If Shigure Acted Like A DOG
By: ChipsAhoyPup
It was a hot day. I think. Or was it raining? Okay, it really doesn't matter what the weather was. It matters more about what the ACTUAL story is about. Sooo, on to the story, yes?
It starts out with Hatori. Not Shigure. Shigure comes later. Hatori's plot is more important. Hehheh. Anyways, today was a good day, I think. Hatori was thinking to himself. Like always. He doesn't say things out loud, you know. He just thinks them. ANYWAYS, today he was thinking of something EVIL. Hatori thinks about evil things alot. But he doesn't say them out loud. But you knew that.
Maybe I will put dog DNA in Shigure's food today, Hatori thought. I wonder why Hatori would think that? It's so random. But, oh well. It was Hatori's thoughts. And he was a doctor. So getting dog DNA wouldn't be hard. I assume, at least. I mean, it would be easy to go to the vet, tell them it was an emergency, and that he needed dog DNA. Right? RIGHT?
Well, apparently it was. He went to the vet and said, "Can I have dog DNA? I'm a doc--"
"I don't really care who you are! Do you think I'd give out dog DNA? Well, do you?!" The person at the desk shouted. "Well, your right! Here you go!" And the person at the desk gave Hatori dog DNA.
So, since Hatori had his materials, he went to Shigure's house straight away. Who would've thought that Hatori would be the type to play such pranks?
WELL I DID! I DIIIIIIID! BUAHAHAHA! Okay, back to the story.
Hatori was invited into the house right away. Because Tohru's a foolish girl who always lets random people into the Sohma house. She probably hoped it was a murderer so they could kill one of the stupid guys that always made her work. Wait, that's kind of out-of-charecter. Oh well.
So Hatori said, "What did you make for dinner?" That's kinda rude, though, because it seems like he wants some of the dinner. BUT HE DIDN'T! HE HAD AN EVIL PLOT!
"Oh, uh, I didn't, um, know you wanted some, er, Hatori-kun. I'm sorry! I'll, I'll make you some, er, right away, uh!" Tohru cried out.
Hatori laughed an evil laugh that went like, "Muahahahaha." Tohru stared at him in a way that went like, "O.O" So Hatori cleared his throat and kissed her.
YEAH RIGHT! YOU WISH!
What really happened was Hatori said, "I don't want any dinner. I just want to know which plate is Shigure's."
Tohru nodded. "Okie-dokie, arta-chokie." This made everyone chokie. Because Tohru doesn't say weird things like that. At least I hope.
Tohru pointed at a bowl. It had leeks in it and miso and all this crap that they eat in Fruits Basket EVERY DAY. Okay, anyways, Hatori then poured the whole thing of dog DNA into the food. Tohru stared.
"Thank you. G'day." Then Hatori left.
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It was dinner time! Time for the plot to actually start! Hahaha! Okay, so, everyone was having a dinner-chat. As usual. Because no one ever eats dinner without talking in the Sohma house. The conversation went as so:
"DAMN RAT YOUR A DAMN RAT!"
"Baka Neko, Stupid Cat."
"Er, uh, p-please, s-stop fighting, er, sorry, uh..."
That's basically what EVERY conversation went like. But this time Shigure didn't make any perverted comments. At first no one notices, and keep arguing. Then they get all confused of the quietness on the other end of the table.
"Have you noticed that Shigure hasn't said anything at all?" Yuki suddenly asked. Everyone slowly turned their head toward Shigure. And then their faces all contorted into a, "O.O" face.
Because Shigure was itching his ear with his foot.
"What are you doing?!" Snapped Kyo.
Shigure stopped and stared at them, but said nothing. He was sitting in a weird position, a kinda frog-like position.
"Eh, uh, that is, are you okay, Shigure-kun?" Tohru asked in her sweet voice. (A/N Though her voice sounds annoying to me. -.-)
Shigure continued to stare at them. They all stared back, confused. Then Shigure finally talked. Except no one expected what came out of his mouth. "Woof!"
Yuki's eyes widened. "Er, Shigure, are you trying to be funny?" Because it wasn't funny to them. It was creepy.
"Woof," Answered Shigure. His tounge was sticking out on the side of his mouth. Kind of like a... dog.
"IS THAT ALL YOUR GONNA SAY, DAMN DOG?" Snapped Kyo.
"Woof," Replied Shigure, which made Kyo get even more aggitated.
