I know there's a lot of hospital fics going right now, but here's another one for good measure! I am realllyyyy ill with flu so at the moment I have nowhere to go, no-one to see, nothing to do - hence all the writing.
I'm on the mend though so… this may be the last update for a while. Or not, I'm extremely shippy right now.
XOXOX
When Brendan first sees him… all hooked up to tubes... the life support beeping… it's like all strength and breath is taken from his body in one harsh gut-punch. The minute he lays his eyes on him through the window, he falls to his knees; an involuntary groan of pain escaping his lips.
"No," he moans, "No…no…"
"Brendan, the doctors say he's stable…" Cheryl tries to sooth him, her hands running up and down his back as she tries to lift his head, to make eye contact. But Brendan can hardly hear her, and she knows that.
After a few seconds, Brendan rises onto shaky legs. His eyes are haunted-looking and never leave Steven's face as he pushes open the door and enters the room, where Doug is already sat at Ste's side; his expression almost equally destroyed.
He doesn't want Brendan here, but it's like he doesn't have the energy to say it. His tear-filled eyes react to him only briefly, and then divert back to his newly-wed.
Brendan falls into the chair on Steven's other side; silent and speechless and numb. His eyes rake over the bruising of Steven's eyes, his bare chest hooked up to tubes, tainted by discoloration. The drip that feeds into him… the wedding ring on his left hand.
Can Steven feel them here, he wonders. Is he happy? Was the day perfect for him, as Brendan gut-wrenchingly determined that it should be only that morning? That morning Steven had been… Steven. He'd been alert, and at first he'd been angry as he barged into Brendan's home calling Douglas all the names under the sun. He'd looked amazing, in his suit. Douglas was a lucky man, and Brendan had said so. Steven had been full of apologies – banging on about Douglas, and how he'd been working for the police. Brendan hadn't really heard him; so captivated he was by how perfect he looked… how mature, how sophisticated. He'd straightened Steven's tie… told him not to worry about Douglas and the police; that was Brendan's problem and he didn't need Steven to fight his battles for him. He told Steven to go… get married… have the best day of his life, because that's what it was supposed to be.
If he'd known… if he'd known that Steven would end up here, like this…
This is all his fault.
"Where's Leah and Lucas?" He manages to croak out.
"The…they're in the nursery here." Douglas replies shakily, "I… I don't know what to do with them; Leah, she's… she keeps asking for Ste and I don't… I don't know what to tell her…"
"Steven won't want her seeing him like this."
"I know." Doug bites, and for the first time, his voice is laced with that old bitterness and hatred. He doesn't need Brendan to tell him what Ste wants; he knows that of course, and the ring on Steven's finger reminds him of that.
"Cheryl can take them back to ours; they can stay with us."
"No, I think they should stay with me."
"What, ye gonna raise 'em in a hospital?!" Brendan snaps.
"Well forgive me for not thinking practically right now, Brendan; in case you hadn't noticed, my husband could die!"
"That's not gonna happen." His voice comes out shaky but firm. That can't happen. Won't happen. Not Steven; not his Steven, so full of life, it would be impossible.
"LOOK AT HIM!" Douglas suddenly shouts, "Okay?! LOOK! People are dying! People are dead!"
"Yeah, NOT HIM!"
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?!"
"BECAUSE IT'S STEVEN, OKAY?! He… he, I…" Brendan struggles to find the words; his head spinning with emotion and confusion and despair, "He's stubborn, he's not gonna let… he's not gonna let some tube breathe for him… you watch… he'll … he'll wake up before ye know it, Douglas, an' you'll see; he'll be pissed off at ye for doubtin' him."
Tears lace Brendan's eyes as he says it, and a hopeless growl trembles in the pit of his stomach. In another room, a life support monitor beeps loudly and menacingly; signalling another loss of another life… somebody else who was in the marquee and victim of the same crisis.
"We pray for him." He manages to breathe; his voice quiet and shaky. "We pray for him… he'll be fine."
After that, Douglas sinks back into his chair, and Brendan too although he can't even remember standing. The room descends into silence as both of them ignore each other and lose themselves inside their own bubbles with Steven; separately willing him to health.
