Conflict of Interests
By: ZekksGoddess

Disclaimer: I'm not making any profit from this, I'm just playing…don't worry.

Timeframe: Right after Dead Man's Chest.

Summary: I'm not an affectionate man, I'm not thoughtful like Turner, and I don't have such fluency for words as Sparrow, but beside this stern façade, I do feel. Even the unlikeliest people could be falling apart inside- the musings of James Norrington.

Characters: James Norrington

Genre: Angst

Pairings: N/A

AN: This vignette may is riddled with spoilers for Dead Man's Chest if you haven't seen it yet- beware! Everyone who has seen it- I hope you enjoy!

It's done.

Nearly an hour ago I presented the heart of Davy Jones to Lord Beckett. His men escorted me to this posh room, on Beckett's orders of course, to rest and freshen up while he met with a few higher-ups of the East India Trading Company.

I used to command this building; it's strange, and frustrating, I must admit, to be treated as a guest- to see Lord Beckett acting as the authority.

He assured me I would be rewarded for my efforts on behalf of the East India Trading Company and himself. He mentioned the possibility of reactivating my commission as well. He promised to send for me soon, for questioning- after all, I did just leave him a very important artifact.

So it's done. And I harbor no regret. None.

I know that I've done exactly what I had to.

I'm not an imbecile, I know the heart is important, more so that the compass even, judging from Beckett's reaction. But I can't forget the look in his eyes when he learned what I'd brought to him- such hunger, such possessiveness…the look chilled me slightly. If he learns how to use it, the East India Trading Company will control the sea. Everyone will be at its mercy, no exceptions. All pirates and scallywags could finally be vanquished, something I am reluctant to admit that I wasn't able to accomplish.

When Jack Sparrow escaped, my life as I'd known it crashed around me. I spent the next endless span of months wallowing in my shame, and then the ones after that with the very people I hated so much. I'd just been appointed Commodore, and I'd failed miserably at my first task- eliminating a single pirate, Jack Sparrow, who I'd hoped to be the first in a long line of pirates, smugglers and other criminals to be caught under my authority.

I know my bloodlust for pirates exceeds mere law enforcement, but it's something that has a hold on me, that I don't believe I can ever let go.

My temples are aching, and my eyes feel strangely dry- I taught myself to hold everything inside years go. Years ago…I was only a boy…my family was murdered by a ruthless band of pirates. I am only here today because of some clever, last-minute thinking on my mother's behalf. I should have died with them that day, but I was spared…and as I grew up I vowed to become a man that my parents could have been proud of, someone that could honor their memories with my efforts. I don't even want to imagine what they would think of me now.

Being a pirate, Sparrow was an easy target for me this past year.

Turner, too, as Sparrow so kindly pointed out to me on Isla Cruces. The boy actually befriended Sparrow- complete blasphemy, an idea my mind just cannot conceive of. I must admit however, that there was a time, just months ago, when I would have longed for that kind of friendship. I'm sure they each denied it- but I could see it, they couldn't hide it from me- they had become friends. Close friends. I almost felt bad when their swords clashed, steel on steel, friend against friend, newfound enemies, but I could never let it show. Neither of them should feel that I have any softness towards them, or that I am any less capable than when I was Commodore. Besides, at that point I was more concerned with my own desire for the chest- my intense, burning desire to get that heart and deliver it to Lord Beckett. I knew the heart could change my life- or rather, get my old life back…and now, here I am.

I suppose desire does things to people. In fact, I'm sure it does.

I was surprised to learn that Turner had agreed to Beckett's ultimatum, and that he raised his sword against Jack in such anger on Isla Cruces- but I suppose his desire to save Elizabeth, as well as his father drove him to it- the ruin of his friendship with Sparrow that they'd so cautiously formed. A pity. Whatever my feelings toward the two, I'll admit that such a comradeship is not often, or easily, found.

I guess I have been failing this past year, since resigning my commission. Admiring something about Turner and Sparrow- two attention craving, lying, thieving criminals- together, they stole my world, my life.

My fiancée, the lovely Elizabeth, was taken from me because of them as well. But honestly, I'm not sure I could have married her. Knowing that it was a lie, that she didn't want it would have tortured me. Despite her kind assurances, I knew she only agreed to marry me to save Turner and Sparrow, and that pained me, but I did it anyway- just for her. I'm not an affectionate man, I'm not thoughtful like Turner, and I don't have such fluency for words as Sparrow, but beside this stern façade, I do feel, and I certainly did care for Elizabeth. I cared very much- but what choice did I have but to let her follow her heart? Any other course of action would only hurt her, and cause such resentment between us…

I can still hear her soft voice in my ear. "James Norrington, what has the world done to you?" From that point, up until just a few hours ago I could have readily answered her, with a steady stream of why everything was Jack Sparrow and William Turner's fault.

For a long time, I was angry at Elizabeth, just as I was Sparrow and Turner, but I must realize that I can't blame her anymore –our desires are too strong to ignore. Following your desire can't be considered a crime, at least not as far as I'm concerned. The repercussions, of course, are an entirely different matter.

It seems to me that the biggest events in our lives, those defining moments, are what really make you think about where you are, and what you've done to get there.

I've followed my desires before, just recently actually, and may have made the worst mistake of my life.

I may have lied when I said I have no regrets.

I may not know who or what I am anymore, and the past few hours have only proved this.

Port Royal has changed considerably since I was last here. Governor Swann is being held in the prison, Lord Beckett claims to hold his title now but I will always consider Weatherby Swann Governor. Elizabeth was also imprisoned- and though they've tried to hide it from me, she was also sentenced to the noose. Hence, the deal Beckett made with Turner.

I knew Beckett back in England, through mutual acquaintances; he was a very efficient, crafty young man, though his ideas sometimes had some rather unsavory techniques.

I must be honest with myself if no one else. Beckett worries me. He possesses ruthlessness and cunning resembling that of a pirate, and authority and wit like that of a King.

I'm afraid Beckett wants more than to eliminate criminals. He wants complete, unquestionable power and authority for himself, and no opposition for the East India Trading Company. Even if he does pick off every pirate, every smuggler, every last criminal…who's left after that? With that kind of power, who would be his next target? What would he do next?

If I am pardoned, I'll be assisting Beckett with this task, whatever he decides to do. No doubt there will be opposition at first, those who want to retain their freedom. With that opposition, I'll be against the former Governor Swann, who I feel has been victimized by Beckett and his men, against the lovely Elizabeth, who is only standing up for her moral beliefs. Ultimately, I will be against myself for taking part in Beckett's power-hungry regime.

But if I leave, if I just take off to help Governor Swann and Elizabeth- and who's to say they'd take me back? - then I'd be allying myself with pirates, which goes against everything I've ever believed in, and lose all chance I'd ever had of being pardoned by the King and getting my position in the Royal Navy back.

I'm stuck in a crossroads between what I believe in and what I don't, what I want and what I don't, what I've done and what I should do and what I could do.

An hour ago, I handed Beckett all the power of the sea. At this very moment he's holding that power he's been craving for so long in his hands. All he has left to do, is figure out how to use it…

It's done. And I guess I have to admit that my conscience is struggling with what I've done, and that my heart is heavy with regret. There's no use in lying to myself anymore.

It's done…