Leap of Faith, a csi fanfic

Tramps like us

Baby we were born to run…

Springsteen filled his head, the rhythm of the music somehow matching the rhythm of the bike beneath him, matching his mood. It had been a rougher than usual case and he'd come home restless, needing a release. So he'd shed the suit for his leathers and pulled the tarp off his Softail and hit the road. With The Boss blaring through his earphones and his gloves and jacket snug on him, he felt good. The music and the feel of power beneath him resonated within him, awakening a feral awareness that flowed through him. Darkness on the Edge of Town rumbled in his psyche as he turned onto the highway and headed for…wherever.

Ed Stricklin had fallen and fallen hard for a woman way out of his league. He'd had enough in common with Nicole Adams for there to be a connection, but she would have always looked around the pond for bigger fish, Stricklin barely registering on her romance radar. He knew how Stricklin felt.

Nicole Admas was gorgeous, a real beauty queen even at fort-five. Sticklin, several years older was average at best. Jim Brass had felt for the guy as they sat in the interrogation room. He'd employed his best tactics to get a confession out of the man, feeling like a heel the whole time. Stricklin's fate was sealed when Catherine came in with the lab results. The gun was his, the fingerprints on the gun were his, and the DNA under her fingernails matched his. Ed Stricklin was toast and they both knew it.

Jim could understand the guy's frustration…but to shoot her and then do what he did to her body; it was …unfathomable. He flinched, trying to get the picture of the dead woman out of his mind.

The picture was replaced by another one. She'd worn that white top again today…the one with the beige collar and accents; the one that left little…and everything to the imagination. And his imagination was plenty active…all day. Maybe that's why he could relate to Stricklin's frustration. Because Catherine Willows was way out of his league. He knew it, had always known it, and for years had been okay with it. But lately…they had become closer…and closer meant that the longing had returned.

Let the frozen cities crumble, crumble and fall
That's alright, I don't mind at all
Let 'em all tumble right into the sea
Well that's just fine, that's alright with me
Since you came down the line
I can't sleep at night, I got one thing on my mind
That's every day, every night
I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you, that's what I wanna do
'Cause you're just so out of sight
I wanna be with you, that's what I wanna do

He remembered his feelings as he stood watching Warrick untape Lindsey as Catherine held back. He'd wanted to go to her, hold her as she held Lindsey. He wanted to make her feel safe again, wanted to tell he that no one would ever get to her daughter again like that. But he didn't…She'd seemed more in tune with Rick then, but of course, they never happened…

'Til the world falls apart
I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
That's what I wanna do
Until they will rip out my heart
I wanna be with you, I wanna be with you
Well that's all I wanna doShe evoked feelings in him that he'd given up on long ago. Riding his bike and thinking about her…listening to Springsteen, he was a twenty something again in some bar in New Jersey. The music and mental images of her stirred something deep within him, emotions and sensations that had been dormant for a long time. He wanted her like he hadn't wanted anyone in years. But more than that, he loved her…god, how he loved her.

Ain't no mercy on the streets of this town
Ain't no bread from heavenly skies
Ain't nobody drawing wine from this blood
Its just you and me tonight
Tell me, in a world without pity
Do you think what I'm askins too much
I just want something to hold on to
And a little of that human touch
Just a little of that human touch

He wanted to see her…needed to see her, to hold her, to feel her warmth. His world would be all right if she'd just smile at him…and maybe just…hold his hand. The bike turned off the highway and headed back towards the city. It wasn't a conscious decision…it just happened. And Jim Brass rode it, accepting his fate. The bike would take him to her and he'd tell her…

So you've been broken and you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain
But, hell, a little touch up and a little paint...
You might need something to hold on to
When all the answers, they don't amount to much
Somebody that you could just to talk to
And a little of that human touch
Baby, in a world without pity
Do you think what I'm askin's too much
I just want to feel you in my arms
Share a little of that human touch
Feel a little of that human touch
Give me a little of that human touch

He found himself in her neighborhood, cruising down the main road towards her street. His stomach was in his chest and his heart was in his throat. Did he really want to do this?

