A/N: Hey again. So I've been trying to finish this story for ages and ages [literally] and after a lot of swearing and procrastination I decided to just rewrite it. I tried to keep it as close to the original story as before but there are a few changes. Lots of Nikki/Josh fluff and Zoe is now three-and-a-bit instead of 18-ish months. And and and also I want to kick my fourteen-year-old self for bringing back Ursula. Why couldn't I have just created a new character. So please assume that instead of Witness Protection for Ursula that she was free to resume a normal life as Gallagher was dead. Because let's face it, the only reason for the witness protection was to get her out of the show. Also, the Hammersley peeps get a lot of shore leave. Sorry. But it's just more fun that way.
Also I am now including Bird, Dutchy, Maxine [who I love!], 2Dads and any others my tired brain can't think of at the moment. Yes. Thank you so much to everyone who was poking me, reviewing, faving and subscribing for the inspiration and desperation. Thanks so very much!
9, 10, Start Again
Billy Webb remembered that day all too well.
It was just meant to be a regular FFV. Just another illegal fishing vessel full of poor, innocent, naive people trying to feed their families. People who they'd once again send over the line back to their homes, only to have them return the next week.
It was supposed to be just another routine boarding.
But it wasn't.
They weren't poor, clueless men trying to feed their families; instead it was home to a murderer.
[Screams] – It had been the first indication that something was wrong. It had seemed so out of place and so improper that the entire boarding crew felt the hairs stand up on the back of their necks. And then it had registered. Bomber. Bomber was the one screaming. Something was wrong.
[Blood] - She had been on the floor. Their XO. Pale faced and barely conscious as Bomber held her fingers tight to the wound. In the corner of the room, a man lay dead, blood trickling in a slow stream out of the small bullet hole in his head.
"Don't just stand there! Do something!" Bomber had screamed as Spider stood in the doorway, taking in the scene. All the while, Kate's blood was pooling beneath her, spilling out onto the rotted deck of the ship.
[White] - The pale face of the CO was almost as bad as the X's as he watched her being carried into the wardroom by ET and Bomber.
"Just… just keep her alive, Bomber." He had whispered. For a moment, Spider could finally agree with all the guys about the boss' feelings for their XO. And then his mask went up and he headed back towards the bridge, yelling about Medi-Vacs and sprinting back to base.
[Tears]They hadn't believed it at first. As RO had relayed the information, ashen faced, all his CO could do was shake his head. Because it was impossible, unfathomable, that their XO, Kate McGregor, had died. It was Buffer in the end who had told them all. Voice shaking, he told them all as best he could. She had never made it off the medi-vac.
[Anger]He had meant to kill her. He had meant to make her suffer before her death. He never gave her a chance.
Rebecca Brown remembered everything about that day.
It was just a regular day. The sun was high in the sky as the RHIBs skated across the water. From the moment the sun rose the crew were sure that this day would be a great one. Everyone was smiling and laughing, congregating on the bridge and reliving childhood embarrassments. Even the XO had been happy, her mood perfectly in sync with the weather outside. But then Bomber had picked up that damned FFV, and alerted everyone.
She was still conscious when Bomber found her. The man who had killed her was standing over her, ready to put a bullet in her skull, but Bomber shot instinctively and the man crumpled to the floor.
X's eyes flickered over to Bomber, green and full of terror. Thick, dark blood blossomed from her chest, ever growing with each beat of her heart. ''Bomb... 'elp... ease.'' She gurgled, and yet Bomber still didn't move. She was dying. She was going to die. Icy coldness filled her stomach as she fought to breathe.
And then something in her head clicked, and she processed the scene. Blood. X. Help.
"X!" She dropped to her knees and tried not to think of the blood soaking through her coveralls.
''I need help here, NOW. I'm in the front storage. Get here now!'' She keyed into her radio before placing her hands down on the wound. Each second of silence that passed stretched into eternity as the two sat, waiting for help to come.
''Stay with me, X. Please don't die. Please don't die.'' The words spilled from her mouth over and over again like a mantra until she was swept away onto the medi-vac and soon out of sight.
But it wasn't enough. Her moment of shock and fear had cost Kate McGregor her life.
The CO loved her. Everyone could see it. That sparkle in his eyes had vanished just like their XO had. Smiles were rare and disappeared fast, as if he felt he didn't have the right to smile.
But it wasn't his fault. It was hers.
I should have reacted faster. If I had, then X would still be alive.
Josh Holiday couldn't forget that day.
The day their XO died.
The day everything changed.
No longer did their CO take risks. No longer did he bend the rules. Their pirate captain was gone.
That part of him had died with Kate.
Instead, all that remained was the mere shell of Mighty Mike Flynn. A withered husk of a once brilliant man. The remainder dying with the loss of his one true love.
