Didn't See It Coming
Kelly looked down at himself, the dark red dried blood sent another bolt of stomach dropping panic through his body and he swallowed thickly as he tried to keep the nausea he felt rising at bay. Usually he was not squeamish, it paid not to be as a firefighter especially when he was a Lieutenant of a Rescue Squad, but seeing himself covered in Stella's blood left him reeling and feeling terribly ill. He closed his eyes and slowly let out a shuddering breath as the image of her beautiful dark brown begging eyes invaded his mind as her blood ran over his skin as he applied pressure to the deep neck wound from the knife that Grant had held to her throat and then cut her with. She has to be alright, she has to survive this. She was terrified. He could feel as her unusually cold skin touched his as her hand shakily and loosely wrapped around his wrist as if she was doing it again.
"Kelly?" The sound of his name being called had him opening his eyes and seeing the majority of their Firehouse family stood in front of him with various degrees of concern on their faces as they finally joined him. "Kelly, hey, what do you know?" Matt tried to get his attention again although his eyes were on Kelly's bloodied clothes as the stain seemed to have grown larger since he had been the first one who had discovered Kelly and Stella on the ground behind Molly's after having heard Kelly's panicked shouts as he begged for someone to help them, to help Stella. The fact that Kelly was not pacing the length of the waiting room continuously was a red flag to worry as he was sitting still.
"There was so much blood… She lost so much blood Matt… They took her away from me." Kelly's voice sounded so broken, so lost, and so distant. Matt knelt down on the hard floor in front of him as Gabby took the seat next to him and let her hand rest lightly in the centre of his back whilst the others moved to various seats around the waiting room but left enough space to provide them with a small amount of privacy.
"Stella is a fighter." Gabby assured both men but it was more for Kelly's benefit. She hadn't seen him so lost and so shaken since Shay, since her untimely and tragic death. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she reopened them as the memory of that fatal day came crashing into focus much to her horror. For now, all she wanted to do was support Kelly and Stella.
"I didn't see it coming… I knew she was having issues with him but she didn't think he would hurt her even with all the threats he made, I tried to get her to take them seriously… I didn't know what to do, I couldn't stop her from bleeding, couldn't stop the blood." The words tumbled out as he tried in vain to comprehend what had happened and what could be happening to Stella in the moment now that he was no longer with her, no longer gripping her hand as tightly as he allowed himself too as she fought to stay awake as she had in the ambulance.
"You did everything right, you did all you could Kelly, and you stopped her losing more blood." Gabby assured him knowing the pressure that he had applied had stemmed the flow of blood enough to slow it down, and whether Kelly believed it or not he had helped her survive long enough for the paramedics to arrive and get her to the hospital, to get the medical treatment that she needed.
"She looked at me, I could see the fear in her eyes… in all the time I have known her I have never seen her look so terrified, and I couldn't comfort her. I couldn't hold her in my arms like I wanted to as I needed to try and stop the blood from leaving her. All she wanted was for me to tell her it was going to be okay and I couldn't, I couldn't tell her that." The rambling wasn't helpful but it was clear to both Matt and Gabby that Kelly needed to say what he was saying although neither could be sure that he knew what he was saying given that he was in shock at the turn in the night's festivities.
"Kelly… hey… You got her help, you got her here, you were with her and she needed that, she will need that as soon as she is out of surgery… Now I'm going to see if I can get an update from someone." Matt shared a look with Gabby who nodded in reply that she would stay with Kelly before he stood up and left, heading to find a nurse in hopes that there would be an update on Stella and her condition as they all needed to know but no one more than Kelly.
Gabby leaned her chin on Kelly's shoulder as her eyes scanned the full waiting room after watching Matt leave in search of answers as her other hand wrapped around his upper arm in an effort to ground him. Waiting wasn't their strongest attribute but it was all they could do now that Stella's survival was out of their hands and in that of the medical team. Gabby knew that both she and Kelly couldn't lose anyone else; they had been united in that sad fact and bonded by it a long time ago. Gabby also knew that Kelly and Stella had history, a deep history that no one else was privy too and while she did not know how it happened or what had caused their divide, she knew that the feelings were still there even if they weren't out in the open even though it was clear to anyone that paid attention to the two of them even during their smallest interactions with each other. Her eyes dropped to Kelly's trembling hands and watched the way he kept moving them, the red stain of her blood still lingering on his skin much like his clothing.
"I can't lose her, not Stella. I just can't." Kelly didn't realise he was saying it aloud, Gabby was certain of that as he continued to stare absentmindedly forward. Gabby let her hand softly squeeze his bicep. "You won't." Gabby whispered not wanting to disrupt him but she was also worried that her voice would crack or tremble if she spoke at her normal octave. She closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds in an effort to stay strong for Kelly and for Stella, opening them just as Matt returned and knelt back down in front of Kelly cautiously so as not to startle him in his fragile state.
