Effusion of Life, by Chibiness87
Rating: T for safety, probably just a K+
Spoilers: Oh yeah. Most definitely. Pretty much anything and everything.
Disclaimer: I am not the person who gave Booth amnesia.
A/N: My obligatory post finale fic. Not beta'd.
Effusion: That which is poured out; literally or fugitively.
14.
He's waiting in her office when she comes back from Limbo. A glance at the clock tells her why he's here; it's time for dinner.
Past time, truthfully.
She shakes her head at him slightly, apologises for making him wait.
He just smiles, takes her lab coat from her shoulders, and asks casually, "I'm in the mood for Thai. What do you think, Bones?"
It's almost like any other day before the operation.
Almost.
3.
She has to tell Parker his dad might not recognise who he is anymore.
Rebecca tried, but couldn't make her son understand. She doesn't know why Rebecca thinks she can succeed while his own mother cannot. But she tries.
Parker seems to finally understand what she is saying, but when they go in, Booth smiles.
Not his smiling for politeness smile she has seen far too much of this last week, but he pure, undoubtedly happy smile, and all but yells his son's name.
It gives her hope. She had only just mentioned to him the day before he was a father. When his eyes had darkened slightly she had dropped the subject, believing it to be one of pain for him. But now, watching from the doorway, she wonders if that was the true reason, or if he's thinking of something else.
She smiles at the sight of his 8 year old son talking about nothing and everything to him.
But it still hurts.
4.
One day he asks her if he can call her Bones.
She turns and flees from his apartment. As the door closes, he swears he can hear her sob.
It's a week before she shows up again. When he calls her Bones without thinking, she doesn't flee, but answers as if she's responded to the moniker for years.
It confuses him.
2.
It's Hodgins who finds her in the one place in the hospital she thought she would be safe, hidden.
Apparently she was wrong.
He lets her finish before approaching, sitting down beside her.
"He's asking for you."
"No," she says, "he's not."
Hodgins doesn't need to ask her what she means by that.
The Booth that she knows, the Booth that she loves, isn't the Booth that's asking for her.
She stands up anyway.
As she's about to leave the quiet room, Hodgins speaks again. "I thought you didn't believe in..."
"No."
"So why...?"
"Because Booth does," she tells him with a small, broken smile.
It's enough.
5.
She's awoken in the middle of the night by an impatient pounding on her door.
Booth strides in, a small plastic item clasped in his fist. She realises he must have been by her office at some point when he holds it out to her.
In a replay of the first time she received the gift, he holds it out on his palm. "Meet Jasper," he says.
She can only nod.
8.
"I think I loved you."
She doesn't tell him that, not not-Booth. No, she tells him that; her Booth in a picture they didn't even know was being taken at an event she can't recall attending.
But she remembers his reaction to her dress. The long slow whistle, the dropped jaw, the look in his eye that made her think maybe he did feel the same way about her. Whatever that was.
She doesn't say it to the picture ever again, and he pretends he wasn't outside the door when she said it and heard every word.
They both pretend their hearts aren't breaking.
6.
She flinches when he calls her Bones, even now. Somehow, he can never manage to make it sound natural, not like before. It's a constant reminder it isn't her Booth, as much as he may look like him, act like him.
Still, it's better than the Dr. Brennan he called her for the first two weeks, before he shortened it to Bren. In all her life, it is only Angela she has let get away with calling her that.
But eventually, Bren became Bones, and internal pain became a small flinch.
He doesn't dare call her Temperance.
9.
He's watching Family Guy like there's nothing wrong. But there is. The mere fact that he is able to watch the show and not worry that he is hallucinating again is testament to that.
She stands just outside the doorway to his living room, trying to catch her breath, trying not to show him how much it hurts.
It's just him, relaxing, watching one of his favourite TV shows. It's like it was before the operation.
But it's completely different.
10.
He's looking at her strangely. Has been for a while now. It's getting unnerving.
"What?"
"You kissed me," he says.
She gulps, inadvertently swallowing the gum she was chewing.
It takes her a minute or so to catch her breath. When she does, she realises he's still waiting for an answer.
Of all their encounters, it is one she had hoped would stay forgotten forever. She's going to deny it, but what comes out of her mouth is, "You kissed me back."
It's all they say on the matter.
1.
He's awake.
He remembers his name. Score one for the good guy.
He knows where he is. Roughly. One stay in a hospital and he knows the feel of them. He gives himself half a point for this.
Judging by the bandage on his head and her telling him the operation was a success before talking about anaesthesias and comas, he's going to guess surgery on his head was involved. Score one for logic.
Everything else is... not there. Score lots for the opposition.
Well, it's there, of course. He didn't come to be on the Earth at 36 years of age (another point for the good guy; he remembers his date of birth), so obviously he has a lifetime of memories there. They're just... out to lunch. Or something.
Even he knows this is not good.
13.
