Holy crap-balls

A/N: I think my last oneshot was a raving success. However, I got nearly twice as many favorites as I did reviews. Don't be lazy or shy people. Lurking is a bad habit even I had trouble breaking, but at least give it a try. In response to that, I've outlined two new chaptered stories and have more oneshot ideas than I know what to do with, so thank you all for that.

Also...this may be six hours early for V-day...but I got an awesome V-day gift! It's a glow-in-the-dark zombie rubber duck! Holy sex bombs! It's epic. Seriously.

Disclaimer: Devil May Cry and its characters belong to Capcom

Warnings: Little bit of angsty fluff, mild DxN smut, equally mild voyuerism, and Lady (yes, she's warning enough. Part of why she's so epic)

Dedications: This one goes out to all of my amazing readers and reviewers. You guys keep my inspiration alive!

Happy Valentine's/Single's Awareness Day!

-The Heart is a Cannibal-

The dying squeals of demons echoed through the vast field, the bodies left to writhe in their final death throes before disintegrating into the ground, leaving only a lone figure standing.

"Well that was hardly worth the time it took to get here." Lady huffed as she re-holstered her guns and flicked a bit of green coated flesh off her jacket, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the pungent smell and stain it left behind. She was going to have to make Dante pay for a new coat. With the weather still being butt-numbing cold, she couldn't afford to go without one.

She heaved another sigh as she looked around the now empty field, deciding that she'd done what she'd set out to do and it was high time she made her way back to the city and bugged Dante. He did still owe her after all. And she needed new clothes to replace the ones that had gotten damaged on this mission. One, might she add, that the lazy bastard had refused to do on account of it sounding 'boring'.

Lady smirked as she made her way back to her waiting motorcycle, hands lightly spinning the red helmet as she looked to the darkening horizon, breath fogging the air in white puffs. "Yeah…I think a visit sounds like just what I need right now. But first: shopping." Dante was going to be locked up in that hole of an office, so she knew where to find him. Seeing as it was the month of February, Dante had made efforts to keep from going out as much as possible. She supposed she understood, what with Valentine's Day being tomorrow, but really, just because he didn't have someone to spend it with didn't mean he had to get grumpy and hate the whole month. At least he had Nero there for company now.

"A visit is now a necessity." She amended with a wider grin before she pulled on her helmet and mounted her bike, spinning towards the direction of Capulet City and the famed devil hunting office.

-o-o-o-

Rain fell in fat, heavy drops, half melting the piles of snow that still clung to the streets stubbornly, the cold refusing to relent and let it melt entirely away. Even in February, the city still was pummeled by freak blizzards overnight, the snow falling hard, fast and piling deep. Then the rain would come and partially melt everything, forming puddles of icy slush that lurked just beneath the surface of the otherwise pristine white.

Only for the temperature to drop even further at night and freeze all the water and dump more snow on top come morning, making it a slipping hazard. And still cold as hell.

Amidst the water-logged snowdrifts sat the Devil May Cry, the usually brightly lit maroon sign dark, leaving the street before it similarly black, no lights shining through the windows, leaving the snow outside a dull gray. Inside it was just as cold as the outside, the owner choosing not to leave the heat on while out, the shelves holding weapons and trophy skulls mounted on the wall all lingering in silent darkness, seemingly peaceful.

Until the front doors were thrown open with enough force to slam into the walls behind them, the two hunters currently living under the building's roof stomping inside and dragging in the snow that clung to their already wet clothes.

Nero shrugged out of his soaked coat, dropping it to the floor where it collapsed in a heavy heap. He tried to kick his boots off, only to growl in frustration when they stuck fast to his equally wet socks. "I can't believe you could be that slow, old man."

From behind the fuming teen, Dante looked up from behind silver bangs, hair dripping. "Excuse me?"

"There's no way the 'oh so amazing' Son of Sparda could have missed a god-damned demon coming up to cut him in half!" Nero said caustically, finally dropping to sit on the floor right there and yank his boots off, throwing them over his shoulder carelessly.

"You'd best respect your elders, kid. It wasn't my fault you just stood there like an idiot waiting to get run through." The elder hunter replied smartly, a bit irate himself from the lingering ache in his chest.

The two hunters had gone out for a late afternoon mission, against Dante's protest, simply because Nero had been bored just sitting in the office all day. Hell, all month because the old man had some vendetta against the whole month of February.

The job had taken them both to the outskirts of the city where they'd found a couple Lusts that had woken from hibernation a bit early and were apparently pissed off that it was still cold and storming. Against better judgment, both had engaged the demons. While there hadn't been many of them, they'd definitely been angry, because they were quicker than usual and a hell of a lot more aggressive.

