A/N: Hello, it's me, Yutaan, and I am not dead. And "Consequence" will update again. Eventually.

But for now, here is a short KH fic, the insight for which was gained by long, exhaustive hours of staring at a TV screen, munching Doritos and occasionally blinking. It was a glorious excursion into the very souls of the KH characters, I tell you. Their tasty, delicious SOULS.

Disclaimer: I OWN KHII! ... It's true. It's right there in its little box. I bought it at the mall.

KHII – Reality Strikes

-a one-act play inspired by sheer dumbassery-

CAST

SORA: a hero, and possibly a serial murderer.

XEMNAS: a man with an eye-blistering coat.

RIKU: Sora's recently-reformed best friend, who is not an idiot.

AXEL: a man with a strange obsession for a certain blonde fifteen-year-old.

BERT: a policeman.

NATHAN: a policeman.

JIM: a policeman.

RICH: a policeman.

- - -

(Scene: Final battle of KHII, part two. The opposing parties have finished their obligatory speeches about light and darkness and eternity and whatnot, and are now preparing to leap upon one another in a testosterone-charged Keyblade-fest.)

SORA: (charging forward) RARRRGH!

XEMNAS: (admiring his own atrocious coat) RARRRGH!

(Before the slashing can begin, a siren is heard and a police car careens into the area. Four policemen, BERT, NATHAN, JIM, and RICH, all leap out.)

JIM: (pulling out his gun) Freeze!

NATHAN: (consulting a piece of paper) Yep, that's him. The serial murderer!

SORA: Oh, are you guys gonna arrest Xemnas? Great! But I got it covered, y'know, got a Keyblade an' all….

JIM: I said freeze! (tackles Sora and locks a pair of handcuffs around his wrists)

BERT: (in a bored voice) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law….

SORA: Huh?! What are you doing?! I'm not a serial murderer, he is!

XEMNAS: (whistles innocently)

NATHAN: So you deny the charges of murdering one Mr. Lexaeus, one Ms. Larxene, one Mr. Zexion, one Ms. – sorry, Mr. – Marluxia, one Mr. Xaldin, one Mr. Xigbar, one Mr. Luxord, one Mr. Vexen, one Mr. Demyx, and one Mr. Saix?

SORA: Uh… well, no, but –

XEMNAS: (hamming it up) An evil, evil child! Mercilessly slaughtering my poor coworkers! --fake sob--

RICH: (pats Xemnas on the shoulder) There, there. We'll put him away for a long time, don't you worry.

SORA: But I'm the good guy! Riku'll tell you! …Riku?

RIKU: (says nothing, having wisely fled the scene some time ago. Hey, I told you he wasn't an idiot.)

JIM: (hustles Sora to his feet)

BERT: I'd stop talking if I were you. Just digging yourself deeper into a hole.

SORA: But they were stealing people's hearts!

NATHAN: What, your girlfriend dumped you for one of them?

BERT: Petty reason to kill someone.

SORA: Well, Saix DID take Kairi…. But –

JIM: (snorts)

SORA: No, that's not... But… I mean… but they're Nobodies!

XEMNAS: --fake sob-- You racist!

SORA: SHUT UP! I'M THE HERO, DAMN IT! I HAVE SWEATED BLOOD FOR THIS! I LOST MY MEMORIES! I FOUGHT EPIC BATTLES! I HAVE CHARMED THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF TEENAGE GIRLS WITH THE PURE CRACKHEADED TOOTHINESS OF MY BRILLIANT SMILE!

JIM: That is IT! (pistol-whips Sora) That speech just earned you a trip down to the station in the company of the pedophile we picked up this morning! Lucky you.

(BERT and JIM begin to drag SORA to the police car. BERT opens the door.)

SORA: NOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA RIDE WITH A PED- oh, hey Axel.

AXEL: (from inside the car) Yo. --sigh-- Apparently Roxas didn't appreciate the fiery persistence of my love-filled midnight visits….

(SORA is loaded into the police car with AXEL. BERT and JIM get in and drive off into the horizon, which is strange since that final battle takes place in some freaky abyss-thing. NATHAN, RICH and XEMNAS all stand looking after the car.)

XEMNAS: …That was anticlimactic.

RICH: A kid like that, a serial murderer…. --sniff-- What is society coming to?

NATHAN: (patting Rich on the shoulder) I tell ya, it's all 'cause of those violent video games.

A/N: Xemnas's coat IS atrocious; it's got all those creepy little black n' white swirls on it. I mean, sheesh, he couldn't just go for the traditional black-leather-pants-sans-shirt look Ansem coined in KH? Come on. The fangirls would leave their AkuRoku parties and come flocking to him. FLOCKING, I tell you.

Read? Review? Please? Cookie. --waves a cookie before you--