"Uh, um, Kyo, I think Shigure-kun, that is, doesn't mean any harm," Tohru said before Kyo could smash the table into the pervert's head.
Kyo turned to Tohru. "He's messed up in the head!" He snapped at Tohru. Tohru flinched.
"Don't yell at Honda-san," Growled Yuki.
"Oh yeah, you want some of this, damn rat?" Kyo snapped.
"Like you can do any damage," Yuki snorted.
"Uh, um, Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun, er, that is, Shigure-kun's, er..." Tohru didn't know how to say what he was doing. So Kyo and Yuki looked for themselves to find out. Yet another 3-paired, "O.O" face was made.
Shigure was running on his hands and knees in circles, snapping at his butt.
"WHAT THE--?" Kyo yelled.
"Shigure?" Yuki said in his soft voice. Shigure stopped running in circles, but still stood on his hands and knees as he stared up at Yuki.
"I think I know what happened," Tohru said, suddenly not speaking with, "er"s and "uh"s and "um"s. Because I don't like writing them every time she opens her mouth.
"What happened, Honda-san?" Yuki asked.
"Hatori-kun came and he asked me which bowl was Shigure's, so I showed him which one and he poured some liquid into it," Tohru explained.
"What does that have to do with Shigure acting like a doofus?" Kyo growled.
"Everything," Replied Yuki. "You're too dense to know, though." Yuki raced to the phone and dialed Hatori's number.
"Hello?" Hatori's voice echoed through the phone.
"Hatori, what did you put in Shigure's food today?" Yuki asked hurriedly.
"Dog DNA. Why?" Hatori asked. He was acting stupid. Not that that would work.
"Because now he's acting like a dog! What were you thinking?" Scolded Yuki.
"I was thinking that it would be funny."
Now that Yuki thought about it, it was kind of funny to see a 27-year-old running around in circles. But not too funny when it's your guardian. Who happens to be a dog zodiac. "Look, what's the antidote?"
"How should I know?" Grumbled Hatori.
"In case you haven't noticed, your a doctor," Yuki muttered.
"Yes, but I'm not a vetranarian." There was a click and then the line went dead. Yuki grumpily hung the phone up and glared at it. Then he went into the room and told Kyo and Tohru what happened.
"Dog DNA? Why would he do that?" Complained Kyo.
"How should I know how Hatori's brain works? What's more important is to find the antidote," Muttered Yuki, staring down at Shigure, who was now occupying himself in a gross manner.
"Make him stop! It hurts my eyes!" Kyo snapped, looking away.
"What do you want me to do?" Replied Yuki, who already had looked away. Tohru, meanwhile, was running away screaming.
"Dump water on him so he'll think he's clean enough!"
"Oh, yeah, because that always works."
"How should I know what a damn dog does?!"
"Because the lowest creature, a cat, does worse."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE DRINKS IN A TOILET!" Kyo shouted.
"Don't give him ideas," Groaned Yuki.
Shigure had stopped the licking. So Tohru came back in. "What are we supposed to do when Shigure's acting like a dog?" She whimpered, pointing at him.
"We can get him a small cage," Suggested Kyo.
"We are not putting our cousin in a cage." Yuki looked a bit disturbed by that idea.
"Yuki's scared of cages," Sang Kyo.
"Please don't act like Shigure right now, when he's acting like a mutt," Yuki said, folding his arms.
"Does Akito know how to help?" Kyo and Yuki turned and stared at Tohru. "I mean, er, because Akito's the head of the family and everything, so I just thought--"
"That Akito would act out of the kindness of his heart?! Puh-lease," Growled Kyo.
"I don't see you giving out ideas, Kyo," Replied Yuki.
Before Kyo could reply, a ding-dong echoed through-out the house. (A/N Do they have a doorbell? How should I know?) All 3 teenagers' eyes widened, and they looked over at Shigure. He was tensed up, again on his hands and knees, teeth gritted, growling.
"Please, no," Hissed Yuki. But it was too late.
"WOOF WOOF RUFF WOOF RUFF!" Barked Shigure, racing towards the door.
"Kyo, get him!" Yuki snapped. Kyo charged after his cousin. He grabbed Shigure's waist and started pulling backwards. But Shigure was heavier than him. So Kyo was heaving as hard as he could, panting.