At one point, Nero had gotten distracted when Dante slipped on the half frozen, rain and snow slicked ground, leaving him open for one of the demons to swing its scythe at him. Dante barely knocked him aside in time, resulting in having the blade cleave through his shoulder, down his chest and nearly to his hip.

Dante had healed quickly enough, but the entire trip back, the two hunters had been alternating between brooding in silence and arguing. Seemed the arguing part was back in effect, because Nero scoffed at the reply he'd gotten, peeling off his red hoodie and heading for the stairs for a shower. He didn't make any comment about the elder following right on his heels.

"You're the one who couldn't move his fat ass out of the way in time after shoving me into the snow, you jackass."

"Because I just enjoy getting nearly halved every fucking rainy night, kid." Dante bit back, both of them continuing to strip once they reached the bathroom. Nero giving the half-devil his back as he twisted the knobs for the shower with a bit more force than necessary.

"You don't care enough about yourself, and that's why you got hurt." The younger muttered with finality before he climbed under the spray of lukewarm water, shivering at the contrast to the cold dampness still clinging to his skin. Every time he closed his eyes he relived that moment when he'd watched Dante get so brutally sliced, blood staining the snow around them almost black in the darkening night. And he'd been frozen in place, unable to think or help.

When Dante didn't join him after a moment, Nero frowned and wiped his eyes as he looked sullenly through the rapidly fogging glass of the shower stall, expecting the elder to have left the room. Instead, Dante stood there staring back at him, the faint red line stretching across his torso the only sign that he'd been injured at all, let alone in a way that could have been fatal had Dante been anyone else. He was about to ask the elder what he was doing just standing there, but the instant he opened his mouth, his throat closed off and he couldn't force his eyes from that mark.

"Is that what you really think, kid?" the famed devil hunter asked quietly, the words barely heard over the pounding spray drumming against the white tile.

Nero finally tore his gaze away to meet Dante's icy blue stare, shivering for an entirely different reason than the cold that had long been washed away. He stepped back obligingly when Dante finally climbed into the shower with him, leaving barely a couple inches between the two of them. And they stayed that small distance apart, staring each other down.

Dark azure pools were the first to break the contact as Nero lowered his eyes and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the older hunter's chest, hands braced on wide shoulders, another shiver going through him. He realized quickly that most of his anger had stemmed not from Dante being slow or thoughtless or even for shoving him face-first into the slush, but because in that moment he'd been afraid that he'd lost him.

The teen bit his lip to stifle the tears that were burning his eyes when he felt Dante slide both hands through his hair, a shaky sigh escaping him.

"Hey, are you crying?" Nero tensed at the observant question and shook his head, resisting when the elder tried to lift his chin to see for himself.

"Of course not, old man, why would I?" he managed to get out past the lump in his throat, swallowing hard as if that would get rid of it.

Dante grunted, clearly not believing him, and finally forced Nero's face out of his chest, staring down at him and trying to figure out if the kid really was crying or if it was just the shower. He decided to give Nero a break and conceded. "Good point. Crying would be out of character." He teased, making that familiar frown pull at the corners of the younger's mouth.

Tempted, Dante leaned down to capture those pouting lips with his own, expecting to get the usual punch or growl in reply, but instead Nero willingly opened his mouth, tongues meeting and tangling in a slow, sedate kiss. They were still new at this, but he got the impression that the kid was more seeking the comfort of the contact rather than attempting to dominate it.

He finally pulled away, pecking the corner of now trembling lips and down across a warm cheek, nuzzling under Nero's jaw and trailing more soft kisses down the side of his neck, resting his chin on a shoulder and holding onto him tighter when the teen all but clung to him in response.

"You worry too much," Dante hummed into the pale skin, licking at the warm water that made it slick.

Nero snorted at that but didn't loosen his hold, both hands clutching at the elder hunter's back hard enough that the talons on his devil bringer were breaking the skin, the blood washed away by the shower still spraying over them. The air grew thick from the steam and the small space made it seem more surreal, like the real world fell away and it was just the two of them. He pressed his face into Dante's chest again, relaxing at the steady heartbeat that greeted him there, lips brushing over skin as he mouthed the words he couldn't quite make himself say out loud.

"I just don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

It was a constant fear Nero lived with every day. Dante was pretty much the only good thing left in his life, and though their job was always risky, he'd convinced himself that Dante was invincible. Simple as that. Nothing could take the other man down. Nothing.

And then he got hurt and suddenly the reality of how easy it would be to lose him slammed into the younger until he couldn't breathe. Faced with an unfamiliar emotion, he reverted to something more comfortable: anger.