XOXO
The days drag by torturously, and there is no progress, and the further this goes on, the higher emotions seem to run. Both Brendan and Douglas are fatigued with exhaustion, and the decent to giving up hope lingers over them every day. By the third day they have become, in a most fucked-up way, like a dysfunctional couple in their own right; taking shifts with the kids, which leaves them arguing hourly over childcare.
"Leah's made a picture for Ste," Cheryl says over breakfast one morning, "I told her you'd take it to the hospital today. Then it can be the first thing he sees when he wakes up, isn't that right sweetheart?"
Leah nods, holding up the drawing for Brendan to observe.
Brendan looks at it carefully. "I'm not takin' that."
Leah's face drops in an instant, and her voice is pitifully whiny as she cries, "Whyyy?"
"It's not finished – look, you haven't even coloured to the lines over here." Brendan states flatly. "You've got ten minutes to make it perfect; if it's not, I'm not takin' it."
Of course he's taking it either way, but Leah's face lights up at the challenge; at the thrill of having her work actually taken seriously. She grabs her colouring pencils with fierce determination, and scribbles hard on the picture – making it as perfect as it should be.
When the ten minutes are over, Cheryl helps Brendan put the coats on the kids and they head out of the door - but they're not going to the hospital. Not yet.
XOXO
They sit along the pew in the church: Leah, Brendan, Lucas and Douglas, in that order. Father Des sits on the pew in front, and his eyes trace over Brendan with friendly concern. The four of them bow their heads in prayer as Father Des recites softly:
"Heavenly father, strengthen your servant Steven Hay, O God, to do what he has to do and bear what he has to bear; that accepting your healing fits through the skill of surgeons and nurses, he may be restored to usefulness in your world with a thankful heart; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
"Amen." Brendan croaks quietly.
"Amen" from Leah, the only other audible participant. She looks up at Brendan and her eyes sparkle with the innocence of a girl who now believes her daddy fixed.
"God will fix him." She says simply, clutching Brendan's hand as they move back through the car park, "Won't he Brendan?"
"I hope so." Brendan replies numbly.
XOXO
Leah's been acting up. At home she refuses to do what she's told, and Doug reports that he's been getting letters from the school. She's been shouting at the other children, and she swore at a teacher.
"I don't know what to do." Doug confesses weakly to Cheryl. It is rare for him to give away any sign of weakness, particularly when Brendan's in the room, but now it seems he's at the end of his tether. "The school keeps calling me as if there's something I can do about it but… what the hell am I meant to do, I'm not… I can't…" He sighs, head in hands. "I'm not cut out for this."
"She's hurting." Cheryl says softly, "She saw something traumatising; it's only natural that she's playing up."
"Yeah that's what I told them. But it's not just them, she won't… she won't even listen to me; she just ignores everything I say. Or she starts screaming and shouting and then it wakes Lucas up and I… I just… I can't deal with her."
Brendan feels a weak tug in his stomach… a pang of empathy for the girl. He can't imagine what she's going through… having seen it happen. He sees it himself, every day; the van going into Steven, him slamming against it, lifeless on the ground. The image replays in his head over and over as he wonders how the hell it could possibly have happened. But to have actually seen it…
"She can stay with us." He says simply, "Till Steven's better."
"What?" Doug snaps in annoyance, "What, like you can do a better job than me, you mean?!"
"I'm just offerin' you a favour, Douglas."
"And I'm saying no. I'm her step-dad, okay, remember?! She stays with me."
He's just being difficult. But then things will never be easy between them, will it? Douglas will resent and detest and reject Brendan for every day he and Steven are on the same earth together.
XOXO
On the seventh day, Douglas gets a call from the school demanding he come and pick up Leah. She has hit one of the other children. Brendan's gut pines ominously; aware of the murky downhill path the girl could well-be about to embark upon. Another misunderstood victim of trauma and absent parents.
But with Douglas out of the hospital, Brendan can breathe better. He much prefers it like this, when it's just him and Steven wrapped in their own solitude. Alone, without the claustrophobia, the tension, the knowing that he's not wanted. He much favours it now the doctors aren't coming in and ignoring him, addressing Douglas instead; these constant reminders that Brendan is not an important enough figure in Steven's life.
His thumb strokes repeatedly across Steven' left hand, and he brings it up to his lips, holds it there. When he speaks, his voice is muffled into Steven's fingers.
"What ye runnin' out in front of buses for, hm?"
