks as solid as a concrete wall right now."

"Nonsense," Magnus waved it off. "One snap of my fingers and everything will be the way it should be."

That was a reassuring thought. As much as Alec liked it when Magnus gelled his hair up in spiked and covered it in glitter, he actually preferred it when it was down and he could tangle his fingers in the soft, silky strands. He did that a lot. Magnus had very nice hair. Or maybe he just had a hair fetish, but that wasn't a matter he wanted to discuss with himself, like, ever. Magnus had enough fetishes for both of them, so there was no need to add something to the seemingly endless list. Alec liked to entertain the thought that he was perfectly normal.

Well, as normal as a Shadowhunter dating a glitter-covered, flamboyant warlock could ever be.

Magnus stepped behind Alec and wound his long arms around his waist, resting his chin quite comfortably on Alec's shoulder. It would have been more romantic, he guessed, if Magnus hadn't been that tense, as if the water was an evil creature, reading itself to rise up and attack him every second to pull him down to the ground of the ocean. He snickered inwardly at the mental image of Magnus getting practically eaten by a giant water ball. The High Warlock of Brooklyn against a bit of water. This would surely be fun to look at.

Alec was nice enough to not call him out on it, though. He was rather happy that Magnus had decided to move from his spot amidships that he had been rooted to ever since they stepped onto the vessel and had come closer to the railing.

"You know," Magnus spoke quietly into Alec's ear, "I think I rather like this 'and they sailed off into the sunset and lived happily ever after' kind of ending for us."

When exactly had his life begun to resemble a Disney movie?

Probably the moment he met Magnus, Alec determined. Magnus was very Disney-like. Not to mention Disney-obsessed. Alec had the sneaking suspicion that he was trying to make up for his own screwed-up infancy by rewatching these children's movies over and over again in an attempt to relive his childhood. And of course he forced Alec to watch them, too. Alec, who had never before heard of these mundane movies, had to admit in the end that he felt like he had missed out on something. They were rather nice. For children, that is. Not for grown-up Shadowhunters. Which was why he didn't like them that much.

Okay, maybe a little bit. And maybe he didn't mind that Magnus had established a weekly Disney-marathon that he coerced Alec to attend all that much.

"That sounds rather cheesy," Alec noted. "And aren't you confusing that with the cowboys that ride off into the sunset?"

Magnus huffed. "Ride off or sail off into the sunset, what does it matter? The sunset is the important part. And the happily ever after."

Alec grinned. "I don't think there will be a happily ever after for you until you get off that ship."

"I will be alright as long as this ship doesn't go all Titanic on us," he shrugged.

"Titanic? Which one was that?" Alec asked, scrunching up his nose while trying to remember the movie Magnus was referring to. At least he thought that Magnus was referring to a movie. Whenever he made some remarks Alec didn't understand, there was a 90 percent chance that he was referring to a movie they might or might not have watched before. And he thought they might have watched that one only recently, since it still rang a bell. Alec usually forgot about most of the films pretty soon – or rather, tried to wipe them from his mind, because Magnus's taste was just utterly strange sometimes – so if he still remembered the title, it couldn't have been too long ago.

Magnus made a displeased sound at the back of his throat. "You don't remember? How can you not remember this glorious movie?" he asked in shock.

"Um..."

Magnus sighed in exasperation. "It was the one with the secret lovers on the ship which eventually sank. It was very tragic and very romantic and a classic and I can't believe you don't remember it!"

"Oh. That one," Alec said, face twisting in disgust. Yes, definitely one of the movies he would put into the category 'indication of Magnus's bad taste'.

"Which reminds me..."

Uh-oh.

"There is this scene I've been dying to re-enact all of my life."

Alec could feel Magnus grin against the skin of his neck. "Let me guess," he said, "the one where they have sex in the car?" Oh. Surprisingly enough, he remembered more of the film than he had originally thought.

Magnus's grin widened. "Actually, no. Although I will have to concede that this is a very nice suggestion that we should definitely get back to later. Car sex is a unique experience. However, we don't necessarily need to be on a boat to do that."

"If you're planning on drawing me naked, get that silly notion out of your head immediately," Alec said sternly.

He felt the laughter rumble in Magnus's chest. "Enticing, but once again, no. That's not the scene I was thinking about."

Alec wracked his brain, trying to remember a scene that Magnus might have liked and would most likely be equally, if not more, mortifying for him. He was sure he had covered the worst ones already, except maybe for...

Alec's eyes widened in shock as the realisation hit him.

"No."

Magnus blinked. "You don't even know whether you got it right."

"You already re-enacted that one the last time you were drunk," Alec told him. "You climbed up the roof and shouted 'I'm the king of the world' over the rooftops so loudly that the neighbours wrote a letter of complaint."

"But that doesn't count," Magnus argued, "because a) I wasn't on a ship and b) I didn't have a partner to do it with."

"Well, condition a) might be fulfilled, but there is no way you're talking me into the second one."

Magnus pouted. "But why not?"

"Because the movie is stupid and corny and because the entire scene is just embarrassing," Alec listed, ignoring Magnus's whining.

"I can even do the girl's part if you want to," the warlock begged. "Not that I wouldn't like to see you in a dress-"

"What?"

"- but I suppose you'd be uncomfortable with that," Magnus continued, unfazed. "So I'd let you do the manly part."

Why did he even know someone like Magnus?

"There is no manly part in this at all," Alec said, while desperately trying to forget that Magnus had just used the words 'you' and 'dress' in one sentence. Like, as if those two terms belonged together. Alec suppressed a shiver. "Wait – you're not planning putting on girl's clothes yourself, are you?"

Magnus grinned. "Only if you want me to."

Maybe he should consider throwing Magnus overboard, just to get rid of him once and for all. "Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I rather like you in your normal clothes."

"Or in no clothes at all...?" Magnus trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"If you don't shut up, I'll feel obligated to throw you overboard," Alec said, deciding it would be best if he voiced his deliberations.

Magnus tensed immediately. "You wouldn't."

"Maybe not," Alec admitted. "And if I did, I'd probably pull you out again."

"How very noble of you," Magnus scoffed. "You know what I think? I think you're just too chicken to do it."

This time, Alec tensed. "I'm not."

Magnus raised one eyebrow. "Prove it, then," he said, sounding smug.

Dammit. He should have known Magnus was only trying to lure him into a trap. Note to self, he though, never trust a Downworlder, especially not if said Downworlder happens to be your cunning, wily boyfriend. Alec desperately tried finding a way out that wouldn't involve granting Magnus his horrendous wish nor would expose him to Magnus's endless taunting that he was a scaredy-cat.

Unfortunately, he didn't find one.

Shit.

Inwardly cursing Magnus into the deepest circles of hell, Alec straightened, grabbed his boyfriend's hand and stalked towards the bow, dragging the warlock behind him and trying to ignore the incredibly complacent grin on his face.

He would so make Magnus regret that later.

A/N.: Okay, so here's how it is. I am crazy enough to be willing to maintain 3 Malec WIP at the same time - that is, if you want me to. Because, you know, I kind of promised to my friend that I'd write some stuff on the pre-CofA holidays, so if you are interested in that, tell me so and I'll write a OS for every country they visited and put it in this story (which is why it isn't put on 'complete')

So, tell me what you think/want, please?

Also, I just bumped the 200000 words mark. Holy shit.