It takes a leap of faith to get things going
It takes a leap of faith you gotta show some guts
It takes a leap of faith to get things going
In your heart you must trust

Yeah man…trust your heart…right…He was losing courage; not that he'd ever had any where she was concerned anyway…

0, I ain't lookin for just excitement
Baby that's just a fact
If you want to get to her heart
You better let her know just where you're at

It ain't written in the sky above
No fortune-teller told me this
You gotta tell her that you love her
Tell her that you need her
And give the girl a great big kiss
Give the girl a great big kiss
Now if you're such a fool you think
It don't matter, baby, what you say
Maybe you better tell her how you're feelin
It ain't gonna happen any other way

He stood on her doorstep, his finger over the doorbell…gathering courage.

Everybody's got a hungry heart...

Everybody needs a place to rest
Everybody wants to have a home
Don't make no difference what nobody says
Ain't nobody like to be alone

Everybody's got a hungry heart...

Maybe she'll listen, he told himself. Maybe I can at least get it said…

She opened the door and he got his smile. It gave him courage. Her eyes travelled over his outfit, approval written clearly in her gaze. His courage grew. "Hey Catherine…" he grinned, feeling a bit sheepish.

"Jim…" she drawled, her voice dripping with honey. "You um…out for a ride?"

He wasn't sure if there was a double meaning to her words. In his frame of mind, he was sure he was reading more there… "Yeah, clearing the cobwebs…" Then inspiration struck. "Thought you might like a spin…" he said suggestively.

She smirked at him, looked down at her flannel pants and tee top. "Don't think I'm dressed appropriately," she cooed. "I got time," he replied smugly. "You could change…"

She stepped inside and motioned for him to follow, which he did. Once inside, she pointed to the kitchen. "There's a beer in the fridge. Help yourself while I change…"

He eyed the beer in the open refrigerator but decided to pass. Need a clear head, he thought. He settled for a glass of water instead. Soon he heard her behind him and as he turned, his stomach hit bottom again. She was beautiful, standing there in her tight jeans and jacket over the tee. Suddenly it wasn't the bike he wanted to ride. Clear your head, Jimmy…

He loved the feel of her behind him as they rode down the road. She was leaning into him with her hands firmly planted around his waist. They'd gone only a few miles when he felt her hands shift, her fingers working inside his jacket, idly caressing him. The temperature was actually beginning to go down but his temperature was rising steadily. Eventually he pulled off the road, onto the shoulder. "You okay?" he asked. "Do we need to head back?"

Her breath was warm against his neck and ear as she leaned up to answer. "There's a little town a few miles further. Let's go there…"

He nodded and after checking for traffic, he pulled back onto the road. They cruised through the little town until he spotted a sidewalk café. Parking the bike in front, he offered to buy her a cup of coffee. Her smile was the only answer he needed.

They drank their coffee in silence. Jim couldn't seem to find a way to say what was on his mind and he knew Catherine was waiting…sensing that he had something to say.

The words of the song echoed in his mind as he watched her lips. Why is this so hard, he asked himself. Because you can't screw it up, he replied. Her hand snaked across the table and covered his. "Whatever it is, Jim…just say it."

He swallowed back his fear and nervousness. "I don't know where…how to start…"

"Just start," she told him. "I'm listening."

"Well, thing is…since Gil left, it kind of got me to thinking…I mean, we've been working together more…spending more time together. I mean, just the two of us…not like when Gil…you know, when we'd go get drinks, the three of us…" He could tell she was listening, trying to understand where he was going with all this, but he was confusing things. "And spending so much time with you and all…I….well, I…" he couldn't get it out, couldn't get it said.

"I've enjoyed it, Jim. Come to depend on it actually…depend on you," she smiled.

"Yeah," he said, his chest so tight he didn't think he could breathe. "Thing is…I um…well, yeah, I've enjoyed it too. But…" he fought to get some air, "you see, I um…more than enjoy it. I mean…well, all I can think about…is you." His blue eyes settled on hers, watching as comprehension slowly crept in.

"You think about me…like that?" Her expression was unreadable. Left with no clues about her feelings, he had no choice but to dive in. "Yeah, I do…I love you, Catherine." There, he breathed. He'd said it. Relief swept over him as he realized that she seemed okay.