ET closed his eyes and, just for a minute, imagined a life without Nikki. A life where he didn't see her twinkling eyes every day. A life where he wouldn't walk onto the bridge and see the swish of a chestnut ponytail. A life where there was no happy ending for the both of them.
But he could open his eyes. He could see the twinkling eyes and the chestnut ponytail. There could be a happy ending for them, if they wanted.
But there would never be one for Mike and Kate.
Robert Dixon couldn't believe it.
He wasn't exactly the most sociable person on the ship. In fact, he was most definitely the least sociable. But he and the X seemed to have gotten on well despite his 'uncommunicative' nature. He had liked the X. Not romantically of course,but as a respectable and kind woman. And, dare he say it, a friend.
''Your explanation is accepted.'' She had spoken quietly, her green eyes fixed forwards, and although he was in her direct line of sight, he knew she was looking straight through him. Despite his earlier moment of clarity RO's brow furrowed.
''You haven't heard it yet.'' Her eyes snapped back to reality, and for one moment he was sure she was going to cry. Even though she didn't answer him back he knew what her eyes were trying to say. Yes I have.
There was a bond, an unspoken connection between the children of difficult and tragic pasts. Whether it was acknowledged or not, it was nice to know that someone else had some idea as to what many people lived without, blissfully unaware. And while he knew no details of what had gone on in her childhood, and she knew little about his, the connection was there. The understanding.
She had known when his father had died, and how it had torn him up inside. She had been there for him when he scattered his ashes, and had calmed him with her words. Afterwards, they spoke nothing of it, but something had shifted. She wasn't just an ice queen officer. She was a human. A human who had once been a terrified child just like he had.
She had helped him. So why couldn't he help her? Why did he have to watch her ashes scattered? Why did he have to watch their once cheerful captain close in on himself?
Mike had changed so much since Kate McGregor had… left.
At work he was by-the-book. No more risks. No more loss. He was curt and professional in every single manner.
On shore it was a different story. Their captain would go to a bar or pub nearby and drink himself stupid each time, attempting to drown the past in whiskey or scotch. On several occasions he would have to be collected by Charge or Buffer, though they all knew that he would just drink at home if he was unable to go out.
So the crew of the Hammersley instead devised a sort of 'watch rotation' for keeping an eye on the boss. It had worked well, for a while at least, but it was soon discovered and Mike developed another distraction for himself instead.
He started seeing Ursula Morrell again, much to the crew's dismay. After all, the girl was trouble, and RO failed to see how someone who could have potentially caused a mass poisoning would be anyone's ideal girlfriend.
Nikki was furious. He had never seen her so livid when she found out and she completely went off at him, saying that Kate had been gone barely a six months before he was off with some other woman. Of course, technically speaking, the boss had never been with the X. Neither one would be so foolish as to throw out the rule book for a slim chance at happiness.
Mike stood impassively as Nikki told her boss off. He didn't yell at her. He barely blinked. Nothing was ever said on the matter. In fact, nothing at all was said to her.
For close to four months Nikki had absolutely no say in the running of the ship. If they were headed for uncharted waters, he would handle the navigation of the ship. If he needed another officer on a mission, he would leave Buffer or Charge in control of the ship and go himself. It was not until Buffer, Swain and ET had told him that he was being reckless and irrational that Nikki finally got to perform her regular jobs again, even if her suggested routes were scrutinised over and over again.
It was never the same. And it was times like these – when the seat she had sat in eating meals remained painfully empty - when he wished it was all a dream. That he'd wake up after too many of Charge's guava mojos and Kate McGregor would be on the bridge as normal.
Chris Blake wanted to forget that day, but for the life of him couldn't.
Kate's funeral was small and subdued. There were no photos or stories, and no family. The crew of the Hammersley, Steve Marshall and their ex-chef Toby Jones all stood together as the sun set. Other than the Navy sailors, the only other people there was a man in his late sixties or early seventies who introduced himself to the crew as Bob and a girl in her late teens who never introduced herself, although Nav later told them that her name was Aurora, a girl who Kate had mentored in her free time.
Kate's ashes were scattered off a cliff top overlooking the sea, and for hours afterwards they sat, watching the waves crash against the rocks. When it was time to leave, Mike remained, and although he had resolved to allow him to grieve in his own way, Chris found himself walking towards Mike.
He didn't acknowledge Chris' presence for a long while, his knuckles clutching the ground desperately as if he would spin high up into the atmosphere without an anchor.
Then, just as Chris had decided Mike probably didn't want to talk, the silence was broken.
"I loved her. I loved her and I don't know whether she knew that." Mike spoke softly as if testing the words for the first time. He turned around and Chris was at a loss for words. His expression was pure desperation, and he was sure he would not be able to give Mike the reassurance he so desperately needed.
"I know you loved her. We all... we all knew. And I know she knew too."
Silence. Everything was silent. Dead silent.
