Surrendering

AN: Okay I just had to write this, it was literally jumping up at me. I actually just found out about suits on tuesday and watched season 1 & 2 these last few days and can I say that I instantly fell in love with Jessica and Harvey's chemistry, their complex connection and easy banter just swept me off my feet. So I ventured out looking for some good read and let me say I'm disappointed with the lack of fanfiction for these two, so after debating for an afternoon, I decided my friday night was going to be spent writing. I really hope you guys will enjoy this, please excuse my horrid grammar and spelling and please review and let me know if you'd like me to continue!

Also I would recommend this song "Just a Boy" by Angus and Julia Stone, this is totally Harvey and Jessica's song in my mind. I would recommend listening to anything by them really.

As it goes- I don't own Suits.

Summary: In fifteen years the crush he once had on her had transformed into so many different things that he didn't know what it was anymore. Harvey's trepidation about the unspoken 'thing' between Jessica and him finally motivates him to cross the line they've avoid for so long.

"No lonely hands grab my suitcase full of nothing
I don't know why, I don't know why
You took me in gave me something to believe in
That big old smile is all you wore
Girl you make me want to feel
Things I never felt before
Girl you make me want to feel
Did I say I'm just a boy"

-Just a Boy by Angus and Julia Stone

Chapter 1

There was a time in his life when if someone had told him he'd be where he was now he wouldn't believe it. It wasn't about his abilities, no it was never about whether he could do it or not, more like if there was someone out there who'd give him the chance, open a door, meet him half way. He looked over to the woman sitting across from him, her serene smile as she swayed just so to the music that played. She led him out of the life he was trapped in, she opened not just a door, but doors. She led him to victories, because without her there would be nothing to win. He wasn't stupid nor was he ungrateful, he knew that while he was capable, and it was him winning, and it was his hard work that got him where he was today, it was also her hand that led him there.

Maybe that's why he helped Mike, because the kid reminded him of his younger days as a scrapper. Maybe it was his way of paying it forward. He had to admit that Jessica finding out was burden of his shoulders, as Lewis mentioned there wasn't much they kept from one another, well there was the her being married and never mentioning it. While they discussed their professional life without any boundaries, long ago Jessica had established a silent rule about their personal life. They shared just the necessary amount, sometimes more, sometimes less. He couldn't deny that when he found out about her marriage he was hurt, because it suddenly came to the fore front of his mind that she was someone important to him. No she was one of the very few people that was important enough for him to think about. The fact that she kept something like that made him wonder what else he didn't know about her. It wasn't about distrust, no it was simply that he thought he was entitled to all knowledge about Jessica Pearson.

He also realized just how egocentric it sounded even in his head, but she was the one person he didn't want to be surprised by. He looked at her again from the corner of his eyes and saw her lift her drink to her lips. They had decided to continue the victory celebration after the champagne in the office, Mike and Donna had cut out citing they had things they needed to do. But he knew they each had their own thoughts to process, their own lives they needed to bring back on track. And if truth be told as much as he adored Donna, he preferred to have these victory drinks with just Jessica. They had decided to go to the Bemelmans bar at the Carlyle, one of many of their regular places to go. He loved the Bemelmans because some of the best of the best in jazz and blues played there, the regular jazz trio was playing tonight. It somehow seemed like fitting music as they sat drinking their thirty-eight dollar scotch.

"I'm never disappointed when I come here," she said finally turning to him breaking his musing.

He smiled at her the charm bouncing off him like electric charge, "are you sure it's not the company?"

She arched a prefect brow and give him that sly smile but said nothing, he could see something weighing on her but decided that she would eventually voice it to him. His eyes wandered over her again. She was a few years older yet to him she was the same woman who he saw walking into a room full of men instantly commending and gaining respect without words. All legs, lean and toned with lovely coloring, and lips that beg to be kissed. When he first saw her all those years ago it was natural to think she was hot, it was natural to fantasize about her, because what red-blooded male wouldn't find her alluring? He found himself smile, biting his lower lip at his first thoughts way back then of what he'd like to do to Jessica, he was drunk.

"Something amusing you?" she asked turning to catch his eyes. She was well aware of him watching her. She was also very used to Harvey's eyes keeping watch of her, it was something she took comfort in and feared. She couldn't help but think about Daniel's words from earlier in the evening, it was human nature to have doubts, but with Harvey she never had doubts. Even when he did things to disappoint her, he did more to make up for it. She wondered if she had rose colored glasses on when it came to him, if she was honest she already knew the answer. She watched his eyes twinkle when he felt like playing, and she found herself raising to the occasion.

"I was just thinking about when I met you all those years ago." He stated then took a sip of his drink, eyes still on her, watching for her reaction.

Her lips parted for words but nothing came out, but then widen to a smile, "and what do you recall about that meeting?"

He laughed, the alcohol already coursing through his blood, "I don't know if I wanna get my ass kicked just yet."

She took a sip of her own drink and chuckled, already having an idea as to what it was that he was thinking about, and found herself like the idea of flustered Harvey. "Well I can tell you what I remember about you." She knew where this was venturing to. They were both smart people, she was well aware of what people thought their relationship to be, and yet they never ventured down that road. Sometimes she wanted to throw caution to the wind and just do what everyone already assumed they were doing. She'd be lying if she didn't know that Harvey Specter was charming, handsome, smart, and most of all loyal.

He leaned forward, "and what is it that you remember?" His eyes openly admiring her long graceful neck that lead to well toned shoulders, and before he got any further his eyes were back on hers again, one of the many things he had for Jessica was respect.