"Little help over here," He breathed. Yuki ran up to Kyo and pushed Shigure, while Kyo pulled. (A/N No, not in that way. Please don't think like a pervert. x3) They finally got him into another room and slammed the door to that room shut behind Shigure. They sighed in relief, while listening to their older cousin's hands scrabble against the door. "God, he's like a dog."
Yuki glared at Kyo's stupidity. "He is a dog, or have you forgotten already?"
"I just--" Ding-dong! "Damn, the door!" Kyo raced to get the door. He opened it to find Hiro and Kisa standing there.
"Can't you get the door faster? Or do you just leave little kids standing on the door-step so they can be abducted by strangers?" Hiro growled as he walked in. "And what about the owner of this house, huh? Doesn't he care about his house-guests?"
"The owner of the house is currently acting like a mutt!" Snapped Kyo. Hiro and Kisa stared at him.
"It's not nice to make fun of the owner of the house, Kyo. You're just lucky he lets someone as stupid and annoying as you stay here," Replied Hiro.
"Oh, er, Hiro-kun, he's telling the truth," Tohru said. "Shigure-kun, that is, is acting like a dog." (A/N I wonder why she always says "that is"? All I know is in the anime AND the manga, she says that, so I wanna punch her! ^.^)
Hiro and Kisa stared with an, "O.O" face. Because, I mean, Tohru never ever lies. So she must be telling the truth. "...Sissy, why is Shigure acting like a dog?" Kisa said quietly.
"Oh, hi, Kisa-kun! It's because Hatori-kun put dog DNA in Shigure-kun's food," Tohru said. More "O.O" staring ensued. Tohru's face was, "^.^;"
Yuki suddenly came in, looking tired. "Okay, I gave Shigure a bone, and--" Then he saw Hiro and Kisa, who looked up at Yuki with an, "O.O" face. "Uh, hi."
"...Hi, Yuki," Whispered Kisa, who looked really confused.
"Hi," Said Hiro hurriedly. "What's all this talk about Shigure acting like a dog, huh?"
Yuki scratched his forehead. "We... don't know."
"All we know is we were in the middle of eating and he started barking and scratching his ear with his foot!" Shouted Kyo, not seeming happy at all.
Needless to say, Hiro and Kisa were out the door within 2 seconds. I'm sure they were afraid that Shigure's craziness would cause him to run out and attack them. Because they probably didn't know he was trapped in Kyo's bedroom right now.
"Wait a minute, I just realized, we locked that damn dog in my room!" Shouted Kyo. Yuki, meanwhile, looked amused, while Tohru looked shocked.
So Kyo raced to his room and opened the door. Then he froze, staring into the room, shocked. Within 5 minutes of the dog being trapped in there, books were ripped to shreds, the lamp in pieces on the floor, his matress for his bed totally torn-up. Totally ruined.
And laying on his torn-up bed was Shigure, curled up in a ball with a bone in his mouth. It was a total "O.O" moment. Which seemed to be happening alot lately. "SHIIIIGUUUUREEEEE!" Kyo screeched.
Hearing his name, Shigure immediatly woke up and stared up at Kyo. He starts panting, tounge sticking out, then runs straight at Kyo. "No, sicko, get away!" Kyo growled, running from the dog. Shigure, on his hands and knees, chased Kyo around the whole house, while Yuki watched laughing, and Tohru looked on. Then Shigure knocked Kyo over and started licking his face. "Get off!" Kyo screeched in total disgust. Tohru snapped out of her daze and stared. Yuki was now rolling around on the ground, cracking up.
But no one helped Kyo get Shigure off of him. So Kyo had to push and push and push. (A/N That sounded so perverted! xD) Finally Kyo got his heavy cousin off of him and sat up, panting. His face dripped with saliva, which made Yuki laugh even more. "You think that's funny, you damn rat?"
"No, I think it's hilarious," Replied Yuki between laughs. Tohru was laughing, too. "Even Honda-san thinks it's funny."
"I-I'm sorry, Ky-Kyo-k-kun," Gasped Tohru.
"WHATEVER! LET'S JUST FIND OUT THE DAMN ANTIDOTE ALREADY!" Kyo yelled. Shigure was now leaping at Kyo's leg, aggitating Kyo even more. So he lashed his leg out and kicked Shigure.
"YELP YIPE YELP YIPE!" Cried out Shigure, racing out the conveniently still-opened door. Because when Hiro and Kisa had left they hadn't closed the door. So Shigure was now racing through the whole neighberhood!
