Disclaimer : I do not own any Once Upon A Time characters and I do not own the events that happened either.
AN : This is written for all the OutlawQueen shippers out there who wanted and needed a chat between Regina and Robin about the whole baby mama drama. This chat did happen in the show but as it appears we didn't deserve to have it, I've decided to write it, trying to imagine how it could really have happened, the words they could have used, etc.
Dedicated to Nad and Nickey who have been supporting me while I was writing it, always encouraging me to keep it going. Love you girls xx
''Shhhhh.. Honey, shhhh. Daddy's here, it's ok, I'm here.''
''Robin ?'' Regina was looking at him, a look full of happiness mixed with sadness. She knew it wasn't her daughter, she knew it could never be hers. She knew it because she had cursed herself in order to make her mother suffering. Trying to fake happiness, she continued, smiling, ''How's she ?''
''Good, I guess,'' he was unsure, he didn't know how to react. ''Well, she was crying two minutes ago, I don't know why but now that I've taken her in my arms, she've stopped. I think she's good. I assume she just needed a contact with one of her parents.'' He mentally cursed himself, he knew that what he just have told was slowly killing Regina. One of her parents. He suddenly gazed at her and added ''Regina, I...''
Without letting him the chance to finish, she talked. ''I know.''
''No please, let me talk,'' He took her hand, leading her to the sofa. ''I am sorry. For everything.'' Seeing her closing her eyes, he took her hand in order to rassure her, ''But now I am here and I don't intend to leave you again. Leaving with – what I thought was – Marian was the worst decision of my life. I should have stayed with you. I should have listened to my heart.''
But you havent't.. ''It was the right thing to do, for Roland, for you, for her. You had to go with her. She was your wife in the first place and I told you to go, I helped you to leave.'' But I shouldn't have...
''I know.. But when I was there, I've tried to move on..'' And you actually have. ''I've slept with my wife, which was actually Zelena.. And I know that nothing could hurt you more.. Regina.. I've never wanted all of this, I've never wanted a child with her but,''
''She's here, and you love her,'' said she, cutting him. ''And the thing is that I actually understand that. She is your daughter Robin, your blood is in her veins, she's yours. I'm ok with that. You were a victim in all of this. Zelena.. Zelena is the one to blame, you're not. She raped you in the most vile possible way. You weren't aware that it was her. You only were thinking that it was your wife.'' That's not less painful though.. ''Plus, you thought you'd never see me again, you thought you'd never come back here..''
''I know.. I'm sorry though..'' Putting his daughter back in her bed in the Charmings' room, Robin was in his thoughts. How can she be that ok.. She is not, though, I know her.. I need her to talk to me...
How can he think that I'm so ok with all of this.. I'll never tell him what I'm feeling, he's too precious for me.. I need him to reassure me..
Here they were, he wanted her to talk to him, she wanted him to reassure her, but they'd never tell each other what they wanted, they were affraid. Affraid that, somehow, by telling each other what they were feeling, they could push the other away, and lost each other forever.
And yet, if there was something they were sure about, it's that they didn't want to be separate. They were stronger, happier, better together than apart. She needed him, he needed her, they were soulmate, they were each other's true love.
After having put his daughter in her bed, he walked toward Regina, who was still sitting on the couch, trying to avoid his pain inflected by the fact that he was seeing her sad, trying to avoid her gaze. When he sat beside her, he was looking at the stairs, still avoiding her gaze.
''How do you feel ?'' Waiting for an answer, he turned to face her and saw her, looking at the floor, avoiding her feelings. ''Regina, how do you feel ? No lies, only the truth. Right here, right now. Just you and me. Tell me. How do you feel about this whole situation, about this baby, about us ? Tell me.''
Where do I start.. I hate that situation but I love you so.. I have to accept all of this. Still avoiding his gaze, she didn't think one more second before lying to him. ''I'm good.'' Actually I'm wrecked, I am destroyed, I am dead in the inside but yeah.. Love is weakness, Love is the worst weapon of all, Love have killed more than any disease. I had to expect this.. Nodding, she repeated, more like to convice herself, ''I'm good.''
''Regina,'' taking her hand, making her looking at him, he stared at her deep brown eyes, actually full of anger and tears that she wasn't about to let go. ''I've said no lies. I won't judge you, I won't blame you. But to be honest, I need to know how you feel, I need to know it because this is an hard situation for you and I understand that. I know that you are in pain.'' because I am the one who have caused that pain..
