I can't even begin to tell you how much I regret what I did. I regret it every day, and I believe I will continue to regret it until he's back with us, and back with me. I do love Will, but that love has turned to a more brotherly love than any else. He thinks I betrayed him. And in a way, I did. We were engaged, and I broke that sort of promise we made when we became affianced. With that one kiss, I changed all of our lives.
I said I wasn't sorry, clapping the iron around his wrist…I could see the pain in his eyes as I backed away, and I wanted to cry. He wanted me…anyone…to stay with him. I know he did. I think he had an idea that it might end in such a way. But I don't think that this was the end. A pirate…no…a good man like Jack Sparrow wouldn't just let it end like that. I knew as soon as I looked in his eyes when he whispered, "pirate," that this couldn't be the end for him.
As I said, Will thinks I betrayed him. Yes, I know he knows about Jack and I. I think he saw us, that day on the Black Pearl. But I'm not ashamed. No… I don't think I'm ashamed. Quite the contrary…
I think I love him.
I think I love Captain Jack Sparrow, with his shaggy hair and his pirate ways…with his swaggering walk and the sweet, spicy, scent and taste of rum on his breath. I think I love him. He constantly taunts me about my relationship with Will…always calling me 'Lizzie'…there was, once, a time in which I thought it to be insipid and rude, but now I know those were just his little ways of showing affection. There was always the question of if this was true or not…if I was just 'some other woman' to him…But I think I know the answer now. It came to me when we were talking one night. He looked me right in the eyes and said, "You're not just one of the others," in a voice that sent chills down my spine. This can't be right. It just can't.
I have to question this, though, even still. What if this is only to get at Will? What if I don't truly matter to him at all? I ask these and many more questions of myself all the time now. I've got all the time in the world these days, it seems, as Will rarely speaks to me anymore. I suppose I gave him good reason for it, though…I think he truly loves me. I do feel some regret about leaving him…I honestly do. And I know it pains him to see me with Jack, someone he trusted, to some extent. But I feel that that's where I belong.
There with Jack, out on the sea.
And because I feel this, I will search for him, and I will not cease until I find him. He brought us all together as a crew…and we're all together now because of him. I think we will find him. I truly do. And to find him, we will sail anywhere, even if it is to the world's end.