Rated: T
Summary: Echizen has stumbled upon some of his dad's perverted magazines and is now permanently scarred. He calls kids help phone for…help and in the process discovers a horrible truth. CRACK/yaoi…
Category: humour/ general
Characters: Echizen and Fuji (maybe yaoi, if you squint you might be able to see it…or maybe squint a lot…you know, to get the picture)
Kids Help Phone: (In Canada) 1-800-668-6868
Disclaimer: I do not own POT; Anti does, however, own Fuji (DIBS ON FUJI! . ) (jks jks, I don't want to get attacked by barbaric fangirls )
Ica: again with the Fuji dibs?? Are we going to go through this thing every time?? Honestly. If you do not know Japanese very well, we will include a glossary for you at the end in the authors note. Thank you Ica! No problem.
Anti: XP, yes we're gonna go through this everytime…I love Fuji
"characters conversations"
(our random and totally pointless conversations)
Characters thinking to themselves
"Character flashback"
One day, at tennis practise, a certain tensai with brown hair and blue eyes was smiling as he practised. Of course he always smiles….but this smile was different. Inui commented on the smile.
"Hmm, Fuji is sure in a good mood today…"
"Heh? How can you tell?" Horio asked his senpai.
"He's smiling differently."
"Really?" The ichinens looked at the tensai closely. "You're right!"
"So? Who's the lucky girl?" Inui assumed. (Ica: wow. He really likes to say weird things)
"Why, whatever are you talking about?" Fuji asked seriously confused. "I only got a job."
"A…job?" Kikumaru laughed suddenly joining in on the conversation.
"Hai," Fuji smiled, "It's going to be fun!"
"Less talking and more practise!" The old coach called to them
"HAI!" They started practising and later on, completely forgot about the fact that Fuji was acting weird.
Sunday, Chez Echizen
Well I've got the house to myself. I might as well catch up on my sleep. Echizen thought.
As he was heading upstairs, he tripped over something. And what it is you may ask. Well at first even Echizen wasn't sure. Taking a closer look he realized that it was his dad's –beep- magazines. You see we put the beep in because we don't want you, our readers to get scarred like Echizen did.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! MY EYES!!!" he screamed. Hoping it was an illusion, he looked again. Much to his dismay, it was not. Oh my god. Is this what oyaji does with his spare time? I knew he was a pervert, but not this much of a pervert. –shudders in horror- Well I might as well forget about it and go to sleep. Little did he know that his fathers –beep- magazines would haunt him in his sleep.
In Echizen's Dreams
Dear Kami-sama where am I? Why are there people around me? Who are they? What do they want? Good lord save me. I've been a good kid. Please let me die in peace. "Ryoma-sama," what was that? "Ryoma-sama"
Suddenly out of nowhere appeared 5 women that looked like they came straight out of his fathers
–beep- mags. What is going on? Why are people from my perverted oyaji's book coming to haunt me? Does this mean that I am a pervert too? That's not possible. Is it?
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" What just happened? What's happening to me? Flailing suddenly, he realized that he was on the floor. Okay. Rewind. What just happened?
Wo0t! Flashback…
"Oyaji, what do you want?"
"Here."
"What is it?"
"It's the phone number for Kids Help Phone"
"Why would I need something like this? I don't have issues."
"You should give them a call. I don't know how you turned out to be my son, because you're not interested in girls. So you're probably gay."
"… whatever"
Wo0t! End Flashback…
"Er…" Echizen picked up the note Nanjiroh gave him…Kids Help Phone. He bent to pick up the phone, his arms shaking slightly from indecision. Echizen finally dialled his phone.
"Hello, welcome to kids help phone…"
This voice sounds familiar…
"Uh…I have….a problem……my dad has…issues"
"Echizen…?"
"Fuji-senpai?"
"Hello Echizen, how may I help you?"
"Er….." Echizen whispered into the phone, "My dad is a pervert…"
"What, I couldn't get that, speak up…" Fuji's voice came from the other side.
"MY DAD IS A PERVERT!" Echizen screamed into the phone.
"Oh…well…okay…" Fuji held the receiver an arms length away. "Is that the problem?" Echizen heard Fuji chuckle.
"Yes, I….saw…the magazine."
"Magazine?" Fuji's voice was confused.
"The perverted….thing…"
"Well, that's a …problem….isn't it….?" What is he talking about?
"So, I'm waiting…?" Echizen said impatiently into the phone…having somewhat recovered from the shock of Fuji's new job and the fact that his dad owns those –beep- magazines.
"Ah…well, I really don't know what the problem is…" Echizen sweatdropped as he heard Fuji's confused voice.
"I told you…"
"What?"
"The magazines…"
"What magazines?"
"The per- per- per- perverted magazines."
"Did you look at them?"
"Not on purpose…"
"What do you mean by that, Echizen?" Fuji's voice was filled with mirth.
"Hey, they were just lying around on the floor," Echizen said defensively.
"So you looked at them...ha, ha"
"Did not!" Echizen replied childishly.
"But you just said…"
"Not on purpose!"
"Right…" Fuji said and thought for a moment, "Well then, what do you think about my new job?"
