To this day I can remember when I was taken. I was barely nine years old and had just witnessed my two brothers' deaths. I was terrified and just trying to protect my mother and me from a worse fate. It doesn't take an idiot to understand what would have happened to us. I realize now, I should have accepted it. Because the hatred and guilt I ended up with has been torturing me for all the ten years since that night.
"Nadya, wake up child," my mother had whispered in my ear. I opened my eyes and saw it was still dark. "You need to get up. Get dressed, we are leaving." She had sounded so frightened. I took all my strength not to start crying. I had never known my mother to be afraid. I sat up in bed to find my two older brothers Piotr and Nicholas throwing clothes and food into bags.
"Mama?" I questioned softly.
"Get dressed sweetheart, hurry." I crawled out of the bed I shared with my mother and hurriedly pulled on a worn pair of slacks and one of Nicholas' old sweatshirts. It was far too large for me, but I didn't have any sweatshirts of my own and it was cold. I didn't know what to do next, so I watched my small family rush about. My mother kept glancing through our tiny windows as if searching for something out in the darkness. It was at that moment I heard the first screams.
I stood still as a statue, not knowing what was happening. "Put on your boots, Nadya," Piotr ordered, handing them to me. Under any other occasion I would have ignored him, but when I saw the desperation in his eyes I obeyed without question. Piotr was seven years older than I and Nicholas, five years older. I didn't like taking orders, but I remember how scared I was.
Suddenly we heard a light tap on our door. We all turned and said nothing. Once more I felt the urge to cry, but a look from Piotr stopped me. My mother stepped forward and called, "Who's there?" Her voice cracked in fear. I could hear more screams, this time closer than the first.
"Marishka, open the door," I sighed at the sound of the familiar voice. "It's Mikhail." He was our village leader. My mother quickly opened the door and ushered him in. I glanced outside as the door opened and stifled a cry. I could see flames above the treetops. The screams grew louder.
"Are you ready?" he asked hurriedly. "They are nearly here. We have to make a run for it while we still can." He glanced down at me as I clutched my mother's heavy shirt. "Are your children ready?"
"We're ready now. Piotr, take your sister's hand and don't let go." He grasped my tiny hand and placed a small pack on my back. "Nicholas," mother said, turning to my second brother, "Can you take care of those packs?"
"Yes Mama," he replied, his voice shaking as he nodded.
"Mama what's going on?" I finally asked. "It's too dark to go outside." I wasn't afraid of the dark; I just didn't want to move any closer to the screams. And then, we heard the gunshots.
I cried. Boy, did I cry. My mother let out a scream and Mikhail picked me up as if I were light as a feather and shouted, "Run!" He began running with me over his shoulder as I watched my family follow. Nicholas looked as if he was just as terrified as I was. That made me even more scared, if that was actually possible.
I was still crying when I finally saw what we were running from. Men…very large men, with very large guns. At first I saw six of them move stealthily into the clearing where the core of our village had lived. I gave a scream and Mikhail pulled me down to his chest.
"Shush…we can't let them find us." Then he gave a faint shout to my mother, "We have to hide somewhere. We can't outrun them." I let loose one more sob when I heard another set of screams.
Nicholas spoke up now, "Mama, the cabin Casha Pavlovich built with his father! It has a secret space under the floor. Follow me!" With that, my dear brother ran ahead and led us to the cabin that was little more than a dirty hut. Mikhail placed me on my feet. I wobbled for a moment on the rocky ground, when Piotr grabbed my shoulders to steady me. I quickly latched onto his hand.
He looked down at me, tucking a red strand of my hair behind my ear. "It'll be ok Nadya, I promise." Me and my childish fantasies believed him. When Nicholas found the entrance to the secret space, Mikhail looked inside and swore.
My mother looked in and closed her eyes. "We can't all fit, Marishka. You take Nicholas and Nadezhka and hide in there. Piotr and I will keep running."
"No!" my mother cried. "Piotr will hide…you and I will run." She glanced at us children, and said "Get in! All of you now." She picked me up and put me into the hole. Nicholas quickly followed, squeezing in next to me. I waited for Piotr to join us, but he stayed where he was.
"Get in Piotr," my mother scolded a fearful look on her face.
"No Mama, you get in. I'm a faster runner than you are." My mother tried pushing him in, but despite the fact my brother was only sixteen, he was already as tall as my mother and much stronger. He looked at Mikhail. "You know I'm right, tell her. If she doesn't get in now we'll all be captured here arguing."
There was a pause and then Mikhail agreed. "He's right, Misha. Get in. I'll take care of Piotr. You keep Nadya quiet. We'll lead them away." My mother gave a pained look on her face but finally nodded and squeezed down with my second brother and myself. Mikhail lowered the floor down over us and I heard them run out of the cabin and through the woods.
"Mama," I murmured pressing my face into her lap. She shushed me while pulling Nicholas and me closer.
"Mama, I'm scared," I continued. "Where did Piotr go?"
"Hush darling," she whispered. "Your brother is fine, but you need to be quiet."
"Why are those men chasing us Mama," I asked, ignoring her desperate pleas for my silence.
