Because He Stayed
Disclaimer: Very, very not mine.
The steady whirring of the engine sounded loudly behind her. This was it, she could feel it; this wasn't like all the fake-outs they'd endured before. That plane was going to take off, and they were all going to leave the island. All of them who were still breathing, except Jack.
He stood a few feet off in the sand, first nodding to Ben a departure of begrudging respect, then shaking hands with Sawyer, and finally being hugged so tightly by Hurley she wasn't sure how he could breathe. Then her ex-captor, her ex-lover, her friend, all filed passed her to board. She tried to look away as Jack and Claire said their farewell, and avoided thinking about how awful this moment must be for both of them. Then Claire too was gone and suddenly, all that was left on the beach was her, and him, and the first sounds of her leaving him deafening to them both.
They both stepped forward at the same time, and the smile on his face was shaky but genuine, and she thought she'd die if he started to cry.
It was a miracle she didn't have to scream to be heard over the roar of plane, but she just whispered his name and he heard her. His smile changed, like it pained him, but his voice was surprisingly strong as he spoke to her.
"So, I guess this is goodbye."
Nothing could have stopped the sob that escaped her at his words. She couldn't form any of her own, but he read her pleading expression perfectly and answered it, breaking her heart.
"I can't leave, Kate. I can't. I won't risk what happened last time happening again. I want you to be safe, and I want you to be so happy. Maybe Sawyer can do a better job of playing a part in that than I did."
She shook her head, her mouth forming soundless protests, but he stopped her.
"No, Kate. I know it's in your very nature to argue with me, but just listen this once, okay?" He chuckled, gazing at her affectionately, before his features smoothed into a more serious sincerity.
"I have loved you from the moment you stumbled out of that jungle, so beautiful and so brave, and stitched me up. It's like you sewed yourself into my skin that day, and I have wanted nothing more than you ever since. But I could never get everything else under control. Here, there was always some danger, some threat, one more reason to deny myself. And once we left…."
She gulped as he looked down, and she could see his shame and his regret branding each inch of him. And she wanted to let him know, so badly, that she'd forgiven him, that all she wanted now was for him to forgive himself. But she was still stuck in her own damned silence, watching him, hanging on his every word.
"I…I always need to believe I'm trying, Kate. I need to know I'm at least trying to do the right thing, to do what's good. And right now, staying here, I think it's the right thing. Even if being away from you feels like dying. I know you can't understand, but…I have to stay."
His breathing roughened and he seemed to wince as his next thought came to him. "And, I know it's a lot to ask, but please tell Aaron that I love him. If he gets older and remembers me, I want him to know that I did, that I do."
She swallowed, hard, at the mention of Aaron's name, and it ripped at her heart to know that the home she was returning to would be strange and unfamiliar. A place where that sweet boy was not her son, and where this man was not beside her.
Her tears were falling freely, and she couldn't rein them in, and the look on Jack's face was so full of concern and longing and frustration…how often had he looked at her exactly like that? With worry and want and so many things in their way?
What stood between them now was everything, eternity.
He reached for her, sliding his hands softly down her shoulders, over her forearms, to taker hers inside his own. He pulled her to him then, resting his forehead against hers and breathing in, so deeply, and she felt another powerful sob at the impending loss of his scent, of the heat from his broad chest, of the way she always felt so safe inside the cocoon of his arms. His voice was the whisper now, but his conviction loud and clear, "I will always, always love you."
And then he was kissing her for the shortest, longest moment, and there were so many tears she knew they could not all be her own. His lips were the familiar combination of gentle and strong, his taste as delicious as always. The way his mouth moved across her own was so full, of years of being each other's hope and safety, of the lifetime he wanted to share with her but just couldn't. And then he was pulling away and stumbling backwards just a little, wise brown eyes so red, and damp, and sad.
His large hand came to her cheek, a familiar gesture and almost as intimate as their kiss, and then he was backing away…turning….going….gone.
And she wanted to be angry, to believe he must not really love her or he wouldn't be able to stay behind. But she knew that wasn't the case. He was just too good a man to sacrifice what was right for what he wanted. And he was just too fragile, humble, broken to really believe she wanted him.
She had no way of knowing how much time had passed between him disappearing from her sight and her stepping around to get on the plane, but it was long enough to shatter.
Jack sat alone on the beach. The start of what would be a lifetime in the same position. He wasn't right out off the water. No, he was sitting just at the start of the vegetation, at the edge of the jungle, waiting for the plane that carried friends, family, her, to fly over head. He'd chosen this spot because it reminded him of another, where they'd first met, on a beautiful beach amidst a horrible disaster. Where for a few moments they'd existed in a world of their own. He felt the tears burn around the edges of his eyes again, and he swallowed painfully to try and pull himself together. But he failed.
He sat there for a long while, putting off his return to the main island until he could breathe in and out without shuddering in grief. He sat there and watched the sky and cried. And when heard the plane, saw it lifting further and farther, his mind shut down to ward off the agony…so much so that he didn't hear the rustle of steps until just as she was coming to a hesitant stop beside him.
He started, jumped, and briefly wondered if she was a hallucination, a trick of his broken heart or of this strange place. But then her scent seemed to surround him and somehow he knew she was real.
"Kate?"
"Hey."
"What…what are you doing here?" His eyes briefly darted to the white fleck in the distance that was the plane.
"I decided to stay."
She said it simply, almost unbearably so. Like it wasn't going to define her life…and his.
He stared at her for a long moment, disbelief and confusion all over his face, that were then slowly replaced by joy and gratitude.
"I thought you didn't want to be Eve?"
She shrugged. Yes, she'd said that once. But she was different now. Better in many ways. And it was because of him.
"I want to be with you."
Fin.
Author's Note: This is rough. Sappy and so out of character, two things I usually detest. But I needed it, so that's why I write fan fiction and in the end, I can only be so sorry. Anyway, thanks for reading.