Objects In The Rear View Mirror (May Appear Closer Than They Actually Are)
AN 1: This is not a Dan and Serena love story, but give it a chance anyway. It's inspired by the DS bar scene in 5x10, wherein Serena finally realizes that Dan has more than just a crush. I hope you enjoy :) Reviews are love!
Serena finds him on the balcony; shoulders sagged, gazing into his flute of champagne. His pinstriped pants are rumpled, hair mussed and untamed. Sad. Dan always looks so damn sad these days.
Inside, the holiday party is in full swing, partygoers drunk with Cristál and the promise of a better year.
The Upper East Side has been blessed with snow on this New Year's Eve, tiny flakes dissipating into nothingness as they land quiet on Dan's face.
Serena's silver sequined dress glimmers in the moonlight as she lingers in the doorway, braided hair draping over her right shoulder like a golden waterfall. Cerulean eyes rimmed with charcoal liner observe her ex-boyfriend with sympathy, because Serena, she knows why Dan is hurting, why he hasn't laughed in weeks.
"I'm sorry about Blair."
Dan visibly winces at the sound of the brunette's name. Serena hears him sigh, watches him in silence as he raises the flute to his lips and lets the bubbly champagne tickle his throat. He resumes vigil over his glass with a shrug. "You didn't do anything wrong," Dan mutters, words tinged with self-loathing. "It's me. Even if I'd fought for her instead of letting her go, she'd never have picked me."
Serena's heart hurts as she realizes how little Dan thinks of himself lately. When she'd first met him, he was confidant and assertive and perseverant.
Not anymore.
Not since Dan had sacrificed his own happiness for what he thought would be Blair's. Not since that devastating car crash, and not since Blair had vowed to stay with Louis out of apparent fear of harming Chuck further.
If it weren't for Dan's continued hero complex, Serena isn't sure she'd even recognize him anymore.
Sighing sympathetically, she joins Dan on the balcony, rests her elbows on the cool steel railing with clasped hands. Contemplating her next words, Serena does not wanting to further upset the heartbroken man beside her. "Blair doesn't know what she wants, Dan," she says softly. "After losing the baby and nearly losing Chuck, it's a miracle she's functioning let alone making romantic decisions. Don't be so hard on yourself – it's New Year's." Nudging him, Serena gives Dan a reassuring smile for emphasis.
This elicits a look from Dan's peripheral. He remains quiet, but Serena feels him studying her in the darkness. It's not until Dan shrugs off his jacket and wraps it around her shoulders that she realizes she's been shivering.
The scent of Dan's cologne colors the fabric and Serena ducks her head with a nostalgic grin. "Thanks."
Dan nods, gaze falling. "Thank you," he says, "for listening to me. I just – I don't know what to do, Serena."
Serena chews her bottom lip, a nervous habit she'd acquired as a young child. Waits a pause. "This really isn't going away, is it?" she asks tentatively, full-well knowing the answer.
"No," Dan admits. He finishes the rest of his champagne, stares contemplatively out at the sparkling city landscape before them. "It's killing me to love her like this, but I don't know how to stop. I don't know if I want to stop." Pausing, Dan shakes his head, almost in disbelief. "I – I feel alive when Blair's around, like I'm tasting life for the first time or something. She completes a part of me I didn't even know was missing, you know?"
No, Serena doesn't know.
Lowering her lashes, she sighs, wistful and a little embarrassed. The most complete she's ever felt has been with the guy who's in love with her best friend, and even then, she'd felt a sort of hollowness lingering in her soul, refusing to abandon her no matter how hard she had tried to turn her life around. Serena thinks of it now, how she's spent so much time trying to change herself in order to run from the possibility that no one will want her for who she really is. Throughout all of her attempts to change and all of the relationships that followed suit, the hollowness - it's endured.
And now, with blue eyes following the downward journey of a thousand little snowflakes, Serena wonders if that spot in her heart remains empty for a reason.
Empty because it's reserved for a man she hasn't met, a man who loves her unconditionally and won't judge her for her indiscretions, past and future; a man who won't hold it against her if she's indecisive or overly-emotional; a man who challenges her to be a better person but accepts her exactly how she is, anyway…
A man she can call her soul-mate.
Serena feels the heat radiating from Dan's body and yet her toes don't tingle, her belly doesn't flutter – not like it used to, anyway. And that's when she realizes – Dan, he's not the love of her life. He's a love of her life.
So, her soul-mate? Serena hasn't found him yet. Dan's, though- it's so painfully obvious now.
Blair, Serena realizes. It's always been Blair.
Suddenly, the blond is seeing things from a different perspective, one in which she is no longer the focus. Serena shrugs off Dan's jacket with renewed purpose, feeling as though a weight has been lifted. Looking at the coat in her hand, she smiles, overwhelming gratitude swelling her heart for the words Dan won't ever know have changed her outlook forever.
And Dan, clueless, is looking at Serena expectantly, searching for some solace in his ex-girlfriend's words. The shadows play off of his face as he stares; Dan is striking and melancholy and Serena's certain that Blair would know the perfect painting to which to compare him.
Resting her hand atop Dan's, Serena grasps it, gesture firm and full of promise. "Blair doesn't see how lucky she is to have you in her life now, Dan, but she will."
Especially if Serena has anything to say about it.
Without another word, the blond leans in and brushes her lips to Dan's forehead, before retreating back towards the party. Stopping in the doorway, she turns around, tilts her head. Smiles. "Happy New Year, Dan."
Dan nods gratefully. "Happy New Year, Serena."
AN 2: Okay, so we don't actually see how Serena helps Blair to come to her realization that she's in love with Dan. In my head, though, following this fic, she does, and the future Dairport scene ends up being Blair going to confess her feelings for Dan and them living happily ever after (I know, I know - impossible dream is impossible).