The comment is a vast understatement for the regret and anguish he feels. And half of that comes from knowing how upset Steven would be, if he knew what was happening. It would kill him to hear Leah has been violent, absolutely kill him.
"We need ye back, mate." Brendan mutters, "Shit's fallin' apart without ye."
Again, an understatement. But even with Steven out like this, Brendan finds it hard to find the words… to shape what he's feeling into anything coherent.
Because usually it's Steven who does the talking. And Brendan talks when prompted, or bites back when antagonised, or micky-takes when called for. That's how it works – that's when he knows what to say. He needs Steven… he's just this soulless, wordless, empty wreck of a man without him.
He feels tears sting the back of his eyes, and his teeth grit together as he begs, "Talk to me."
Still, nothing.
"Wake up," He moans softly, "Please."
He knows it's useless. And that's the worst thing… because he's sure that if Steven was going to wake, he'd have woken by now… he wouldn't let them suffer like this. So why? Why was this happening… why hasn't he moved… why are those god damn machines still contaminating his face and his body like this?! Why isn't he here, alive with sparkling eyes and beaming grin? Why the fuck was this still happening?! Why isn't it just a bad nightmare? Why… why HIM?! Why Steven?!
And the tears are actually falling now, though Brendan can't really feel them through the numbness of his skin. His grip tightens around Steven's hand, and he confesses lowly, "I can't go on, Steven, I can't keep goin' if you're not here, I just… I…"
He draws a deep shaky breath.
"Please. Please don't leave me."
He is met with a long, slow, drawn-out silence.
Nothing. Nothing but the hypnotic 'beep… beep… beep' of the life support machine.
Brendan thinks he's dreaming… when he first feels the fingers beneath his own twitch. He's sure at first that it must be his own reflex, his own hands moving, with their fingers entwined like this.
But then he feels it again… stronger. And it wasn't him, it definitely wasn't him… it was Steven's hand… his fingers pressing weakly into Brendan's own.
A huge breath that Brendan didn't realise he was holding is released from him. The tears that sparkle in his eyes become tears of relief… of mind-blowing, gut-wrenching relief, and somewhere in the distance he hears his own breathless laugh.
"Steven?!"
And then Steven's hand moves again, still weak but stronger than the last time, his fingers literally clutching onto Brendan's own.
And before he knows it, Steven's closed eyelids are moving slightly… like the eyes underneath are working fiercely to open… FIGHTING for it, because he is; he is a fighter!
"It's okay," Brendan says, breathless, his free hand moving to the hair on Steven's forehead and gently stroking, "It's okay, I'm here."
And he can hardly believe it… but Steven's lips crack apart, just slightly, and they're quivering, and no sound comes from them – but he's doing this, and he's doing it on his own, without machines… and Brendan is sure it's not a dream, because Steven's hand feels so real against his own.
And then a small noise escaping from Steven's throat, and his adams-apple bouncing with the effort of it – and sight Brendan had feared never seeing again.
"Speak to me," he breathes again.
"Hurrr…" the sound from Steven's mouth sounds pained… scared.
No, Brendan doesn't want that; he doesn't want him to be afraid.
"It's okay," He repeats again, with urgency, "You're in hospital, Steven, you're okay – everything's okay."
Steven's grip on Brendan's hand increases… increases massively until he's physically clenching on. Brendan could marvel in the feel of it… the feel of life… but there's something about it that screams anguish, and pain, and terror.
"It's okay," He repeats again, his voice cracking with emotion, "It's okay Steven; you're gonna be fine."
"L…Leah…"
"Leah's fine, it's okay, I promise. Hey… I promise. Everything's fine. I promise."
He kisses Steven's hand, hoping it transfers some kind of strength… somehow seals his pledge.
Steven stills slightly, his grip loosening on Brendan's hand… calming. Brendan would give anything right now for him to open his eyes, but he is patient… his fingers trace gently through Steven's hair, and his heart beats hard in anticipation.
But it seems that is enough for now. Steven's cracked lips close again, and his eyelids become less strained. Like those couple of words have drenched him of energy.
It takes a few minutes before Brendan comes to his senses; leans to press the button to alert the doctors.
"Thank you God." He breathes; his prayer more genuine than it's ever been in his life.
XOXO
By the tenth day, Doug has resigned to handing Leah over to the Brady's. The man is at his wits end, not just with Leah, but with everything.