"I spoke to Maggie and they have taken Stella into surgery to stop the bleeding as an artery and a vein in her neck was severed. Maggie is going to come and update us as soon as she hears anything else." Matt spoke a little louder than usual so that everyone heard the small sliver of news that he had managed to get despite his focus being solely on Kelly and Gabby knowing they were the ones that desperately needed to hear what was happening. He let his voice drop a little quieter as his eyes roamed over Kelly once more taking in his bloodied battered appearance. "I have called Antonio and he is going to stop by our place and get you some fresh clothes Kelly. Maggie said you could use the staff showers when you're ready." Matt knew that Antonio had a spare key to the apartment and that Kelly really needed to get showered and changed so that he was not covered in blood, in Stella's blood for the duration of their wait.
"Stella's going to need some of her things too." Kelly had clearly only taken in small pieces of what Matt had said but his concern and focus was solely on Stella. "She'll want them." It was clear that he was in shock and not processing anything that was going on around him.
"I'll go by her place tomorrow and pack her a bag. She'll be fine in a hospital gown until then." Gabby reassured Kelly as she glanced at Matt again who looked just as concerned at Kelly's state of mind as she felt although she felt she understood it a little better.
"I need to be with her, I need to see her." Kelly suddenly pushed himself up and out of the chair, becoming frantic as his eyes darted around in search of Stella. "Kelly, hey Sev I need you to look at me right now…" Matt stood up and placed himself firmly in front of Kelly and placed his hands on his shoulders to hold him in place slightly surprised that he was not trying to force his way past. "She can't be alone, I need to see her." Kelly was distraught as he sounded desperate, and he was almost pleading with Matt to let him go although he made no effort to try and force his way past as Matt was the one who was holding him up as he was unsure if he could actually move. "I know and you will see her as soon as she is out of surgery. She's not alone at the moment, there is a nurse with her and a whole medical team around her. We'll get you cleaned up once Antonio gets here and then you can see her." Matt told him firmly as he tried to reassure Kelly that he would see her again, that the image of her bleeding out as he desperately tried to stem the flow of blood, would not be the last image of her in his head, that it would not be his last memory of her alive.
Gabby was watching intently along with everyone else but she was closer than them and could see the way Kelly's attention turned back to his blood stained hands and she could feel as his breathing accelerated as it became short and shallow, almost erratic. "Kelly… hey… hey… lets go get you cleaned up… Matt will have Antonio come and find us." Gabby told him as she moved in front of him, positioning herself in the small space between him and Matt who stepped back in an effort to give her more room, as she reached out and covered his blood stained hands with her own managing to capture his attention and shift his focus just enough for his breathing to ease slightly. Kelly gave her a feeble nod as he stared down at her hands that were clutching his, recalling the way Stella had clutched at his as she lay on the cold pavement with blood pooling quickly beneath her. "Okay, okay, lets go to the staff bathroom." He let her lead him away, unaware that she had her arm around him and was bearing some of his weight. Gabby looked at Matt, the pair having another silent conversation, and he nodded in understanding that he would send Antonio to the staff bathroom as soon as he arrived, and that he would keep checking in for updates on Stella while she kept an eye on Kelly.
Gabby sat Kelly down on the bench in front of the showers once she got him into the locker room with April's help. April had gone to get a basin and a washcloth as well as a couple of fresh towels and a bag to put Kelly's bloodied clothes in once he was out of them. Gabby took her chance to assess Kelly to make sure that he did not have any wounds from the knife that Stella had been attacked with to his hands or arms before April returned with everything that Gabby would need to clean up his hands at the very least until they could get him up and into the shower. "Thanks April, I've got this." Gabby didn't mean to be dismissive of her but Kelly did not need an audience and even though April was a close friend, or at least had been, it was unwelcome in that moment. April gave a soft smile as she murmured that if they needed anything to come and find her before she took her leave.
Gabby took the washcloth from the small pile of linens that had been sat next to Kelly and dipped it into the basin of warm water on the floor in front of her before she softly ran it over his hands, staining the white cloth pink as he watched her every movement, watched as the blood was washed away from his skin. She took the fresh bar of soap from the pile and dipped it into the water before she rubbed it in between her hands to create a soapy foam before she let it fall back into the water as she took his hands in hers and soaped up his hands letting the bubbles grow and slide off of his hands down into the basin as she worked hard to get all of the dried blood from all the crevices and lines on his skin. "What if she doesn't make it Gabby? What if I was too late?" His soft but traumatised voice made her still in her movements as she felt his hands tremble once again beneath her own. She looked up at him and swallowed a few times as she tried to find the words she wanted and that he needed. "She will make it Kelly. She didn't come all this way not too come back to us." She told him as convincingly as she could but even she heard the concern and the fear in her own voice. She knew the kind of fighter that Stella Kidd was and she had to believe that she would fight her way through this like every hardship she had fought against in her life, that she would fight her way back to them. With those words being said she reached down and picked up the washcloth again and dipped it back into the basin of pink tinged water before she slowly ran it over his hands to remove the soapy bubbles that she had created. Once she was sure that his hands were clean, that they were free of her blood, she took a hand towel from the pile and worked to get his hands dry aware that Kelly was deep in his thoughts and still struggling to process all that had happened.