"Great job! Now he's gone!" Shouted Yuki.
"What do you want ME to do?" Screeched Kyo. "HE'S THE ONE WHO'S GETTING ON MY NERVES!"
"He can't help having dog DNA in his system," Grunted Yuki. Suddenly he had an idea. It wasn't a pretty one, but it was an idea.
Kyo and Tohru noticed the bright look on Yuki's face. "What?" Kyo growled.
"It's in his system. Don't you get it?" Yuki sighed at the dumb looks on Kyo and Tohru's faces. "We have to get it out of his system," Yuki said, as if it was obvious.
"...WHAT?!" Kyo shouted. "HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT? HE WON'T USE A TOILET!"
"No, duh," Groaned Yuki. Realization struck Kyo's face.
"NO... FREAKING... WAY," Kyo snapped.
Yuki sighed, "Would you rather having a crazy older cousin thinking he's a dog all his life?"
Kyo looked annoyed and disgusted at the same time. "Why can't we just put a diaper on him?"
"Oh, yeah, great idea! Let the whole world think he's acting like a baby, crawling on his hands and knees."
"Hey, he already looks crazy!"
"If you'd rather, we can do it the cat way."
"What?" Kyo asked, tilting his head to the side. "What is 'the cat way'?"
"Litter-box," Muttered Yuki, putting a hand on his forehead.
"..." Kyo stared. "How are we gonna get him to go? Trap him in a room naked with only a litter-box? That won't work!"
"Still don't see you giving ideas out," Yuki said. "But, actually, the sarcastic idea sounded good."
Kyo gave him a creeped-out stare. "I'm not taking his clothes off!"
"Someone has to," Yuki replied. "Why not you? He already licked your face."
Tohru still had a dumb look on her face. Obviously she didn't understand what they were talking about. But it was better that way, right?
"That has NOTHING to do with who strips him!" Snapped Kyo.
"I think it has everything to do with that," Replied Yuki smugly. Kyo scowled, an angry vein throbbing on his forehead.
"FINE, DAMN RAT, I'LL DO IT!" Snapped Kyo. (A/N I only made him give in right away because I need to get this story moving along) "BUT IT'LL ONLY PROVE THAT I'LL BEAT YOU SOME DAY!"
"This is a new one," Said Yuki sarcastically.
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"Here, doggy, doggy," Called Yuki. He and Kyo had agreed that if Kyo would strip Shigure and shove him in a room with a litter-box, Yuki would have to be the one to get Shigure back home. Please tell me he's not a real dog right now, Pleaded Yuki, afraid that Shigure either got really stressed or bumped into a girl.
Suddenly, "WOOF WOOF RUFF WOOF!" echoed through the neighborhood. Then Yuki saw Shigure chasing a chipmunk up a tree. Damn it! He'll never come back! But the chipmunk gave Yuki an idea.
He raced back to the Sohma house and went up to Tohru. "Honda-san, sorry for this to be so sudden, but--" Yuki quickly hugged Tohru, who started freaking out. When doesn't she? Then Yuki, now a mouse, raced towards where he'd last seen Shigure. Gotta be quick, gotta be quick, He told himself as he ran. He found Shigure barking at a tree. "Er, uh, squeak?" Yuki said, trying to get Shigure's attention. It worked.
Shigure looked over and noticed the mouse. He immediatly tore after Yuki, who started running for his life. I should've remembered that he can kill me in two seconds! Yuki cried out silently as he ran. He got Shigure into the house and quickly skidded at the turn. He scrambled at where the room was supposed to be and ran head-long into Kyo's foot. "Get him in there!" Yuki cried as Shigure came scampering after him.
Kyo looked surprised to see that Yuki was in his mouse-form, but was quick at pushing Shigure hastily into the litter-box room. Then he slammed the door. "I didn't get to take his clothes off," Grunted Kyo, sweatdropping.
"It's fine for now. Errr, I guess we'll just throw out that kimono after." Yuki sweatdropped, too.
Then Yuki turned human and Kyo ran like Tohru usually does, except he didn't scream. He just ran. (A/N I allowed them a victory chat, but you know that they can't get along for long)
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"You think it's time, now?" Yuki asked.
"It's been a freakin' hour. Just check already," Growled Kyo.
"Why don't you check?" Yuki smirked, amused at having another argument.
"BECAUSE I SHOVED HIM INTO THE ROOM!" Kyo snapped.