"You saved my life."
She looks up to the doorway where he is loitering, a nervous, almost shy look on his face. Standing, she moves to the other side of her desk and he moves into her office until they are face to face.
They stand there for a minute, silent. Finally, it is her that breaks it.
"You saved mine too."
11.
She walks into his living room and is immediately encased by his arms. She knows straight away he's had another memory, this time bad.
A wet feeling is making its presence known on her shoulder, and her breath is being squeezed from her lungs.
Desperately, she looks around for a clue. The room is still slightly untidy as a result of an active 8 year old spending the weekend. And that's when she remembers.
A glance behind him into the kitchen confirms it.
There is a piece of birthday cake sitting on the side.
She holds him closer.
7.
She thought she knew the greatest pain she could face when her partner, her best friend, for 3 years was declared dead.
She was wrong.
Not just because it was all fake and he was alive, but because now, now she knows there is something worse than being told Booth was dead.
At least last time there were stages she could follow, logical steps of grieving that took place. There are no rules for situations like this.
How do you mourn the death of someone who hasn't died?
12.
He's standing on the doorstep of her apartment complex, completely soaked through when she gets home.
"Booth! What are you..." she begins, but stops when she sees his face. Of all the memories he's recalled, none have affected him the way this one is. She ushers him inside and up to her place, and tells him something about getting a towel. When he fails to react, she becomes even more worried. Wrapping the towel around his shoulders, she feels how badly he's shaking.
"Booth?" She looks where his attention seems to be focused to find it's her balcony. Immediately, she knows what he's thinking of, what he's remembering. In a way, she's been waiting for this ever since his first memories started to come back.
"Epps," she whispers. He can only nod.
"I let him go."
"No."
Finally, for the first time that night, he looks at her. "I did, Bones. I let him go."
"Booth," she sighs, only to be interrupted.
"Temperance." She falls silent. It's the first time he's called her Temperance since the operation. "I could have managed. I could have pulled him up. I should have pulled him up."
"Seeley." It's the first time she's called him Seeley ever. It works, and he falls silent. "I was there. I was right there. You didn't let him go," she assures him.
"But I..."
"Trust me, Booth. He slipped. There wasn't anything you could do. You didn't let him go. You tried to save him. Trust me."
"Gordon-Gordon told me the same thing, that I tried to save him," he says after a minute. She doesn't mention it's the first time he's recalled the British shrink they both have a soft spot for. He blinks.
"I do," he says eventually. Nods. "I do trust you, Temperance."
"Call me Bones."
16.
It's almost pathetic, the reason he's in the hospital again. Not that she's really thinking about that at this moment. All she is thinking about is last time he was in this building he woke up with no idea who she was.
It pleases her slightly that he still trusted her enough not to take her off his next of kin list.
She rounds the curtain of his exam bed to see him sitting, unharmed but for the slight bruising and broken arm, on the bed, a sheepish look on his face making him seem like a little boy.
"What happened?"
He sighs. Scratches the back of his head self consciously with his unbroken arm. "It's nothing," he tells her, "just a scratch."
"It's not nothing, Booth. Being in the hospital with a broken arm isn't nothing."
"Look, it's fine, Bones. It's just a broken arm and a couple of bruises; it's not like I had a voodoo spell cast on me and lost an entire day." He doesn't know why he says this as a qualifier, but judging from her reaction it means something to her. He sighs, relents. "If you must know, I fell down the stairs, Okay? You didn't have to come down here."
"You came for me," she tells him.
'Yes', he recalls, 'I did.'
"I'd do it again too," he tells her.
She smiles.
15.
He shows up at her door with takeout and a box of tissues. He doesn't know why they're needed, just that they are. When she answers the door with red eyes, dressed down in her sweats and no makeup, he knows he has done the right thing.
"Why are you here?" she asks, a catch in her throat telling him the red eyes isn't due to lack of sleep.
"You need me here," he tells her. She nods, and lets him in. They sit on her couch and let the food go cold and he listens as she tells him of being buried.
By the way she tells him, he can tell the 'old' him didn't know any of what she is sharing now. He doesn't know how to feel about that, but doesn't tell her.
He just holds her closer.
17.
One day he wakes up and lunch is over. Or something.
He has no idea how to tell Bones.
18.
He doesn't know why he'd find her here, but he does.
He stays hidden though, gives her the privacy he knows she needs. It's only when her broken sobs are carried to him on the slight breeze he approaches; he always did hate it when she cried.
The name on the headstone confirms what he thought he would find, and he pulls her shaking body to his.
He wants to comfort her, to make the hurting stop, but he doesn't know what to do, what to say that will make it happen. So he says the first thing that comes into his head.
"I know who you are, Bones. It's ok, I know who you are."
She pulls back, her tearstained face taking in his. It's Booth, her Booth, looking back at her.
Yes, she realises, he knows exactly who she is.