Alpha
Chapter One
'Why am I crying?' Kagome thought to herself as she slowly walked away from Inuyasha, 'It's not like he wanted me in the first place. After Kikyo's death he hasn't so much as glanced at me...' As Kagome's mind raced with frantic thoughts, her sobs increased.
It had been months since Kikyo's death, the miko who had stolen Inuyasha's heart, and for fifty years had him sealed to the Goshinboku. The pain Kagome saw in the eyes of the man she loved tore her heart out. She wanted to comfort him, but she felt as though if she went over there, it would cause more hurt for her than him. It would remind her of everything that she couldn't have, and the reasons behind it. Kagome had loved, but a helpless one sided love was all that awaited her.
Today had been horrible. After fending off some lower born youkai, Inuyasha had the nerve...the audacity to continue to do the one thing that hurt her most - to degrade her. Not once, never, had she heard Inuyasha call Kikyou a...a bitch. 'Bitch...Why does he always call me a bitch. Can't he see?.. I try to put on a good face every time...Every time he says it, but the word still stings.' Kagome silently whispered to herself as tears still wracked her body. She turned her head to look over her shoulder to see Inuyasha still face down in the dirt. She didn't want to use the rosary, but she didn't want to see Inuyasha right then and there either. She just wanted some time alone to herself. If she could, she would have gone back to her time; back to the place where she could have some privacy - a place to cry herself to sleep.
Kagome looked around her surroundings and saw the destruction that had been caused. The corpses of the youkai that had just been exterminated lay motionless on the ground while blood still oozed from their bodies. 'It's all Kikyo's fault! All of it! If only she hadn't been brought back.. If only -' Kagome screamed in her head only to have the tears come down her eyes at a faster pace because of the realization at what she just thought. 'I'm really a horrible person aren't I. No wonder he calls me names like that...because I really am one.'
Even in her emotional distress Kagome knew not to wander too far from the group, and slowly she went as far as she dared and sat down...tears still pouring down her eyes.
"What is your problem, Inuyasha? You know she doesn't understand what you're saying!" Sango said as soon as she saw Kagome start to leave. Her face had been contorted into anger as she heard the pain filled tears that undoubtedly slid down her friends face. 'It's not what you think, Kagome.' were the only thoughts that ran through Sango's mind as she tried to will them to her friend so that she may find some comfort.
"Feh." was heard from the hanyou, breaking Sango out of her thoughts. He seemed upset, and his ears were drooped down, plastered to his skull almost as if he was rejected. His eyes were following Kagome's figure, and his nose was sniffing in her direction to see if he could catch some sort of emotion from her scent. All he could detect was pain, hurt, and distress, and he knew he was the cause of it.
"Inuyasha...I don't know much about youkai, not as much as Sango, but you should be ashamed of yourself. The first thing Kagome does after the fight is go over and see if you were injured, and what do you say? 'I'm fine, bitch.' Do you have any idea how belittling and painful that is to hear over and over from someone they care for? She's anything but selfish and rude, but you put her in that category every time you use it." Miroku calmly said. The monk could tell that Inuyasha hadn't understood the full context of the word, and that's what made it worse. He had unknowingly called Kagome those things without a second of hesitation.
"Feh." could be heard from Inuyasha, and then he slowly walked off. "I'm gonna go gather some food. We set up camp near here." Inuyasha said as he looked at the carnage in the area. "If that bitch comes back, tell her there's a hot spring nearby." and with those words, he took off with his sword in hand.
"Sango, let's set up camp. Kagome obviously needs some time to herself. Us going there will probably make things worse than they already are. She'll come back." Miroku said as he went to gather wood for a fire. He saw Sango nod and proceed to help with the set up of camp.
Half an hour passed, and the camp was completely set up. Thankfully, Kagome hadn't brought her bag with her when she left, and the wonderful things Kagome called 'matches' had come in handy when lighting the fire. She hadn't come back, and it was almost dark out. Everyone was worried that something had happened to her, but they knew that Kagome would have yelled or screamed with all the power in her lungs if anything had been too much for her to handle.
