Just to say I have no idea what's going on in the show at the moment so some of this might make sense and some of it won't…ultimately Stendan of course. I really hope this is okay as I haven't written for a long time.
It Will Never Be The End :)
It felt good stealing again, I felt in control and free, like nothing could touch me. Of course I was wrong, but I really didn't think I was gonna get caught. That's the thing with Sinead though; she wants the best of everything for this baby…can't say I blame her, not after Katie. I want to provide for her, for them both, but things aren't exactly great for me at the moment and I can't expect John Paul to bail me out every time. I had to do this didn't I?
I got off lightly anyway, 96 hours community service and a hefty fine. I guess anything is better than prison, which is where I really thought I'd be going; only it was just not behind bars as a prisoner. See my community service is to help out at the prison, litter, cleaning, cooking, general dog's body really. I didn't think that was even allowed. I mean don't they have enough prisoners for all that? I guess you could say I was dreading it. Being in that prison meant one thing…Brendan Brady.
I hadn't really thought about him much lately, which made a change, because up until John Paul I had thought of him every day. I guess I had got used to living in a world where he doesn't exist. At the time when he was taken away from me I thought I'd never get over it, but time helped. I never thought I'd say that but it did. I couldn't understand why he pushed me away, but now I do. I know it was so I could live again, live my life and be happy. He knew that I was strong enough to live without him; he knew that I'd survive.
John Paul is not happy about me going there, but I don't have a choice do I? Even Sinead is sulking around like a two year old. But I did the crime and now I have to pay for it and make amends. John Paul thinks I'm making the effort to look nice, but looking smart is essential as I have to make a good impression don't I? So what if I accidentally tipped half a bottle of aftershave down myself? It's not like I did it on purpose and besides it's nice to smell good. Okay so I might get jumped on by some randy inmates, but I'm sure I'll be okay. I can look after myself.
The bus ride there didn't take too long, maybe that's because my head was full of him again. How can I go from not thinking about him at all to thinking of him every second and all in a week? I might not even see him anyway, all this anxiousness, flutters in my stomach and feeling sick could be for nothing. He might even be in a different prison now. Maybe it would be for the best if he was. How is this even going to help me? I wonder what he looks like now; I wonder if he even remembers what I look like. Shit this is really happening.
After clearing security I make my way inside and get shown a list of my duties for the day. It's nothing I don't already do at home or work so it's no problem. I'm on kitchen duty before I know it with chicken curry on the menu. I look around immediately even though there are no prisoners in here, just some kitchen staff. I guess I'm just hoping to catch a glimpse of someone…of him. I spend a few hours helping cook the amount that is needed, when a bell ringing makes me jump and after that I'm told to go to the prison canteen next door to help serve the curry.
I'm petrified, totally consumed with nervous knots and anxiety. What if I see him? What will I feel? What will this do to me? I look up at the door as the prisoners start to pour in. They make their way up one by one and I lose sight of the door. Then I hear a familiar laugh and I look up to see him joining the line of hungry men. Him…Brendan Brady…the love of my life. My heart is in my mouth and I'm shaking like a leaf, even the prisoners notice, making jokes about me being scared and that I should be scared. I even got whistled at by a few of them. Then if I wasn't drawing enough attention to myself one of the prisoners shouts out.
"Hey Brady, new kitchen staffs a right pretty boy. Definitely up your street,"
And before I know it, I'm faced with him. He's really here and he's standing in front of me and he looks the same. No he looks better. How can that even be? He still has his tash but his body is bigger, more toned. I can tell because his muscles are bursting through his prison clothes and all I want to do is throw my arms around him. He is stunned, shocked to the core, but I can't take my eyes off him and he can't take his off me.
"Steven?"
But before I even had the chance to reply he is gone, racing towards the door and all I want to do is go after him, but I can't. It breaks me seeing him, takes me back to when I didn't know how to live without him. It's like the past few years have been erased from my life and all I know is him. How could I think that this was going to be okay? I did my best to compose myself, I still had a lot of hungry mouths to feed and I waited and hoped that he would come back in here, but he never came.
After clearing the canteen, my duties involved the folding of towels. A little job I could do on my own and to be honest I was glad of the time out. It had hit me hard seeing him, especially seeing him looking so good. He didn't fall apart either, time helped him as much as it'd helped me. We said we'd never feel any differently about each other, but maybe they were just words. I'm lost in my thoughts when he comes in the laundry room. How the hell he managed to even get in here I don't know…I guess he's running the show in here too.
I feel his presence before I see him and when I turn around to face him once more his lips find mine in an instance. He kisses me so forcefully that I'm pushed back against the machines. My back hurts from crashing into them but in this moment all I can see is him. His hands are cupping my face and my hands immediately grab the back of his head deepening the kiss. He tastes good, like coming home and our tongues dance together, moving to the same rhythm. He presses himself against me and it makes me moan into his beautiful mouth. How is any of this even happening? I'm certain in a minute I'll wake up.
One of his hands reaches down to the hardness in my trousers and he feels how happy I am to see him. God I want him, I want him more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. He undoes the zip of my trousers and finds his way inside, his lips never leaving mine for a second. He grabs my cock firmly and begins stroking me, taking me to heaven like he only can. He works me well, hard and fast and I try my hardest not to cum too soon, but then he breaks our kiss and replaces his hand with his mouth and after a few desperate sucks I've completely lost myself in him.
He tastes me, savours every drop and I'm left a quivering mess by his hands once more. He puts my cock back in my trousers and zips me back up. I feel so powerless that I can't even speak. He is standing so close to me, his fingers trailing down my face and he stares at me with such a look that it takes my breath away. Before I can even muster up a word he has consumed my mouth again, his hunger for me is just as raw as it used to be. I kiss him back with equal hunger, a passion that I've only ever known with him, a desire that nothing can disperse. A love like none I've ever known or ever want to know.
The bell is ringing again; it's like being back at school. I feel him pull away, but I can't let go not yet. I try to hold on to this moment, I want to vanish inside of it, but reality soon hits when he starts walking away again. My mouth moves to speak but the words just won't come out. He turns and looks at me once more and then he dissapears and I drop to the floor because I feel sick that he is gone. Gone again, gone from my life and there is nothing that I can do about it.
This will probably only have two or three chapters. Really didn't want to start anything else when I still have some to get finished, but Oh well. Hope you liked it. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading RuthyRoo xxxxx