"Mada mada dane," Echizen sighed, "you're not the most suitable for the job, Fuji-senpai."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Fuji chuckled, "I can't imagine Momo or Kaidoh trying to do this job…"
"True…" Echizen said, "but you're not helping me…"
"I can't help you if I don't know the problem."
"I told you the problem…" Echizen said.
"What's so bad about your dad's perverted magazines?" Fuji asked, totally oblivious to Echizen's pain and frustration.
"They scarred me for life!" Echizen said into the phone.
"Oh…okay…" Kids these days… Fuji was lost even though he was like only TWO years older.
"Well, you're not helping…"
"Really? I thought that I was"
How can you be helping when you're totally clueless about my problem?
"Can you at least try to give me some advice…?" Echizen said into the phone, emphasizing on the word some.
"Well, you just have a…"- cough- "strange father…"
"What do you mean by that?" Echizen asked.
"Nothing in particular…" Echizen heard another chuckle from the other side of the phone.
"By the way, senpai, how did you get this job?"
"Eh? Oh, um, the girl at the interview…seemed to like what I had to say." Fuji sounded surprised by the question…Echizen noted how carefully the answer was worded.
"So senpai likes the girl?" Echizen asked mischievously
"Nani? Iie, what gave you that idea?" Fuji sounded really surprised this time. "Hey, aren't we on your problem?"
"Well, you're not helping so I'm just gonna go ask Momo-senpai." Echizen said, "so is the girl cute?"
"You sound like Eiji," Fuji teased, "I suppose she's cute, but not as cute as you…"
"Fuji-senpai…" Echizen sounded scared, "Just what are you talking about? You're the one that sounds like Kikumaru-senpai."
Echizen wondered what type of sadistic idea the tensai Fuji has in store for him this time.
"Say Echizen, what are you doing this weekend?"
"Uhhh, why do you want to know?? Are you trying to get me to do something stupid, cause I'm not gonna do it. Even if you do force me."
"Not gonna listen he? Now what are you going to do if I said that I'll make you drink some of Inui's juice if you don't agree. I'm sure that Inui would love to give you some of his new drink.
"Fuji-senpai, that's blackmail"
"Actually it's extortion. There's a difference. Blackmail is when, say that I have some embarrassing pictures of you. Which in fact, I do. Extortion is when I threaten you with Inui juice, which I just did. I can blackmail you if you don't like extortion.
"N-n-n-no thanks, Fuji-senpai"
"So meet me… at the burger shop next Sunday okay?" Fuji asked.
"Why?"
"So we can discuss your problem! DON'T BRING ANYONE ELSE."
"Hai Fuji-sama," Echizen was seriously scared.
"Ha, wait till Momo hears you called me Fuji-sama," Fuji chuckled.
"Hey! That's distortion!" Echizen said.
"It's not distortion, its extortion…"
"Are you sure you're not breaking every rule in the book?"
"What rules?"
"Kid's help phone rules…"
"…they never gave me any rules…"
"Do you have a rule book?"
"Uh…nope,"
"Manual!?"
"Um….wait…." Echizen heard the sounds of Fuji rummaging through some stuff and mumbling to himself things like… "Yuuta's baby pictures… kawaii. Echizen's blackmail pictures…. Momo's face when he's eating wasabi sushi….Tezuka walking into a wall…wait. Tezuka walked into a wall?! Inui drinking his own Inui juice…Inui puking…. He went too far this time. Eiji tripping over the net, Oishi punching someone in the face…wow. Kaidoh saving a kitten… he saves kittens?!" And said back into the phone "Nope."
"What do they do over there?!?!" whoa…he's got a lot of blackmail pictures.
"Um, well, we help people…to…deal with problems…besides the girl that interviewed me said I was perfect for the job."
"Er….that's a lie."
"Really…? Now how would you know?"
"…Fuji-senpai, you didn't really help me"
"Now we'll discuss your problem on our little date on Sunday,"
"DATE?!?!?" Oh good lord was Echizen scared "Fuji-senpai? Fuji-senpai?... wth??"
On the other end Fuji had "accidentally" hung up. Too bad. But you have to feel kinda sorry for the kid ne?
Authors note:
Okay if you've read our other fic, its Strange Addiction btw if you wanna read it, it was placed under a different user than this one (Hopeless92) . The story is that we created a new account to post stuff that was written by the both of us. This is why you see it as a different user.
Ica: yeah…there was some yaoi that you really didn't need to squint for…but if your stupid you might have to (jks, jks).
Anti: ...at least its not Lemon
Ica: true…
Glosary(Ica: yes that is sooo nerdy)
Senpai-senior or someone higher up
Chez-(yes its French, it was Anti's fault)house of…
Oyaji-old man or father
Extortion and Blackmail are explained compliments of Wikipedia.
Sama-lord
Hai- yes
Iie- no
Yaoi-gayness
Ica: did you really have to add those last three? I mean that's like basic!!
Anti: hey there might be ppl who actually have a life and didn't search up what hai and iie and yaoi means…u noe…a LIFE?
Ica: like what we don't have?
Anti: true
Ica: we are losers
Anti: totally. Anyways, hope you like our completely pointless story… .
If I have missed any please do not hesitate to ask
Ica: you mean if WE have missed any.
Anti: w/e
Ica: anyways. Thanks for reading our fic, hoped you enjoyed it and rate it please?-gives the puppy eyed look- and flames will be ignored.