''Well..'' she thought a bit about what she was about to say. You said 'truth', I'm gonna give it to you. Taking a deep breath, she continued, ''Look, I really wanted to keep it for me, I didn't want to tell you this because I don't want to hurt you and you know that. I,'' love you. ''I need you by my side so I don't want to make you go away by saying things you don't want to hear but you've asked for the truth, I guess it's my clue. I guess this is my chance to tell you everything.'' Removing her hand from his', she looked back at the floor.
''It's ok, I don't intend to let you down, no matter what you will tell me.'' And I deserve you to be mean to be honest.
Sighing loudly, she tried to find the courage to continue and to expose her feelings. Breathe in, breathe out, he have asked, he's here for you, he won't let you go, then start and let this pain and anger going out of your body, of your mind, of your heart. He've asked for it, he have asked for it..
Waiting for her to start, he was sill staring at her. God, she was beautiful. Even when she was in pain, she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire life. How can I have done this to her.. He took her hand back and closed his eyes, knowing that the next few minutes were going to be painful, that she was going to be harsh, but she was going to tell the truth. And he had asked for it, they needed to talk. He needed to know her feelings if they wanted to move on.
''Wrecked, damaged, hurt.'' Those three word made him opening his eyes, which were full of guilt. He had broken her, and now, she was finally admitting it. ''Broken, Sad, Angry.'' Using the hand he was holding to play with her ring, still sitting on the couch, elbows on her thigs, she breathed loudly and continued, ''That situation have broken me. You know, I never have allowed myself to love someone after I've lost Daniel. I mean, not the way I loved him. I do have loved. Henry, my father, and despite everything, my mother. I never have stopped loving her. Except them, except the love I kept for my family, I never have loved someone else. That was until I met you.''
Those words made him smile, but his smile faded after the next words.
''And yet, I am now broken. If there is something my mother have tried to teach me during all my life, it was that love is weakness. And she was right. She couldn't have been more right. Because my feelings for you are real. They are. But I can't help but being wrecked everytime I see you with the little girl. I know this is not your fault but...''
''I know, I've betrayed you,'' he confessed quietly.
''No, This isn't what I want you to think. We weren't together anymore and we had no way to reach each other anway. It's just that.. This whole situation have literally destroyed me. Do you know how many nights I've spent on my bed, either crying or trying to remember all the good moments we've spent ?'' That wasn't a real question so she didn't wait for an answer to continue, ''Every single night you spent there, away from me. And you know why ? Because I ended up everytime thinking about how Marian was lucky to have you, while I was here at home, alone, missing you and the little munchkin, wondering if you were missing me as much as I was missing you both. Every. Single. Time.''
I was.. He patiently was wainting for her to continue, but when he noticed, thirty second later, that she had let one of her tears rolling down her cheek, he decided to answer, ''I was.. I have been missing you..'' Robin, shut up, you'll destroy her even more... If it's possible... ''There never have been a day that I spent without thinking about you, without missing you, your smile, your stunning brown eyes, those lips that I wanted to kiss every single second since the day we met for the first time here, next to Zel..'' Too late.. Cursing himself and closing his eyes, he finished his sentence. ''Next to Zelena's farm.''
Zelena.. ''I guess she had planned all of this since the very beggining.. You know, I'm not mad at you Robin. No, I'm not. I still am here for you and I still don't want to let you down. It's her. I blame her. She broke me, you didn't.'' Or did you.. ?
''I know what you're trying to do.. You're trying to prevent me for feeling guilty or i don't know what else. But Regina, you can be mad at me, I deserve it. Maybe she had planned everything, maybe she changed herself into Marian to make me love her but... If I asked you to tell me the truth, I gotta be honest too.'' Suddenly, he stood up, turning his back at her because at this moment, he knew. He knew he was about to hurt her once more, deeper this time, he knew what he was going to say was about to ruin her entire existence. But he had too. No lies. Only the truth. Right here, right now. ''She didn't force me to do anything... If it really would have been Marian I mean. I was aware that I was sleeping with her, I knew you were still here, but... I really wanted to sleep with her when I did... Regina... I'm so sorry, I.. I'm so sorry.. I don't even know what else to say..''
At this moment, he only wanted to do one thing : disapearing and erasing what he just had said. Why have i just said that. What did I even say ? Oh my god I am an idiot.
