Title: Bond With Me
Author: kirinsaga (AKA cheysulinight)
Pairing: Soundwave/Perceptor
Rated: G
Summary: It was a question that had been on his mind almost constantly, and it will finally be asked. A deeper look at Soundwave's reasonings from Where Has Forever Gone?
A/N: I'm going to have to name this series, aren't I? Any suggestions?

Being a telepath, Soundwave could tell when someone had something on their mind. Thoughts flickered closer to the surface, teasing at the edges of Soundwave's mental shielding and threatening to distract him from his own thoughts. It was faintly annoying, like an itch you can't accurately locate, let alone scratch. Usually, Soundwave would remove himself from the presence of someone who was lost in thought unless he had no choice but to stay.

Usually.

But this time, he was with Perceptor. Perceptor, while prone to speaking at great length and in great detail, was always thinking. He thought about big things, little things, scientific things, and nonsensical things. Sometimes what he was thinking had no relation at all to what he was saying and Soundwave marveled at how the microscope was able to multi-task at such a level. Soundwave had once considered taking a deeper look into Perceptor's mind but had ultimately decided against it. Perceptor would have felt it, given how his mind worked - that surprising mind that somehow seemed both incredibly chaotic yet rather orderly at once.

Soundwave could get lost in that mind; he had often wondered how Perceptor himself avoided losing his way. But that was where the sense of orderliness came from - Perceptor, though his mind may seem cluttered and unorganized, knew perfectly well where everything was. Soundwave knew his laboratory back at the Autobot's base was organized in much the same way, a fact which seemed to annoy those that worked with him.

Perceptor was talking, although Soundwave, if asked, couldn't describe what the conversation was about. The microscope's flickering thoughts drifted against Soundwave's mind, thoroughly distracting him. The thoughts felt familiar; Perceptor always felt great longing whenever he mused on these particular thoughts. He'd glance at Soundwave, his speech would falter and he'd sigh, and the feeling would momentarily grow stronger before once more fading into the almost background.

Soundwave knew what these thoughts were. Once, he had grown curious enough to lower his shields slightly and he heard words such as together and connected and forever. With these words, he could easily guess what Perceptor was agonizing over. Soundwave himself had thought about it once or twice, but never seriously. They were on opposite sides of the war; binding themselves together would be seen as a sign of treason, and even though no information of a military nature had been exchanged, the high number of their meetings was a killing offense. No, initiating such a bond would bring nothing but death to both parties.

But Perceptor wanted it so badly.

Soundwave knew, from Perceptor's stories, that the microscope had been alone for much of his life. Friends were friends only until they grew aggravated with Perceptor's vocabulary and absentmindedness. The friends he had made since arriving on Earth, Perceptor believed, only remained friends because they couldn't just transfer to another base or ship; no one was being sent back to Cybertron unless on a mission, and those on a mission always had to return. Perceptor had never really felt a part of anything, always on the outside, tucked away and forgotten. Soundwave couldn't imagine how that felt; he'd never really had friends either but he had his Cassettes, his children. He was never alone even when they were all on different missions.

Perceptor wanted so badly to be a part of something.

Perceptor would never ask; it just wasn't his way. He was afraid he'd overstep his boundaries, that he'd drive Soundwave away. That, if he asked what he wanted so very much to ask, that he'd be alone again.

Soundwave didn't want him to be alone. He didn't want Perceptor to be unhappy and lonely. Soundwave loved him, as much as he could love anyone, and he didn't want to lose him.

But were the risks too great? A skilled medic could easily detect a bonded spark during even the most basic of scans. Ratchet and Hook could easily expose them as the traitors they'd seem to be; it'd be impossible to avoid being scanned, impossible to avoid all injury and maintenance checks. They'd lose everything. Would it really be worth it?

The humans had a saying, Soundwave had heard. Life was short. Life was short so live every day as if it was your last. A human's life was incredibly brief, barely over a vorn; such a sentiment was expected of them. But Cybertronians? Their lives could not be called anything close to short. What was the point in living everyday as if it was your last if you had so many days ahead of you?

But did they, really? They were at war; either of them could be killed without warning. Perceptor himself had nearly died just three battles ago when Starscream had gotten a lucky hit with his cluster bombs. Soundwave hadn't learned of this until Perceptor had missed their meeting and he had sent Lazorbeak to find out why.

Thinking back, Soundwave realized he would have liked to have known sooner.

Perceptor was still talking - something about Earth's sun and moon and gamma radiation. Perceptor always fell back to science when he couldn't think of anything else to talk about. Frenzy had called it his security blanket. Soundwave didn't understand the reference and hadn't cared enough to ask.

If he had known sooner, immediately, that Perceptor had been injured, he could have done something. Could have gotten Perceptor away from the device they had been fighting over; the device that had destabilized due to the bombs. If Perceptor had been farther away from the resulting explosion, his wounds would not have been life threatening. But Soundwave hadn't known.

He knew immediately, always, when his Cassettes were injured. It was comforting knowing that even if they couldn't call for help, help would still arrive.

He glanced at Perceptor, who had moved on to the topic of medicines newly discovered in one of Earth's few remaining rain forests. Soundwave didn't even try to guess how this related to the previous topic of gamma imaging and the effect of radiation on organic life.

For all his quirks, Perceptor was a nice companion to have. But a bondmate? Could they really take that next step? They could, certainly, but should they? It all came back to the question: Would it be worth it? Soundwave couldn't even guess.

But maybe...

Perceptor was talking about plants now; about pigmentation and chlorophyll and carbon dioxide. Soundwave didn't think Perceptor himself was even paying attention what he was saying. Those thoughts again.

Maybe it wouldn't matter, in the end, if it was worth it or not? Would they care if it was worth it in the long run, if they were even momentarily happy? But they could lose so much. Soundwave actually had more to lose than Perceptor did. His Cassettes...

Maybe he should discuss it with his Cassettes? Rumble would be against the idea but the others, Frenzy especially, might think it a good idea. And Ravage was always saying he needed someone...

Perceptor was quiet now, fiddling with a blue flower that had obviously been the cause of his most recent lecture. He was simply waiting for Soundwave to come back from wherever his thoughts took him, never rushing or questioning. Soundwave could sense slight disappointment at being ignored, but it was faint and fleeting, buried by another surge of longing as Perceptor watched him.

Maybe it would be worth it. Maybe bonding would not be the disaster Soundwave thought it would be. Maybe they could actually be happy, together. All of them together.

Maybe the next time they met, Soundwave would ask. He'd never make Perceptor ask; he didn't think the microscope had the courage - not in matters such as this. But Perceptor wanted so badly to ask...

Yes, maybe Soundwave would ask instead.