(edit: it took away my line breaks so I had to add them in again, sorry for spamming your inbox ^_^)
We were sharing pet stories at lunch, let's just say my friend Ffion knows some pretty evil children, this was born from it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Warning: character death (lol), soft SasuNaru, stupid children and an incompetent Sasuke as a babysitter.
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"Hey Sasuke!"
...
"Hey Sasuke!"
...
"Hey Sasuke!"
"For goodness sake what do you want?"
"Can hamsters swim?"
Sasuke quirked an eyebrow at the little kid who had been inconveniently thrown into his care; Naruto's annoying little brother Konohamaru. The little snot and his two best friends Moegi and Udon had been dumped in his care after Naruto promised to look after them that day. The latter two shuddered slightly under Sasuke's piercing glare, but Konohamaru stood strong, he was used to the evilness of his brothers 'husband'.
"Well can they?"
"Don't ask such stupid questions" Sasuke turned away from them, back to his work "Go play or watch TV until Naruto gets back" Neither knowing or caring the children were in his presence he continued grumbling "Only 10 minutes my arse, longest 10 minutes I've ever heard of "
Konohamaru shrugged at his friends and headed back into the living room, he never understood why Naruto liked that bastard, he was so...bastardy.
Moegi spoke up once they settled down on the sofa "So do you think they can swim or not? He didn't answer our question"
Konohamaru shrugged "I think they can, cats and dogs can, so why can't hamsters"
Udon sniffed and shook his head "Their paws aren't big enough, they wouldn't be able to"
Konohamaru looked at the hamster cage of the culprits who had begun the argument "We could always test it, make them try to swim"
They gathered around the cage at the two hamsters in the cage soundly sleeping, one was white and the other brown, they both had black stripe like marks down their backs and sides.
"That one looks the strongest" The others nodded and Konohamaru reached down and picked up the white one, which began to wake up in his grasp.
The three children and hamster walked through the apartment to the bathroom and stood around the toilet, which was their first thought for water.
Moegi looked worriedly at the toilet bowl "Are you sure we should do this, what if it can't swim? It could drown"
Konohamaru smiled "Don't worry I'm sure it will, I've seen it on YouTube loads" and before anyone could say another word, he dropped it in.
Moegi gasped as it splashed and sank before it floated to the surface slightly and began moving its paws wildly "You shouldn't have dropped it in, I never like that when I go swimming."
Konohamaru waved it off "It doesn't matter, see it's swimming, I was right Udon"
"Ergh" Udon stayed staring at the hamster in the toilet "It seems to be struggling"
"Nonsense, it's having fun. Should we flush it and make it have waves?"
"Erm no I don't think we should"
"Moegi, don't be such a baby."
Suddenly a dark shadow passed over them "What are you kids doing?"
Konohamaru looked up innocently "learning"
"About toilets? What are you looking at?" Sasuke looked into the toilet to see Naruto's pet hamster struggling to stay afloat "Oh my god what did you kids do to Salt!" He pushed them out of the way and scooped up the hamster in his hands, which was glad to be on firm land again.
Sasuke was enraged "What on Earth made you think it was a good idea to put a hamster down the toilet? What if it had drowned? What if it has swallowed the chemicals? What if it gets a cold?" Sasuke looked down at the white bundle of fur that was shaking in his hands "Naruto will kill me if the kids get hurt"
Konohamaru looked confused for a moment "But, we're fine"
"Not you, the hamsters! Just go watch TV and stay out of trouble, you're lucky he's still alive"
Moegi was close to tears, but Sasuke didn't care, he carried the hamster to his room, taking a hand towel on his way leaving the children scared and worried still huddled around the toilet.
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Sasuke placed Salt gently into a little cardboard box after drying him off as gently as he could, too scared to use a hairdryer for fear of worsening its shock, not that that was probably a good idea anyway. Hopefully Naruto would be back soon so he wouldn't have to deal with the snot nosed brats, cursing teacher strikes and with one last anxious look at the white hamster still shaking he turned back to his work, hoping that the kids wouldn't ruin anything else. On seconds thoughts he decided to fetch the hamster cage into the room, just in case they tried to make Pepper swim too.
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A little after 3.30 Moegi and Udon's parents came to pick them up, to which Sasuke gladly gave them up, just thankful they'd taken his advice and spent the rest of the day out of his way. Unfortunately for him he was stuck with Konohamaru until after dinner, the day was planned to be a whole day with Naruto, who still hadn't come home from his 'emergency' at work.
In Sasuke and Naruto's bedroom trouble still lurked, in the form of Konohamaru who had once again decided to give attention to Salt, who had taken refuge in the corner on the box, now still.
