Disclaimer: No characters are mine TT.TT

Warnings: Character Deaths, ItaDei

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWWMWMWMWMWMWM

Konan was a feminist. Is a feminist. Nobody knew that until Hidan started listening to rap. Hidan didn't listen to rap until after Deidara and I died. However, this isn't about Konan, or even Hidan.

I guess I should stop recalling what happened afterwards; that's not my story to tell. My story, this story, is one of love, lies, deception, and eternal death.

It all started after I joined Akatsuki. I'm talking post-massacre. Deidara hadn't joined yet; until then, it was boring. I went on missions with Kisame, got religious lectures from Hidan, the usual.

When Deidara joined, or, I should say, 'was recruited', my whole previous existence went up in flames. Everything I thought I had turned into dust. Not visibly though; I'm absolutely certain nobody noticed the change except for myself.

He was bipolar, I swear to God. And depressed, too. Manically depressed, bipolar, and most likely a borderline. Meaning he had borderline personality disorder. I would stop to explain, but that would interrupt my story, wouldn't it? Anyway, he was just the type of person to believe they would never find their "One and Only".

I guess that's what I was to him. I never believed stuff like that, though, that was his job. I keep saying 'his' without mentioning his name. I guess I took permanent mental damage from my killer's actions, so that's why I'm avoiding it. From now on I won't avoid his- Deidara's- name.

It was Dei who made me truly feel, for the first time in my life. I don't know what it is about him, but I can't find it anywhere else. We've made up, of course, for what we said and did afterwards and during those…moments. Even being dead couldn't keep us apart.

It was pathetic, really, how he punished himself for killing me. But that's not the story I'm telling. I'm telling you- whomever you are- how we died. Dei said he had heard somewhere that it released tension, and so, to humor him, I'm trying it.

To all of "you" who hate Deidara: he is NOT a girl, NOT a whore, and NOT a fag, I'm sure I left something out of that list, but I'll get to it later. Dei's bi. I'm just lucky he chose to be so, otherwise I would've turned my Mangekyougan on myself before I did. But that's not in my story; it's after. Not that it's a real story anyway; stories are fiction. This isn't.

The first thing Deidara said to me after he "joined" Akatsuki was weeks later. I can still remember the timidity I saw in the normally bubbly individual. "Itachi-sama, where's the ramen, yeah?"

I can remember my response, too. I pointed at the infamous Ramen Drawer that's a story for another time, my friends and uttered what some say is my catchphrase:

"Hn."

"Th… thanks, Itachi-sama, yeah," was all the response I got as he scurried back into his room like a mouse to its' hole with a package of "instant' ramen. Probably too scared to cook in front of me.

WMWMWMWMWMWMWWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM

Out 'relationship" matured over time, ripened, and got ready to be enjoyed. So, I tried my best to answer, and answer correctly, when opportunity came knocking at two in the morning. Two-twenty-three, to be precise.

"Please let me in, Itachi-sama, yeah," was all he said between pitiful sniffles. I, of course, let him in with another of my iconoclastic blank stares.

"What is--" I started, only to be cut off by him attacking me in a giant bear hug. I sighed and dragged him over to my bed, closing the door on the way. I set him down and satr next to him. He immediately latched onto me, sighing through more tears than I had ever seen. Given no other choice, I held him, whispered comforting nothings and ran my fingers through his long, blond hair.

If you hadn't already guessed, I really like Dei. I hated how he called me Itachi-sama; it made me feel like he thought I was superior to him, when I knew I wasn't. I saw us on the same level.

When he stopped crying, sniffling and finally, shaking, it was 4:12 am. I sighed. Contrary to popular belief, I need a lot of sleep and am not an insomniac.

However, he was still clinging to me. Even though I liked it, I wasn't comfortable. I shifted, taking my hand out of his hair. He whimpered, shifting positions into my lap, put my hand back on his head, and stared at me with those big blue eyes of his.

I couldn't resist. I pulled him onto me and held him close. He squeaked in surprise, a cute, endearing sound. I continued stroking his hair though, so he quickly settled himself into me and whimpered, tears threatening to take over again.

I, of course, shushed him again, kissed the top of his head, but that's as far as it went that night. I admit, I was glad.

I was terrified of these new emotions, at first. I controlled myself, yes, but it took a lot of willpower not to rape him that night. I knew he would never forgive me, and I also knew that I could never live with that.