Finally, she smiled, "Well, we're friends, Jim…I love you too." He scrutinized her face, looking for more clues. She's fishing, he realized. She's not sure that I mean what I mean… "No…I don't want to be your friend…" Ouch, did I just say that? "I mean, I do but…" he sighed. "I want to be…more. I guess I should have, you know…said that I'm in love with you."

She smiled again. Then her hand went to his face, cradling his cheek. "Wow," she whispered. "That's about the nicest thing I've heard in a long time…" He watched her expression, looking for clues but not getting any. She didn't say it back…she doesn't love you, you ass…

Catherine watched as the twinkle in his eyes faded and he slumped. She glanced down the street and saw a solution. "How about a short ride down the street?" He looked surprised…and confused. "Yeah, sure…" he replied.

They rode a few blocks until Catherine squeezed Jim's arm and indicated a right turn. He turned into a parking lot, his eyes widening as his brows shot up. "Catherine…this isn't what I …I mean, I wasn't telling you …you know, what I was telling you because I was after something…"

"I know," she smiled.

Jim looked at the building and then back to the sign, Cutter Inn. He felt Catherine slip off the bike, put her helmet down, and stand next to him. "I don't have a very good track record, Jim. And I'm terrible using words to explain what I feel…so I want to show you. Please, let's go inside and let me show you…"

Astounded, Jim pulled his helmet off, leaned back, trying to slow his heart down and get some air. "Catherine, this isn't the way I want it to be between us…I mean, …well, yeah I do but not until later. This has to be right…More than any other time in my life; I want to get it right. You are too important to me throw everything away over some quick fling."

He watched as her eyes sparkled, her expression softening as she listened. Then her hand went to his cheek again, her fingers gently crawling to the sensitive skin behind his ear. She leaned close, her warm breath tickling his ear, making him want to giggle. Her nearness stirred his gut, heat rushing in that general direction and causing him to tense as he fought the urge to grab her and show her how he felt right there. Then she whispered, "This is right, Jim. We know each other; we can skip the whole first date thing…and more. She straightened up to look into his conflicted eyes. "You know me, Jim. You get me… you don't have to convince me. I want us as much as you do. Please, let me show you how I feel…"

"You could just tell me…" His sentence was cut off by her kiss. He reveled in her warm lips on his, fought to let her lead, and then was forced to shift his balance on the bike. As he moved, she deepened the kiss, passion clearly fueling her. And then she backed away, "Please Jim, let's take this inside."

Her invitation was too much. He'd tried to keep things on low but she had upped the ante. Throwing his leg over the bike, he stood next to her. "Only if you're sure this is what you want. It has to be right for both of us…"

She chuckled, "you're the one holding back, Jim. I'd say it has to be right for you because I know it is for me."

Grinning, he replied. "Baby, I'm a guy…it's always right." His hand slipped to her back as he gently guided her towards the door.

In the room where fortune falls
on a day when chance is all
in the dark of fierce exile,
I felt the grace of your smile.so don't hide your heart away.

Honey you're my lucky day
baby you're my lucky day
when I lost all the other bets I made
honey you're my lucky day.

When I see strong hearts give way
to the burdens of the day,
to the weary hands of time
where fortune is not kind.

Honey you're my lucky day
baby you're my lucky day
when I lost all the other bets I made
honey you're my lucky day.

I've waited at your side
I've carried the tears you've cried
but to win darling you must play

Honey you're my lucky day
baby you're my lucky day
when i lost all the other bets i made
honey you're my lucky day.

BRASSROCKSBRASSROCKSBRASSROCKS

Song lyrics all belong to Springsteen. They are Lucky Day, Leap of Faith, I Wanna Be With You, Human Touch, Hungry Heart, Give the Girl a Kiss, and Born to Run. My warped mind was turning around Hog Heaven and how we got cheated on that one and I just happened to have Springsteen playing. It occurred to me that he and Jim would be contemporaries. Brass might have been sitting in the audiences as Springsteen was getting his start in New Jersey. And the dark edginess of The Boss's lyrics certainly seem to fit Brass darker side. So I hope you like the results. I began this as a one shot and am inclined to leave it that way.