Disclaimer: No one owns anything here.
Warnings: Language, gayness, death, brief detailed description of female genitalia, mpreg, kids, made up planets, etc. Yes, I said male pregnancy. This is mapped out into 4 parts. The mpreg will start in part two. So if you'd like to stick around until then, I'll post up a warning as to when that part will start. I like to give warnings so people can't yell later when the baby comes. So I'm saying it again. Male pregnancy. Also, this will mostly follow the 2009 JJ. Abrams Trekverse. But will have bits and pieces from the original and TNG.

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Stardust
Chapter 1: Enchanted Loom

He hung back, waiting and watching, as the two different timeline Spocks conversed. It was… unusual, to say the least, to watch. And confusing. And he almost felt foolish, spying on them like he was. But he stood, waiting and watching silently, until they departed. "Spock!" He hissed out lowly after the Vulcan of his timeline left. It sounded weird, calling the older version of him that. But what else would he call him?

The older Vulcan turned slowly, curiosity showing on his face. He glanced back at the retreating form of his younger self. "Young Jim. To what do I owe this… unexpected surprise?"

Jim paused for a moment, a frown on his face. Before he started, he wasn't sure how to start. "I don't know what to call you."

The older Spock seemed to consider for a moment. "It is confusing, is it not? Prime seems an adequate term."

Jim nodded slowly. He motioned to him and turned. Spock followed silently and Jim led him to a secluded spot of the hanger where they wouldn't be overheard. Jim fiddled with the bottom hem of his shirt. He was nervous. He was actually nervous! He'd been both dreading and waiting for this chance to speak with the Spock he had met on Delta Vega just a short time ago. But now…

"Jim."

The voice brought him out of his nervous daze. He turned suddenly and stared at the older man. "On Delta Vega… the mindmeld when we first met… that emotional connection thing…" He gesture to him head and trailed off, turning away slightly.

"Yes." Spock dipped his head slightly. "I apologize again for that. It happens…"

Jim waved him off and shook his head. "No. There was… something else…" He said slowly. "Something… towards me…"

Spock was silent a moment. He dipped his head slowly and nodded. "My apologies. You are… obviously similar... I thought I hid it well."

"You didn't." Jim snapped. "I…" He faltered, attempting to keep his voice level under control. "You… him… me…" He rubbed at his forehead.

"The Jim Kirk of my time…" Spock started slowly. "We were friends, colleagues, partners… in our later years… bondmates, lovers… we were… soulmates…"

Jim lifted his hand, stopping him. It was too much. He had secretly expected it since he had met the future Vulcan. But hearing it with such honestly… "Show me!" He demanded, spinning around towards him. He reached out and grabbed Prime's hand. He pressed it to his face. "Show me."

Spock nodded, adjusted his fingers over the correct meld spots, and dove in.

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There was always an unspoken spark between us… the Vulcan's voice said. Ever since we became part of the Enterprise crew.

Pictures of the two of them on the bridge flash. Jim smiles at Spock as he lowers himself into the Captain's chair. Spock cocks an eyebrow and for a split second, his mouth twitches in a return smile. Spock walks by on the way to his station, his hand brushing the Captain's shoulder as he passes.

He was my Captain. I, his First Officer. It didn't seem practical. But it was what it was. We danced around it for years.

Images change and shift. The two of them on some planet standing a bit too close together, playing chess in Spock's quarters with lingering touches, glances stolen when no one was around.

It wasn't until after my death, David's loss, and my rebirth that we said, to quote him, "Fuck them all."

Spock dies from radiation in the ship's core. His spirit is trapped in Bones. And David's there. His son. Jim's son. Images of David, on a planet created by Genesis. David protecting a much younger reborn Spock and a female Vulcan Saavik. Klingon Commander Kruge kills David. And then they're on Vulcan, the real Vulcan, undergoing fal tor pan and Spock is himself again.

