Notes:

This fic for the longest time was known to those I discussed it with (and to my file system) simply as "The Elmer Fic."

According to Word, the earliest version of it was created on March 29, 2016 - which means I've been working on and off this fic for nearly eleven months now. It sort of feels unreal to finally be sharing it with you all.

Please note that the spelling letters and grammar mistakes in the opening letter are intentional.

This fic was written as and is intended to be read as a oneshot, but given this site's poor formatting, I have broken up the segments into chapters for ease of reading. It is meant to be read as it appears on AO3.

August 1722

Saturday, 9:30 AM

To my illustrious Professor,

Good morn! I hope this Letter finds you Smiling, and if not, I hope that it brings a Smile to your face. Well first I suppose I should hope this Letter finds you at all, given that after I finish writing it I shall secret it in the saddelbag of the Courier who has been induleging himself in the Inn whear I am currently lodging as of one hour ago. I do not know where he is off to, but I have faith that this Letter will reech you somehow. Would you believe me if I told you that I send most of my Correspondince these days by tossing it to the Wind? Just two munths ago I wrote to Nile and flung my letter out to the Sea, and a few days later I found his ruply waiting for me in my coat pokit. I have been able to save quite a bit of Coin this way, which is Good because I am in constent need of it these days.

Oh, not neccessarilly for myself – you know me, professor. I can eke out a living on just about Anything and I am Very Good at bartring. But there is not enough Money circulaiting the Markets here, unlike back home, so these days I am occupyed with lending a helping hand to the needy. But at the moment I am as Poor as a Church Mouse—I wrote earlier that I am lodging in an Inn but the innkeeper would be supprised to know that! Well if he should discover me it will be no trubble for I shall offer my services by way of apologee.

I have tryed to keep in touch with old friends and accuaintances back Home, with limited succes. Just last year I wrote to that poet Jean but I have yet to hear from him. Could you visit his residunse in my stead and pay your Respects, so to speak? I do not like the idea of him still having dificulty Smiling freely. Is he still putting out new works? Information is hard to come by here on Italian playwrights that herald from no-name cities, even the Famous ones – don't tell him that, tho! Make sure to Compliment him on whatever new work he's nurturing at the moment, he'll like that. I digress , tho - I have been keeping sundry Correspondunse with my friend Carla the bodyguard and my friend her Lady, but Speran is awfully hard to get a hold of. I'd appreshiate it if you could go and prod him with a stik for me.

I am running out of Paper so I will keep the rest breif. How is my spelling? I was going to write to you in Italian since that is our mutuel Tongue but it occured to me some years ago I should learn to Write in my Native language. They never taught me how. Spanish and Italian I know like the back of my hand. Victor taught me the Fundamentals on the Advena Avis but the rest I have had to learn on my own over the last seviral years. Looking back on what I have written so far it does not sound like me all too much does it? I've been copying letters from a lawyer accuaintance of mine so I will blame his influince here.

I said I would be breef but look what has happened. One page left to my name. Next time I will be more succint as my friend the lawyer keeps Urging me to be. If you would like I can write to our mutuel friends here on the Continent and ask after them so as to put your mind at eise, tho I do not know whear most of them are. I doubt that our privisy will be comprimised. And in return tell me that you are in good Spirits and good Cheer if that is the Truth and what the News is on Our City. I like to stay informed.

Your effectionate pupil,

Elmer Ensorcelled

PS Please write back as soon as possible it is Cold and I am in need of Tinder

PPS That was a jest of course. Tinder is Plentifull. It is paper I am lacking. These enclo sd last words are written on the back of a page I tor out of the local church lejer.

PPPS What happened to my old Schoolmates? I cannot reach any of them