Funny Moments in Crime Fighting
Welcome to Funny Moments in Crime-Fighting, the show where we discuss the weirdest but hilarious moments in superhero moments. And now here is your host for the night…Two-Face.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." Two-Face addressed, sitting in his office wearing a red burgundy suit and smoking a cigar whilst overlooking a large widescreen TV. "Tonight we have several recorded on-camera moments of crime-fighting absurdities for not just our amusement, but for your enjoyment and pleasure."
"Uh, boss? What's with all the cameras and stuff? Is this a documentary on aluminum foil?" a thug asked stupidly, poking his head through the door window. Two-Face groaned and covering his face with his left hand, blindly shot the thug in the head.
"Now where were we? Oh yes" Two-Face remembered, switching on the TV and placed in a recording. "This tape is one moment we are very fond of. The people you see in this tape require no introduction whatsoever. Now pay attention and enjoy."
"You're too late Bats! In precisely eleven minutes, I will have unleashed hundreds of Joker Toxin throughout the whole city! The riches and loot of Gotham will be MINE! Ahahahhahhahahhahahha!" Joker cackled maniacally, doing a flamboyant toe-tap dance on the roof. In grating fury, Black Canary pulled a nearby lever, which caused a giant grand key piano to drop and crush Joker's head.
CRASH!
"What in tarnation?" Batman gasped, startled, rushing over to examine the corpse before delivering a dirty look at Black Canary "ehehe, oops." Dinah giggled sheepishly. Two-Face, stifling a giggle paused the tape.
"Now that was actually funny! And in case you folks were nervous, no, Black Canary did not receive bad treatment from the Bat. Rather, she got this, which we just know you're going to love!" Two-Face remarked, resuming the tape to show Dinah whooping wildly as she flew the Batwing like crazy.
"DINAAAAHHH! I THINK I'M LOSING MY SPLEEN!" Batman yelped, shaking in mortified horror as the beautiful blonde cruised rapidly through the night sky, even knocking over the head bust of Quincy Sharp, causing it to land onto Sharp's head.
"Sorry!" Dinah hollered, before cackling wildly. "Man, oh man the look on his face was priceless! Oh, did you-did you see that?" Dinah chuckled as the Dark detective deadpanned "yeah, ha-ha-ha, very funny."
"Now; is that good taping or what? Speaking of which after that, you'd be pleased to know Black Canary is now approved to drive the Batmobile even, but we'll come to that later. Now, this next clip involves our resident Dark Knight against who else but that ever annoying midget Mad Hatter. Now everyone knows how he mind controls his victims, but what happens when his so-called 'Alice' obeys commands from Batman? Watch and see." Two-Face grinned, pressing the remote as the tape started.
"Now Alice, you obey me. Now, kill the accursed Bat!" mad hatter instructed, but Alice then grabbed a razor sharp sword and directed it at Hatter. "Hatter season!" Alice growled
"Bat season!" Hatter argued, jabbing a small crudely sketched knife.
"Hatter season!"
"Bat season!"
"Hatter season!"
"BAT SEASON, FIRE!"
BOOM! A cannon ball blew Mad Hatter through the back walls, causing him to have a giant bell land on top of him. "How did that happen?" Batman wondered, as Alice stared at him like a heavily lovesick fangirl. "Gee that cowl on your head is sooo sexy. Mm, I wonder if it has a female version." Alice teased, batting her blue eyes as the Dark Detective rolled his eyes.
"Next!" Two-Face called out, switching the channel to the next clip. "Now Batwoman, you and Huntress shall be my new test subjects. Breathe into my fear gas and let your nightmares run free!" Scarecrow cackled, spraying the heroines with gas. "Ha-ha-ha, any minute now…" Scarecrow chuckled, waiting in anticipation to hear the sounds of screaming but instead he received the sounds of snoring.
"WHAT?!" Scarecrow screamed in outrage, as Batwoman and Huntress were sound asleep, snoring softly. Scarecrow gave his henchmen a murderous glare as he took a crowbar and smacked one of them in the head. "You IDIOTS! I said get me the FEAR gas, not the SLEEPING gas! Now my plans are ruined, you hear me? RUINED!"
"Duh, Reggie here says he thought chloroform was an ingredient to the fear gas, doc." One thug oafishly replied. "Grrrr, obviously I'm going to have to hire more intelligent henchmen. Oh forget it! Just untie them and get them out of here before the Bat shows up!" Scarecrow grumbled
"What?" the thug asked. Scarecrow felt his stress meter welling and then yelped "GET THE GIRLS TO THE BATMAN YOU MORON BEFORE I FEED ALL OF YOU TO KILLER CROC!"
"Next!" Two-Face repeated, changing the channel to the next clip. "Aha! I got you now!" Clayface snarled, as the mud monster slithered towards Batman and the Huntress only to be squashed by a giant safe.
"What in the world?" Batman started, before glancing at Black Canary, whistling innocently. "Um… oops." Huntress meekly replied.
"And that, our dear viewers, is a wrap! Thank you for joining us, and we certainly hope you'll pop by again for another round of laughs! In the words of the late great Casey Kasem, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." Two-Face addressed, walking away from the camera before hollering "BOYS! What did we tell you about playing with the dynamite?"