Oh wow.. So he really had moved on.. I guess it's better if I know but actually I think I would have prefered not knowing it... Wiping one of her tears with her hand, she just let go everything, and started sobbing like she never had done. Cora had killed Daniel, Zelena had made Robin love her, well love Marian but still. Why do I always end up like this ? Robin, come to take me into your arms, reassure me, I need it...
He couldn't even face her, how could he even have taken her in his arms ? He stayed there, standing up, still turning his back at her. I can't take her in my arms, I just can't, not now... Oh damn this bloody brain, shut up. Without listening to his brain anymore, following his heart, he walked toward the couch where his soulmate was sitting, sobbing, her face burried into her hands, trying to control herself for not breaking everything in the appartment that wasn't hers. He took her forearm and helped her standing up and envelopped her with his arms. She burried her face into his chest, breathing his perfume. She was only trying to calm down. She knew it anyway. She knew Zelena had only disguised herself as Marian, she knew she hadn't drugged him in order to get him in her bed, she knew all of this. But, hearing him admitting it, that was too much for her to handle.
Being here, in his arms like this, was calming her. It was helping her. She felt protected by his strong arms, at this moment, it was like nothing or nobody could break what they had. And yet, Zelena was in their both mind. They had to discuss about the baby, about how they would raise her. They both knew it, but first, Robin wanted to reassure her.
Without letting her go out of their embrace, he kissed the bottom of her head, which was still burried in his chest. She was finally calmed, she felt a bit better. He breathed deeply and finally opened his mouth to talk. ''I know it won't fix anything, I know you'll still be hurt and bad after that but I need to tell you that I'm here now. There's no one I'd rather be with. I'm with you and only you. You're the only one that I need and want with me. I really don't intend to let you go once again. I don't.'' Feeling that she was taking a step back, he removed his hand from around her but took her hands in his, making her looking at him. ''Do you remember what I told you the day the Snow Queen have casted her curse ?''
We're here, and this is true. Nodding, she smiled a little bit. ''I do.''
''Then, we're still here, and this is still true. We hold on. Everything around us is a mess but you and I, our feelings, us, we're still here. Your sister tried to destroy everything but have she succeed ? I don't think so. Because now, she is the one to be alone, I am still here for you. You have Henry, and me, and Roland, and my daughter. You have a real family around you, to love you.''
Your daughter, she's not mine. ''Thank you,'' she whispered, crashing her lips against his. She felt really better. When she pulled back, she saw him raising his eyebrows with an interrogative look. She smiled and added, ''I needed that. I needed you to tell me things to reassure me, I did. I need you too, I want you too. Our family is all I need to be fullfilled by happiness. But we need to talk about this baby.'' Leading him back to the couch, she sat beside him. ''Shall we ?''
''Indeed..''
Suddenly, they began at the same time ''We can't...''
Smiling, Regina added ''Go first.''
''Oh.. Ok. I know that this is my daughter but she is Zelena's too. She can't take her away from me, I won't let her doing that, but we can't take her away from Zelena either.''
I guess I'll have to deal with it... ''I know.. And I agree'' even if it's killing me. ''She have some rights on this baby that I don't have because she's not mine,'' she said, sighing loudly. ''And so, she should be able to see her. We have to give her some time with her daughter.''
Trying to guess what was in her mind, he added quickly ''That won't change anything between us though. I'm doing it only because Roland grew up without his mother, and he had suffered about this. I just don't want my daughter to suffer when I could have prevent her for suffering. She have a mother, who is not dead and who can – well, who have the ability to – take care of her, even if I think that it's not a really good idea. This is her daughter too, we have to give Zelena some time with our baby.''
Maybe it could be a good idea actually. ''Look, maybe this baby is the only way for her to change,'' Taking her phone, searching in her old pictures to find one of baby Henry, she smiled at the picture and continued ''We have given her so many chances and she never have taken one, not even once. But – and that kills me to admit it – she is like me. You know I've done so many awful things in my past,'' I even have killed your wife the first time..
''And I'm ok with it, really. I've chosen you and only you. The good, the bad. The past, the present, and the future. Whatever happened in the past, I don't care, I'm ok with that, because this is not who you are anymore. For me, you're not the Evil Queen, you're just Regina. But if you still were the Evil Queen, I'd have the same behavior toward you. You are you and I'm with you because I've chosen all the little parts of you.''
