Demon With A Shotgun

Summary: This is just your typical girl falls into OP story, when the main protagonist (a polite idiot with the face of a ten year old) finds herself on an island in the New World after her world was destroyed, where she proceeded to learn that she was a shaman and get herself a swordsman and a navigator. The only problem with the whole arrangement was that her swordsman was an immaterial ghost and her navigator was an okama with no sense of direction. …Okay, maybe not so typical after all. REVISING!

Pairings: None. I don't write that stuff

Warnings: A polite idiot, a glowing sword, and a really creepy ghost.

Author's Note: This is my first One Piece fanfic, please tell me your thoughts. All reviews are welcome. For more experienced writers, I humbly ask you to please be kind enough to offer me your guidance.

" "speech.

Italics are Joker's thoughts.

"There are no limits to human stupidity." –Anonymous

"Whoever said that nothing was impossible has never tried nailing a gelatinous eyeball to a tree."-friend of mine

Chapter 1-When the World Falls to Pieces

12:36 am

Lunch was a silent affair, as usual, neither of the girls bothering to speak much. Other than the occasional "Pass the ketchup, please" "Again?" "I am a growing child-" "Like hell you are!" and a few half-hearted tries at making small talk like normal friends do, there was nothing to ease up the tension that hung thick and heavy over the table. The taller of the two girls who was obviously of Hispanic heritage sighed, setting her milk carton down on the table, trying to catch her friend's attention as the other girl jolted to life, coming out of her thoughts.

"This has got to stop, Joker." she said, staring down the Asian girl in an attempt to make Joker meet her eyes. This again?

"Susan..." Joker started awkwardly, a pained expression on her face.

"What?" Susan snapped impatiently, making the short Asian girl twitch slightly.

"My apologies, but I'm afraid that I am not very clear on what action it is that you would like for me to discontinue." After several moments, she smiled cheerfully. "…could it be…my wonderful jokes?" Joker asked.

"No! Get your head out of the clouds! And your jokes are horrible!" Susan shouted, slamming her fist onto the table. "Ow that hurt…" I do not doubt that...how the hell do the actors do it without hurting themselves?

"If my jokes are not to everyone's liking, why am I called Joker?" Joker pointed out, pouting miserably.

"I have no idea!" Susan snapped.

…

"Stop getting off topic, you little brat!" Susan snarled. "I'm serious here!"

Joker sighed, pouting at the other girl.

"I receive good marks, do I not? I fail to see the problem." Joker asked, her voice edging towards a whine. Please stop. Change the topic! Nin nin nin brain control commencing- ah it failed.

"Well, I do. It's fine that you love One Piece, but right now, I'm the only friend you have, and I'll lose all my friends if this goes on. You're always spacing out during conversations and everything, it's starting to piss me off!" Susan snapped. Joker flinched a little, a guilty expression crossing her face. She sighed softly. It wasn't as if she could control what her brain did, but she really didn't want to lose Susan as a friend. They had been friends for years now, and it was really a stupid reason for them to stop. She really hates talking about That, doesn't she?

"My apologies. I will try harder from now on if it is what you wish…" Joker said lamely, tracing patterns on the table with her finger.

"Trying isn't good enough anymore!" Susan exploded, before forcing herself to calm down.

"You are most correct..." Joker replied meekly, lowering her head and pouting. Susan stared at the younger girl blankly for a few moments, before making a forced smile. Your smile is so insincere. That should be a crime…like poisoning a baby- no wait more like poisoning chocolate!

"I'm glad you understand. I'm going to go throw out my tray now." Susan said, and promptly left with her tray. Joker stared at her lunch miserably, suddenly not feeling so hungry anymore. She knew that Susan really meant well for her, but Joker couldn't stop her thoughts from straying to more interesting topics in their conversations, and she couldn't help That either. Sighing for the fifteenth time since the day began, Joker stared out the window at the sullen grey sky outside. It appears that my thoughts need to be more organized. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. "Should I die, I would like to go to the One Piece world…this world is too messed up." she muttered, ignoring all the messed up things that go on in One Piece. After several moments, Joker stood up and left the table, never noticing the sky turning red.

1:27 pm

Formulas were scrawled all over the blackboard in the math teacher's messy handwriting. As Joker copied them down, she couldn't help but wonder if Susan would really give up on her this time. What confused her was that she wasn't sure whether she would be relieved or depressed. The air also seemed to be a bit tense, and it was almost as if she wasn't getting enough oxygen. After several moments spent considering that, she shook her head and went back to her work.

2:54 pm

After an agonizing hour and a half of math class, it was finally time for Gym, when she would get to see Susan. Maybe she should apologize…even though she already did. Susan didn't seem appeased by the previous apologies though. Maybe if Joker apologized sincerely enough? For some odd reason, she thought that she felt a slight tremor in the earth. It must be paranoia. Or That. After all, there can't possibly be an earthquake in this city…right?

3:13 pm

Susan hadn't been pleased by Joker's sincere façade, but grudgingly accepted her apology, making it clear that it was Joker's last chance. Beaming at the older girl, Joker thought that nothing could shatter her good mood. When she thought she smelled the faint scent of ozone, she ignored it in favor of what Susan was saying.

4:42 pm

School was over. No more teachers, homework or annoying classmates for the rest of the week. She decided that she loved Fridays, this one included. Or rather, she would love this Friday if the sky wasn't blood red and the ground wasn't shaking. Five minutes could truly change everything.

