Personal Report
Commander R. Shepard, Alliance Navy, SSV Normandy SR-1
2183 CE

[faint noise on the background, static on the screen]
[image clears, a single person is visible, chest up]

I, uh, well. I have never done that before. So, uh, here we go, I guess.

[arranges herself on the chair]

Today was a memorable one. Well, if it really is still today. It's kinda hard to keep track of time when you're traveling faster than light.
Anyway.
Everything started with the shakedown run with Captain Anderson, but I think that's known to everyone around the extranet. News travel fast in the 22nd century.
Eden Prime was... I don't even know how to describe it. It was supposed to be a paradise, but all those people... [sigh] I guess I'll never get used to some things (and it may be better that way). But something good came out of it, or so everyone says to me.
You see, people see me as some kind of hero. A savior, a model to be followed. How I feel about that, you ask? I feel scared. Scared to fuck it up. Not scared to fuck up with my career or something, no. But to fail with everyone, to get people killed. That's what makes things worse, even if the mission report - and the Council - say it was all a success. Civilians died. Jenkins died. God.
How am I supposed to be a model to everyone back on Earth - hell, to every human in the whole Galaxy! - if I let something like that happen?

Sometimes I wonder if Saren ever felt like me. Felt he would do everything right, that he was doing good. Sometimes, I wonder if I won't end up just like him, with all this power.
Ugh, Shepard, knock it off. You're depressing... well, yourself, because I don't think anyone will ever listen to that. I am not even sure if I won't delete the file, actually.

But all of that doesn't matter, not right now. I have a mission, and I *will* complete it. No matter how I feel like or what I think: if I'm a model to people, I'm a model, end of story; and I *have* to make things right. I am a Commander and I have a responsibility, and I will honor it.
[sad laugh] I wonder what my folks would think of me right now... Who would ever have wondered? The shy farm girl, now a full time Alliance Soldier and the first ever human Spectre.
I hope they're proud, wherever they are. I miss you, guys.

[static, end of the vid-log]

Author's note:

Hey! Thanks a lot for reading! This is my first fanfic ever, and I'm really excited. English is not my main language, but I'm trying my best; feel free to correct me!

My idea is to post various short entries of Shepard's vid diary, showing what goes on inside her head: how she copes with everything going around her, the deaths, the love, the friendship. I'm not trying to novelize the whole trilogy's story, so I won't necessarily be writing about every major event, rather focusing on some thoughts by the Commander while she ventures throughout the galaxy.

I would love to hear what you guys think! I'm intend to post a chapter or two every week, but we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, really excited here, hope you all like it :)

- Henri Orel