''Yeah, I know. And me with you. Anyway, all the things I've done, I've done them because I only wanted revenge, revenge on Snow White for having revealed my secret to Cora. This day, she've stolen me everything that I had. And Zelena, she only wants revenge. Revenge on me for having everything that she have always wanted. Love. She feels like if I have stolen her mother, her mentor and lover. And I feel like I have. Cora sent her away to Oz whereas she have kept me. Rumple gave up on her whereas he kept training me.''
Seeing her wiping a tear which was rolling down her cheek, he took her hand once again. ''This is not your fault. Cora gave up on her because she wanted power. You weren't even born, how could you even changed this ? Rumple gave up on her because he had understood that she was filled by envy and jealousy toward you. He wanted to teach magic to someone who deserved it.''
And now her daughter... Nodding, she added ''And now, the fact that I'm here, with you, taking care of HER daughter, that's not helping. And I understand her for that. When Emma...'' She was calming herself, trying not to sob again. ''When she first came into Storybrooke and tried to keep Henry away from me, I've done things that I'm still not proud of.. I.. I tried to kill her, – a sleeping curse but, you know.. But Henry was the one to eat the apple turnover that was supposed to curse her. At this moment I realized that Henry was the one who was suffering the most about this fight I was having with Emma since she first came here.''
He was still listening to her, thinking about her past and how it presented similar things with his. I didn't know that.
''But I loved him. He was – and still is – my son, and I needed to do everything I could to help him, to save him. Emma kissed him on his forehead and, you know, true love's kiss. He woke up and the curse had been broken. For this town, I only became the Evil Queen once again, you know, that awful person who is only ripping some hearts out and crushing them or keeping them in her vault. For them, I've always been the Evil Queen.''
But for me, you're more than that..
''So, after Mary Margaret and Emma had been sent in the Enchanted Forest, when I heard that Cora was maybe about to be back, I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't because I finally had someone to love, and all my life, she had tried to teach me that Love Is Weakness, I just didn't want her to take Henry away from me, because he was the only one to actually believe in me. He had started to trust me again and I couldn't let her destroy my relationship with my son, but she did. Because after I saved Emma and Mary Margaret, Cora came into Storybrooke, disguised herself in me, made everyone believe that I had killed Archie. And guess what, everyone had believed that I had. Everyone.'' Even Henry at the beginning. ''Nobody had never believed in me. Not even once. They didn't want to believe that I could change. Except my son. He maybe have first believed that I had killed Archie, but at the moment he knew it wasn't the truth, he had believed that I could change.''
It wasn't sadness in her eyes anymore, it was pain. Because she realized how it had been hard for her to change. ''So I had no choice. I needed to prove them wrong, for Henry. I needed to show them that I could change, and be a hero. I would be dead if it wasn't for Henry. I saved the town from Greg and Tamara with Emma's help. So, when I learned that my son had been kidnapped and sent to Neverland, I've had to team up with them. Oh trust me, it was difficult. Because they still weren't believing in me. No, they weren't. I had to do a lot of things for them to finally accept me, for them to finally accept that I had change.'' Breathing loudly, she continued ''When we have succeeded, when we went back into Storybrooke, that's when they have finally started believing in me and being grateful because I helped saving them. And yet, it wasn't won anyway.''
''I know what happened next, I was here. I know now why it was so hard for you to be here, with your son, who still didn't know who you are. Plus Zelena wasn't helping.''
Wiping another tear, pulling herself together, she tried to speak but failed. Breathe..''At the end of the day, Henry, my child, is the reason I've changed. My love for him is the reason I've changed. I wanted to be a better person, a better mother for him. He deserved it. My love for Henry pushed me to be a better person, until one day, I realized I wanted to be good for myself.'' And then for you. ''I just needed a motivation to change because I wasn't strong enough to do it for myself. My revenge was the only thing I lived for, until I got Henry. He may not be my son but,''
What is she saying ? ''Hey, stop that. You're his mother as much as Emma. You may not be his biological mother but who was here to take care of him when he was sick ? Who was here to change his diapers ? Who was the one to be here to help him breathing and to calm him when he had nightmares ? Who have led him to school every morning ? Who have healed every little injuries by a magical kiss ? You've loved – and still love – him more than your own life. You've changed for him. If it's not love, if it's not being a mother, tell me what this is.''