Gabby, once she was certain that his hands were dry, stood up and moved across to the nearest shower cubicle and reached inside, she turned the shower on and left it to heat up as she returned and knelt down back in front of him. "Kelly, you need to get in the shower. Once you're in, pass me your clothes and I will put them in the bag." She told him keeping her voice soft despite how wobbly it sounded as she was scared although she fought not to show it. "Give me your phone, keys, and wallet first though." She said as she helped him stand up as he was still shaking which she knew he hadn't realised he was doing. The last thing he needed was a wet phone, wallet or keys as he followed her instructions almost mechanically and handed her the requested items as he pulled them from his pockets before he kicked off his shoes all while she held onto his arm to keep him upright. She took the few steps required and helped him into the shower, grateful for the steel stall that allowed her to stay and gave him the privacy he needed. She took his bloodied clothes from him as he held each item out and quickly put them in the plastic bag that April had provided but not before seeing the water that was tinged red from the blood that had soaked through his clothing and onto his skin as it flowed down onto the shower floor and into the drain. "Soap." She caught his attention, pulling it away from the red water and he took it with a nod as she hung the towel on the hook beside the door then stepped away as she heard Antonio walk in with all that Matt had requested.
Chicago Fire
Matt looked up as Maggie walked into the waiting room with a solemn look on her face. He stood along with everyone else including Antonio who had arrived moments before having informed him that Gabby and Kelly would be up in a few minutes as Kelly was just finishing showering. "What is it?" Herrmann asked the question that no one wanted too as the tension in the room heightened significantly by her arrival.
"Stella's still in surgery… She went into hypovolemic shock due to the large volume of blood that she has lost and they are having trouble maintaining her blood pressure because of it. We are treating the shock with a combination of fluids and blood transfusions but it is putting a lot of unneeded stress on her body and causing her heart rate to be dangerously high. We are also administering some medicine to help control her pressure and heart rate. They are working on repairing the severed artery and the vein as we speak but she is deemed to be in a critical and unstable condition. I am sorry." Maggie informed the entire room although she did not mention that they had already repaired the artery but the sutures had not held causing the surgical complication to arise when they tried to repair the vein that had also been nicked by the knife's blade. "I can stay here and explain everything to Kelly if you would like." She added on seeing the shock and worry reverberate through the group, and she wanted to check on the man having seen how distraught he was when he had arrived with Stella as they had had to physically pull him away which was traumatic in itself as he had pleaded for them to let him stay with her.
"Thank you but I think its best if he hears it from us. How much longer should she be in surgery?" Boden stepped in although he was grateful for the offer.
"I can't answer that Chief, I'm sorry. As soon as I hear anything else I will be up to update you all… She made it this far and that is because of Kelly." Maggie wanted to give them the answer that they needed but she couldn't not when the situation was so precarious with Stella's life hanging in the balance especially given that they had already had one serious complication. With one final nod to Boden she left knowing that the firehouse family would not be going anywhere for the foreseeable future.
Matt turned to look at Boden as both men were thinking the same thing, and that was that they had no idea how to tell Kelly that Stella was struggling and that she might not survive given the grim news that had just been delivered to them. "He's already not coping but we have to tell him the truth." Boden was already pre-empting Matt's thought that they could possibly tell Kelly a slight variation of the truth that made it sound not as serious as it was. "Arghh I know, I know." Matt answered knowing that Boden was right and it would be unfair to lie to Kelly just as Gabby gently guided Kelly back into the waiting room. At least Kelly was not covered in blood any more but his skin was ashen and he was leaning heavily against Gabby who was almost completely holding him up. Gabby was using every ounce of her strength to keep Kelly upright as she guided him over and down into the seat that he had been sitting in previously before she took the seat next to him and sat the small bag down next to her that Antonio had bought that was now full of his discarded clothing and shoes.
