ok, this is my second FE fanfic and again it's humor, but this one is a whole lot better than the other one. I hop you like it. READ ON!
How many Fire Emblem people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Rane, the young tactician was walking through Castle Lycia enjoying the rare silence. As she walked, she noticed that in a nearby room, all of the lights were turned out. Slowly, she traced her hand against the wall until she found a light switch. Switching it to the on position, it still did not turn on.
"It must be burnt out," she mumbled to herself. She quickly ran to ask Eliwood where she could find a new light bulb. "Eliwood, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. Could you show me where I could find a new light bulb?
"Sure," Eliwood said, then led her to a closet and got a light bulb. He handed it to her it, and the two ran back to the dark room to install the new light bulb. As they walked through the door, Rane realized that it was near impossible to change the bulb due to the thick darkness.
"Oh, it's too dark in here to find the light," Rane stated. She tapped her chin in thought for a moment. "Ah! I know, Let's go get Lucius!" She said as she skipped off to go find the monk with Eliwood tagging behind her. It didn't take very long to find Lucius.
"Lucius!" She called when she spotted him sitting underneath a big tree reading a book. "Wow… I didn't know trees could read. Cool. Anyway… Lucius!" The monk looked up at the sound of his name. "Lucius, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. I got a light bulb," she said holding it up for him to see, "and I was gonna change it, but it's too dark for me to change it. Could you mind helping?"
"Not at all," Lucius replied with a big smile. He put his book down on the ground next to him and followed Rane and Eliwood back into the black room. He did some magic stuff and the room became bright enough to see in.
"Thanks," Rane said, but as she looked around the room she realized that the ceiling was too high for her to reach the light. "Uh, guys," she said turning to them. "the light, is too high to reach."
"Hm?" Lucius pondered. " Why don't we go get Hawkeye? He's tall, you could stand on his shoulders and try to reach it."
"Good idea!" Rane agreed brightly. So the three set off to go find Hawkeye. They found him a while later.
"Hawkeye, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. I got a light bulb," she said holding it up for him to see, "and I was gonna change it, but the room is too big for me to change it. Would you help?" The berserker agreed to help so they all walked back to the room. Lucius did his magic thing and once again there was some light, Hawkeye stood under the light and lifted Rane onto his shoulders, and Eliwood just stood there watching. Rane examined the cover of the bulb (I don't know what it's called). "Looks like we're gonna need a screwdriver," She called down to the three men. "None of you have one do you?" They all shook their heads, of course they didn't.
"Maybe a weapon would work?" asked Hawkeye.
"Yeah, that might do," she thought aloud. "Lend me your axe please, Hawkeye."
Hawkeye nodded and took out his axe and passed it up to her. As she grabbed it, she realized that it was too heavy for her to hold and toppled to the ground with the axe. Fortunately, before either hit, Hawkeye caught the axe and Eliwood, the tactician. "It's a bit too heavy," Rane said standing and dusting off her shoulder not even showing any sign that she had been tumbling to the ground with a giant axe only a moment before. "Maybe we should go find a smaller one." So the four left the room in search of someone with a smaller axe. As they walked down the hallway, they found Hector sitting in a quiet room with a fireplace… reading?
"… Hector?" Rane asked slowly.
"Hm?" he said looking up from the book.
"I didn't know you knew how to read!" Rane exclaimed. Not a very smart thing to say.
"OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO READ!" he yelled at her defensively.
"Wow ya learn somethin' new every day", she said a little distantly as Eliwood tried to calm him down. "Anyway, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. I got a light bulb," she said holding it up for him to see, "and I was gonna change it, but I need a screwdriver," she explained.
"I DON'T HAVE A SCREWDRIVER!"
"O I know, that's why I was only going to ask to borrow your axe, Hawkeye's is too big."
"Fine," he said grudgingly and followed them to the dark room. Lucius did the magic thing, Hawkeye stood under the light and lifted Rane onto his shoulders. Hector handed his axe to Hawkeye who handed it to Rane who put it where the screw was, but the axe was too big to unscrew the tiny little screw.
"It's not gonna work. An axe is too big," Rane said after trying a few more seconds.
"Would a sword work?" came a voice from the door. All five people in the room turned to see Lyn and Kent standing in the doorway.
"It might," Rane said with a shrug not even wondering why the two of them just happened to be standing outside of the door. So Rane passed Hectors axe to Hawkeye who handed it to Hector and then Lyn handed Hawkeye a sword who handed it to Rane who put it where the screw was and tried to turn it, but the point was too sharp. "Nope still no luck," she said passing it back down.
"Here try a spear Lady tactician," Kent said passing up the spear till it got to the screw.
"It's almost the same as the sword," Rane said after attempting to use it for a few moments. So everyone in the room sat down trying to think of what to do. "I know!" Rane suddenly shouted breaking the silence that had fallen.
"What?" they all asked.
"…Um, never mind. I forgot." She said not even noticing that everyone in the room was giving her one of those you're-so-dumb-I'm-gonna-kill-you looks.
"I've got an idea," Kent said. "We could ask Matthew for help." Everyone agreed on this course of action and trudged out to find him. They eventually found him in the kitchen getting a snack.
"Matthew, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. I got a light bulb," Rane said holding it up for him to see, "and I was gonna change it, but we can't get the cover off to change the light bulb, Would you please get it off for us?"
"Sure!" The thief said, cheery as usual. So they all went back up to the room and Lucius did the light thing, and Hawkeye stood under the light bulb and lifted Matthew onto his shoulders this time. The thief quickly got to work as everyone else (except Hawkeye) sat waiting for him to finish. Unfortunately, the lock pick broke. So they all went to go get Legault who was the only other person in the army with a lock pick.
"Legault, there is a light bulb burnt out in one of the castle rooms. I got a light bulb," she said holding it up for him to see, "and I was gonna change it, but we can't get the cover off to change the light bulb, Would you please get it off for us?"
"Why should I do you a favor? You never let me be in battles."
"Because one, it'll give you some experience and two, because I'm your tactician and I said to, so you don't really have a choice." Thanks to Rane's expert negotiating skills, Legault decided to help them. They all trudged back up to the room and Lucius did his light thing, Hawkeye stood under the light and lifted Legault onto his shoulders, and everyone else sat down and waited.
"Done!" Legault said triumphantly after a few minutes.
"Cool! You're the best Legault," Rane said giving him a big hug as soon as he was back on the ground.
"I thought you didn't like me."
"It's not that I don't like you, it's just that I like Matthew more. No wait, you're right I don't like you," She said letting go of him. Once again Hawkeye lifted her onto his shoulders. She unscrewed the burnt out light bulb and put the new one in, and the whole room was filled with light. Everyone let out a sigh of relief and accomplishment.
"What are all of you doing in here?" asked Canas as he looked curiously into the room.
"This light bulb was burnt out, and we've spent almost all day trying to replace it and it's finally done!" Rane explained to him with joy.
"Oh you silly people!" Canas exclaimed with a laugh. "Light bulbs aren't invented yet."
Suddenly all of the light bulbs in Castle Lycia disappeared. And the room was completely dark again. When Lucius did his little light thing again, Canas was found lying on the floor bleeding and unconscious and everyone left the room uncaring and went back to whatever the were doing before they had begun their pointless task. So the moral of the story is, don't be smart or you'll end up like Canas… at least I think that was the moral… oh well.
The End