Inuyasha had returned soon after with a couple of rabbits in hand, already skinned and cleaned. His overall appearance looked the same as usual, except his ears were still slightly drooped and he seemed lost in thought. Sango had reached over and grabbed the rabbits and started cooking them over the fire.
"Kagome should've been back by now. She would go get her?" Sango finally asked as the rabbits were sizzling over the fire. She was worried for her friend, and rightfully so. She still had not come back, and more time had passed. Soon, there it would be dark out to see clearly, and Kagome would be hard pressed to find the camp.
"She's fine. I can smell that wench coming right now." Inuyasha said as he looked up. All fears of Sango's were pushed aside as she noticed a figure coming closer to the camp. She got up and walked over to her friend, glaring at Inuyasha along the way as he stood up and jumped up into the nearest tree branch.
"Kagome, I'm glad your back. Food will be done soon, and I hear there's a hotspring nearby. Maybe we can go before we fall asleep?" Sango said, noticing that Kagome's eyes were rather red and that her cheeks seemed rather puffed.
"I'd like that, Sango..." was the only reply that could be heard.
Dinner was sat in silence as all four contemplated the days events. Inuyasha had sat with his back against a tree, surveying the area. Not once looking at Kagome. His mind was racing with thoughts. 'Did she reject me? Does she not know?' were the only words running through his mind like a silent mantra. Both Kagome and Inuyasha seemed to feel that nothing had happened between them, and each time Kagome looked up at the hanyou, he felt that he was going to be sat. Yet, nothing happened. Nothing at all.
Both Sango and Kagome had soon finished eating their food and stood up to take that bath both had been anxiously awaiting. Each had things to say to the other, and in private...away from prying ears. They walked a short distance away, each with a towel in hand, and reached the hot spring. Silently, both stripped down and got into the water, and both just sat there, until Kagome had finally broken the silence.
"Sango..." was all that was said.
"Kagome, why don't you tell me about what happened today?" was the reply that was given. She needed to hear the details before she gave her the reason Inuyasha acted that way. She obviously didn't know much about demons, and the way they acted.
"Every time, Sango. Every time he says that word...I feel like I'm worthless. It was always wench, girl, stupid, but now - now it's bitch along with them. He can't really think of me like that can he? He already thinks of me only as his 'shard detector', but now I'm a bitch. Has he ever called Kikyou that, Sango? Does he say those things to her?" Kagome started to speak. With each word, her voice seemed less in volume until finally, it was a whisper. "Does he hate me that much?" Kagome spoke in an almost inaudible whisper. Sango had to strain to hear the last part, but heard it none the less.
"Kagome, you have it all wrong. I should've told you this sooner, but I thought that Inuyasha might have finally worked up the courage to tell you something." Sango said with a sparkle and mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Wh-What do you mean?" Kagome breathed out. This wasn't something she expected. How could one word mean something else when it was obviously derogative?
"For all your studying, Kagome, you don't know anything about demons!" Sango smiled and continued, "For an inu-youkai, and even inu-hanyous, that word," Sango paused, she did not like saying it anymore than Kagome did, "That word is a way to show they care. It's usually associated with female dog demons." she finished letting out. She couldn't help but noticed the shock that had crossed Kagome's face. The realization seemed a bit too much for Kagome as she just stared blankly ahead at her friend.
'Does she mean what I think she means? Every time Inuyasha's said that word I've felt a stab of pain...but now...is he really trying to say that he cares?' Kagome thought. Her mind was racing and her heart pounding. All those feelings she had kept pent up inside finally seemed to explode as she realized what this could mean. She had fantasized about Inuyasha before, nobody could blame her, but to think that he might actually return her feelings would have sent any normal high school girl squealing.
"A-are…you sure, Sango? Could you be wrong?" the hope was evident in Kagome's voice, and she knew that if Sango had even an ounce of doubt, then her heart would break into pieces again.
"Positive. There are a lot of things different from youkai, especially inu-youkai, and humans. Since I grew up an exterminator, I know some of their habits. Like, for instance..." Sango started to speak about some rather interesting things that Kagome only grinned at. 'Finally, a break.' Kagome thought as she nodded and intently listened at what Sango was saying.