Title: Staff Meeting
Author: DarkDreamer56
Archive: If you want it, ask please!
Rating: T
Pairings: Slight NS at the end, not GSR friendly
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, and any resemblance to any real person is strictly coincidental.
Spoilers: general for Season 7

A/N: After thinking about the direction CSI has taken over the past couple seasons, this little plot bunny popped into my head. This fic is a parody, and the comments in it are meant to be a bit outlandish. It is merely one take on what could possibly be running through the writers' minds when they come up with some of their ideas. Though I have to say, I just saw the second part of "Built to Kill" and I have to admit, I enjoyed that episode a hell of a lot more than the premiere. This is dedicated to Julie, who has had a rough couple days, and who I have been promising a new fic for weeks. I hope that everything works out!

"Are you serious?" Sara groaned and set her coffee mug down on the counter, a bit more forcefully than she had intended.

Warrick shrugged and settled onto one end of the break room couch. "Ecklie wants us to meet the new assistant lab director, and unfortunately, since he's the new lab director, he can force staff meetings onto us now."

"This better not take long," Sara muttered, dumping the remnants of her coffee into the sink and then dropping down next to Warrick on the couch. Looking up, she watched the rest of the team file into the room, all looking as pissed as she felt. They'd all spent most of the shift at an all hands on deck scene, recovering bullets and trace from a gang shooting at a local bowling alley. Sara's back was killing her, and she couldn't wait to climb into a warm bath, and then under the covers.

"Ecklie promised ten, fifteen minutes top." Catherine sounded as beat as she looked, and Sara wondered if she was going to even make it home and get Lindsey to school without some serious caffeine.

Catherine did her best to look awake, perched on the edge of the lunch table, while Nick

collapsed on the other side of Sara. Greg made his way over to the coffee pot, leaning against the counter and trying to make a decent cup of coffee out of the sludge left at the bottom of the pot.

By the time Grissom entered, most of them were on the verge of sleep, but the slam of the door behind Grissom and the woman following him jolted them all awake. Grissom was accompanied by a blond, petite woman who Sara had seen around the lab several times in the past month or so, but never really met.

"I'd like to introduce you all to Carla Mockerson, she transferred here a few weeks ago from LA to accept the Assistant Lab Director position." Grissom didn't waste any time getting the introductions out of the way, pointing out each member of the shift. He then took a seat at the table, giving Carla the floor.

Carla Mockerson beamed back at them, her smile so bright that Sara wondered if her teeth would eventually turn blue due to overbleaching. "It's so nice to finally meet all of you, Ecklie has had some great things to say about each of you. You would think your shift is the only one that solves any cases." It took about two seconds for Sara to figure out this woman was full of crap. A glance to her right, and then left, confirmed that Nick and Warrick felt the same way. Now Sara only wished she had Nick's ability to appear to be paying attention while completely zoning out; it was going to be a long fifteen minutes.

There was that smile again. "I've spent the past week or so observing things around the lab, trying to get to know the different team dynamics, that kind of stuff, and I've noticed some interesting things about the night shift in particular."

Catherine, obviously not in the mood for any of this, held up her hand to intervene. "So, you've been watching us, never even introduced yourself, and now you think you understand our team dynamic without ever talking to any of us?"

Sara had to bite her lip to keep from smiling; apparently Catherine was done placating management.

Unfortunately, Carla just plowed ahead. "I think I'm a pretty good judge of people, Catherine. Now, I've just got some notes, some observations if you will, and then you can all go home and get some well deserved rest." Carla pulled a sheet of paper out of the binder in her hands, glanced down at it for a moment, and then cleared her throat.

"You guys, as a team, seem really close, but there is so much tension. I think you would really benefit from some bending of the fraternization rules. So Grissom, there's really no holding you back from your thinly veiled feelings for Sara. Besides, everyone can see how Sara would just jump at the chance to catch you after all of these years, even after everything with Lady Heather. And Catherine, if you still have feelings for Warrick, there's no one here that will stop you. And so you don't feel left out, I'm willing to make you Swing Shift Supervisor again."

