(Authoress' Note) Hello there, this is just something I wrote while I was bored. I hope you enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, I don't own Naruto or these characters…
WARNINGS: Hidan being Hidan, Kakuzu being a money whore, violence and theft.
Can I Borrow a Dollar?
"Hey, Kakuzu, give me a dollar."
"No."
"Come on you cheap bastard," a silver haired man begged of the one dubbed 'Kakuzu'. "Just one fucking dollar."
"No Hidan." Kakuzu continued walking down the village street, not even looking back at his partner.
"And why the hell not?" Hidan received no answer from the man walking in front of him. "Come on 'Kuzu! Just one damn dollar. It doesn't even have to be the green stuff! Four quarters; five dimes and ten nickels; two quarters, three dimes and four nickels; five dimes, one quarter and five nickels; one hundred pennies; fifty pennies, two dimes, one nickel and a quarter. It doesn't fucking matter!"
Kakuzu stopped short, causing the man behind him to run into his back. He turned around abruptly and stared down at Hidan with a surprised expression.
"What the fuck did you stop for?" the silver haired man yelled, rubbing his nose. "It better be to give me a damn dollar!"
"Hidan," Kakuzu's voice held the same astonishment that his expression did. "I had no idea you knew how to add."
"What the hell!" the Jashinist cried indignantly. "Of course I know how to fucking add… it's just everything else math-related that I can't do. You know, like multiply and divide and spell…shit like that."
"What does spelling have to do with math?"
"Dude, you don't know? They are starting to put fucking letters in math now! It's the craziest fucking thing! I had no idea you could add f and p and get 29." The confused expression on Hidan's face almost made Kakuzu laugh…almost.
"Hidan, those letters are called variables and you-"
"I don't give a shit what they're called! I have enough trouble telling the difference between the multiplication table and the alphabet as it is! Now they're putting the fucking things together! It's like they want children to go crazy and massacre their teachers!"
Kakuzu sighed but chose not to dignify that with a response. They walked a little farther in silence and just when the stitched nin was starting to enjoy the peacefulness...
"Hey, Kakuzu, can I have that dollar now?"
"Hidan, what do you even need a dollar for?" Kakuzu growled.
"Because I'm fucking thirsty and I want a coke! Now give me the dollar you heathen!"
"Hidan! Where are you even going to get a coke?"
The silver haired man looked around. He suddenly spotted a tall rectangular box sitting outside of a building.
"Look! There's a drink machine!" Kakuzu looked in the direction the other man was pointing, and sure enough, there was a drink machine. Kakuzu sighed.
"If I give you the dollar do you promise to shut up and let us travel the rest of the way in peace?"
"Yeah, I fucking promise, now give me the Jashin damned dollar!" Kakuzu reached into his cloak and produced a wallet. He opened it and removed a single bill from its confines. He hesitantly handed it over to the eager man, almost changing his mind several times in the few short seconds it took to stretch his arm out.
The Jashinist eagerly snatched the money from the other man's hand and dashed across the street to the machine. Kakuzu watched as his partner stopped in front of the machine and shoved the dollar into the slot. The stitched nin winced slightly as he watched his precious money disappear into the box. He saw Hidan stare at it blankly for a moment before exploding.
"What the fuck is this! PEPSI? Where the fuck is the motherfucking Coke? What the hell is this Pepsi shit? I WANT COKE!"
The Jashinist pulled his scythe from his back and brought it down onto the front of the machine. He went to work, hacking away at the poor, innocent drink machine.
"You heathen piece of shit! How dare you? How fucking DARE you! Damn you! Damn you straight to the underworld. Shall Jashin punish you every day for the rest of eternity for this injustice!"
After a few moments Hidan stepped back to take a look at his work. The poor piece of technology was now nothing but a mangled mess of metal and damaged Pepsi bottles.
"You should've had Coke, bitch," he spat angrily before stomping back across the street to where his slightly amused partner stood.
"Sooo…" Kakuzu began, "Since you didn't get your Coke, do I get my dollar back?"
"Well, that bitch over there kinda ate it."
"WHAT?" Kakuzu cried. "What do you mean it 'ate it'?"
"I put the dollar in and then all I saw was Pepsi buttons so I beat it to death."
"Oh, hell no!" Kakuzu grabbed the scythe out of Hidan's hands and stormed across the street. He stopped in front of the Once-Upon-A-Time-Was-A drink machine.
"What kind of monster are you? Give me back my dollar you fucking thief!" He then proceeded to beat the machine worse that Hidan had.
He noticed a black box shaped item laying among the scattered remains. Deciding that it didn't look mutilated enough, the stitched man began hacking away at the box.
After a few whacks, there was a loud cracking noise and the box split open. Tons of dollar bills and coins came spilling out onto the ground. Kakuzu froze mid swing and stared down at the money laying on the ground. After recovering from his shock, he dropped to his knees and began scooping the money into his pockets and anywhere else he could fit it. Once he was sure he had collected every single piece of money he grabbed the scythe and hurried back across the street.
"Come on," he said, leading the other man back through the town. "I think I saw another drink machine a little ways back."
"Good," Hidan said, immediately falling into step beside the other man. "And this one better have a fucking Coke."
Kakuzu really hoped this one didn't have a coke either.
(Authoress' Note) Well, I hope you enjoyed it. I was feeling destructive. Please review and tell me what you think!
-Any review is a good review! I don't mind flames. They will amuse me. I'm a major pyromaniac.-
Thanks,
Raven