The Owl Afraid of Heights

warnings: bits of implied slash (come on, it's Gravi!) and um... a bit of Mika-bashing? (Not really... I do like Mika as a character! Tohma just disses her a little). Oh yeah, and overuse of ellipses (I love 'em).

description/author's note: An introspection by Tohma on his relationship with Eiri. I do so love this couple. And Yuki/Shuu, and Hiro/Shuu, and Tohma/Sakano, and Ryuu/Shuu... heck I love them all;;; Please don't blame me for my interpretation of Tohma's thoughts if they bash a few kyaras;;;; Also, I love comments on my writing, no matter how generally negative they are. Please send them my way, and you will gain my undying gratitude. (Not that that means anything to the majority of people out there...)

disclaimer: I don't own Gravi, or any of it's characters, or the concept of cake. But if I did, I would be extremely happy, Gravi prolly wouldn't be as much of a success (I have poor promoting skills), and I'd be eating a whole lot more cake.

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You loved me back then, didn't you? Granted, it was never a romantic love, but it was still something, wasn't it?

But in those days your words were clearer, your smile truer... back when you used to laugh.

I'd always blamed myself for that 'incident.' But even after you told me, a hint of that time washing over your eyes - making them softer, that it wasn't ever my fault... Even then you still hate me! What can I do?

I've been there for you. Always. I knew soon enough you'd never come to me, so I came to you. Many times. So many cakes I bought just for you. You always ate them with me. It bought me a little time in your life. A tiny slice of your afternoon, so I could see more clearly how you made yourself suffer. I always thought of telling you how bad that drinking habit of yours was... But my own weakness, my own fear, kept stopping me... I thought you'd push me farther away. And I was already so far I could hardly hear your screaming. I know it never stopped. If you don't remove the thorn from a wound it can never properly heal, Eiri-san. You know I'd kiss it for you. You know I'd drop her in a second. Maybe that scares you even more. You're such a sweet guy underneath... I wonder if he knows that.

Can you really be serious about him? I always used to think he was just another of your 'toys.' I hate to admit it, but my doubts grow in tandem with my jealousy. I wanted... I wanted to be the only one you always let into your house, the one you came to with your problems.

Why have you never let me help you with your burden? I've told you again and again to ask me anything. I can do anything for you, I will do anything. You don't have to worry about money, Eiri-san. You don't have to cook for yourself. You can do anything you want, and not worry about the consequences. I can cover up everything just for you. But of all the things you could have asked for, you of course chose the two things that I could never do. I can never stop protecting you, and leave you all alone! And you, of all people, should know I could never stop loving you! How could you even ask that of me?

You don't let me visit anymore. I find myself stopping at the bakery, and buying a cake out of habit. Sitting outside your door and eating it all alone. What can I do? What can I do to save you? What can I do when you don't need my saving anymore? I'll never stop needing to protect you. I'll never stop coming to your door. I can't replace you with Mika, you are separate within my heart.

Ultimately, what can I do? In the end, I am the one who needs you more, aren't I?

The owl sitting atop the great oak, who warns the little rabbit of the snake behind the rock, finds that when there's no distraction, he's helplessly afraid of heights.

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Author's note: I hope at least someone got something out of that ; (And even if you didn't, critiques are welcomed with open arms! (hint))