"Yes, but our agreement was that you were to take his clothes off. Hehheh, and hey, guess what you didn't do?" Yuki replied.
"LIKE YOU DID ANYTHING!" Kyo stood up, raising a fist into the air in anger.
"I turned into a mouse and ran for my life, almost getting trampled by a clumsy idiot. Does that sound like nothing to you?" Yuki raised an eyebrow, staying seated with his arms crossed.
"AT LEAST YOU--"
"I'll check, Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun." Kyo and Yuki turned to see Tohru, blushing furiously and staring at the ground. "I don't want you to fight, so I'll check."
But this immediatly resulted in Kyo and Yuki both having to check with Tohru. Who didn't see that coming?
Deciding to take the safe reproach, Kyo stepped forward and pounded on the door. "Yo, dog," Snapped Kyo. Tohru giggled, and Kyo turned to glare at her.
"I'm sorry. You sounded like a gangster," Apologized Tohru. This caused Yuki to laugh a bit, too. Because who wouldn't laugh at Tohru saying the word "gangster"?
Kyo smirked, and decided to amuse Tohru a bit. So he rapped on the door again, calling out, "Ya done in there, dawg?" Tohru laughed politely. Yuki looked very bemused and bored. Everyone then stood and waited for anything. They weren't ready for what happened next. (A/N Because every single thing that's happened in this story, they weren't ready for! XD ^.^)
The whole door collapsed, crushing Kyo under it's weight. And there, on his hands and knees, was Shigure, panting furiously. Tohru and Yuki stared at Shigure, then glanced down at where Kyo was being crushed to death by a fallen door. Yuki laughed while Tohru raced forward, trying to save poor Kyo's life.
When the door was pulled off of Kyo, he sat up and gave Shigure a death glare. Shigure didn't notice, because he was too busy looking on with a dopey gaze while panting. "DAMN DOG, YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!" Kyo bellowed. Shigure glanced up, and suddenly his eyes went very big and sad. His lower lip trembled like a toddler and he crawled off like one, too. Everyone stared at him, and more importantly, the huge brown stain on his lower area of the kimono.
"Crap," Groaned Yuki. "What now? Apparently that didn't work!"
"Ha! This time YOUR idea didn't work! It's called payback! Or revenge! Whichever you'd rather!" Kyo shouted victoriously, lifting his head up and laughing.
"You do know that the fact that his kimono is soiled is your fault, right?" Yuki said. Kyo sweatdropped and stopped laughing. "Right. So, do you want to take it off?"
"No way, man. Why would I risk my life--" Kyo started, but suddenly Shigure leapt at Tohru. Tohru looked very scared.
"HONDA-SAN!" Cried out Yuki.
"TOHRU!" Kyo yelled at the same time.
POOF!
The two boys went frantic until they heard a familiaur groan. Then they stopped cold. "Wha-what happened?" It wasn't Tohru talking.
It was Shigure!
Kyo and Yuki both sighed at the same time. Shigure, meanwhile, was noticing that he was clinging to Tohru in dog form. His eyes widened as he saw that he was crushing Tohru. "Oh, Tohru! Oh, er, I'm so sorry! Uhhh, what happened? Uh, guess I should get off you, er..." Shigure walked backwards, sweatdropping.
Tohru sat up, a huge bump on her forehead. "Gaaaah. I-It's alright, Shigure-kun... at least... your back to normal," Tohru groaned, her head spinning. Before she could fall again, Shigure raced underneath her head and used his back to prop her up.
"B... back to normal? What?" Shigure turned to Kyo and Yuki to ask them what happened. But they had both fallen asleep on top of each other. Exaustion had gotten the best of them. And, so, Shigure was to wait until the next day to find out what happened. But in the meantime, he could take a picture of Kyo and Yuki sleeping together and use it for blackmail. Because that's what perverts do!
A/N So, how did you like the story? I came up with the idea by drawing pictures in my notebook! ^.^ I decided it would be such a good idea. Because, it's VERY hard to imagine a perverted 27-year-old to suddenly start going on his hands and knees and act like a dog! So, anyways, that's the story. I guess turning into a dog made the dog DNA wash out of his veins or something. Don't ask me how that worked! I just thought it would be funny, because I BET YOU that Shigure would think he did something VERY bad to Tohru. He's a pervert, you know! And apparently so am I! See ya later! ^.^