I watched Steve from the kitchen. He was sitting at a seat beside the window, staring out it. He was alone again. Around him, Thor and Jane were making out Asgard style, as in Thor was holding his hammer and a mug of beer. Pepper was snuggled into a half asleep Tony.

"Isn't it a bit early to be drinking Thor?" I asked, amused. It was only eight in the morning.

He pulled his mouth away from Jane. "It's never too early for mead!" He shouted loudly.

I laughed and drank my entire coffee in one mouthful.

"Quiet god!" Tony grumbled from the couch.

"Have you ever woken up and not been hung over?" Pepper asked.

"I don't know. Have I?"

She rolled her eyes and walked away. Tony pushed himself to his feet and went over to the coffee machine. He stood beside me at the island and followed my eyes to the ever alone Steve.

"We should set him up with someone." I said quietly so only Tony would hear.

"Wanna bet? Fifty bucks says he'll be too hung up over the ninety year old to learn this girls name."

"Fifty? Not too confident are we Stark."

"Fine. If I win, I get to choose your outfit every morning for the next month. You win, you get to pick my outfits."

"And?"

"You get full control of Jarvis for a month."

"Interesting. Does Jarvis monitor your credit cards and bank accounts?"

"Yes."

"And when you say outfit, are you including hair and makeup?"

"Yes."

"Deal."

I discreetly shook his hand under the countertop. I filled my mug with coffee and went over to Steve.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing much."

"You should get out more."

"With all respect ma'am, the nightlife isn't really for me. Especially not the modern one."

"Don't call me madam. It makes me feel like I've already retired."

Clint, who happened to be standing nearby, burst out laughing.

Steve looked around in confusion. He clearly didn't get it.

"I don't get it."

"I didn't expect you to."

When Steve turned back around, Clint high fived me behind his back.

"Explain it please ma- Ms. Romanoff."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, do you know what prostitutes are?"

Steve shook his head.

"They're women who sell sex."

"What do you mean? How can you sell sex?"

"Men pay to have sex with them. Ok?"

I could see Clint laughing out of the corner of my eye. I suppressed a smirk.

"But what does that have to do with calling you madam?"

"Sometimes prostitutes live together in a place called a brothel. Madame's are women that are in charge of these brothels. They're the select few prostitutes that have lived to a relatively old age and not died from STD's."

"Ok. One question. What is an STD?"

"A sexually transmitted disease."

Steve nodded vaguely. It was clear he wasn't entirely comfortable with the topic of conversation. His cheeks had a faint pinkish tinge. "Well, then, um... sorry for calling you madam."

I laughed at his obvious discomfort. "So what do you say? Let me set you up."

"Well... um... I'd rather not ma'am."

"Just for that you have to let me. Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

"You could set me up with one of these prostitutes or Madame's."

I laughed again. "You don't know me at all. I would only do that if you had really pissed me off."

He still seemed uncertain. "You did it to Tony."

"That's different. It was a birthday present for Pepper. And I didn't actually set him up, I just payed one of his former... paramores to confront him and tell him she was pregnant. And Pepper knew."

"I still don't see how that was a present for Pepper."

"It was a present because she got to laugh at Tony."

Steve sighed. "Just promise me you won't set me up with a prostitute."

"I swear on Russia."

"I thought you hated Russia?"

"It's my homeland. I only swear on it for something really serious. Ask Clint."

Steve looked around at Clint, who was doing a very bad job of hiding his laughter. Clint straightened his face instantly. "Yeah man. Russia is one thing she won't lie about. It's like god for you, except you don't hate god."

"So? What do you say? Can I set you up with someone?"

"Fine." Steve said reluctantly.

I smiled and walked away. Time to crack open some government files.

The next morning I snuck into the men's locker room by the gym. I knew Steve was in there, taking a shower.

I climbed onto the lockers near the shower stalls, camera in hand. It was steamy. Luckily the mighty captain was in the stall nearest the lockers. He was turned away from me though. I still snapped a few pictures of his ass though. After ten seconds he turned, giving me the perfect photo op. I took as many as I could before he saw me.

"Natasha!" He exclaimed loudly, hands automatically covering his crotch.

I giggled and jumped down from the lockers. He turned off the shower and jumped out, still butt naked. Laughing, I ran out. I could hear his wet feet hitting the tiles. Still laughing my ass off, I jumped through the door, knocking straight into a confused Thor.

"Lady Natasha! You are not supposed to be here!"

Forcing a straight face, I put a hand on Thor's shoulder. "You need to go in there and give Steve a big hug."

"Really?"

"Yes." I said, hiding the towel I had grabbed on my way out.

Thor went straight in to comfort his friend.

I listened outside and was barely able to contain myself.

"Captain! Tell me of your worries!"

"Thor, this really isn't a good time- No Thor! Bad Thor!" Steve desperately said.

I laughed and ran. There was about to be two very large, angry men after me.

I hid in a vent and started wondering if Steve had always been that big, or if the serum had changed more than... battle necessary body parts.