Dante lifted Nero's face again and kissed him lightly, thumbs brushing over damp cheeks, both choosing to say it was just the shower that made them so. "I guess I am still a bit reckless." He admitted. "But believe me, Nero; I've never wanted to live more now that you're in my life."

The sincerity in the elder's words paired with the fact that he actually called him by his name instead of 'kid' convinced Nero that it was the truth. It wasn't enough to completely erase his fear, but it definitely dulled it, allowing him to take another warm kiss and finally forgive all that had happened that day and put it to the back of his mind.

His heart must be a cannibal, because Nero swore it was eating itself with this slew of emotions that were always tugging it back and forth, trapped on an unstoppable rollercoaster with no end in sight.

But he supposed, as long as he could have Dante there with him, he'd find a way to cope.

They only broke apart once the water started to run cold and they quickly shut it off. Both hunters left the shower and dried off, neither having much to say. Trying to break the silence, Nero found himself asking, "Why do you hate February so much, Dante?"

Dante looked over at the younger hunter who was vigorously rubbing a towel through his hair to dry it. "It's not so much February as it is Valentine's Day that I hate."

Nero peeked up from under the towel, cheeks flushing red when he noticed that Dante hadn't bothered to cover himself, looking away quickly and clearing his throat. "So you hate Valentine's Day?" he'd heard about the 'day of lovers' or something to that effect, but he'd never celebrated it, didn't see a point in it since he'd been single and Fortuna didn't recognize holidays like that.

"I'm pretty sure everyone who doesn't have a Valentine hates it."

The teen stared down at his bare feet as he processed that, listening to the older man shuffling around the bathroom before the door opened and let in a rush of cool air that had Nero quickly wrapping his towel around himself to try and keep warm, watching as Dante strolled out into the hall completely naked. Perverted freak. It's freezing out there.

Before Dante disappeared into his room, Nero blurted, "What about me?"

"What?"

His face grew hot despite the cold air as the young part-devil looked down at the floor, his feet, the ceiling, anywhere but at the elder's curious expression. "C-can't I be it?" he asked quietly, forcing himself to speak up as he clarified, keeping his eyes averted as he scratched at his nose. "Be your Valentine I mean?"

The silence stretched between them until Nero finally had to look up and see if Dante was even still standing there, expecting to be laughed at any moment. Before he could play it off as a joke, the elder interrupted him and answered with a grin.

"I think I'd like that, kid."

-o-o-o-

Lady finally made it to Devil May Cry the next morning, figuring if she were going to drop in on Dante during one of his most hated months of the year, she might as well go all the way and visit on the very day that made him loath February.

She turned off her bike and swung her leg over to dismount, pulling off her helmet and hanging it on the handlebar. She had to admit that driving in this slush was a bitch on a motorcycle, but since Dante finally broke his car, she didn't have any other mode of transportation. Dusting off her new jacket, Lady brushed back her dark bangs and headed up the slick steps to the front doors, opening them easily. Since it was before noon, she wasn't surprised to see that Dante wasn't down in the main office. The asshole was probably asleep, determined not to wake until the day was over.

Smirking to herself, Lady propped her rocket launcher against the wall by the door and made her way up the stairs. She fully intended to give Dante a rude wake-up call and then do everything she could to keep him up through the dreaded day.

Her smirk fell as she came down the hall up to Dante's bedroom door, noting that it was partially open, prepared to throw it open completely when she caught a look inside.

Most of the red top blanket had been kicked off the bed, joining the mess of clothes that littered the floor already. The brighter gray light of the morning lit up the cave of a room enough that she could make out something moving beneath the sheets. At first she thought it was just Dante rolling around, but woman's intuition knew better and she found her feet rooted to the spot as she realized that Dante wasn't alone in bed.

Just as Lady gathered her thoughts enough to shoot the pervert, the sheets fell back as none other than Nero sat up, the teen straddling the older hunter, the muscles in his back rippling as his hips undulated in a languid, entirely sexual movement, palms braced against Dante's flat stomach.

Her mouth fell open, unable to look away as she watched Nero's head fall back, mouth open to release a soft moan when Dante sat up under the younger man, arms wrapping around his waist and biting into the exposed neck.

"Be mine, Nero," he whispered against the bruised flesh, moving harder against the other hunter.

"Dante…I-ah! Yes."

Lady finally got the sense to turn and run back down the hall, leaping down nearly all the stairs, unsure whether to be scarred or touched by the display. It wasn't until she had retrieved Kalina Ann and went back out to her bike that she realized she had some pretty good blackmail material for later.

Her smirk returning, Lady pulled on her helmet and started up her bike again, glancing once more at the devil hunting office.

At least now Dante couldn't complain about having no one to spend Valentine's Day with.