There was a collective gasp from the group. This is not happening, this is not happening, was all that was running through Sara's mind once she could process a coherent thought. Warrick tensed beside her, and Sara didn't have to look to know that Nick's jaw was set, and his teeth were grinding together. She could only imagine what was going through Greg, Catherine, and Grissom's heads, but before she had time to contemplate, Carla was moving on.

"Warrick, we may have to cut back on your hours, there's not always a lot for you to do around here. Plus, I think it would be best if you don't acknowledge the fact that you're married. In fact, no personal stuff, unless you'd like to go back to gambling, maybe in one of Sam Braun's casino, it would be a nice way to bring it back to Catherine…that would be okay. Same for you Nick. No girlfriends, no more trauma. Really, now that Kelly Gordon is dead, you should be over your ordeal. It's done."

"You mean the ordeal he got into by working for this damn department?" Greg muttered under his breath. Sara wasn't really sure what was keeping the group from lunging at Carla. Perhaps it was a mixture of shock at what she was saying, and the awe in wondering what the hell she would come up with next.

"Catherine though, your life is so interesting, so feel free to let it spill over into work. And I have to say, I really love your wardrobe choices, I'd love to know where you shop. Okay, Grissom, Sara, there is a real connection between you two, I think everyone can see it. I'm sure no one around here would object to you two being involved, but feel free to keep it a secret too…I'm sure two people in such a close knit group as the night shift can get away with secretly dating. Think of all the cute inside jokes you can come up with…"

Catherine seemed to be the first one to finally find her voice. "What the hell does any of this have to do with our ability to do our jobs?"

"I was just making some observations. Now Greg, well honestly, I didn't really pay much attention. I did hear from some of the lab techs that you were pretty funny when you worked in DNA. Any desire to go back to the lab? Because that could be arranged. Were you working with Brass this week? I heard he got injured a couple months ago…now that other detective, Detective Curtis, I really like her. Oh Nick, just so you know, the same leniency applies to you and her as well."

A cool smile, and one promise of a staff meeting later in the week, and Carla was gone, leaving in her wake a group of very confused, very unsettled CSI's. If this was an indication of the way the lab was going to be run, Sara wasn't sure she wanted to stick around to find out how things would turn out.

Nick was the first to bolt, storming out of the break room and down the hall to the locker room. Sara jumped up to chase after him, finding him forcefully pulling things out of his locker.

"That did just happen, right?" Sara asked quietly, trying to break the ice. Carla had said a lot of things that had cut a little too close for both of them, but Nick was obviously the more upset one, and Sara couldn't stand that.

"You mean, did the Assistant Lab Director tell my boss he was free to sleep with my girlfriend, and then tell me to get over my issues? Yeah, that happened." Sara almost missed the last part from the slam of his locker.

Sara wrapped her arms around Nick from behind, feeling the tension in the muscles under his tee shirt. She was pissed beyond belief, but she needed to calm Nick down before he decided to go and say something that would just make working in the lab under Carla Mockerson that much more difficult. If they left the lab, they were going to leave together, and on their own terms.

"Nick, she has no idea what she's talking about. Grissom, he had his chance, and that chance expired. A long time ago. I'm with you, and I've been happier in the past six months than I've been since I can remember. We weren't breaking any 'fraternization' rules to begin with, and we were upfront and honest with everyone as soon as we started dating. We've all got issues we're dealing with, and to hell with her if she thinks she can tell us how to deal with them. I think we're all doing okay with figuring that out ourselves." Sara placed a few light kisses on his neck, feeling the muscles in his abdomen unclench as she ran her fingers over the soft material of his shirt. "Now we do you say we go home? I want a bath, and then to forget this day ever happened."

Nick turned around and kissed her softly. There was a tiny smile on his lips when he pulled away. It wasn't the normal, full wattage Nick Stokes Sara was used to, but it was a start. She had the rest of the day to work on putting a smile back on his face. "We are both off tonight, and I've got some ideas on how we can spend that time."

Sara grinned as Nick raised an eyebrow; she could imagine exactly how Nick wanted to spend their night, and he would hear no arguments from her. Leaning in for another kiss, she whispered, "Better make sure TiVo records Grey's Anatomy, I've got a feeling we're gonna be otherwise occupied."

FIN.