"Kelly…" Matt knelt back down in front of Kelly and placed his hands on his knees as Boden took the other seat beside him. "What… what is it?" Kelly asked frantically as Matt's tone and his movement had alarmed him before he looked at Boden with begging eyes as he felt Gabby's hand wrap back around his bicep and lean into his side as she was desperate for news as well. "Maggie come by a few minutes ago and gave us an update…" Matt looked to Boden for help as he didn't know how he could tell him. "Stella is still in surgery Kelly, she's listed as critical and unstable because she is in hypovolemic shock due to the volume of blood that she lost. It's making things harder on her body. They are doing everything they can, are giving her everything that she needs to help treat her." Boden had seen the struggle that Matt was having so he took over giving Kelly and Gabby an abridged version as he closely watched for his reaction.
Kelly looked at Boden before he turned back to Matt, his movements were stunted almost as if he was in pain although they knew it was due to the stress and the exhaustion. "She needs blood. I have blood. I can give it to her." Kelly rationalised in an eerily calm manner although his entire body was tense as it seized with panic once more. "They have the blood she needs Kelly, they are already giving it to her… and you are in no condition to donate any." Matt told him as softly yet as firmly as he could manage concerned for his own health. "She needs blood. I have blood that I can give her." Kelly wasn't processing anything instead he was only working himself into a panicked state as Matt leaned back as his proximity was not helping. "Kelly… she needs you to have all of your blood so that you can be with her as soon as she gets out of surgery. She doesn't need you in a bed in another part of the hospital because you're short on blood." Gabby intervened with the only thing she could think of even though she knew there were protocols in place that were rule him ineligible tonight given that he was in shock and he had a bottle of beer earlier but she couldn't tell him that instead she reasoned that he couldn't donate because he needed to be at his full strength for Stella which he did; it was a white lie that was not going to hurt anyone. "Yeah, yeah, okay, okay… Got to be by her side." Kelly seemed to take on board some of what she said, it was enough to get him to calm down a little and relax back into the seat as the wait began all over again for him.
Chicago Fire
It was another hour and a half before Maggie returned to the packed waiting room with Doctor Connor Rhodes at her side given he was the trauma surgeon who had operated on Stella. At some point during the night members of the Intelligence Unit and of the wider 21st district had joined the members of Firehouse Fifty One along with various staff members from Chicago Med who had stopped by on their breaks or after their shifts had ended. Kelly stood immediately although he faltered as both Boden and Gabby grabbed him and held him up as discreetly as they could. Maggie quickly gestured with her hands for everyone to sit down which they all quickly followed as they were rather impatient for an update.
"Stella is in the surgical recovery ward and then she will be moved to the Intensive Care Unit as she needs to be monitored constantly given the severity of her injuries. We have managed to stabilize her and repair both the severed external carotid artery and the left internal jugular vein in her neck. She's going to be disorientated when she wakes as she will still be suffering from the affects of the hypovolemic shock which we are continuing to monitor and treat as we are still transfusing her with blood products and fluids and we have her on a morphine drip as well as broad spectrum antibiotics as a precaution to ward off any infection that could stem from the knife that was used…" Connor paused to let them take the news in although he had not finished as the waiting room seemed to metaphorically bleed with relief. "What aren't you saying?" Kelly although relieved that she had survived and was out of surgery asked wearily having picked up on the fact that Rhodes had not finished his speech which quickly silenced the room and the tension returned as all attention turned back to him. "We are concerned that there may be some damage to Stella's vocal cords due to the depth of the knife wound which could make it hard to talk for a while or could permanently alter the sound and tone of her voice. We will be assessing that as soon as she is fully awake but for now we will be monitoring her closely." Connor delivered the last piece of news, of conjecture really but he could see the way it affected those closest to her. Although given the seriousness of the first half of his update, the second half paled in comparison as the vocal chords were a minor concern in the grand scale of her injuries as she was lucky that Kelly had applied the amount of pressure he had otherwise she would not have made it and would have bled out on the ground by the dumpsters in the alley behind Molly's. Connor moved closer to Kelly and lowered his voice, "You saved her life by applying the amount of pressure that you did for as long as you did. She has you to thank for saving her life Kelly."
"Can I see… can I be with her?" Kelly needed to be with her, needed to see her even if it was only for a minute, he needed to know that it was real because it certainly did not feel like it was given how surreal the whole night had felt. He didn't even recognise the own desperation that slipped into his voice. Connor let his eyes scan over the gathered crowd before his eyes caught Gabby's who was silently begging for him to say yes to Kelly's request. "No one should wake alone doc." Herrmann stated without moving as he recalled his last hospital stay when he had been stabbed whilst working at Molly's, hoping that his statement would prompt Connor to let Kelly be with Stella. "Sure, Maggie will take you through to recovery. You can stay with her for as long as you want." Connor glanced at Maggie who nodded in understanding as he spoke. Kelly nodded his head softly before he blindly followed behind Maggie who had gestured for him to follow her. "Thank you Connor." Gabby spoke gratefully that he had allowed it, for Kelly and for Stella as it would do them both good to be with each other once Kelly was out of earshot. Connor simply nodded before he took his leave as Matt gathered Gabby up in his arms and hugged her just as tightly as she held him knowing that nobody was leaving until they had more news as everyone once again made themselves as comfortable as they could in the waiting room chairs.
