A Broken Promise
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A/N: Minor spoilers for Radiant Dawn, though that's more towards the end.
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I stood before my mother's casket, an expressionless look spread across my features. She had died less than a week ago, and already I was adjusted to life without her. Did that seem wrong? Not to me it didn't. It meant nothing more than that I was independent; I could take care of myself. My father had passed three years ago, and this woman hadn't even cried at his funeral. That was different than me not crying; I never chose to be her daughter, but she had chosen him as her husband.
Well, chosen isn't exactly the word I should have used. I was born eight months after my parents' wedding--my mother had already been pregnant when they were married. She married him because she had to, not because she wanted to. She was never in love with him.
After I had been born, they were both equally involved in my life, though I could tell that there was some emotional connection missing between us. My mother seemed pained to look at me--as if it reminded her that I was the reason she had been forced to marry someone she didn't love. My father...I never knew why his heart seemed so distant from me. He loved me, yes, but something seemed out of place.
But now that they were both gone, I, Alexa Avaleigh Fayre, the daughter of Count Bastian Fayre and Countess Lucia Delbray-Fayre, would have to take their place as the new countess of Fayre, whether I liked it or not.
--
I ran through the stone-paved halls of the castle, blood dripping down my knee. I bit back the tears that were welling up in my eyes--I couldn't cry, not here, not now.
I sighed as I searched for my father. Here I was, a little ten-year-old girl searching for a single person in a castle fit for a king. Sure I knew the castle well, as I had explored it multiple times so far in my childhood, but there was no telling where my father was at any given period of time. My mother, on the other hand--I knew where she would be. But I didn't want to go there; I didn't want to see her.
As I walked along, I passed countless servants that paid my limping form no mind. They had no reason to help me--unless my parents were around. Right now, they could pretend that they had never seen me--that I was invisible, such as the spirits of my grandparents or the grand goddess Ashunera herself. They knew of my presence, of course, but that didn't stop them from brushing my existence off like a pesky fly.
It wasn't until I turned down a hallway on the castle's second floor that I heard a familiar feminine voice behind me. "Miss Alexa, what's wrong, dear?" it called.
I turned around, my gaze meeting a woman with the same emerald green hair I possessed. Her red eyes stared back at my sky blue ones. Her tan skin contrasted my pale skin beautifully, and her long, flowing black dress with the deep purple sleeves made my light violet frock look mediocre.
"Lady Alemdha," I curtsied politely, "I was just looking for my father."
"And what of your leg?" she inquired.
I shrugged. "Oh, that? I'll get it taken care of later."
"Now, now, my dear, I don't quite think so. You come with me and I'll fix it up like new," she crooned, pinching my cheek.
"...If you insist, Milady," I mumbled, rubbing my face. I sighed as she grabbed my wrist and lead me away.
--
A few minutes later, I was sitting in the woman's bedchambers atop a pitch-black comforter. My leg was propped up on a wooden chair that she had previously placed in front of me. I glanced around the rather dull-looking room with its large mural of a black dragon on the wall to my left, as I waited for her to finish up.
"I'll have you all healed up in no time," she chirped, her back still facing me as she mixed up a healing potion on a table across the room. "After I'm finished you'll be able to run around and find your father, if that's still what you're after!"
I secretly rolled my eyes before she turned back around, a vulnerary and bandage in hand. She smiled at me, and my manners forced me to do likewise. "Of course, Lady Almedha. Thank you so much," I managed, partially through clenched teeth.
"Don't you worry about it, Alexa," she crooned, actually using my full name rather than some variant, which seemed to be the normal with nearly everyone else, my parents included. The way she spoke my name, though, it was quite beautiful. The loving tone nearly made me want to burst into tears, though I knew it was best if I didn't.
I sat as still as possible as she applied the ointment to the area of my wound. I flinched involuntarily as her finger ran over my cut, and she used her spare hand to pat me on the shoulder. "Oh no, I didn't harm you, did I, Alexa?" she asked, a worried expression plastered on her face as she looked up at me.
"N-No, I just didn't expect..." I trailed off. Something wasn't quite right... "I'm used to the feel of a vulnerary by now, so I don't know why that stung so much..." I mused, thinking back to all my other injuries that my father had healed.
"I suppose I should have warned you," she whispered, looking down at her feet, almost as if she was embarrassed or ashamed. "I mixed the vulnerary with Olivi grass," she continued.
"Olivi grass? Isn't that for laguz?" I pondered, giving her an untrusting look.
She nodded. "Yes, it will make you stronger, Alexa."
"Stronger?!" I half-screamed. "I'm no laguz! When my father finds out about this, he'll--"
"Please, Alexa," she whispered once again, standing up from her place on the floor and turning to face the wall opposite me. "You can't tell your father. He wants me to have nothing to do with you after what your mother told him years back. She says that I can't be trusted...but it's not like that at all! I only wish to help you. I have a right to see you," she sobbed.
I stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Lady Almedha, please don't cry. I won't tell my father a thing. I won't let them keep you from seeing me...I promise."
--
Lady Almedha had always been close to my parents, though I don't know why. She was a dragon who abandoned her home and family to start anew...leading her to King Ashnard. My parents were Crimean nobles who were directly affected my the war raged by Ashnard. They were incredibly close to the king and queen of Crimea...the king and queen that had been slain by the very Lord Ashnard Almedha had had a child with.
They had fought together in the second war, yes, but that didn't seem like something that would pull them together. From what I could gather, Almedha had been more of a burden to everyone... Her friendship--or whatever it was--with my parents was so unlikely. Their distrust for the woman showed clearly... And yet, I still felt some trust that I was able to place in her.
--
Later that evening, after a couple of hours had passed, I still sat in Lady Almedha's bedchambers, chatting about various topics. The lady had made a pot of tea for us, and I just now sat my cup down on the edge of a table to my right.