Chloe was too little to understand what happened to her much loved Auntie Kate. She didn't realise that she was never coming back. 'Forever' is a difficult enough concept for an adult, let alone a child whose only worry was whether she wanted pink or purple cupcakes for her sixth birthday party.
Everyone had been sitting together at the pub after her funeral, just sitting in silence. Of course, there is never complete silence in a pub. There is not even moderate calm. People still laughed. People still loved. People still shouted and squealed and sighed. Life went on as normal. Somehow.
But the Hammersley crew were quiet. No sculling competitions, no shots, no karaoke, no laughter, no smiles. Just pain and the cold realisation that Kate would never join them again.
Pete Tomaszewski could remember everything that happened that day.
He was on the boarding party. He should have realised something was wrong. Maybe he could have even saved her from getting shot. He should have realised sooner that the boat was too clean for an FFV. He should have sensed the trap.
She looked so childlike lying in the Wardroom, a stark comparison to the bloody bandages and frantic faces surrounding her. She was so unlike the tough XO he had known
The CO blamed him. He knew it. It was all his fault. He should have saved her. It shouldn't have been her. She should have lived.
Andy Thorpe would take a billion mercenaries stabbing him with screwdrivers if it meant the X would live.
He had been stabbed, several times in fact. Even now, almost four years on and he still awoke from the nightmares, gasping for breath, sheets clasped tight in his white knuckles. The physical pain may have left but the emotional pain sure hadn't.
But then he'd had to watch as the X was carried back onto the ship. He'd had to see Bomber's blood-soaked clothes and tear-stained face. He'd had to see the desperation in her eyes.
And then he'd had to hear that she didn't make it.
Of course he hadn't believed it at first. The woman had stolen his Tim-tams that morning, and twenty-four hours later she was dead.
She was 29. She had her whole life in front of her, and it had been taken away by some idiot pretending to be fisherman.
Nikki Caetano couldn't forget that day.
It was stuck in her head like some damned audio loop. Kate… X… died on her way to hospital. She never made it off the Medi-Vac.
No! She kept saying. She's not dead! She can't be!
She hadn't just lost a crew-mate. She had lost her best friend. No more Johnny Depp movie nights. No more chocolate runs. No more crying sessions. No Kate.
Mike Flynn was in auto pilot.
If asked who had taken Hammersley back to port in the hours after Kate's death, he wouldn't have been able to answer. He had spent the time hiding in Kate's cabin, back leaning against the door as he mentally catalogued everything of hers, looking for something, anything that would bring her back to him.
He closed his eyes, imagining her lying down in her rack, typing reports at her desk or brushing her hair in the bathroom. He imagined it so vividly that when he opened his eyes again his heart dropped as his eyes flickered around the empty room.
She's not coming back, a harsh voice in his mind snarled. Why was fate so cruel? Why couldn't it have been him? Why couldn't they have been together?
Kate McGregor remembered that day too.
Not all of it. Screams. Bang. Bullet. Pain. Blood. And being moved into the medi-vac. The councillor said that some memories may never return, and Kate found herself at least grateful for that piece of her mind that wanted to protect her.
That man had meant to kill her. But he had failed; the only damage a few flash memories and a scar on her chest.
She woke up in hospital a week later with her chest on fire and her head pounding. As her vision recovered from the bright white light searing above her head she saw a figure standing over her.
"Kate, I'm Detective Paige Herron. This is Detective Dora Barnes. You're safe now. Can you hear me?"
They had told her that while the man who shot her was dead, his employer wasn't. There would be more death threats, more attacks and more risk. So they gave her a deal. Witness Protection. Change her name, her appearance, her life. They say she died, and she gets a new life.
But of course, Stubborn Kate McGregor doesn't give in. She doesn't run and hide. She shook her head with as much strength as she could muster.
"Kate, there are extenuating circumstances."
A baby. A real life baby growing inside her stomach at this very moment. She looked down at the totally flat skin hidden by the sheets and shook her head again, this time in utter disbelief. There was only one guy who could be the father. There had always only ever been one guy for her. The one who left his mark on her heart.
It had only been one night, eight weeks before the shooting. If he remembered, he hadn't said anything. Maybe he didn't even remember. Maybe he thought it was just a dream. How she had wished it was just a dream as she woke up lying next to him, her head pounding as she made the mental resolution to never drink again.
Mike may not be in the picture anymore, but by some lucky circumstances both her and her baby had survived, and to Kate this was a sign.
She turned to the detectives and nodded.
Kate McGregor became Ashlee Barlow. Life started all over again. New job. New friends. New life.
And a baby.
Her beautiful baby girl Zoe. Three years old and ready to take over the world. Time had flown by. Zoe had rolled over. She had sat up. She had crawled and walked and talked. She may have missed out on the marriage thing, but she had her daughter and despite her earlier fears, it was working out just fine.
And now she was staring up at the sparkling sea as the Hammersley docked, free to resume her normal life. Paul Turner was dead. And Kate McGregor was alive again.