Man defense sucks sometimes...

I mean, it just gets SOOOOO boring man Jesus Christ.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of it...

But still... Just sayin'.

I've been sitting here chatting with Doom for the past twenty or so minutes, the guys pretty cool, a little... Off, but still pretty cool.

Hmm? Who am I? Oh sorry... Completely forgot to introduce myself.

The names... Well call me Ranger, my real name isn't really all that important.

Wanna know more? Fine then ya fricking nosey parker...

Uhh were to begin... Ahh, I know!

I was (Am? I'll uhh, explain in a bit) a proud member of THE UAC MARINE CORE SIR!

Ahem... Sorry. Anyways...

So here's the thing, I'm actually a big hero back where I'm from (Please, please hold your applause). I stopped an invasion led by some weird-ass entity called Quake from conquering my already crapsack word.

Here's the weird part, right when I finished dealing with Quake I got teleported to the "Eternal Arena" by these guys called the Vadrigar. Get this, they wanted me be a gladiator in the Arena for all eternity (Eternal Arena? Duhhh). It wasn't so bad at first: I met some cool people, fought in some cool battles, and had a gay old time... For the first hundred or so years...

It just... It got so... So... Dull.

And everyone agreed too, the fun was just gone man... Moral plummeted BIG time! It got to the point where we were just throwing light punches at one another.

The Vadrigar took forever to understand what was wrong, but they eventually got on.

Took'em bout fifty years of course.

They realized we were burned out, the constant fighting was getting to us gladiators. Don't get us wrong, we're warriors, we love killing, but when you make us do it on and on and freaking on it gets old.

So they offered us a interesting deal...

They made some major changes, both on and off the arena. First off, they sorted us into different "generations" to make us more comfortable. What this means is they changed our weapons, armor, stuff like that depending on our time period. They sorted me into a group called the "Slipgaters" and gave me back my axe (Cause combat knives are for pussies), shotgun, and nailgun. And an actually fricking useful Rocket Launcher!

The next couple of changes were interesting: They actually let us go home!

Know I know what you're thinking "Oh Mister-Badass Ranger obviously they hooked you up to some simulator!" Yeah I understand we thought so too. But as it turns out the Vadrigar are a little... I guess you could say naive? Turns out they didn't even bother to develop that kinda tech!

Teleportation, time control, regeneration technology, badass weapons... BUT LIMITED COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY?

I'm not kidding... Their computers look like those ancient dinosaurs from the 20th century... And they function exactly the same, all zeros and ones...

Yeah so they sent us home, back to the time periods we all came from, with some exceptions and rules and privileges.

The rules were simple: The Vadrigar could call us at anytime to fight. And we have to fight, no exceptions. In return we could stay home and relax and, this is the best part, GET PAID FOR FIGHTING!

There were a couple of exceptions. Some people, like Doom, didn't really have a home to go back to. Doom, for example, had his home wrecked in the Doom Wars (Basically why my time period is so crappy, but hey its still home). So these guys were allowed to either live with other gladiators or stay at the Arena's new rest area.

Some people weren't allowed home because they were absolutely batshit insane, like that Cadaver guy and Bones. They didn't want to go home anyway.

Needless to say we loved the changes. We immediately jumped back into the arena with renewed vigor.

So now I get paid, get to use weapons I'm familiar with, get all the bloodshed I want, and I get to rest at home rather than some weird-ass stasis pod.

Plus, the folks back home are none the wiser. They just attribute my humongous bank account to being are war hero.

This, my friends... Is da fricking life.

This, is Generations Arena.

Now if you excuse me, there's some idiots charging at our base just begging to be fragged.

I love this job!