SHARKNADO VS. BEARICANE

A/N: I had a bit more free time than I thought, and I had a brilliant idea for a fic after seeing a GIF of the half-full half-empty glass thing but with Touhou characters... (I called my idea "Shiki will mess you up") so this might not be as long as I anticipated.

Fin looked across his hometown. Finally, they were safe from the sharknado. "Still..." he said. "Why, I wonder, was there a Sharknado in the first place?

Meanwhile, in the Illuminati headquarters

"Sir!" a soldier said. "Our secret weapon has failed."

"YOU HAVE FAILED ME", a voice said in computerized tones. "FIRE AGAIN. FIRE AS MANY SHARKNADOES AS WE NEED. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COST OF THE SHARKS OR THE MISSILES."

"B...but sir!" The soldier stuttered. "Sharknadoes could easily destroy us as well!"

"DO NOT WORRY, MY MINION..." the voice said. "THE ILLUMINATI HAS NO NEED FOR MONEY WHEN WE SECRETLY RULE THE WORLD..."

"Yes... my lord..." the soldier said before returning to his post.

Even more useless transitions

Fin stared off into the horizon. It was a shame that there were no sharks left: he really liked shark fin soup. He turned on his chainsaw. One day... He thought. One day, I'll kill so many sharks that I'll have free shark fin soup for a lifetime!

As he thought this, five sharknadoes were visible in the distance.

Oh, crap! Fin thought. I can't handle five! Three was two too many!

"Quickly!" said Bill Nye from behind him. "To the science lab!"

They dashed away from the stationary sharknadoes into a secret door that led to a laboratory. Obama was there.

"What?" Fin said. "The president?"

"I'm not the president. The one you know is an evil illuminati clone that will raise taxes!" Obama said. "The Illuminati are so evil they launched all these sharknadoes from their base in Egypt!"

Note: The author of this fanfiction would like to inform you that there's an important word in fanfiction, and it's 'fiction'. The views expressed in this fanfiction do not reflect the views of Barack Obama, Bill Nye, or anyone else for that matter, excluding Walmart.

"But they move so slow... how did they get here so fast?"

"SCIENCE!" Bill Nye said. "Without SCIENCE it wouldn't work!"

"We need to unleash our super secret weapon of super mass shark destruction." A platform rose from the ground, revealing a giant mech suit with six arms, each ending in a chainsaw. "And you are the only one with any experience fighting sharknadoes!"

So, Fin got in the chainsaw mecha. "Cool! There's a button to set the chainsaws on fire to melt the sharks!"

"Yes, they also transform into a guitar that you can use to make the sharks explode with sound," Bill Nye said. "Because sound is a form of energy-" Bill nye was cut in half by Obama's laser eyes, and the cloaking device wore off! It was actually a shark with an illuminati sign on it!

"I KNEW IT!" said Obama. "Fin, go and cut up the sharknado!"

"OKAY!" said Fin who activated the laser rocket boots on the mech and flew up. Then he turned the legs into plasma chainsaw rockets that kept him up in the air and were chainsaws. He cut up all the sharknadoes!

MEANWHILE... is there any other word meaning 'Meanwhile' I can use because this is getting old really fast.

"xXxX_Yolo_Swagnemite_XxXx!" said the soldier.

"DO NOT SPEAK MY NAME OVER RADIO COMMUNICATIONS, FOOL!" the voice said.

"I apologize, my lord. They have defeated the sharknadoes with the Crazy Rampant Amazing Powermech, or CRAP for short!"

"MEIN GOTT. THIS IS SERIOUS AFFAIR. GIRLS ARE NOW PRAYING."

"Sir, you're doing it again."

"OH. FIRE THE SHARK HAZARD IMPENDING TANK V.7 AS AMMO!"

"But sir! That would create an Ultra Mega Super Sharknado!"

"DO IT."

"Y... yes sir..."

MEANWHi- I'm not going to finish that.

Fin saw the massive sharknado coming towards him. Obama flew up and lasered at it with his eyes, but it didn't do anything.

"Fin, I am immortal, but your mech there won't be able to take this on. We have to unleash our secret weapon, the only thing more destructive than a sharknado- A BEARICANE."

As he spoke, bears began to fall from the sky, tearing up the sharks with their claws. Even the Super Mega Ultra Laser Return of DX Sharks were being ripped up.

"Fools..." a voice said from above them. "GIT NOSCOPED!" A gunshot echoed across the sky as xXxX_Yolo_Swagnemite_XxXx fell from the sky, noscoping Obama who died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBAMA!" said Fin.

"What will you do, scrub?" xXxX_Yolo_Swagnemite_XxXx said. "You can't stand a chance against me!" Those were his dying words as a bear ate his face off.

CONGLATURATIONS! God said unto Fin. YOU'RE WINNER!

The end.

I hate myself for writing this.