Upon returning to the hospital to discover Ste had woken, Doug had come alive with joy…. Only the next time Ste woke… the words that had come from his lips were different to the first… and clearer…
"B…Brendan…" he'd croaked, "Brendan…"
Brendan had been so relieved to see him awake again that he'd barely looked Douglas's way… but glancing briefly, the expression on Douglas's face was nothing short of utter utter heartbreak.
Now he arrives on Brendan's doorstep with Leah and Lucas in tow, and their suitcases full to the brim.
"I'm gonna be spending all of my time with Ste now." He says determinedly, "So… I'd like to take you up on your offer."
He tries to continue the step-dad routine with a brief, "Be good for Cheryl", but he couldn't look more relieved to have passed them over. And it's no wonder really… his eyes are bagged with Leah-related exhaustion.
But Brendan now has another acquaintance in the church:
Leah is eager to join him again; she wants to continue praying Daddy to a full and quick recovery. And Cheryl INSISTS that Brendan take her… anything to get her out of the house for a while, where she still continues to wreak havoc and cause trouble, for Cheryl in particular.
Brendan confronts her about it when they're sat in their usual pew, surrounded by the warm silence of the cathedral.
"Yer school called again today. Said you're still actin' up."
Leah says nothing. Her head hangs, and her fingers wrap around each other guiltily. But she won't give him a response.
"What would your Dad say, eh? If he knew you were gettin' in trouble?"
Leah gives a sharp, dismissive shrug of the shoulders.
Brendan sighs. He knows this silent defence mechanism all too well, and he's not having any of it.
"It was scary, wasn't it? Seein' your Dad like that."
Another shrug.
"I know what it's like to be scared, you know." He confesses softly.
His words are met with a surprised blink... and Leah turns to look at him for the first time.
"You don't get scared." She says, as if it's totally obvious.
"Not anymore." Brendan lies, "But I did, when I was your age. An' I used to give people grief too, till I had no friends anymore. You still got yer friends?"
"Yeah." Leah responds innocently.
"Good. Well you hold onto 'em. You wanna give anyone any more grief, you just give it to me alright?" And then with a smirk, he adds, "Cos I already don't like ye."
Leah grins, nudging him hard in the ribs.
"Yes you DO!"
"Don't."
"DO!" Leah giggles, and then buries her head against Brendan's chest, her arms wrapping around him tightly.
Brendan can feel something recognisably desperate in those arms… the longing to be in the arms of her Dad. He lets her hold him for a second, before relenting, and sighs, "Think yer ready to go to the hospital?"
XOXOX
Steven has looked so sad over the past three days of consciousness; so pale, and battered, and lost and defeated. The atmosphere has been strained in the ward, what with the three of them all sat in there; unspoken words causing the tensions to run at new heights. Brendan, feeling suddenly embarrassed once Steven started to properly come round, had been visiting less frequently – realising he should, by technicality, leave Steven and Douglas to it. But whenever he did go in, they only ever seemed to be sat in a strained, uncomfortable silence.
Today, as he pushes open the door, Steven's face breaks into a smile – one that is shamelessly pleased to see him, despite Doug's obvious distaste. Brendan has never appreciated that smile more than he does now, and the way Steven's eyes positively glisten along with it.
"Hey." He shoots Steven a small smile in return.
"Hiya" He grins.
But when Brendan pushes the door further to reveal Leah in tow, it's the most delighted he's ever seen Steven look.
"DADDY!"
"What are you doin' here?!" Steven exclaims, his expression now positively beaming, "Shouldn't you be in school?!"
"We thought it was worth the day off." Brendan explains dryly.
Leah is up on the bed immediately, and she's causing Steven obvious discomfort to his ribs as she throws herself into a bear-hug, but he doesn't let her see his pain.
"I've missed you so so so much!" Ste cries animatedly.
"I've missed YOU!"
"Have ya been good for Doug and Brendan?"
"Yeah!" Leah shoots Doug a nervous glance, as if afraid he'll tell on her. But he has the decency not to do so.
"Have ya been lookin' after Lucas?"
"Yeah!"
"Have ya been havin' a good time?"
"Yeah!" Leah nods, and her fingers trace absent-mindedly down Steven's face as she says, "Me and Brendan are catholic's now."