"Be quiet Nadya," Nicholas ordered angrily. I started to protest, when my mother clapped a head over my mouth.
"Shush dear," she murmured. I clamped my mouth shut, but her hand remained where it was. I listened as both my mother and Nicholas held their breaths. Suddenly I heard footsteps outside the small cabin. Someone above us opened the door and entered the cabin. I could see the boots through the cracks in the floor. I shut my eyes tight when they began to speak.
"Why are we out here? Everyone's rounded up back there," the first man said, irritation layered in his fast talking voice.
"Shut up Wade, we got our orders. Dukes saw someone run through here…" a second, deeper voice said. It wasn't until after I was taken that I learned English and was able to figure out this conversation.
"I'm just saying-," the first man continued.
"One of these days," a third man interrupted, "Stryker's gonna say 'to hell with you and your goddamn mouth' and get rid of you."
"Fuck him, John, no one can touch this." That's when I heard a swishing sound and saw a glint of silver through the floorboards. My mother had relaxed her hand at this point and I let out a small yelp. She once more grabbed my mouth and I held my breath.
"What was that?" the swordsman Wade asked.
"What do you think?" the third man called John asked. "Someone is here. Jimmy…"
"I know…" he answered. "They're below us." I listen as the three men stopped talking and positioned themselves around the room.
"How come they aren't trying to get away?" John asked. He obviously wasn't the one in charge.
"Don't know English probably," the one called Jimmy answered. "Or they have nowhere to run to."
"Where?" The man called Wade asked. I heard a shuffling of boots and then silence.
Then Jimmy spoke again, this time his voice raised. "What're you doing?"
"What I was trained to…" Wade answered.
"No don't!"
"Stop, Wade!"
And that's when the silver sword came through the floor and went through my brother's neck. My mother screamed as I had never heard someone scream before. Blood sprayed everywhere as the door into our space was ripped open. The one called Wade pulled his sword from Nicholas, his eyes wide with fear in what he had just done.
My dear brother was crying as my mother tried to stem the flow of blood. All I could do was stare. Suddenly I felt myself being lifted from the hole by the man Jimmy.
"Mama!" I cried, trying to break free of the man's huge arms. "Mama!"
"No!" my mother cried grabbing my ankle. "Put her down, she's mine!" She was crying and covered in blood. The man John grabbed hold of my mother and dragged the two of us out into the night, leaving my dying brother behind.
"Nicholas!" my mother yelled with a crazed look in her eye. "Give me my son you bastards," she screamed as she scratched at her captors face. Perhaps if he understood Russian he would have understood she merely wanted to be with her child as he died. Instead, he slapped her and began dragging her to the main yard of the village. My captor and I followed, me still struggling to get away. Wade followed us, his eyes gazing at the ground in guilt.
When we reached the village, I began my crying once more at the sight of the dead bodies littered around us, including my best friend Nastya. "Nastya!" I screamed, reaching for my friend. But my captor held me fast. "Wake up! Wake up!" She didn't answer me. I looked back over to my mother who was crying and trying to reach my hand.
"Nadya its ok little one!" she shouted to me. "Close your eyes, Close your eyes!"
I shut my eyes tight and covered my ears with my hands. I just wanted it all to go away. I imagined getting away and running far away. I imagined being with my first brother, being safe and away from these awful, evil men. I heard muffled voices around me so I opened my eyes, keeping my hands over my ears. I saw now new men were with us. I caught the eye of one of them. He leered at me and gave a wink. I remember his hands more than anything. His nails were at least four cm long and sharp as they could be. I shut my eyes once more hoping I would disappear.
As I tried to drown out the sounds of death around me, I felt someone pulling my hands from my ears. "No!" I cried. "No! Mama!"
"Be quiet, girl," and unfamiliar voice ordered. My eyes opened wide at the sound of my own language. One of the scary men was speaking to me in Russian. I wasn't sure what to think of this so I quickly shut my mouth and stared at him.
"Now you listen to me, girl," he softly. He looked Japanese to me, not that I had seen many Japanese men in my life. I glanced over at my mother. The man John had apparently handed her to another man. This one was big and blonde with angry looking eyes. My mother was crying softly and she has a bloody lip. Her nose was gushing as well. She was watching me, fearing both our fates.
"I asked you a question," the Japanese man said, slapping my face. My mother cried out and the blonde man hit her too.
"Mama…" I whispered. Jimmy had set me down and was now holding my hand tightly in his own. I looked up at him; he was frowning.
"You want your mama?" The man across from me asked. I nodded slowly. "Then you had better cooperate and do as I say. Do you understand?" I stared at him in fear. "Do you understand?" I quickly nodded at the sound of his yelling.
"Good, now what's your name?" I looked at my mother and she nodded for me to go ahead.
"Nadezhda," I replied softly. I noticed another man standing back farther for the first time that night. He was in a military uniform I didn't recognize. He was smiling.
"Good, how old are you?" the man asked next. I shifted my gaze back to my interrogator.
"Nine."
He smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back. He could speak to me, and I had hoped he would help me. Stupid. "Do you know why we are here?" he asked next.
"No," I answered quickly. "I want my mama."