She always had been so unsure when it came to her motherhood toward Henry. She had forgiven Emma and Snow for everything but, about Henry, that didn't change anything. She felt like someday, he could somehow push her away because she wasn't his 'real' mother.
Pressing his forehead against hers, he tried to cheer her up. ''Never forget that you're his mother as much as Emma is. And he loves you as much as you love him.'' And so do I.
Hesitating, she spoke again. ''Thank you, Robin. For everything.'' Pulling back, she thought about Zelena and all the situation once again. ''So.. What I was trying to tell you, is that, without Henry, my son, well, the love for my son, I probably would never have changed. I can't help but thinking that, Zelena, there's still hope for her. I can't help but thinking that she still can be redeemable at some points. I know she haven't taken any of the chances we have given her but.. Neither did I. Snow and David, they gave me hundreds of chances, and I never have taken any of them. Never. Until I got Henry.''
Oh.. ''So you think she could become good, thanks to her daughter ?''
''Well, I don't know.. But maybe we should give her a chance. She needs to see her daughter, and as you told me, we can't take this baby away from her, because she is her mother.''
Robin was looking at her, trying to understand how Regina was feeling, talking about this. I'm pretty sure she's hurt, again, but she's hiding it, again. ''I don't know if we can trust her though. She is the most wicked person we've ever met. You know it more than anyone else Regina. At the minute she'll have her, she'll find a way to fly away to Oz with my daughter and she'll take her away from us. And I'm pretty sure her plan is already ready.''
True.. ''What can we do then ? I'm not preventing her from seeing this baby. No way. As much as I hate her – and you know how much I do because she've ruined me – I'm not taking her baby like this. She needs a chance. I know too well how it's painful for a mother to be separated from her child. I've forgiven her since a long time but Emma tried to do it for me with Henry too. So, trust me, I won't do that to another person, even if I hate her with every pieces of my soul. We need to find a solution.'' I'm not her mother. I don't have any right on this baby so I'm not the one who should take decisions toward her...
''I guess so.'' And I guess I'm the one who should find it...
''So ?'' She was asking him, raising her eyebrows, waiting for him to talk. Seeing him thinking, she thought about some solutions too.
Raising his shoulders, he was totally lost. He didn't know what to do because he totally wasn't ready to trust the Wicked Witch.
''Look, Robin,'' with those words, she got him out of his thought. ''Maybe we can let Zelena see your daughter, but never without one of us. I mean, we have to be here if she wants to see her. That's the only solution. The only way to let her see her daughter, without giving her too much freedom. Because we all know she doesn't deserve any of this. But I'm ready to trust her if she proves me wrong. If she proves me that she can be a good person for this baby, then I'll be totally ready to let you share the custody. If I realize that she can be better for her, trust me, I'll help her changing.''
That was painful for her because she was giving her sister, the person she hated the most, another chance, once again. She was giving her a chance to change, and she was ready to help her if Zelena was genuinely ready to change. And that was painful because, when Regina was changing, nobody had been here for her, except Henry. But some times, she could have used a friend to give her advices, to help her not doing things that she could regret.
''I won't let her know this, though. It'll depend on how she will react when we'll expose her the 'deal'. I don't want her to betray us again. And believe me, if she tries to betray us again, if she tries to go back to Oz, I won't be gentle with her. But in any other case, I won't hurt her. I won't kill or hurt the mother of your daughter.''
''I still am not ready to trust her. But I'm ready to trust you. So I accept this situation, I accept this solution. Because, to be honest, that's the only one we have. I am scared that she could hurt my daughter though.''
He was genuinely affraid of this, she could see it. Trying to reassure him, she took his hand and added ''If there is one thing that I'm sure about, it's that she would never hurt that baby. You or me, yes. She would be capable of hurting us. But she'd never do that to her daughter. I know that.''
I love that woman. God, I love her. The way, she is always here to help me, to forgive me, even when I've ruined her and made her cry everyday during months... I feel so guilty.. But thanks to this conversation, now I know we can move on. I know we can get through that, we can get through everything, thanks to the fact that we love each other.
''Thank you Regina,'' holding his both hands, he pulled himself closer to her, ''for everything.'' He pressed his lips on hers. They kissed each other passionately. That was love, they could now go through everything, they knew that. This kiss meant many things. It meant that he was sorry, that she was forgiving him, that he was ready to trust her, and so was she. Pulling back but letting his forehead pressed against hers, he opened his eyes, and stared at her. ''I...''
''I know.''