"A lost boy who didn't know what he was doing, a similar look to the one I had when I started under Daniel." She said the last bit with a bit of a sigh giving up on the almost harmless flirting, she was grateful for the opportunities he had given her. But the man she found him to be wasn't someone she could respect, not when he was playing with her legacy. "Do you think we did the right thing?"

He knew right away where her mind had wondered to, and that finally they reached the weight on her shoulders, "yes, I do."

"Then why does it feel more like a stand still than a victory?" she asked looking down at her glass.

He sighed and leaned back into his chair, "we did what had to be done, no matter who we represent, we should at least have some moral code, and that man had none. He buried evidence, then tried to frame me just so he could get control over the company and you."

At that her head shot up, "and me?"

Harvey knew her to be strong, knew her to be in charge, and while most thought that she had no control over him, she was probably the only other person in the world who had control of him, other than himself of course. He breathed Jessica Pearson in so many sense of the word it was a wonder he came off as the alpha he did. He suspected that she was well aware of this information. "What you did five years ago was a challenge, it wasn't only about revenge, it was about breaking you, it was personal. Making you his subordinate would not only humiliate you but also give him control over some of you."

She hadn't thought of it that way, she knew that he had wanted to humiliate her, and he had almost succeeded in that department. She sighed, this time not wanting to over think it just yet, though she knew when she had a moment she needed to prepare for whatever might happen in the future. "Well for now it's over, but we have to be careful about Mike."

Mike, of course, she still hadn't fully forgiven him. While he knew she understood Mike's value, he also knew they had people watching them closely and if it didn't sound too paranoid coming for them. And now to add to that list of people who would love to see them fall was Lewis. "I know."

"You see yourself in him don't you?" she asked suddenly as she raised her glass to her lips to finish off the last of the amber liquid.

He motioned to the waiter for another round for them both, "I see a smart kid who needs some guidance, and he's amusing."

"I knew that was part of the reason!" she exclaimed with a laugh, "how well do I know you?!"

He laughed, "too well sometimes."

She smiled at him, it was fifteen years ago that she found him, and everyday since he's charmed her, confused her, hurt her, disappoint her, and made her proud. While she couldn't say their relationship was Oedipal, she felt some of his trust or lack there of in woman was placed on reserve in her. If she didn't know better and wanted to mush like a girl she'd think they've been married for the past ten years. "Well I think that road goes both ways sometimes."

"Yet you didn't even tell me you got married." he said almost too bitterly, the initial shock of it still lingering in his mind. "I thought I was a friend."

She knew he'd bring it up, his wedding gift was just the icing on the amount of grudge he was still holding about it. She had to wonder if it was all about her not sharing it with him as a friend, but once again her mind had that door and the door said do not enter in bright red. "You are, but that was something separate from this."

"Oh so you compartmentalized your life, so in some compartments I'm not someone you trust?" he asked taking a sip of the new drink in front of him, absently thanking the waiter who placed it there.

She watched him now, she pressed her lips together, "it's not about trust...it doesn't matter as I said I was married but now I'm not."

"How long are we going to do this?" he asked softly now looking at the band.

"Do what?"

"Avoid whatever is or isn't there?" he asked motioning between them.

She sighed, "there isn't anything to avoid, we work together, we respect each other, and we're friend."

"Friends tell each other things like they're getting married." he said again like a petulant child.

"I couldn't okay!" she finally said her eyes on his so intense that she felt her ears buzzing as everything around them slowed down. "I didn't know how to, I knew how you felt about me and I couldn't risk you doing something rash."

He sat dumbfounded, for the first time in his life he felt like he had no words for what she just revealed to him, it was a moment later when his brain kick started again did he say, "so it was from pity and to make sure you didn't lose your investment that you didn't tell me you were doing something so life altering."

She snorted then, "it hardly altered my life. I didn't have time for that marriage just like I don't have time for a man more than a night a month."

He rubbed his chin and laughed, "your avoiding, but I guess you're right that was a long time ago."

"Harvey..."

He loved and hated the way she sometimes said his name, this moment was split between the two. Yes fifteen years ago he had a crush, but in the fifteen years he's known her, gotten to really see her for who she is, he knew that crush had transformed so many times over that he didn't know what to call it, but she'd never give it chance to be anything more, and he'd never risk asking for it. "Was I alone in how I felt about you?" He couldn't help asking.

She gave him that half lid eyes, lips parted smile, he wondered if even now she thought him to be a puppy with a crush, if it was pity written across her face, but after a moment she simply said, "no" and suddenly that risk that he was always afraid taking didn't seem so scary.

He'd been with Donna a long time ago, and came out with a lifetime friend who would do anything for him, they were lucky to have been able to move past it. But Jessica was something completely different and it wasn't her he was worried about being overly attached. "Jessica."

She finished her drink and stood, "I think that's enough celebrations for one night." She ushered the waiter over and handed her card to him, "this one is on me."

He stood with her, grabbing his jacket and watched her pull her Hermes purse closer to her almost protectively. When the waiter returned she signed the receipt and bagged her card almost carelessly into her purse. She smiled as she turned to exit the bar, walking out into the hotel lobby. He said nothing as he followed her wordlessly. When she stopped by the curb hailing a cab, she finally acknowledged him again.

"Harvey."

He didn't say anything as he simply took a step towards her, invading her personal space as his thumb brushed her cheek in a feather touch, "Harvey." She said in a whispered warning, but he was already at the line and he decided that he'd rather cross tonight than wonder about it for another ten years. So with that he cupped her neck and kissed her. Tasting the scotch, tasting the salt from the olives that she liked so much, tasting her, smelling and feeling her hurried breath, and finally feeling her surrendering to him for once and kissing him back her hands on his elbows. Raising to the challenge he presented with his tongue as she dueled him back for the control she relished in.

TBC

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