Kish isn't stupid.
That isn't to say he's incredibly intelligent, or even above average. Just looking at some of the things he's said sets up flashing signs screaming 'stupid!'
But Kish knows they- he, Pai, and Tarto- aren't winning. In fact he's well aware that they're on the losing side of things.
Unfortunately Kish isn't smart either.
He'd be the first to point out some of his less than stellar ideas. He may not be stupid, but he certainly isn't smart either.
Because he knows that Deep Blue grows more impatient every passing day, after every embarrassing defeat at the hands of absurdly dressed pubescent girls. He also knows what happens to anyone Deep Blue gets too impatient with.
Kish knows all of this. And he knows that sooner or later the blame for the repeated failure will fall to him.
Kish is sure in what he knows, in the proven, concrete facts.
He knows that Deep Blue is powerful and stronger than Kish could ever be. He knows that every move he makes is being carefully observed and measured. He knows one more wrong move- one more among many- and he'll be dead. These are facts, proven and concrete.
Kish isn't sure if he believes in anything anymore.
He knows what their ultimate goal is; to conquer earth, like so many cliché movies he's discovered on the planet. (What is it with these humans and creating things about saving the planet, and yet they continue to destroy it themselves?)
But he isn't sure if he believes in it- the mission- anymore. In the beginning he was quick to point out that they were actually helping the humans- by stopping them from destroying their planet- and if a few died, well they were only casualties for the greater good.
But now Kish is unsure.
After all the humans are trying to save themselves, still failing, but not completely pig-ignorant to the destruction of their planet. Which is more than Kish can say about his people- they never quite got it until the very end, too little too late, when all that was left to save was a dry, empty rock with very few living things left on it, and a full graveyard.
His kind had so many chances to fix things, to stop the destruction. The humans are doing so much better than they had, trying to use their chances wisely. Why should Kish's people get to steal away what rightfully belongs to the humans- their last few chances? And who's to say that his race won't ruin things again with this second planet? What comes after- a third chance, a third planet?
They say an old dog can't learn new tricks, and Kish thinks that this can apply to races to.
Kish isn't smart.
If he were, knowing all of this, he'd do something, anything. Defy orders, stop trying to take over the planet, anything more than sitting in the dark of the spaceship questioning his mission.
Kish isn't stupid.
Because he knows that he can't do anything if he wants to stay alive. And he is horrendously self-centered, because he values his life over an entire planet.
Kish sometimes wishes he were smart.
A/N: So hey there world, long time no see, right? In the two years I've been MIA I've been betaing for a few people (Like Cheywolfie, you should go read her work if you like Loveless. /end shameless plug) I have a few more ideas up my sleeves, so expect some very strange things on the horizon from me!
Reviews are to me like peanut butter is to jelly!