Chicago Fire
Kelly stopped short just avoiding walking into Maggie who had come to a stop just outside of the recovery ward although he couldn't see Stella or anything due to the privacy glass that separated the ward from the hall. "Kelly…" Maggie placed her hand lightly on his forearm worried at how unsteady he still was and could feel how tense he was beneath her hand as she waited for him to turn and look at her. "Stella is being monitored closely so there are a few machines around her, and she has a number of leads and tubes connected to her body to help her. She's going to be in recovery for the next hour and then we are going to move her just as Connor explained." Maggie reiterated some of Doctor Rhode's words unsure of how much information Kelly had really heard and was taking in, let alone processing as she gave him a very basic overview in order to prepare him for what he was about to see, for how he was about to see Stella. She waited a few more moments until Kelly gave her a small uncertain nod before she opened up the door and allowed him to step in first then guided him to where Stella was with the curtain partially drawn to create a wall between her and another patient.
Kelly felt as Maggie left his side as he stood in front of the curtain and for that he was silently grateful. He took a few deep breaths before he allowed himself to step forward and slip around the edge of the curtain to see Stella for the first time since they took her away and dragged him to the waiting room. He stilled at the end of the bed as his eyes roamed over her, following the tubes and lines to each machine before moving onto the next, his eyes then landed on the thick stark white bandaging on her neck against her ghostly pale skin. His feet moved on their own as he found himself moving closer towards her with a caution he had never felt before as if she was made of glass. He let his body rest down in the plastic chair that was aptly placed at the bedside before he reached his hand through the small gaps in the bars of the bed railing and delicately took her hand in his and entwined their fingers together somewhat alarmed that she still felt as cold as she did.
"I'm sorry but you're going to be alright Stella." He knew it was what he should have told her when she was bleeding out on the pavement in the alley behind Molly's but it wasn't too late to say it as he whispered it to her hoping that she could hear him. "I'm not going anywhere." He added needing her to know that just before the curtain slid open a small amount and Maggie stepped in.
"Kelly. I have to go back downstairs but is there anything that you need?" Maggie explained feeling that she had interrupted him but she didn't want to leave him without informing him of what was going on; she had already told the recovery room nurse to keep an eye on him and that he was to stay with Stella for as long as he wanted too.
"Stella's cold. She hates being cold. Can she have another blanket?" He did not move his eyes from Stella as his sole focus was on her which made Maggie smile. "Of course Kelly." Maggie quickly slipped back out of the curtain walled cubicle to get another blanket and returned to quickly spread it across Stella knowing that it was an affect of the hypovolemic shock. Maggie knew she wasn't going to get anything else out of Kelly so she left him and Stella alone.
Kelly couldn't move if he tried, it felt like he was frozen in place, just watching her breathe in and out as the oxygen masked that was firmly affixed to her face fogged up then cleared again and again, over and over, rhythmically which help soothed him, soothed the fear that was still clawing at him and threatening to swallow him in its entirety.
Kelly couldn't tell how much time had passed as the curtain opened and a medical team entered with one nurse in particular who he did not recognise came to stand tentatively beside him. "We are going to be moving Stella up to the Intensive Care Unit now. You can keep holding her hand and stay beside her the entire time." The nurse spoke softly to him making him aware of what was going on then waited until he gave her the slightest nod as he shakily got to his feet before she nodded at the small team and they stepped in, surrounded them and worked around him to get Stella transferred up to the ward and settled in.
Chicago Fire
It had been a few hours since Stella had been transferred up to the Intensive Care Unit but she had yet to wake as Kelly stayed by her side with her hand held securely in his, his thumb relentlessly and lightly brushing back and forth over her knuckles that had been scrapped up when she fell to the ground or rather after Grant had thrown her to the ground as harshly as he had with Kelly being unable to catch her in time. He heard the door open but did not bother to shift his gaze from Stella's face even as he felt a familiar hand rest down on his shoulder.