"Sasuke, Sasuke! The hamster isn't moving!" Konohamaru was poking it as if to prove his point.
"Leave him alone, he's sleeping, you guys nearly gave him a heart attack earlier"
"No, he's just not moving" he picked him up by his tail, the hamster unresponsive, unmoving, cold and dead.
Sasuke turned to see the hamster swinging slightly in Konohamaru's hold. "Oh god you killed him! You killed Salt"
Konohamaru panicked and released the dead hamster which flew slightly across the room. "I didn't mean to kill it, honestly, please don't tell Naruto-nii"
Sasuke scooped up the dead hamster and placed it back into the small box. "What do we do now? It'll kill Naruto." Just then his phone rang.
"Hello, Sasuke speaking"
"Hey, just calling to say I'll be back soon, should be in like half an hour, if I don't get caught in traffic. Hope the kids didn't cause you any trouble"
Sasuke snorted quietly "No, no trouble at all." Sasuke desperately tried to think of a way to stall Naruto till he could figure out what to do. "Erm, we've ran out of milk, can you pop by the co-op on your way back and pick some up?"
"Huh, but we just bought a 2 litre yesterday"
"Well the kids had a lot of milkshakes, just go get some! See you soon Naru"
"Yeah bye! I love you teme!"
"I love you too dobe"
Sasuke smiled as the phone conversation ended, only to realise the dilemma at hand and the upset and worried boy in front of him. He was going to have to find a way to cover up Salt's death completely so Naruto would never know.
"We need to get to a pet store immediately, get your coat"
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Sasuke burst into the pet store dragging Konohamaru by his scarf behind him, he caught the attention of the first staff member he saw, who stood stiff and shaking once he laid eyes on the frightening Uchiha.
"How can I help you sir"
"I need a hamster; it was white with black bits on it. This one here" he pulled Konohamaru in front of him who stared guiltily at the floor "Had a little accident with it, so we need a replacement"
The shop assistant smiled slightly, but it soon faded when he looked back up at Sasuke. "Have you thought about what type of hamster who would like to purchase?"
"Did you not hear? I said we need a replacement and identical replacement, so that its owner will never know the difference. Understand"
The shop assistant gulped very audibly. "What type of breed was it, and was it male or female"
"It was male, and I don't know what kind, it was just white with black bits" Sasuke looked around till he saw posters on the wall and pointed to a particular one "That one, a The Dwarf Winter Whi-whatever, a Siberian, a white one"
The shop assistant gained his composure and moved to the hamster cages placing his hand by a certain one. "You're lucky we have one left, but unfortunately it's a fe-"
"I'll take it!"
Sasuke looked into the cage to see a white Siberian hamster, it looked almost exactly like Naruto's hamster Salt, and it was even around the same size, though maybe a bit smaller.
"But you don't understand, this hamster is a gir-"
"I don't care I'll take it"
The shop assistant sighed "Very well, I'll prepare your purchase, will you need any other equipment while you're here?"
"No just the hamster"
The shop assistant left them momentarily
"Naruto-nii will be really angry is he realised what you've done"
Sasuke looked down on Konohamaru, an evil smirk on his face "Well Naruto isn't going to find out, besides it was your fault, do you really want Naruto to know that you killed his beloved pet hamster?"
The terrified look on the kids face was more than enough victory for Sasuke "I didn't think so"
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Sasuke and Konohamaru raced back inside the house, with only minutes to spare before Naruto came home, they quickly deposited their coats in the hall and kicked off their shoes. Sasuke placed the new hamster in the cage, placing a divider between the two just in case they fought.
"Okay Salt 2, play nicely with Pepper, and for goodness sake don't let Naruto find out you're not really you"
"What are you doing?"
Sasuke turned quickly, luckily it was only Konohamaru "You, take Salt and go bury him in the back garden"
Konohamaru stood there holding the small box with the dead hamster in it "What with?" Sasuke forced him around and pushed him out the door "With a spade, spoon, stick or something, you're lucky I'm not punishing you by making you dig with a toothpick. Now go, Naruto will be back soon"
Happy that Konohamaru had left to bury the evidence, Sasuke looked around to make sure nothing looked suspicious. He carried the hamster cage back into the front room, happy that Pepper and Salt #2 seemed to be getting along alright he removed the barrier, smiling slightly as they sniffed each other and snuggled down together in the bedding to sleep.
He turned on the TV, and sat down, he should be alright Naruto had gone to get milk,
'Crap the milk'
Sasuke opened the fridge and took out the still mostly full milk carton and began pouring it down the sink, it was an awful waste but they weren't supposed to have any left, otherwise Naruto would get suspicious.
