I Just Wanna Be Happy, Freddie.
(A/N: Okay, so here's something I wrote last night. Yeah. I've done worse. XD P.S. I'll do a valentine's one soon! ;)
And I just can't get the image out of my head, I can't sleep. I can't eat. Help me.
Someone once told me
That you have to choose
What you win or loose
You can't have everything
It was our kiss. Only ours. Soft, sweet, and simple. The only thing that thinking about made my heart flutter and made me want to scream like a 13 year-old at a slumber party having a pillow fight. I stared at the ugly patterns in my ceiling that I stared at for the last 3 days now. Carly kissed Freddie. Longer than ours.
Don't you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Because love won't set you free
I hadn't slept at all. I could see it now. Carly taken my place on the fire escape, and she'd taken our kiss. That sweet kiss. I turned over to my wall. I'd drawn a picture the night I got home. I pranced around my room and danced with Frothy a little while and I drew a picture. A picture of us kissing.
I could stand my the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be
That was it. I'd had enough. I desperately needed sleep. I desperately needed to talk to Freddie. About our kiss, their kiss, and the future. I needed to. I needed help.
I walked into the elevator only wearing a robe and I tied the ribbon around it on my way up. I looked in the silver metal and fixed my matted hair as well as I could. I always did this. I stepped out of the elevator and glanced at the time before I left. 1:27. I walked into the hallway and listened to my bare feet on the tile. Only one promise before I knocked. I wouldn't fall apart. Not now. Later.
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge?
My feet run out of ground.
I felt a little sick. I wanted to throw up. I was so nervous. I finally gathered up the hidden faith and knocked lightly, sweetly. I waited for a minute and put my ear on the door. He was coming. I rubbed my eye softly for effect as he opened it. He looked as if his vision could be a little blurry. I hope it was. After he said this. "Carly-Carly shouldn't you be in bed, honey?" I felt immediate hurt. He still loved her. I took a deep breath. "I-I'm not Carly." He rubbed his eyes. "Same with you!" I scratched the back of my head cluelessly. "I-I can't sleep. Got somethin' on my mind." He blinked. "So, you, you like wanna talk about it? You know. It." I hated the it. Hated it.
A small tear ran down my face. He lead me inside and turned on a small light. I looked behind me at the door and the world I'd left behind.
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about other pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
"Freddie," I said, softly. I hung my head low unless I cried softly. He wouldn't see. "Could we talk about something else, first?" He nodded. "Anything. Whatever makes you happy." I grinned for a half-second and frowned again. "1 year ago. January 3rd. 3 days ago. You kissed Carly." He nodded. "Think about that," my voice cracked. "I don't-oh." Sam took a deep breath in and her body jolted as she did. She knew what was coming. She tried her best to stop it. Hoping Freddie didn't notice. He did. "Y-you okay?" "I-I'm fine. Just fine." I raised my hand and held up one finger saying to wait. I took another breath to go on. "So-how was it?" He smirked. "Sorta-kinda-um, hard, and kinda uncomfortable." I didn't answer. "You seem upset." he said.
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my roll
Slowly disappear, ohh
It was getting harder now. I gotta get one more thing of my chest. I felt my heart get really really tight and I bit my lip hard. Bringing back the moment broke me. Everytime. "The dance." He looked shocked. "The-dance-how-you-saw-" "Yes. I did. And I don't wanna know anymore." Gotta go perfect. Long silence. I could hear my thoughts in my head. I said it. I talked to Freddie. What's missing? My head still felt tight and swell-ish.
Well all these tears
They feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I hated silence. He broke it first. "You know," he said, holding my face in his hand. He didn't hold my face. He held my world. "It's okay to cry, sometimes." My lip quivered. I breathed heavily. And he was right. "Do y-you c-cry?" I said. "Yes. I do, too." I let myself go. He let my face loose and waited to see what I wanted. So.....amazing. He cared what I felt-what I wanted. My feet, up on the couch now, fell to the floor. I needed permission. And that's what I wanted. To break down. Just once.
I can stand by the side
Watch this life pass me by
Pass me by
I sat there for a minute and cried to his face. He felt all emotions toward me. And I liked it. But my head still was swell-ish. Help me, I thought. He really hated me being like this at this point and held his hand out. I grabbed it immediately and he pulled me in. I crawled across the couch and sat in his lap, my head placed carefully on is shoulder. I stared ahead, and felt my head suddenly ease. "Eeehh," I cried like Alexis Gosselin on her mother's shoulder in Housekeeper Hunt. "It's okay," he said. Guess I wailed too loud because.....