But, at this point in the story, we aren't even there yet, are we/ I'm sorry for all of the foreshadowing. I'm just writing what comes to mind; I just know more of the story than you do, whomever you are.

Eventually, he fell asleep in my arms. I shifted so that I was lying on my side, and quickly fell asleep, lulled by his even breathing.

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM

When I woke up, he was still there, big blue eyes staring at me, almost through me, it seemed. I calmly reoriented myself, reminding myself why he was there, and stared back.

"Good morning, Itachi-sama, yeah!" he said, almost bouncing from joy of something I couldn't comprehend.

"Good morning, Deidara," I responded.

Dei sighed. 'Why do you always have to but up such a blank façade? I want you to be happy too…"

"I am happy."

"Then why don't you look like it, yeah?" he asked, pouting.

I sighed tiredly. "Dei, happiness isn't all it's racked up to be."

He cocked his head and looked at me, tears threatening to overcome him again. I sighed inwardly. He wasn't normally this weak. Why now? Why ME?

Anyhow, since I had to deal with it somehow, I went on. "Think about it. How can one thing- one feeling- solve all of our problems? Aren't there drugs and cults based on the fact that different things, besides happiness, like Ecstasy and God can do that?"

"No, because all that drugs and religion promise is the ability to find true happiness, yeah." I was surprised that he actually had a counterargument.

'But none of them work."

'For some people, yes, yeah. For others, though, they actually find it. How else would we have this so-called 'myth' of 'true happiness', yeah? That's why it's what I want. I want someone to love me forever, yeah," he said, eyes going a little more dreamy than normal.

"You think love is true happiness?" I scoffed. Within seconds, I knew this was the wrong response. He buried his golden head in my chest as the tears came back, hard and fast. I could feel them dripping down my skin. Cold and wet.

He started coming to me periodically after that, to cry and be held. He never once told me he loved me, though. That was always my job. Sometimes those were the only words that would make him calm down.

I never thought that, eventually, I would mean it. I always thought that it was his way of controlling me, and I welcomed the challenge. I see now that it was no method of control; he was merely showing me his true self.

More and more often he would approach me. Sometimes to show me something, others to ask me something. Whenever he did, I could tell that he truly valued my response to whatever it was. Therefore, I was careful to give him good answers, not like those Sasori gave him.

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW

Sasori was one of the reasons Deidara came to me. Deidara would show him something, get a Sasori-esque response, and come running to me in tears. I began to hate Sasori for what he did, even though it brought Deidara and I closer together. That was, until I talked to him about it.

It was initially him who approached me, with a curt "You're welcome."

'For what?" I said icily, still not having forgiven him for his treatment of my Dei. That's how I thought about him. I still do. Like he's mine. And I know he is… for now at least. I have to keep earning that part of his soul, or it will be taken away from me.

Anyway, Sasori's response was, "for giving you my partner."

"Thank you, then," was the only response I could think to give him at the time.

I could hear his snide "although I don't see why he would want you," as I walked away.

I didn't dignify it with a response.

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW

Deidara and I eventually got together. But the closer we were, it seemed, the more common his suicide attempts were. For him, the world was fragile. I would stop every one, but I was always terrified of the idea that, one day, there would be one I couldn't stop.

In the end, there was. I guess I had prepared myself for that, though. What I didn't expect was for him to take me with.

It started normally, if that could be said for a suicide attempt, him tugging at my sleeve with that dangerous look in his eyes. "Danna?"

'Yes, Dei-chan?"

"I'm gonna do it. You wanna come too, yeah?"

"Do what, Dei?" Whenever he talked like this. There was a bad outcome.

"Come, yeah." He dragged me outside, into the forest near our base.

"Deidara, where are we going?"

'Far enough it won't hurt anyone else. We're going on a trip, yeah!" he smiled weakly.

It suddenly clicked in my head. 'Dei, NO," I growled out.

"Yes, Danna, yeah."

I backed him up against a tree. "Neither of us are leaving."

He sniffled, and I hugged him. His hands never touched my back, though… instead, he was making hand-signs. I didn't notice until it was too late. 'Dei, no--"

"KATSU!"

When I 'woke up', Dei was standing over me. Realization quickly came back. Then, when he started talking, my heart sank. He was grinning hugely. "I did it."

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMW

The End. Please review!