Every year the pets of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry got together and would share their stories of things that they had witnessed and just prayed to the gods they could erase with enough mental bleach. This year, it was Fawkes and Hedwig that had the most disturbing story. And it all started in the Headmaster's office.

Reflecting Images

Dumbledore knew by the Yule season of Harry's first year at Hogwarts that Professor

Quirrel would not be returning for a second teaching year at the castle. So like any responsible Headmaster would do, Albus decided to hold interviews for the soon to be vacant teaching position. Unfortunately, the last five applicants never showed. And that could only mean one thing, if Gilderoy Lockhart just walked through the front doors of the school, then the job would be his by default.

Speaking of the egotistical peacock of a man, Lockhart was late for his interview. It was at this moment when looking at the clock, that Dumbledore sensed a shift in the wards surrounding that damn mirror on the third floor. Walking over to his scrying-bowl linked specifically into those wards surrounding the Mirror, Dumbledore got an eyeful of something he did not ever want to witness.

Gilderoy had gotten lost again. Even when he had been a seventh year Hufflepuff he would get lost going to and from classes and the House Common room. This time though, he had gotten lost between the Entrance Hall and the Headmaster's office.

Was he supposed to take the second staircase before or after it moved to the Charm's corridor? He could never remember. Besides, that was unimportant. All that mattered right now was that he found this absolutely lovely mirror that showed off his perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth, and perfect shade of Be-Dazzled pink robes. Ah, Lockhart loved being perfect and unlike that crazy witch Mary Poppins. She claimed she is "Practically perfect in every way," and that "A spoon-full of sugar help the medicines go down," let alone taking a broom that was meant for quidditch and turning it into an umbrella. But that is what happens when a witch is born a Lovegood.

Hedwig swore, the robes had been Be-Dazzled and were pink. It took Fang admitting to having seen the robes him-self and Mrs. Norris saying that she had even used the robes for a late night rendezvous with one of the local cats.

(AN: the authoress shudders here at the mere idea of Mrs. Norris, a late night rendezvous, and Be-Dazzled men's pink robes in the same breath)

As Lockhart was admiring his perfect reflection, he noticed something a little odd. His reflection was not paying attention to him. Instead it appeared to be looking off somewhere that Gilderoy could not see. Slowly what Lockhart's reflection had been watching walked into the Mirror's frame. Another Lockhart appeared in the Mirror's reflection; only this one was clad in a short light blue Kimono.

As Lockhart watched, his original reflection reached towards the kimono clad one, latching onto his belt and tugging him until they were chest to chest. With the two reflections so close together, they started kissing and carefully stroking each other's hair. (They really did not want to ruin a perfect coif.) As the kissing got heavier and the stroking a little less careful, Lockhart decided that he had to be comfortable to be able to watch this most exquisite of sights. So with some quick work, he transfigured himself a couch to recline on.

As he got comfortable, Lockhart thought to himself, "Who is that devilishly handsome man with that other devilishly handsome man? Why it is ME! Aren't I lucky to be in love with the most perfect being in Wizarding society?"

As Dumbledore screamed about his eyes needing to be bleached, Fawkes peeked over his shoulder wondering what could possibly have caused his pet human such pain. With a single look into the bowl, Fawkes became nauseated by what the peacock of a man was doing. The only solution is to quickly take flight out of the open window. Well, heading towards the phoenix version of mental bleach wouldn't be remiss either.

As Fawkes sped towards the Forbidden Forest, Hedwig awoke from her nap to a different view of the disturbance on the third floor corridor. She had been napping on a lovely window ledge on the third floor. The ledge just happened to have been to the window into the room that held the Mirror. When she woke, it was to some odd noises and a most disturbing sight indeed. The only solution she knew of to cleanse the retinas of her eyes would be mental bleach. The stronger the bleach the better the mental cleaning. So she flew away from the tower that held the Mirror as if the hounds of hell were after her.

With screeches of pain coming from both birds' beaks, Fawkes and Hedwig flew towards the forest and what they knew would provide them the perfect way to forget what they had just witnessed. Fermented nectar that could knock even a phoenix on his back after enough shots is always the best mental bleach in the animal kingdom.

Harry was walking pass the owlery as he heard screeches, hisses, and howls that could only be from pain. It wasn't until he recognized the sounds of Hedwig and Fawkes that he realized what day it was and what the animals of the castle were up to.

Hedwig had told him about this competition before. It was the end of year battle to see which of the castle's critters would mentally be scarred for life.

AN: okay, I know this is not the best of ficlets. But you try to come up with something that is completely comprehensible at 1 am. If you like it, great! If you don't like, no skin off my nose. I just ask that any criticism be
constructive and all praise be accompanied by cookies. And trust me on one thing; I could have made this a lot more disturbing. :-P