The Nanny-Twilight Crossover
"The Unknown"
Cast:
Fran Fine-Esme Cullen
Maxwell Sheffield-Carlisle Cullen
Niles-Edward Cullen
C.C. Babcock-Rosalie Hale
Maggie Sheffield-Bella Swan
Brighton Sheffield-Emmett Cullen
Gracie Sheffield-Alice Cullen
Val-Renee Dower
Summary: The Twilight Saga twist on The Nanny! Canon couples [of course;)] a few tweaks to the original facts are included, so don't hate on me! Enjoy!
"Edward!" Esme's shrill voice sliced through the air sharper than a knife through butter. He dropped the plate on the floor and it shattered into a million pieces.
Edward cursed under his breath as the nanny trotted through the doorway, hauling many Loehmann's shopping bags in her arms. "Let me guess-sale on sexy negligees, correct?"
She grinned and threw them down onto the kitchen table, pulling one out of the first bag and holding it up against her slender frame. "Too dull?"
He rolled his eyes. "Oh yes. Lace is forever in the way," he chided sarcastically.
"And you would..." Esme's Queens accent had magnified the air once again, only to be cut off.
"Hello, hello!" Ro's insistently annoying voice called. Edward rolled his eyes again and turned to meet his mortal enemy.
"Oh, why are you even here? Carlisle has already left for the theater with the main act. I didn't think there was a bigger show than you, Ms. Hale," he greeted her. She started to laugh, throaty and deep.
Esme raised her eyebrow. "And you thought that that was funny? Good god, this world is turning mad." She waved her arms dramatically. "I might be next!"
After she had crept out of the room, bags in tow, Edward found himself staring intently at Ro's pursed lips. "What?" she finally asked.
He chuckled smugly and turned away to continue washing dishes.
Ro glared at his back. "C'mon, Eddy. There's a pattern to these things man. What's on your peasant mind, Rubbermaid?" she sank into one of the chairs.
Edward smirked. "Broad-Bitch-Way is closed today. You're going to have to find another highway that will allow you to squeeze in."
She opened her mouth and narrowed her eyes. "Oh, but I'm sorry. I am afraid that your origin will not do," Ro detested hastily, standing up again to straighten her pencil skirt and align her silky blouse, Edward once again watching her every move. Trotting out of the kitchen, she started off to the theater.
Esme came out from the shadows. "What was that about?" her trilling voice inquired.
Edward jumped once again. "Good god, Miss Platt, stop that before you give me another heart attack," he warned.
She smiled brightly. "You have a crush on Ms. Hale! Edward and Ro, sitting in a..." she was cut off.
He knew he couldn't keep her quiet for long, and he knew that she knew about his feelings.
There was no denying it.
"If you so much as speak of this, all your deepest secrets with resurface on Mr. Cullen's desk. Do you want that?" He knew that he had got her with that one.
She stomped her foot. "Fine, but just answer me this-Ms. Hale, the Bitch of Broadway? Ice Queen of New York? Why?"
Edward sighed. "Love knows no limits, my dear friend. You should know that yourself, considering the recent miniskirt and tube top phase with Mr. Cullen around."
Esme grinned. "Oh honey, you have no idea."
•••
The next day, Ro came into the kitchen once again.
"Hello, hello-now where's that damn coffee?" she demanded vaguely.
Esme and Alice were seated at the table, sharing the last piece of cake before it grew too old, or Esme's mother returned from the hairdressers.
Edward filled her mug and Esme looked expectantly at him. He shrugged and groaned. Ro noticed this.
"Good morning to you, too, sunshine..." she smirked and spun on her heel, heading to Carlisle's office.
Edward sat down in the seat next to Alice. She just smiled up at him.
He narrowed his eyes. "Miss Platt! You told her, didn't you?" he accused.
Esme bit her lip. "Uh...of course not! She..."
"Yeah," she nodded.
He groaned. "But I think it's adorable. And about time you made a move, Edward. You are fift-," Alice was cut off by Esme.
"Fine. Just fine."
Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, great cover."
They shrugged and Esme rose to put the plate away. Alice patted Edward's shoulder. "It's gonna work out, you know."
"You and I both hope so..." he whispered after they had left.
•••
Edward went into Carlisle's office a little later.
He found the usual picture perfect moment; Carlisle glaring down at the scripts in front of him, Esme propped up on his desk trying to get his attention, and Ro...sitting on the loveseat, staring disgustedly at the others, legs crossed, foot tapping impatiently.
"Carlisle, are we going to get any work done here?"
No answer.
She huffed, and turned away, finally noticing Edward's presence.
"Oh, Eddy-could you go fetch me a drink? I'm just famished."
He smirked. "And we all know that a drunk one of you is so much more fun than the original."
She rolled her eyes and he turned to leave, but caught a snippet of the next bit of failing conversation. "Carlisle, about that backers party tonight..."
He groaned and quickly got Ro's drink. "One devil down, one to go."
•••
"Oh, Eddy, aren't you going to clean up this mess?" Ro complained, traipsing through the dining room just after dinner.
He cocked his head. "When pigs fly, darlin'."
And with that, he left the room, a stunned Ro in his path.
She grumbled as she left the room, following him down the corridor to the kitchen.
"I have a bone to pick with you, Eddy," Ro chided.
"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your old bones won't do," he remarked, his back turned to her.
Her sultry laugh crisper the air. "Touché."
He smirked and turned toward her. "Oh what, you forgot how to shave your mustache again?"
Ro crossed her arms. "Servant."
Edward smirked. "Trollop."
"Bell Boy."
He stepped closer to her. "Brunette."
In the next moment, Ro plastered her lips to Edward's, nipping and sucking, licking and pressing.
Edward eagerly met her rhythm, sliding his tongue along her bottom lip.
The door burst open, revealing a frazzled Esme.
She crossed her arms as they backed away from each other.
Ro wiped her lips. "Excuse me, Ps. Mlatt."
As she left, Esme stared at Edward as he looked down dejectedly.
"How could you?" she shouted.
"Esm-" he was cut off.
She pinched his lips. "Before I'm married! Some people have no heart!"
Esme scurried out of the room, leaving behind a worried Edward.
What if she told?
His paranoia was swept away when a certain click of heels arose behind him.
"Better enjoy while we can," her husky voice filled his ears.
So Edward turned and took her lips with his hungrily.
Until Fran caught them. Again.
THE END
I KNOW! Bad ending! Review please!
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