"Are ya?" Ste smiles, amused.
"Yeah, we go to church every day and we pray that you'll be better – and now you are!"
Emotion is vaguely awash in Steven's eyes, but he is valiant in his attempts to hide it as he answers, "Well thank you, that must've really helped, that."
"When are you comin' home?"
"Not long now, I don't think. Just got to wait for the doctors to let me go, but they're well slow."
"You can come and live with me and Brendan!" She beams.
One can only hope that Leah is unaware of the sudden tension in the room; the anger that crackles off the walls from Douglas, and Steven's sudden discomfort as he tries to keep his eyes anywhere but Brendan.
"Errr…" he struggles for a hasty change-of-subject, "I got your drawings – you've gotten even better, haven't ya?!"
As he and Leah continue their enthusiastic catch-up, Brendan begins to head towards the door. His presence has already caused enough discomfort, and he doesn't want to be doing that. He'll come back in an hour or two to pick her up, but until then it's best to leave happy families be happy families.
But he's stopped when Steven calls, "Err… Brendan? Where are ya goin'?"
"I errr… I was gonna go back for a bit. Stuff to do."
"Oh right." Steven's face seems to fall slightly, but Brendan must be imagining it, "You'll come back though, yeah?"
"Yeah… I'll come pick her up in a bit."
"Yeah." Steven nods, though his expression doesn't seem truly convinced of that. Brendan tries not to think about it as he leaves the hospital.
XOXO
But when Brendan returns, Leah has gone. And so has Douglas. And it's just Steven there, with an expression that says he was expecting Brendan to arrive, and this wasn't just some mistake where he forgot to inform Brendan of the change of plan.
Steven's expectant expression leads Brendan all the way over to the chair beside his bed, where he hasn't sat since Steven first woke up because it felt too intimate… too revealing… and due to Steven's change in martial status, too inappropriate.
But he's here now, and he can't take his eyes off Steven's, and his breath is hitched and his heart is racing, and he doesn't know why… but he feels like he's being led into that old trap again. The one where his weakness of loving Steven too much for his own good is exposed, and causes his downfall. He swallows hard, bracing himself.
"I told Doug to take Leah tonight." Ste says quietly.
"Oh…" Brendan clears his throat, "Yeah. Right. Probably a good idea. I was jus'… I was jus' tryin' to help."
"I know." Ste says, and then with a smile, "Thank you, Brendan."
Brendan shrugs, twitchy, and manages to grunt a quick, "'s alright."
"Leah was proper buzzin' about you as well."
"Yeah, she's a good kid."
"Yeah," Ste snorts back a laugh, "You better watch out though – cos I think she wants to stay at yours forever now!"
"That's cos she gets sweets for breakfast every mornin'."
Ste tuts and rolls his eyes, "Great."
"Wanna take that 'thank you' back?"
"No. I mean it, Brendan, I really am really grateful."
"It was nothin'." Brendan replies, equally earnest now. "Ye gave us… you had us pretty scared for a while."
Ste looks reflective for a moment… almost guilty. After a few moments of silence he raises his hand… and dangling from between his fingers is the cross Brendan gave to him ten days ago, when he first came in here and hovered so close to death.
"I found this." He says quietly, "Do… D'you want it back?"
"No." Brendan says immediately, "No, please, keep it. It's… It's lucky."
"I know, yeah."
"Might give you a bit more sense next time."
Ste laughs weakly. "Thanks for your sympathy."
"Well seriously. Wanna try lookin' left and right? Or are ye tryin' to give me a heart attack?"
"You look alright to me."
"I'm not, I'm goin' grey."
"Where?"
"Never you mind." Brendan flashes a smirk.
Ste gives his most goofy, ridiculous laugh and then mutters with endearing shyness, "Shuddup."
Once again, the room descends into quiet, but it's a comfortable one. Brendan feels – if he'd dare to let himself – relaxed… happy, almost, if that's possible given the circumstances.
But when Steven next speaks, he doesn't sound happy at all. On the contrary, his face has returned to a picture of sadness, and his voice is laced with uncertainty that verges on misery as he mumbles:
"…Brendan?"
"Hm?"
Steven takes a deep breath, "D'you think I've made a mistake?"
"What do you mean?"
"Gettin' married."
Brendan stills. This is dangerous territory. Here it is – the trap.
