These are based on a tumblr post by p0cketf0x.
Tw for this chapter: references to awful parenting, vomit & a panic attack.
1. "Pull over. Let me drive for a while."
It's quiet in the car; above the gentle thrum of the engine, and the occasional crunch of shifting gears, the only sounds are Sirius' shaky breaths every now and again. Remus had suggested having the radio on – Sirius loves singing along at the top of his lungs when he's driving – but Sirius had shied away from the idea.
That, more than anything, worries Remus – more than the painfully few possessions Sirius has bought with him that are now scattered loose across the backseats, more than his insistence that he would drive, because "please, Moony, I need to feel in control of something, fuck," more even than the overly-bright eyes that are fixed on the road ahead. His silence is troubling because Sirius is loud, he is bright, Sirius was born to shine, and right now, he has been stripped of that, stripped of everything that makes him so Sirius. They've been driving for hours, they're safe now, Sirius is safe, they're a far enough distance away – only Remus can't help but think that they'll never be far enough away; Sirius is never going to completely outrun the emotional scars that years of neglect and abuse have inflicted upon him.
He presses his forehead against the cool window, and forces himself not to think about that, forces himself not to remember how sad and broken Sirius looks when he's been told to "get out, get out and never come back." How even though they have treated him in the worst possible ways, even though they've damaged him and hurt him, they are still his parents. How Sirius can't help but cling to that tiny thread of hope that whispers that they love him regardless of everything he is, everything he can't help.
Remus never wants to see that thread be snapped ever again, never wants to watch the light in Sirius' eyes vanish.
Instead, he focuses on watching the darkness streak past his window, the gloom intermittently interrupted by a burst of golden light from another car's headlights. If James were here, he would know exactly what to say, Remus thinks bitterly, and allows himself a moment of self-loathing for being completely useless, before he pulls himself together again. Sirius called Remus, not James, so clearly Sirius wants him here –
In fact – Remus still doesn't know why Sirius called him and not Best Friend James, only knows that he drove like a demon the second Sirius had called him in tears, breaking every single speed limit and most of the Highway Code until he'd reached Sirius (and it still wasn't fast enough).
(If he's being honest with himself though, Remus would drive in to Hell if Sirius needed him to – but now is not the time to think about that particular heartache).
Sirius suddenly lets out a sound like a sob being ripped from his chest, tries too late to disguise it as a cough, and Remus can't take it anymore –
"Padfoot," Remus says softly, and either Sirius doesn't hear him, or he's just ignoring him. His breathing is a little more laboured, but his gaze his still determinedly fixed on the road ahead.
"Sirius," Remus says, gently putting his hand over Sirius' on the gearstick. Sirius starts a little, looks at him with a heart wrenching, lost expression, then back at the road, and he's trembling, his hands clenched tight on the wheel, but he's still shaking.
"Pull over. Let me drive for a while." He leaves no room for argument in his tone, and thankfully, Sirius doesn't try and fight it. (Again, this is uncharacteristic, and Remus' stomach is clenched in concern, and his heart is aching for him, this is so unfair, so wrong wrong wrong-). Sirius pulls in to the next layby, and immediately gets out of the car, the door slamming behind him.
Remus clambers out too (shuts the door more gently, because really, this car is old, and he cannot afford to replace a thing right now), and rounds the other side of the car, just in time to catch Sirius as he vomits all over the grassy verge. Sirius' knees buckle, and he falls against Remus, crying in earnest.
"They're my parents-" he says through gasping sobs, "they're my parents and they fucking-"
"I know, I know," Remus tightens his grip, pulling Sirius in to a hug. It's a little tricky, given Sirius' height, but they settle on the ground in between the car and the spattered vomit. Sirius presses his face in to Remus' soft stomach, and Remus runs his fingers through Sirius' hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner. He's so afraid of fucking this up – he wants to ring James and ask him what to say, he wants to gather Sirius in his arms and never let anything hurt him again. His heart is throbbing with concern and anger and sadness, but he can't put all of these feelings in to words, so he just holds Sirius tighter, and lets him cry himself out on the roadside.
Remus has gone almost entirely numb before Sirius speaks again – it's deceptively cold, despite being a July night – but he's more concerned about Sirius in just a t-shirt than himself, so it's a relief when Sirius finally mumbles:
"Can you drive?"
"Of course," Remus replies immediately, and the two of them shakily stand up.
Remus settles in to the driver's seat, adjusting the mirrors and headrest to accommodate for his shorter frame. Beside him, Sirius puts his seatbelt on, and then hesitantly reaches for Remus' free hand, intertwining their fingers. He rests his head against the window, avoiding eye contact, and Remus takes that as his cue to set off. The handholding makes it a little awkward to drive, but he doesn't let go, and they drive in a thoughtful silence for a while.
Eventually, Sirius reaches over to the console, and turns the radio on, fiddling with the dial until the static fades in to music. He leans back in his seat, and he doesn't sing along, doesn't even hum, but it's okay.
He's going to be okay.
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