"Kelly…" Gabby crouched down beside him after she shared a concerned look with Matt who was stood at the foot of Stella's hospital bed. Both of them had stood outside for a few moments in observation before they had finally entered. "Kelly, it is almost 7am and we have a shift today. We have to leave but Brett and I are going to check in every time we are here, and Maggie has our numbers so if anything changes or happens she will contact us. Boden has already arranged cover for both you and Stella." Gabby informed him thinking maybe it was best for him not to be left alone but the firehouse was already down two people understandably as one was in a hospital bed and the other would not leave her side unless forcibly removed, and she knew that the medical staff would look after him. "Kelly, I need you to tell me that you know what is happening." Gabby was more forceful with her words than she had meant to be but he had not showed any signs that he had even heard her. He turned his gaze to her, his movements were almost mechanical, but it was enough acknowledgement for her to nod at him seemingly allowing him to turn his gaze back to Stella who hadn't moved at all. "Okay, I'll go by both of your apartments during shift and get you both some things as well." She patted his shoulder once more before stood up and both she and Matt left the room, leaving Kelly with Stella.
Kelly barely registered that they had left or anything that had been said by Gabby until Doctor Rhodes walked into the room to check on Stella. "How's our patient?" Connor asked Kelly trying to engage him in an effort to make sure he was alright as he sneaked a peak under the large white bandage that was affixed to her neck wanting to make sure that there were no signs of infection despite having her on intravenous broad spectrum antibiotics as a precautionary measure. He was pleased that there wasn't any sign of an infection and that Stella's vitals had stabilized although they were still not quite where they would normally be which was understandable and still nothing to be concerned about as of yet. He also made the decision to swap out the oxygen mask for a nasal cannula as her breathing had certainly improved, all under Kelly's watchful eyes.
"It's taking her too long to wake up. She should be awake by now, shouldn't she?" The tone of Kelly's voice caught Connor off guard as there was such desperation and fear in it unlike anything he had heard before and he had come across many desperate and scared people in his career.
Connor quickly pulled a stool over and sat himself down on the opposite side of the bed so that he was facing Kelly. "Kelly, Stella suffered massive trauma and extensive blood loss. What her body needs is to rest, it is what is going to help her recover in the long term. Her vitals are stable and there is no sign of any infection. She will wake when her body is ready too." Connor kept his voice soft as he explained the seriousness of Stella's medical situation once again in lament's terms as not to overwhelm him, and also made a mental note to have Doctor Charles make a visit to the room not only for Stella but for Kelly as well especially given that he had been a part of the situation and had suffered a traumatic experience as well. Connor waited a few moments to see if Kelly would respond but he didn't instead his tired eyes remained fixed solely on Stella's face as he was searching for any sign that she was starting to wake up.
Chicago Fire
Doctor Charles, at the request of Doctor Rhodes', walked into the Intensive Care Unit with a coffee in each hand as he headed for Stella's room seeing Kelly still firmly sat in the chair beside her bed with his hand delicately holding hers although there had been no change in Stella's condition. It had been a few hours since Connor had asked him to check in with Kelly, and whilst he had popped up to the ward a few times and observed from afar he had yet to enter the room or speak to the man.
"Kelly… I figured you could use this." Doctor Charles held the coffee out to Kelly who looked conflicted as he had to look away from her for the briefest of seconds as he decided what to do.
"Thanks." He took the coffee with his free hand but made no effort to drink it instead he rested it on the top of his knee as his attention once again went back to Stella.
"Why don't you take a break, get up and go for a walk? I can stay with Stella until you get back, or one of the nurses can if you would prefer." Doctor Charles figured it was as good as any place to start but Kelly simply shook his head in refusal. Doctor Charles took in his appearance but made no comment despite seeing how exhausted he was, and how terrified he was.
Doctor Charles knew when he was not going to get anything else out of the man although he had gotten very little in the first place so he excused himself in the hope that Kelly would at least drink some of the fresh hot coffee although he doubted the man would say much until Stella decided to grace him with her presence again. It seemed that the man only wanted for her to wake up which was understandable given what he had witnessed and ultimately been a part of. Although he was leaving now, it did not mean he would not be back to observe or to try and get Kelly out of the room again although he was well aware that it had to be his choice to step away as forcing him would only be detrimental to the already distraught man.
Chicago Fire
Kelly gained some perspective of time when he noticed that the nurses had changed shifts which meant that night had fallen which made him realise that it had been almost twenty four hours since Stella had had her throat cut and had been rushed to the hospital but she was still not awake. He hadn't spoken since he had thanked Doctor Charles for the coffee although it had remained untouched and eventually had been cleared away by one of the nurses late in the afternoon.
He ran his hand from her hand up over her arm until he reached her elbow and then back down to her hand again over and over hoping to elicit any movement or sound from her as his other hand held her hand tightly. He felt his eyelids droop and forced them open before he forced himself to sit up straighter in an effort to stay awake just as Gabby arrived and made her way into the room, stopping once she was beside him. Gabby had already spoken to Doctor Rhodes and Doctor Charles who were both highly concerned about Kelly down in the emergency department once she and Brett had handed over their patient before she made her way up to the Intensive Care Unit.