"Do you think you've made a mistake?" He asks carefully.
Steven shrugs his shoulders, which seems to cause him some strain. "I don't know what I think anymore. I… I almost died Brendan."
"I know."
"But that's it, innit? Till death do us part."
Brendan feels that tick in his cheek again and massages his head with a stressed sigh escaping him, "Steven, what do ye want me to say?!"
"I want…" Ste takes a hollow shaky breath, "…I want you to say what you feel about me."
"Steven…"
"Just say it, please."
"Why are you doing this?" Brendan moans, with some level of exasperation. "You're a married man, Steven, okay? You've said your vows, you've got the ring…"
"But I wasn't thinkin' straight, was I?!" Ste cries, the beginnings of tears in his eyes.
"Course you were! You were doin' the right thing. You were doin' what's best for you, you were givin' yourself a future. You love Douglas, don't you?"
Ste gives a Leah-like shrug which makes him appear small, vulnerable… innocent.
"Yeah." he says, his voice small.
It stings. It still fucking stings, after all this time, after everything.
But Brendan tries to hide it, and answers back shortly. "Well there you go then."
But the tears in Steven's eyes are starting to dribble sadly down his cheeks, as he croaks out, "I love you too Brendan. You do know that, don't ya?"
"No, don't say that." He can't hear this. This isn't good – this is the trap, and it's going to eat him alive. Brendan stands immediately, needing to remove himself… get himself away now.
"No, please don't go." Ste cries, "I want you to stay."
"You've got your husband to stay with ye."
"Me and Doug are broken up." Ste calls after him.
Brendan stills. He's half in and half out of the room… his blood frozen inside of him and his head reeling.
"What?" He whispers.
"We broke up." Ste sniffs, "This mornin'. Well, no… we broke up at the weddin', afterwards I mean. But we broke up proper this mornin'."
"But Douglas was…"
"He thinks we can make it work, but we can't."
Brendan turns… looks Steven fiercely in the eye.
"Why?" He asks quietly.
And Steven's voice is small and almost pleading as he replies, "Because I love you too much."
Brendan can feel his whole resolve crashing around him, like his whole world is being both made and destroyed in one smooth swoop.
"An' I thought I could handle it," Steven continues, "I thought it didn't matter but then… but now… jus' imaginin' dying without ever tellin' you. Or without… without ever seein'." His voice cracks, and he's crying as he says, "All I ever wanted was to be with you Brendan – I never stopped wantin' it, not ever. I just… I jus' didn't think… or I didn't dare to think…"
"I love you too." Brendan croaks.
He hadn't even expected to say so; the words just escaped him – throwing himself full-throttle into the ambush.
"Do you?" Steven asks, like he can barely dare to believe it.
And Brendan is shocked… how can he not know?! Has he not realised this entire time that…
"Course I do." He doesn't know where these words are coming from – these exposing declarations made to married man… words that should never be uttered, and yet he continues, "More than anythin' in the world, Steven."
"Okay, then don't leave me." Ste's voice trembles and cracks tearfully… but his eyes show something that is no longer sadness. Hope. Happiness. Fear. Longing. Regret….. and love.
And his hand reaches out for Brendan, and Brendan moves automatically back to his side and takes it – their hands pushed together, skin against skin… apart from the tiny cross that is squeezed right in the middle; pushing indents into their flesh.
"Don't ye ever leave me again, ye hear?" Brendan says, and he pulls Steven's hand back up to his lips, and he doesn't even care that his own tears are flowing now or that Steven can see them. It doesn't seem to matter.
"I won't."
"Promise me."
"I promise." Ste nods determinedly, and Brendan believes him. Despite all that's happened in the past, he completely whole-heartedly believes him.
Brendan determines, as Steven eventually falls back into sleep, that he will be everything Steven wants him to be and more. He feels light… disbelieving, like this can't really be real… can't really last. But right now he doesn't care, because he knows he'll wake up in the morning and Steven will still be his, will still be here, with him. It's a sensation he doesn't believe he's ever felt before.
And he's daunted by the prospect, and fucking scared, but at the same time he knows he wants this more than anything… for him to share his life with Steven completely. And this time, he will not fuck it up. He will do anything and everything in his power to make this work. Until death do them part.
XOXOX
Thanks for reading my mammoth fic. Sorry it's so bloody long.