Konohamaru came back in through the door and Sasuke quickly users him into the kitchen. "Wash your hands then go watch TV, whatever channel you want, and remember, you don't mention anything about the hamster incident. Got it"
Konohamaru nearly squealed "Right"
Sasuke smiled his evil smirk completely in control, but inside he was worried and anxious, if Naruto found out not only would he be upset, but he'd be angry and may not trust Sasuke ever again. It all hanged in the balance resting on a whether a bunch of kids could keep their mouths shut, only one thought passed through his mind as Sasuke joined Konohamaru in the front room, waiting for Naruto to arrive. 'I am so screwed'.
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-About a month later-
"Sasuke, something's really up with Salt this time, he's not talking to Pepper anymore"
Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto tugged on his sleeve and dragged him to the hamster cage, Naruto pointed to the white hamster which was comfy in the nest, considerably larger than it had been a few weeks ago. On the other side of the cage was Pepper, the darker hamster, who seemed very keen to keep away from Salt in the nest seeing as he got chased off every time he tried.
"Our kids are fighting! Salt won't let Pepper near him, I told you something was wrong with him ages ago, he was acting differently and he began to get fat a couple of weeks ago."
Naruto ran a hand through his blonde hair, trying to get Sasuke to care about the hamsters' behaviour, he wrinkled up his nose at Salt. That hamster had been really strange recently, he swore there was something different about him, but Sasuke had waved off all his claims or distracted him from it. "Come on, do you believe now?"
Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hands and held onto them, and in an effort to distract him kissed him softly on the forehead "You're worrying over nothing, maybe they're just being territorial or something, they'll be back to normal soon"
Naruto relaxed in Sasuke's hold, as arm wrapped around his waist pulling him closer to Sasuke, he let his head drop onto the taller mans shoulder.
"But I just don't know what's going on with them, I thought Salt was sick or something but he seems perfectly healthy apart from him getting fatter, though he has been eating a lot."
Sasuke placed a soft kiss at the nape of Naruto's neck, It wouldn't do him any good for Naruto to realise he had switched hamsters; It was a miracle he had lasted so long already. "Don't worry, there's nothing the matter with them"
Naruto's eyes slipped closed as Sasuke continued his ministrations "Yeah you're right, there's nothing wrong."
Sasuke smirked into the blond's neck, he was safe for a while longer, as long as he kept distracting him when he got too close.
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Unfortunately for Sasuke, a few days later came an event of which he couldn't cover up or use distractions.
Naruto was angry, he paced the front room, in which on the sofa was a very frightened and worried Sasuke, not that he would ever admit his fear.
"Would you mind telling me" he paused to glare at him "Why our two hamsters have babies in their cage? Where the hell did they come from?"
Sasuke remained stone-faced, he never realised he'd gotten a female hamster, he did recall the shop assistant trying to tell him something, but he was in too much of a rush to listen. He hadn't guessed until Salt #2 had gotten 'fat' plus the little 'scuffles' the two hamsters had had with each other helped give it away.
"Well you see Naruto" Sasuke decided to play it dumb "When two hamsters love each other very much, they want to take that love and make it into something else, so they decide to have a baby"
Naruto glared as best he could, clearly not amused "I know all about that Sasuke, or do you forget I share a bed with you every night"
Sasuke smirked "Then you should know what I'm talking about"
Naruto stopped moving "You know what I think?"
Sasuke tensed slightly, was Naruto going to accuse him of replacing Salt. "What?"
"I think they gave us a female hamster instead of a male! I can't believe they screwed up, these types mate for life. So now we can't separate them or get a boy instead"
Sasuke remained calm as he was flooded with joy, as long as Konohamaru and the others kept their mouths shut, Naruto need never know about the switch.
Naruto settled down on the sofa next to Sasuke "Well I guess one good thing came out of this," he smiled his goody smile that Sasuke loved so much "we're now grandparents"
Sasuke chuckled as he took Naruto's hand in his own, "You are such a dobe" he raised the hand and kissed it gently, before deciding to distract him some more.
'Thank God'
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This took surprisingly long to write, as I got distracted, and then kept making it longer and adding onto the story. Oh and just so it's clear, Sasuke's all 'thank God you're such a dobe, otherwise I'd be in trouble' thank God.
Hope you enjoyed and it wasn't too tedious, review please.
Gina xxx
P.S This is the size of two essays I have to do for within the next two weeks, if only I'd put the effort into those instead of this, maybe they'd both be done by now, lol.