"Kelly, I need you to look at me." Gabby had turned her body into his and leaned down in front of him seeing how black the dark circles underneath his eyes were, and how bloodshot his eyes were from the lack of sleep as he glanced at her for a few seconds before he returned his gaze to Stella.
"You need to talk care of yourself Kelly. I can get April or Maggie to come up and sit with her for a little bit so you can have a shower and get changed, or even just get something to eat from the cafeteria and stretch your legs." Gabby tried to tell him that he was not the only one who could sit with Stella without explicitly stating it given he was not in a good frame of mind. He simply shook his head in refusal just as her radio crackled to life and alerted them both that Ambulance 61 was being dispatched to another call. She stood up and squeezed his shoulder before she left reluctantly as she wondered if she could get someone to cover the rest of her shift so she could be with them.
Kelly resumed running his hand up and down her arm repeatedly, not realising he had stopped.
Chicago Fire
Stella let out a pained moan and scrunched her face up as she re-entered the conscious world although she did not want to open her eyes. She could feel her hand was being held, and she knew instinctively who was holding her hand, that it was Kelly. She felt incredibly weak as she tried to move her hand to squeeze his hand.
Kelly heard the pained moan and was immediately alert as he could see that she was in pain before he felt her hand twitch as her fingers closed around his hand. He lifted his other hand from her elbow up to her hair and ran his hands through it hoping to settle her after he had double tapped the call button to alert the medical staff as he was not leaving her side.
"Kelly?" Connor ran into the room already pulling on a fresh set of gloves before he realised why he had double tapped the call button as Stella was beginning to regain consciousness given the pained groans and scrunched up facial features that she was showing.
"Stella, it's Connor Rhodes, can you open your eyes for me?" Connor pulled his pen light out of his pocket as he stopped at her bedside. He gave her a few moments to try herself but when she didn't he lifted each eyelid and flicked the pen light over pleased with her reaction even as she tried to turn her head away from him to avoid the bright light in her eyes. Connor looked over at Kelly who looked even more concerned although he was not sure how that was even possible despite not having said anything for hours. "This is good Kelly, she is regaining consciousness." Connor tried to ease his concern knowing they would just have to wait and let Stella wake on her own schedule; it wasn't something he could force nor did he want too. "I'll be back to check on her shortly." He added before he snapped his gloves off and disposed of them as he left the room.
Kelly watched every little movement and listened to every sound until her head turned towards him and she opened her eyes, her big beautiful brown eyes were looking at him and this time he did not see one ounce of fear in them, instead he watched as her lips quirked upwards into a small smile which sent a spike of relief through his weary body. He bought his hand down from her hair to her cheek, and stroked her cheek using the back of his fingers as softly as he could as he smiled back at her. He opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Connor returned to the room, interrupting them.
"It's nice to see you awake Stella. You're in the Intensive Care Unit, you had to have surgery. Do you recall what happened?" Connor greeted her before he asked what she remembered.
Kelly watched as Stella looked at him in sheer confusion before she remembered what had happened, or at least bits of it.
"Grant… knife…" Stella could recall that Grant had snuck up behind her as she hefted the heavy rubbish bag into the dumpster in the alley behind Molly's high on drugs and brandishing a large knife although everything after that was rather fuzzy or blurry, which one she was not sure. "Kelly… okay?" She remembered him being there, recalled hearing him yell out, as she turned to look at him. The pain in her throat and her neck, how much it hurt to talk, did not even register nor did she realise how hoarse her voice sounded. She felt as he squeezed her hand but said nothing which concerned her but Connor regained her attention again as he held a straw to her lips letting her drink a small amount of water which had to ease the scratchiness in her throat before he took the straw and cup away.
"Stella, we had to operate on you and you went into hypovolemic shock due to the volume of blood you lost from your injuries. The knife severed the external carotid artery and the left internal jugular vein in your neckbut we were able to repair both of them. I want you to talk as little as possible until we can assess if there has been any damage to your vocal cords." Connor informed her as delicately as possible not wanting to stress her out as he kept glancing up at the screen that held her vitals. There was still a lot of internal swelling so it was best to err on the side of caution until they could get better imaging and assess her vocal range. Stella nodded as she fought to keep her eyes open as she looked at Kelly again who was still running the back of his fingers over her cheek and jaw extremely delicately as if she was made of glass that could shatter at any second. "You have Kelly to thank for saving you." Connor told her before he left the two alone knowing that they needed it, and he was still concerned about the man who had not left her side since he had been allowed to see her.