"What the hell is this?" Joker whispered, composure falling to pieces as the sidewalk cracked and green flames seeped out from the jagged lines. Flames suddenly shot out from the front of a house, roasting an unfortunate bird instantly, and Joker felt her heartbeat speed up. Screams warped with pain and fear sounded out from all around her, but all of them seemed distant to her ears. What the hell is with this?! It's like Impel Down…no it's worse! HIEEEEEEE! Joker threw herself to the side not a second too soon as the spot she stood a moment ago was swallowed by flames. Is this the end?! It couldn't be! It's nothing like in the movies! Fear numbed her senses, but she gave a scream as the flames licked away at a nearby boy's flailing limbs and blood spurted from the burns. What the hell-wait I know that person…

"This cannot be happening!" Joker wailed, trying to scramble to safety but failing to do so. Eyes widened in shock as blood splashed onto her shirt and the boy's screams died off.

"Fire doesn't do that!" she screamed shrilly, trying to clamber away as the pavement beneath her feet began cracking too. It looks like the flames from the candles from Mihawk's ship, but it has completely different effects!

Joker clumsily stumbled away from the crumbling buildings as flames sprang up from cracks in the ground all around her. There! A fallen wall was still unaffected, and just close enough for her to jump onto. Not that she was good at jumping, but she wasn't willing to die either. Might as well take the risk. The short baby-faced Asian breathed in deeply and ran for the wall, jumping off the piece of sidewalk one moment too early. I'm going die a bloody death The air she'd sucked in caught in her throaght as the flames licked the heels of her favorite sneakers, instantly melting them. She choked, coughing violently as the odor of smoke and blood filled her nose. I'm doomed, is this how I'm going to die? Half a second seemed like all of eternity in that moment and panicked tears formed in her eyes as the flames burst up towards her, almost as if sensing prey. Then she was on her hands and knees in a puddle of blood. Eh? Joker stared blankly at the blood, and then the surface she had landed on, vaguely recognizing it as the wall she'd jumped for. I made it! Joker giggled hysterically, collapsing on her side on the cold, wet surface. To her credit, her thoughts didn't wander off to Skypiea or Enies Lobby, and concentrated intensely on the current situations. Cold, wet, red, blood…Blood. Ah! There's blood! Inner Joker did a mini-Chopper-hiding routine in her brain. Glancing around her, Joker's eyes finally landed on a shuddering form covered in blood trying and failing to sit up. Should I try to help that person? Joker thought in a daze. What a stupid question…

"Excuse me! Please don't try to move, I'll come over to help you right away!" Joker called, carefully moving towards what she had identified as a girl. The girl was a terrible sight to behold, her cracked and bleeding limbs trembling like leaves, long black hair( was it really black? It all seemed a terrifying shade of dark red) dripping with blood. Her clothing was scorched, and her coat and shoes were missing. The only thing that remained intact was a blue scarf pressed to her arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Joker froze, trying to recall what Susan had been wearing. Her mind drew a blank, before the image of a blue scarf popped into her mind. Oh holy shit. Gotta watch my language-that's not important!

"Susan!" Joker called, scrambling towards the older girl. But as soon as she got close, a powerful kick connected with her stomach, sending her toppling over. Joker gasped, pain exploding in her abdomen. What-?!

"Damn it…" Susan's achingly familiar voice spoke, but it was trembling and crazed and not at all the irritated shrill voice she was so very used too.

"Um, Susan?" Joker wheezed, curling up in pain.

"We're all gonna die today, yeah, Joker?" She peeked up when a shadow fell over her face, and almost screamed when she saw the disfigured face of her best friend. A crazed glint was in Susan's eyes as bloodied hands gently took Joker's collar. Without warning, they suddenly tightened, beginning to choke her. What?! You've got to be kidding! Joker let out a gurgling noise and she thrashed desperately.

"So why don't you come along to hell with me?" Susan giggled. Joker tried to scream, but there wasn't any air getting to her lungs. By instinct, she kicked out at Susan, making the girl loosen her hold. Joker rolled out of the way and desperately looked around for an escape route.

"What's the matter? We're friends aren't we?" Susan was giggling hysterically as she staggered towards Joker. Damn it! I want to help you! I want to make it out of this alive with you! But I can't even get close to you when you're like this, even though you're still the same person. I want to save you, but I don't want to be killed by you! Joker didn't even realize that she had began crying somewhere along the line.

"Susan! Stop it! Please! Just stop-" Joker gagged, trying not to throw up as a horrible stench attacked her nose. Susan suddenly tackled her, and the blood filled her mouth as it dripped onto her face. Joker felt the horrible sensation in her stomach she got when she was about to get hurt or get in trouble, and her ears wouldn't stop twitching at the sound of the screams. And then she was falling into the fire, and her plea for help drowned among the shrieks of agony that filled the blood red sky.

To her shock, it didn't burn. Instead, there was solid ground, and though her head ached from being slammed into it, it didn't burn. Gasping in shock, she patted the ground. It was cool, hard, solid. I didn't die? Joker sat up carefully, glancing around. She stared at her hand. It was still wet with blood. She seemed to in some sort of room? The hell? Joker sat up cautiously, heart pounding against her chest so hard it was painful.

"Now now, what do we have here?" a smooth voice chuckled next to her ear. Huh? Cold, smooth fingers brushed against the side of her face and her wrist, in a manner almost ghostly. Huh?

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

End

A/N: I apologize for the bad quality of this chapter and its shortness. Please pardon whatever grammatical mistakes I have made, I have been living in China a bit too long, and it is taking its toll on my English. Please offer me your criticism and guidance. Though truly wondrous, the internet is also an unreliable tool, so please make haste and click on the review button while it is still available.