"Would you care for more tea, Alexa?" she inquired.
I shook my head, wrinkling my nose from my disgust with the stuff, but my mind drifted elsewhere. After a moment of silence, I sighed and fingered the golden hem of the robe that I had thrown over my dress that morning. "Milady, earlier you said...you said that you had a right to see me. What, if you don't mind me asking, did you mean by that?"
She stood up and sighed. "That is...hard to explain. Why don't I tell you the story while I braid your hair?" she suggested, looking at me with hopeful eyes.
"Braid my hair? Why would you want to do that?" I asked with a puzzled look on my face.
She shrugged. "It's something I always dreamed of doing if I had a daughter...but I had only a son," she explained.
"Oh. Well, if you really want to, go ahead...I guess."
I sat there nearly as still as before as she parted my hair into different sections. I felt her fingers run through the locks, untangling any knots they came across. After awhile I got up the courage to ask the question in my mind. "Lady Almedha, what ever happened to your son?"
"I don't know," she said, flatly. "He just...left."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I replied meekly.
"Don't you worry about a thing, darling! He didn't need me anymore, and now I have you to look after," she exclaimed, probably smiling, I guessed, since I couldn't exactly see her. She tugged lightly on my hair as she twisted it into a braid and then continued, "Anyway, about this right of mine...that is what you wanted to know, correct?"
"Yes, Milady."
"Well, you see," she began, "your mother fought with my son during the war--"
"--My father did too, didn't he?" I interrupted.
"Umm...yes...I meant to say that..." she rambled. "But, to continue, my son and your mother grew very close, and he helped to take care of her. After my son left, I suppose your mother felt some closeness and respect for me, so she invited me to come stay with your family."
"But I thought you said that my mother didn't want you around?" I interrogated, suddenly feeling as if I was being lied to on some degree.
"Well...that was mainly after you were born. She and Bastian had some insane idea that I would try to put crazy notions of some sort in your head. But it isn't like that at all, I can assure you. Don't you think?"
"Of course, Milady," I mustered. "But that still doesn't explain your right to see me."
It was quiet for a moment before Almedha decided to change the subject. "You have such lovely hair. The color is gorgeous. Do you know where you get it from?"
My hair was the same color as hers, wasn't it? What made mine so special? And she still hadn't answered my question! "I don't know," I said, deciding not to pursue the answer to the previous question further, as I now had a feeling that maybe I didn't want to know. "It can't be from my mother's side, as they all had either blue or purple hair. I don't know much of my father's side, though I believe that none of them had green hair either," I mused.
She laughed. "Your father's mother had green hair."
"Mother said she had brown hair..." I stated, thinking of the former countess of Fayre.
"Your mother lies."
--
I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder as I stood there, and it snapped me out of my thoughts. It took a moment for my to register exactly what was going on, but, as I glanced around, I soon realized what was happening. I was still at the funeral, before the open casket. The majority of the visitors had left, with the exceptions being King Kurthnaga, Lords Nasir and Gareth, and Lady Ena and her baby. One more person also remained: the woman whose hand was on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Alexa," she spoke. "Will you be all right?"
"Y-Yes," I answered, "I just need a few more minutes to say goodbye."
"I'll leave you alone then," she whispered, removing her hand from my shoulder. "But first, there's something I think you should have."
I watched as she pulled something out from the pocket of her robes and placed it in my hands. I glanced at its vermillion cover for a moment and then looked at her in confusion. "My mother's journal?"
"Yes...I've bookmarked a page of great interest."
"You...read it?" I said, half-amazed, half-accusing.
"You need to know the truth, and I felt it would be best if you heard it from her," she explained.
"I see. Thank you, Lady Almedha."
I watched as she walked away, rejoining her brother and the rest of the dragons. Kurthnaga bowed his head to me before turning and following the others out of the room. I fingered the gold lettering of my mother's diary before tucking the tome away in the pockets of my robe.
Turning back to the casket, I took a lock of my mother's azure hair between my fingers and gently let it fall back to her body. "Mother...I'm so sorry."
--
Once I finally found a good few minutes to sit down that night, I pulled out a chair from the small table placed on the balcony that led from my room. I set the diary in front of me before sitting down and lighting a candle with which I would delve into my mother's personal life and thoughts. This candle, as well as the moon and stars, would allow me to learn something that was better left unknown.
The things I have done, and the things that I shall continue to do, pain me greatly, but I know naught of another solution. To use Bastian like this, to lie to my family, is not something which I wish to do, but something I fear that I must to escape death on my own part, as well as that of Alexa, I read.
My beautiful daughter mustn't know the truth yet, for I fear for her safety if she ever told anyone. Surely the other nobles would frown upon my acts, as well as Bastian's judgment, and that is not something that I can allow.
Though I do not love my husband, I married him out of love for my child. The man I loved...the man I still do, and always will, love...broke his promise to me. He left me, to be with the man he trusted most, the very General Ike. He broke his promise to me by leaving me, and yet I still love him. That is not something I can understand right now, and possibly I never will. But it is the truth. Bastian knows it, and I know it. Even if I must keep this part of my life from my parents, brother, and the rest of my family, it will still be the truth. Nothing can change that.
There are many nights when I sit alone thinking of nothing but Soren, and I'm sure my husband can sense this, but it is something that I do not know how to fix. Though my beloved has left me, he has left me with something greater than I could imagine. Though I no longer have Soren, I shall always have my child...our child... Alexa Avaleigh.
That night...that night was when I learned something that I had not known the day Lady Almedha had braided my hair when I was ten. It was then that I learned that I was not the true heir to the Fayre throne, but a child that had been abandoned my her father, whatever the reason may have been.