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
....Mrs. Benson walked into the room to find me recuperating on her son's lap. Her face first filled with anger; then pity. "What's wrong with Sam?" she asked, as I let out another long, pitiful wail. "Not sure yet," he said, between rubbing my back. "She's just upset, and that's all I know right now." She softly nodded and turned off the light Freddie'd turned on. It was pitch black. I should probably say something; just to show I'm okay. Well-at least a little bit. "Feeling better, Sam?" he asked, with concern when I calmed down just a little bit. I looked at my arms that were tightly wrapped around his neck. "I-I'm just so confused," I said.
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about other pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy!
Happy, oh.
"Please help me, Freddie." I asked. "Please. I have such bad things in my life. I need help. Comfort. And I have none. Never did." He let me off his shoulder. "So, like you want me?" he confirmed. "Yes, please. You have no idea how much I need." "It's okay. I'll be here. Carly t-" "No! Carly can't find out! She can't! You're dating her! And she'll get jealous! Please!" I cried. "Okay. Carly won't know." "I just wanna be happy, Freddie." she said, on her way out the door. "Here. Tell me more as we go back up."
We walked to the elevator. I looked at the silver metal again. Closer, now. Sure. My face was tear-streaken. I was redder than ever. But I was happy. For now, at least.
Finally, we got to my apartment. Mom was out of the house tonight. Freddie and I walked in and I lied the key on the table. "Let's put me to bed." I said. "Okay." I was about to place my hand on the doorknob when I remembered. The drawing. I could see it now. The little hand-drawn thing, carefully placed and hung nicely beside my bedside.
"W-wait!" I said. "You can't go in there!" He looked at me, playfully. "Why not? Besides, I am your personal comforter now. What if there's something in there that'll make you cry? Shouldn't you be grateful that I was sitting there holding you like a baby for half an hour why you dipped my shirt in a pool?" I frowned at him. "You know, maybe there's just something very personal in there," I said softly. "Fine," he responded. "I won't look at it. You can cover it up. You just gotta show it to me when you're ready."
Close enough for me. "Don't look until I say!" I said, covering up with the shirt I wore when I kissed him. Hope he doesn't notice that. That'll give it away. I held it tight. "Kay! Come in now!" He stepped inside. I had lots of other drawings, too. Like me,Carly and Freddie, and...well, when we went to Japan and Freddie tickled my stomach. That won't mean anything-right? He smiled. He pointed to the one where he tickled me. "Aw. Sam, I like that one. It's cute."
I felt a little bit better about the other one. It may be a little bit too much for him. "You can have it if you want." "Thanks, Sam." He grinned. Sitting it down carefully on my bed, he sat down beside me. "Ready?" he asked. "I dunno, it's so, so, embarrassing." "It's fine, really. I won't laugh. I'm sure it's pretty." I looked around. "Wait, can I get ready to go to bed, first?" "Sure, do you want me to hold it so I can't see it?" "No! You'll peek!" "I won't! I promise!" I exchanged places and backed away, facing him, slowly. I took off my robe and went over to my TV. I slowly slipped off my robe and picked up Jon & Kate Plus Eight. I put the DVD in the disc drawer and closed it.
I sat over by him again and clicked on 'Jon and Kate's Special Day' and let it play in the background. "Are you ready?" he said. "I'd feel better if I did it." He let me take hold of the pink shirt. "What if you laugh?" I question. "I won't," he said. "But if I do, and you cry, then you know I'm here." "Right," I said. I liked this. Being able to ease in and out of emotions. "Ready?" he said. He took a tight hold of my hand and I shut my eyes tightly. I finally took the shirt off. I buried my face in it. Because I knew emotions would soon come in a flood. "I'm sorry!" I cried. "It was just such a sweet and soft kiss! And I loved it! I couldn't help but draw it!" I screamed, muffled by the shirt. I waited for his reaction. I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, after Kate said in the background,"I'm sorry! I like you!" I wanted to say, "Ditto!" But I didn't. FInally, he said something.
I could feel him pull me in closer. For a sweet hug. "Awwww, Sam." What did he just say? "I love it. I absolutely LOVE it." I pulled the shirt from over my face. "Y-you did?" "Yes, I did. He turned off my light and put my cover over me. "Goodnight, Sam." he said, as he hugged me tightly. He sat down below me and I hugged his neck tightly. He got up beside me and rubbed my back and watched Jon and Kate Plus Eight with me.
And finally, for the first time in three days, I could sleep.
(Authors note!) Aww! Cute! See more chapters soon! Love, Leah!