"You'll get your mama when we're finished." I nodded.
"You know why we're here," he stated tucking a strand of hair behind one ear, just as Mikhail had done.
At that moment, I understood. How had they known about me? How did they find me? It had started less than one year before. My mother told me to hide it, to never tell a soul. She told me people didn't like those who were different. She told me to pretend nothing was different about me…but there was.
I glanced at my mother and she shook her head. "No," I answered.
He chuckled and replied, "That wasn't a question." I just stared into his cool, grey eyes. "I'll make you a deal, every time you lie to me, that man over there," he motioned toward the blonde man holding my mother, "will hurt your mama."
My eyes widened as I stared at my mother, but I still shook my head no.
With a sigh, he stood up and walked over to the military man. They spoke for a few minutes and I looked back over at my mother. She looked horrible. I tugged on Jimmy's hand next to me.
"Mama," I said, pointing toward her.
Another man, the one with the nails strutted over and hit my face. "You shut up and sit still." I didn't understand his words but I got his meaning. My mother cried out at that.
"Viktor," the man next to me growled. "Don't touch her again."
"What are you gonna do Jimmy?" I didn't understand what was going on, but I watched the exchange, terrified I would be killed if they began to fight. "You gonna hit me? Then hit me." They glared at one another until the military man spoke for the first time.
"Viktor," he shouted. "Take the mother, she isn't needed." I heard Viktor laugh and walk to my mother. I watched as he grabbed her from the blonde man. My mother started screaming and trying to get away. I tried to run toward her, but to no avail. The large man next to me was holding me too tightly.
"Mama!" I cried. "Mama, please!" I kept pushing away from the large man. I knew what I had to do, but I was scared. My mother told me that I should never use my gift. Never.
The other men watched silently as Viktor started dragging my sobbing mother into the forests. A small man took a step forward, but the military man stopped him. "Stay where you are, Bradley."
"But Sir…" Bradley answered angrily.
"I said no." Bradley stopped and glanced over to watch me struggle. Finally, I had no choice and my gift let loose. I huge rush went through my body and out my hand, pushing the man next to me away from me and smashing him into a tree.
I cried out and flung my small hands out in front of me. I knocked the military man, Bradley, and the blonde man clear on their backs. I heard gunshots and turned just in time to knock the bullets back using my shields. "Mama!" I cried out.
I watched as Viktor dropped my mother and ran toward me, reaching with his terrifying hands. I used my gift and threw him back into one of the village homes. I reached my mother and quickly surrounded the both of us in one of my shields.
"Mama," I whispered. "It's okay now."
"Nadezhda…" I looked up and saw the men were all up and coming toward my small haven. The Japanese man was translating for the military man. "You can't stay in there forever. You will get tired, we will take you, and your mother will die."
"No!" I shouted. "You can't!
"Or…" the military man continued, "You can just come with us now, and we'll leave your mother be. It's up to you…" I held my breath as the Japanese man finished his translation. I glanced over each man's face, begging for help I knew wouldn't come. I turned back toward my mother and placed her head in my lap.
"Mama," I whispered. "What are we going to do?"
"Nadya…" she replied. "It's going to be okay, you know."
"How do you know?" I asked. I flashed a look up and saw everyone was watching our exchange. We were quiet enough though, to escape their hearing.
My mother sighed as she smiled through the blood on her face. I wiped off as much as I could with Nicholas' sleeve. "Would I lie to you darling? Have I ever?"
I shook my head and squeezed her hand in mine. "I don't want to go with them," I told her, a tear running down my face. "I don't know what to do…I'm so tired."
"I know you are." We sat there silently as a brushed through my mother's course black hair with my nimble little fingers. She was watching the men around us, but I didn't want to see their faces anymore. I began thinking about Nicholas. Was he dead yet? I hoped so. I didn't want to think of him in pain. I hoped Piotr had gotten away safely, but my heart was telling me I would never see either of my brothers ever again. All I had left was my mother, and now I was losing her.
I closed my eyes and let loose a few pathetic sobs from my throat. "Mama…I need to go now."
"No Nadya, I don't care what they say," she told me forcefully. "You will not leave me while there is life in my body."
"I don't want you to leave me. They'll take you away…and then they'll take me." She focused her own good eye on me as tears began running down her face. "Shush," I told her. I had never before had to quiet my own mother; that was supposed to be her job. "I'll be ok…and so will you."
"Nadya…" she started.
"Don't Mama," I murmured. "I promise I'll come back. I'll find you, and you'll find Piotr and we'll be together. We will, won't we?" She suppressed crying out as she nodded her head for my sake.
"I love you my little Nadezhda. I will wait for you…" That's when I released my hold over my shield and stood up. I stood as tall as I could and spoke to the military man.
"My Mama needs a doctor…and you promise me you'll never touch her again. She will be safe." He stared at me intently as his translator did his job and finally nodded. I watched as he ordered who I would later learn to be Dukes and Bradley to take my mother to a hospital and leave her with compensation for me. Jimmy took my hand and led me through the woods, following the rest of the men. I glanced back once to see the two men helping my mother to their jeep. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see her.