Stella did not take her eyes off of Kelly's who had not stopped looking at her the entire time since she had first opened her eyes. She lifted her free hand up and reached out to him ignoring how heavy her arm felt, cupping his chin as her fingers caressed his stubble lined jaw and she felt as he leaned into the palm of her hand as if he was taking comfort in her soft touch. "It's okay Kelly." She spoke as quietly as she could as she watched his eyes become glassy, and she did not miss how devastated and exhausted he looked. She had heard what Connor had said about not speaking if she did not need to but this was one of those times that she needed too. "It's okay. I'm okay." She reassured him again feeling how his fingers caressed her skin without stopping as she watched the tears roll silently down his cheeks and felt as those warm drops hit her own skin. She stretched her fingers out and up, feeling as the scrapped skin stretched uncomfortably over her knuckles but that was the least of her worries, as she brushed the warm tears from his cheeks away as best as she could.
"Lay with me." She knew it probably broke a few protocols of the intensive care unit but she did not care. She was exhausted and still trying to piece together all that had happened and how long she had been unconscious, but her concern was growing at Kelly's silence and at his visible distress. She moved over as carefully as she could as her entire body felt stiff and sore from a lack of movement, and as close to the railing as she could get. He didn't need to be asked twice as he removed his hand from her face and dropped the railing down before he carefully climbed into the bed with her so that he was on her right side. He laid on his side trying to give her as much room as he could but he laid his head down and pressed his forehead against the side of her head with an unbridled delicacy. She turned her hand around so that her palm was facing upwards and entwined their fingers again between their bodies. The warmth of his body was comforting in the overwhelming and somewhat confusing state she found herself having awoken in. She found herself relaxing against him as she let her exhaustion win and her eyelids close for the final time as sleep claimed her.
Kelly felt the relief that she was awake bleed from him as he laid next to her just as he had a few mornings ago, admittedly he would have preferred it to be in her bed and not in a hospital bed but she was alive and awake, and that was what mattered above anything else. He could feel her warm breath against his skin with every exhale and it settled him as he finally let his eyelids close and stay closed as he finally allowed himself to doze lightly albeit remaining aware of everything from her breathing and movements to the monitors and beyond.
Chicago Fire
Stella was barely awake and she had not even managed to force her heavy eyelids open but she could feel that Kelly was still by her side in the bed and she knew he was awake as she could feel his worried eyes on her. She also did not miss how his thumb was absentmindedly running back and forth over the back of her hand that was still entwined between their bodies. There was still a fuzzy edge to her entire body and as much as she wanted to stop the pain medication that was being given to her via her intravenous line she was not about to ask for it to be stopped as she suspected that the pain was going to multiply exponentially given that her neck had been cut open crudely by a knife that could have had anything left on the blade that left her at an increased risk of infection even with the large dose of antibiotics that were being given to her. With those thoughts, she forced her eyelids to open but had to close them at the blinding light that was directly above her and let out a low groan before she opened them again feeling how Kelly had tensed beside her at her response.
"Kelly…" She grimaced as it hurt to talk as she eased herself over and onto her side so that she was face to face with him ignoring the way her body protested the subtle movements after having been inactive for so long. She felt him squeeze her hand softly in reply as he bought his other hand up to her face and caressed her cheek once more being incredibly delicate in his minute movements. "I need you to tell me you are okay." She grimaced at how hoarse her voice sounded and how much her pain spiked but she had to hear him say that he was okay as she could vividly recall seeing him wrestle with Grant to get the knife away from him as she laid on the ground bleeding. She watched as his duller than usual blue eyes widened and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed several times as his uncomfortableness grew.
Kelly had no idea how to answer her and he was terrified that if he spoke that his emotions would get the best of them especially considering they were not in a relationship but more of a mutually beneficial situation, or at least they were. His thoughts and feelings were all over the place and he had no idea how to rein them in for the first time in a long time. But she had asked him to tell her that he was okay, had caused herself pain to speak to him, and he knew that a touch or squeeze would not suffice this time. He owed her that much, he owed her a verbal answer. He could see her desperateness for an answer as her dark brown eyes stared into his, clearer than they had been since he had found her in that precarious and life threatening situation. He opened his mouth then closed it again before he quietly cleared his throat knowing that his voice would be as hoarse as hers was from lack of use. "I… I'm really happy you are awake." He winced at how he sounded but he meant his words because he was. "You terrified me." He added before he tilted his head up and placed a delicate soft kiss on her warm yet still pale forehead as she clutched at his hand tighter reassuring him that she was still alive.
"I'm here. You're not getting rid of me that easily." She replied feeling he needed to hear it. She saw the faintest trace of a smile grace his lips as he settled down cautiously next to her again. She leaned forward and pressed her face into his shoulder as the tiredness she felt began to overwhelm her again but with the knowledge that everything would be alright, it would just take some time.