GREEN
WALLPAPER
By, OCTOMANNN
Today was a day like no other because today was Guy Fieri Day. I was so excited to receive my signed lean cuisine box that i almost tripped on my traditional Guy Fieri hair hat! I picked it up and ran down stairs, once i was downstairs I looked around and saw to my dismay that my family was gone! I called their names one by one, "Papa Putin, Sister Hillary, Brother Adolf"!
But to no reply, I was about to run from my house when I noticed something. All the wallpaper was green! I ran through every single room of the house and saw nothing but a sea of green! The color was atrocious, it looked like cat vomit. I was scared now because during my trip through the house I noticed the front door and all the windows were gone! I was confused and scared, why were all the exits gone? I started for the kitchen but stopped right when a noise erupted from upstairs! I was startled and fell backwards onto my anus, I had checked all the rooms there had been nothing but green wallpaper up there. Then it hit me there had been NOTHING up there but green wallpaper, in every single room nothing, no bed, no toys, no people, nothing! So what could be making that noise? I crept up the stairs hair hat on my head and fear in my heart. I turned and saw lights coming from my room! Who was in my room and how had they gotten in? I crept closer and suddenly the door swung open and their stood Guy Fieri holding a lean cuisine box that was signed! My family was tied up in the corner and gagged! I stood there mouth gaping as Daddy Fieri glided towards me like a virgin swan! "Please Fieri kun make me yours with your sauce!" I said, he came close, so close i could almost taste him. He whispered in my ear "I'll put ya on ma flipflop." I was ready to be ladled. As he pushed a cookbook up my anus my family screamed for help! I couldn't hear them because I just got a one way ticket to flavortown. The flavour of Guys sauce was tangy and it had a little kick to it. Then he flipped me like a patty onto my back and made intense eye contact with me whilst he prepared my buns. Onion after onion on the rim of my meat hole and on my nipples was stacked, and then eaten of by the head chef in the kitchen. I asked my god through mouthfuls of his secret sauce why the wallpaper was green, and he whispered quietly in my ear "You can't have a funk festival with out a little green!" Sauce was leaking from every hole on my body and i was to tired to get up. Guy stood up and pulled a 12 gauge shotgun out of his anus and killed my family! He turned to me and said "Good ingredients go in the pancher." Right after he said that a sauce pot appeared and he dived into disappearing! Just then I awoke with a start and sat bolt upright in my bed! It was Guy Fieri day and my mom was cooking breakfast. It must have all been a dream I thought because the wallpaper isn't green and my family is alive! I could hear hillary saying "Guy is good because Guy is great!", and adolf replying with "SIEG HEIL!". I was about to run and join them when my heart dropped. 1: I was wearing my hair hat 2: there were bits of onion on the floor and 3: sauce was trickling out of the cracked door of my closet! Just then I heard a loud noise!