It shifted again. They stand in Jim's quarters, close proximity but not touching. Tears in Jim's eyes, concern in Spock's. They are older now then when they first began this dance. But all the years they had been together, ignoring everything… Spock, in a very uncharacteristic manner, throws himself at his grieving Captain. Their lips crash together and the scene explodes.

We just… fell together after that. We filled void's neither of us knew were there.

Spock's fingers press against Jim's face and they meld. Jim's feelings flood through the meld.

.-*-*-*-.

Jim pushed against it and Spock Prime released him. He stumbled back, clutching at his chest. "I can't…" He gasped out. "I can't…"

Spock nodded. "I understand. It's a lot to take in."

Jim shook his head. "Not that… I can't…" He didn't only see it. He felt it. From both of them, Spock and his future self. Everything. Spock was his everything. And he was his. "It's not a gay thing… or a Vulcan…" He stuttered. "I can't... be that… I don't have it in me. I can't be that important. For anyone. I just… can't."

"My young Jim…" There was a hint of laughter in Spock's voice. "Your life is your own. Yours alone. The timelines have been altered beyond repair. What happens is up to you. It is your own choice."

"Stop saying that!" He snapped.

"Jim… I don't know what you want me to say." Spock said evenly. "I won't apologize for living my life the way I did. I wouldn't want anything changed." He tilted his head. "As for showing you… you asked."

"We are different." Jim mused. "Me and… your Jim. We're different." He insisted. "He could do it but I can't. I'm not the 'settle down' type."

Spock laughed; an actual chuckle escaped his lips. The laugh grew louder and he shook his head slowly.

Jim frowned, thinking the Vulcan was not taking him seriously. "I'm… like a… man whore!"

Spock shook his head slowly, the laugh still on his lips. "Young Jim… my Jim… you two aren't so different. I shouldn't tell you but to reassure you… I will go against my better judgment."

Jim's crossed his arms. "What?"

"He once fell in love with a girl from the 1930's after a week of knowing her." Spock said with a hint of a smile. "He spent three months in an amnesia induced love affair with an alien tribal priestess. He charmed his way out of a gladiator type imprisonment by flirting with his female trainer. He fell in love everywhere we went."

Jim threw up his arms. "That makes it worse!"

"Oh Jim. Just because you've enjoyed the company of many doesn't mean that when you meet that right one, you can't be happy. Your past doesn't dictate your future." He tilted his head to the side. "Your future doesn't dictate your future either."

Jim rolled his eyes.

Spock continued. "He had a lot of love to give. Such a big heart." Spock smiled, lost in memories for a moment. "But… once we embraced each other… he… what you say… only had eyes for me."

Jim turned slowly, his eyes on the floor. He lifted them suddenly to Spock, watching him. "Are you sure you're Spock?"

He smiled again. "You had undue influence on me."

Jim let out a sigh and turned away. They were scheduled to leave soon. He'd have to see now-Spock soon. Could be stand face to face with the Vulcan and not think about the images he'd been shown? Could he not act on the lingering emotions running through him from the mindmeld? Was it only the mindmeld? "You put these thoughts in my head!" He snapped suddenly, fisting his hair. "How am I supposed to trust myself now? Or you? The… you… now…" He stammered.

"You asked me to show you." Spock said calmly.

"I know."

"Would you have rather I kept it from you?"

"Yes!" Jim snapped. "No…" He added quickly. "You're right." He admitted with a sigh. "I asked. Thank you."

Spock studied him a moment. "Jim… are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah." He waved him off. "I'm fine. I'll be fine…"

Spock nodded and stepped around him. "I believe we both have places to be."

Jim turned slowly. He nodded and offered the Vulcan a wave. "Thank you. For showing me. You cleared up… a lot."

Spock nodded and turned to leave.

"Is it… worth it?" Jim called after him.

Spock turned around and tilted his head in a puzzling manner.

"Vulcan's live longer than humans." Jim said slowly. "Is it worth it?"

"The few short years we spend together were the best of my life. I will love him and grieve for him until the day I die. It will always have been worth it."

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