" Worlds apart "
I
Every Tuesday was the same. Late shift at the hospital. Her mother was suspicious. She knew that if her daughter wanted, she could only work during the day but instead she had to work this one night.
Anna would go every Tuesday night to the park. It was the one thing that both separated and connected them. She missed him every other day of the week. It was stupid because she now had Christine, but every time she looked at the baby girl, she would see him. His eyes…that unreadable expression. He gave her a rush like a drug. He was her addiction and she knew it.
In the beginning she used to think that he reminded her of her father but not anymore.
There it was. The black car…her ride.
They could almost say that the room had their smell. It was funny how they always managed to end up in the same room.
Her hair was covering her face, like a veil, maybe protecting her from him. He loved her hair. It was the first thing in her that had caught his attention. He ran his fingers through it so that he could look at her eyes.
She looked back showing him nothing but raw emotion: lust, desire, passion… She only wore that look when they were making love.
When they were reaching the climax she used to hold him so tight that her nails dug into his skin becoming his new tattoos.
Every sin leaves a mark, and this encounters were nothing but sinful.
He couldn't remember how they got caught in this routine anymore. Tuesday, 11 o'clock, park, hotel. The first time she came to him was exactly one year after Christine's birth day. Then they started meeting at the park to talk until one day he asked her if she wanted to come to the hotel they were now spending the night in.
Their relationship became something else. What? He couldn't tell. What he knew was that Kirill was asking questions and soon he would discover everything. He had to protect her (and himself).
Moans, sweat, shivers… This feeling would get her through the week until she met him again. She had reached a point where she couldn't live without it.
He got up to get a glass of vodka, his body fully exposed to her. She couldn't take her eyes off his tattoos. By then she already knew them all except their meaning. She knew they were prison tattoos and was aware of their importance, especially the stars.
He sat on the side of the bed, his back turned to her. He felt the vodka run through his veins.
She pulled herself up so she could be leveled with him and see his face. She kissed his shoulder.
He smiled, mostly to himself. He did not deserve someone like her. As he had said before, "stay away from people like me".
She recognized that smile; she knew exactly what he was thinking.
"I missed you…" she confessed
He had nothing in his vocabulary right now to answer her. He had missed her too but he couldn't say that. He had a plan. He had to push her away as soon as possible to avoid more damage.
"I don't want to do this anymore" he kept staring at the floor.
She was… anger flood through her body.
"What?"
He kept his eyes on the floor. Lying to her right now was the hardest thing he had ever done.
"Look at me!" she demanded
He didn't.
"Look at me, Nikolai!"
The use of his name startled him so he finally did what she asked.
She looked hurt. It stained his heart.
Wasn't he going to say anything else? Wasn't she worth it?
"At least have the courage to face me while you're saying that!" she screamed.
She felt ashamed for not being able to control her emotions. Anna suddenly felt exposed, naked in front of this man that she pretended to know. How could she be so naïve? She's known that men like Nikolai tended to use women and then leave them on the side of the road. She was lucky to be alive.
She began dressing up quickly. Good that she was wearing a dress today so that she could leave faster.
Nikolai did not move one inch. He was stuck to the bed. He had promised himself that he would let her go. He couldn't be selfish this time.
She went to the door and all the courage she had gathered to leave him disappeared when she finally opened the door. Why was it being so hard? It wasn't like she loved him. Did she?
She turned and Nikolai was still in the same position but when he realised that she was hesitating he looked up and stared at her. Was it the last time they would be together? Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. They couldn't take their eyes off each other.
As she finally turned to leave, Nikolai got up, closed the door and spun her around. She felt trapped and he… he didn't know what he was doing. So much for promises…
He was so close to her, and naked, she could barely control herself. This was a battle and she wasn't about to loose it.
"Sorry" he simply said.
She took a deep breath and spoke.
"You don't get to be sorry…"
He looked at her with a questioning look.
"And you don't get to use me like you do with the girls you…your family owns" she was getting more upset.
He wanted to say that she was wrong but this was actually helping with his plan. He stepped back so she could leave, his nakedness being noticed by both of them.
She turned to leave but stopped halfway to look at him.
"I'm not like them…" she hesitated "I'm not like Tatiana"
With this she left.
Nikolai was left alone in the room.
"You're right…"